Chaos
by Sanuraka
Summary: He was an agent of chaos, the clown prince of Gotham city and no one could stop him, not even when they caged him. It was everything and now he's lost. Lost without her, undone by her disappearance. she's taken his will, his purpose and desire with her and now all he has are the memories of her, the echo of his girl. Until he can get her back. Rated for violence and language.
1. Embodiment

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters in this story or the universe they exist in. All rights belong to DC and Warner brothers.

Chaos

Chapter one Embodied

He sat in his circle, he hadn't moved for hours now, letting his breathing slow to a meditative state.

He was a mess, he couldn't sleep, he rarely left the room. At one point he hadn't eaten for three days and Frost had to make him eat, using her against him, warning him that they'd never find her if he went and died on her.

Johnny knew how to put it, it's why he kept him around. He sat in the middle of this circle and waited.

"It's alright puddin'" Her voice cooed in his ear.

He didn't turn around, he knew no one would be there, he knew that her voice was in his head, the embodiment of his meditation. The voice, the only voice that could bring him back from the edge. "It's alright to miss me, it's alright to crave me."

He did miss her, craved her, desired her, gods of hell he needed her! He wanted to be disgusted with himself but he couldn't.

Once, once he hadn't known her and that had been enough. He was an agent of chaos, wild and unstoppable even when he was caged in a cell. He was smarter than they were, better because he was ahead of the curb and all he needed was a stick of dynamite and an idea. They called him crazy, they didn't get it, no one did.

Every time he went into the asylum, he waited patiently for his plans of escape to pull through and he was back at it. There was pleasure in disrupting their order, their sense of security and his purpose was so perfectly clear to him, to be everything the bat couldn't be.

Everything had been fine, that had become his life and he was content with it.

"You were complacent." she whispered in a scolding voice. "You became a man of routine, that became normal. The same thing, day after day, disguised with different words, different approaches but still, the same idea."

"Is that why you came to me?" he asked her, still very aware she wasn't really there.

Chaos was his life, it had completed him, he was alive, passionate, wanting but when she'd come into his life, he'd felt something he hadn't' expected.

Empty.

"I was your reward puddin'." She giggled and sucked on his earlobe. The memory of her actually doing that so clear in his mind he could have sworn it was real. "You worshiped me for so long, cause destruction in my name, burned the world with fire for me and you did it on blind faith. Faith in me, faith that I would never leave your side. Everyone else could but not me."

He didn't respond to that, she wasn't wrong and he took a deep breath in.

She was chaos made real

"I'm flesh and blood as your reward. You knew it the first day you met me, you knew that I'd come to life. That I was body and soul and I was all for you. Even if you couldn't understand why yet."

His reward, a prize he had needed to unwrap to find and when she'd emerged, he'd rejected her.

"That's because you're like most men puddin', you don't see what's right in front of you when it comes to one of my strongest powers." she teased him in a soft whisper.

"what power is that?"

"Love." She started to laugh and he finally did turn to face her, torn between knowing and wanting. Knowing she wouldn't be there, wanting it not to be true.

There was nothing but thin air and of course she'd whispered on that side of his circle, not with the guns, not with the knives but that one little patch of their lives that he couldn't unhinge.

The baby clothes.

He shouldn't have wanted that but he did, they expected him not to and that very reason was proof that he should.

He fell back onto the floor and stared up at the ceiling.

Love as a form of chaos?

Yes.

He had to admit it now, he could love, he loved a lot. Anyone who actually believed he was incapable of feeling anything was just a blind fool. He just found no purpose for it before and maybe he'd been a fool for dismissing it so easily.

Love was strong, chaotic, made men do incredibly stupid things, made women who were strong and unbreakable, shatter into millions of pieces and when you got hurt, when you heart smashed into powder, that pain was offered up to chaos, not order, not rationality.

He loved her.

"Say it." Her voice urged him, sweet but pressing. "Say it."

"I love you." He whispered and she giggled again.

"Was that so hard puddin?"

No, it really wasn't.

"Love is my strongest power puddin' makes fools out of everyone, drives you crazy, makes you see double but when you're in it, when you're spinning in circles with that feeling. There is no better high, no feeling that evokes my will more than love. Not even hate, people die for it, people kill for it, you'll kill to have it back and I'll die for you to have it."

"If you die then there is no reason to continue." He admitted. "You take your powers with you."

"then don't let me die puddin', don't let me die."

He lay there in silence for a long time, remembering everything about her, the feel of her soft hair, the touch of her skin, before and after her change. The wildness of her eyes, the unmasked way she smiled.

Harley was passion and instinct, love, devotion, madness and intellect because he knew she was still as sharp as a blade. She had her crazy moments but that was all under some level of her control, she was this because she chose to be it.

"Do you remember puddin?" She whispered, he felt her crawling up the length of his body. "Do you remember that first day, when I turned your world upside down and you saw me? You didn't even have a clue did you? You didn't even know that I'd come into existence just for you."

"Of course I remember, I remember everything."

A/N so it's been a very long time since I wrote a fanfiction, actually the last fanfiction I wrote was for a friend and it happened to be a batman fic. I wrote this because I wanted to enhance on the movie's take on the Joker and Harely's relationship. Don't get me wrong, the animated series and event he comics were great but you're looking at a live action movie that deals with modern real life and their relationship would eventually evolve from what you see. Consider that the way BVS dealt with things, they're older, they're not origins anymore so you would hopefully see more dimension than just two dimension. Please review if you'd like and thanks for reading. I'll post some more soon. If I get feedback. Also, I tried to post this and it messed up so sorry if you saw it and tried to read, the document messed up for some reason.


	2. Challenged

Chapter two – Challenged

He was bored.

An inevitability of this place, he was luckay to have the cot he slept on, not even a blanket. He couldn't blame them for it, the last time he was in Arkham, he'd used his blankets to strangle a guard, what choice did they have but to remove it?

They'd gotten wiser though, he'd been gone for a long time, the Bat unable to catch him and they'd managed to do some updates to the security of the ward.

Over the years, more and more inmates joined him in the 'rouge gallery', a fitting name for their home away from home. The Bat had awoken them and he'd been unable to re-close Pandora's box.

The joker, he'd done the next step, he'd removed the filth of the past, he'd opened the way for their level of crime, their level of chaos to give a new life to the city of Gotham The mob, the criminals of that dark dull era, they were just as order bound as the police.

There was no room to grow, no room for change, once he'd had to settle his plans and mind on robbing from the mob but the Bat had changed that for him, he'd awoken him and shown him the open door to a new way, a better way.

Embraced his chaos, yes but also he'd weakened them just enough to need him, to be so desperate as to accept his help.

It wasn't' about fear, not like Crane, the scarecrow who'd been ever so helpful in revealing that hallway to the open door, it wasn't even about intimidation, those were too easy a concept. It was about making the people, the stupid cows who followed the herd because they knew no other way to use their minds.

Some had over the years and they now joined him in these cells, all of them awakened and none able to put it back into the box.

One day, one day the Bat would join them, a cell like this one with security that might have felt unnecessary but would be stupid to not have, being fed medication he didn't need and day after day he'd start to loose it, like he had.

Treatments that only sharped him, treatments that didn't break him, built up the chaos.

It's why he'd come back after all, there were those, people of his own kind who believed that the Bat was a different one, a successor to the batman who'd dealt with Bane but the Joker knew it wasn't. He knew it was the same man. You don't fight someone like him, you don't learn someone like that for as long as they had and not understand that it wasn't just the suit that made him who he was, it was the mind.

Joker knew, he hadn't died, he'd only taken a vacation.

Couldn't blame him, everyone needed that once in a while, even he did but the Bat couldn't stay away, not for long, not long enough because like him, he needed this, he needed the mask and the thrill because they both walked that very thin line.

A side kick, the man had finally gotten himself a side kick.

How comic book of him.

A smart choice too, young, very young, not exactly a child but somewhere in between. A young teenager. Oh some joked that maybe the Bat was secretly a gay pedophile but the Joker got it, because he was starting to feel it too.

They were getting older.

They weren't past it yet, they were still in the realm of their prime but the years in which age meant nothing were slowly starting to disappear. It was still far off, still a long ways away from both of them but they could both see it, the hooded figure of an old man calling for them. One day they would be unable to do this anymore, not because their minds were addled, he was sure he'd go to his grave with his mind in tact and he was willing to bet his life that the Bat would go the same way but their bodies were inevitably going to fail them. They were hard on them and they were still flesh and bone, blood coursing through them, easy to destroy and unforgiving, the bat had seen it just like he had and made a choice.

The Robin.

His future, where he put all his hopes, his aspirations that the boy would somehow inherit his mind, somehow be able to carry on the cause when he no longer could.

The joker, he didn't have any of that because he wasn't willing to settle. It took a very long time to be what he was, a step by step process that was unpredictable even if you repeated it word for word.

The formula of his creation was easy, the variable though was the host.

Every person created a different version and none were satisfying enough to be his future. They either wanted it now and couldn't accept that their time wasn't there yet. That his plans for them were later, that their training would have to be now and that it would be years before they got their chance or they just couldn't cut it.

The funny thing was, he hadn't ever directly trained anyone for it either. It was the way of chaos, to light the spark and let it burn and see what happened. Every person in this ward had him to thank for their transition. Well maybe not Crane, he'd been this way from before but the others, all of them had been touched by him first and for years after, the quietest years of his new life, they'd stewed inside their own heads. Cocoons waiting to hatch and they had. One by one, each as strange and unique as the last.

His first real go at it had been the lawyer, there was so much chaos inside that man it was almost too easy to get it to wake up. One girl, one pretty settling girl had flipped him and Harvey Dent became Two-face. His first offspring but he'd failed, Dent was dead, the world didn't know about him, well they knew now thanks to the shadows. Though they hadn't been his children, they'd been their own form of chaos and he appreciated what scale they'd gone to with the city.

Holding it literally hostage for months, unfortunately he'd been disappointed with them too.

They'd been so close but they'd lost their way in the end, he didn't personally know the details of what happened but the rumor was that emotions got too heated and inevitably got in the way.

So stupid, granted you couldn't do anything without emotion, otherwise you were a walking zombie without the capacity of enjoying your life but to allow them to take over like that, to let them bubble to the surface when you needed to balance them out, allow just a shred of calm for the vital moment of success. It wasn't admitting the need of order, not even rationality which both spectrum's could grasp for, ironically.

It was about finding the calm in chaos, the center of the storm and standing inside of it, marveling in the beautiful destruction that chaos presented and how easily she destroyed order and left a clean canvas to work on.

Years of silence and he hadn't' let them go to waste.

The bat dormant, his counterpart silenced, he built his empire, clubs, money, though he honestly had no need of it. Give him a good explosion any day but well, like he'd stated in his own mind many times. You need to look for the future and any change that was possible. He set the world up again, he set it all up just in case, the bat decided to come back to their fold and he hadn't disappointed him.

Then the death and return, again the joker ran with every change, adapted himself to embrace it and now he had more than the mob, more than had been expected of him.

The clown prince of crime, the king of Gotham city.

He had it all.

Except for what the bat had.

At one point he thought perhaps the boy was his son, it was a workable theory and one he hadn't completely let go of. Who else could you trust with your legacy than your own child? The one who could possibly understand the workings of your mind but it was just as possible that it wasn't.

Either way, it would not do.

"Joker." A male voice called from the door of his cell.

One of the new improvements for their security was the change of the cell and the door. It was reinforced material, the door glass and metal done in a way that he couldn't simply pick a lock. Computerized, the controls for it somewhere else, not on this floor. The person who opened and closed the door was somewhere else in the building, maybe not even at Arkham, you couldn't just want to open the door and come in. You had to make requests, it had to be approved by at least three different levels of security that remained annoys at all times and meant that his whole day was scheduled.

Everything from a shower which he didn't take in the same place as the others, to treatments which had been routine since oh, the fourth time he'd been in here.

It was a mockery of his craft, order and routine to muffle out his chaos, his spontaneity and then they wondered why he was bored.

He didn't look at the guard, that was a new change as well, the guards who took care of this ward were not fumbling mall cops who couldn't have made it a day in police academy, they weren't even ex cops who might have been paid off.

They were military grade, taken out of the military when they could have stayed, in their prime and richly compensated for the sacrifice for the city. They were smart, they were trained and they were the only thing that entertained his day.

"Yes Jimmy?" He asked, still looking at the wall across from him.

"Their giving you a new doctor."

Jimmy was in his late twenties, tall, taller than he was and broad. He was supposedly special forces, though he thought that maybe he'd been something else, there was a haunted look in his eyes that spoke of darker things, or horrors he would never tell anyone else. The joker wondered more than once, whether or not Jimmy could embrace a cocoon like others and become something new, too soon to tell yet.

He arched an none existent eyebrow at the guard, a new doctor. They'd stopped giving him those a while ago. He didn't speak to the quacks. He'd spent years reading their books, studying their techniques and he could have easily taken the tests to add Dr to his titles.

Dr Joker, had a nice ring to it.

Half of these doctors preferred to shoot their patients up with sedatives and drugs, drugs they didn't need. Things that would make them crazy if they administered anymore of it. His own medications did nothing because he wasn't' crazy. One doctor had actually given him a medication given to people with ADHD, thinking that maybe that was the problem and that had kept him up for three days, his mind racing with ideas, so clear he was sure he was looking into the fabric of the universe. He'd rewarded that doctor with a personal visit to his house, enjoying the way he screamed in terror.

They didn't give him new doctors, they were terrified of him, afraid of the consequences for trying to get into his head. They either died or quit, that was the choices he offered them.

So why a new doc?

"Who?" he asked casually.

"The one from downstairs, the intern."

He turned to look right into Jimmy's eyes. Surely they wouldn't be that stupid? No, the guard had to be joking with him, pulling his head.

He rose off his cot and walked to the door, staring at the taller man with narrowed eyes. Jimmy had a very subtle grin on his lips. Like he knew something he didn't which was quite possible.

"Don't play games with me Jimmy boy, I'd hate to call into question our friendship."

Jimmy laughed, a cool mirthless sound that Joker appreciated.

They weren't friends but Jimmy had cut a deal with him the first day of his employment, don't mess with me and I won't mess with you and they had that stand still between them and as such, Jimmy was a great source of information. Always carefully filtered as not to give him too much but more than anyone else would give him. Jimmy even brought him little things from time to time, his explanation was, that he knew how boring this place could be and even a madman deserved five minutes of entertainment.

"Not kidding, they're giving her your case."

He threw his head back and laughed.

He'd heard about 'her'.

Dr Harleen Quinzel.

The newest member of the Arkham family. One of his other guards had told him about her.

Beautiful, abnormally so, he'd said. Exact words, abnormally pretty. Blonde and blue eyes, fair skinned, tall for a woman and the body that left you thinking about it for hours after.

All of that just aesthetics but worded in such a way to catch his attention.

Joker wasn't against a pretty woman, he could appreciate a good looking girl. He was still human after all and being attracted to a woman was just basic instinct for him. Something he could control and something he did indulge in when he felt the urge.

He could get women easily, not just crime girls, not just the daughters of criminals with serious daddy issues but women who believed that they were normal. They became fascinated with him, his world and for a few encounters he had his fun, he enjoyed them and they became hooked on what he gave them but he got bored too easily with them. They had nothing new to offer him, pretty, check, smart, some of them, breakable? All of them.

They were toys to play with and they broke too easily, by the third or fourth time he'd come for them, he already knew exactly how to break them, where the edges of that fragile sanity was and he instantly bored of them. Their flesh not enough compensation for that loss, they lacked the challenge, they didn't have it in them to be more.

He hadn't seen the intern, she wasn't authorized to come up here, like a little girl who was not allowed to look into her father's top drawer with the key, their ward was off limits to new personnel, and she was going to be allowed access to them, a very interesting outcome but it confirmed one thing, supposedly she was brilliant. Highly intelligent, his guard had joked that she might even be able to give him a run for his money though he doubted it...

Harleen Quinzel, Harleen, Quinzel.

Harley, she liked them to call her Harley.

Harley Quinzel.

It hit him, he hadn't' given her a second thought after the guard had spoken of her but now as he played her information back in his mind, he caught the possibility. God one of the medications they gave him must have worked on his mind that day because he'd completely missed it.

Harley Quinn!

He started to laugh again.

Harlequin, his new doctor was the harlequin.

It probably wasn't the reason they'd allowed her to be his doctor but he wondered how many caught the irony. Jimmy had, he knew it because when he looked back at the guard, he was smiling, a knowing glint in his eyes.

"Well tell me more about her." he urged, suddenly wanting to know every little detail about her, wanting to find any little cracks so that he could exploit them, so he could watch her crack open. Oh the name alone earned her a special treatment, how could he pass up the opportunity to break that name open? You didn't get the chance to do things like that every day.

"Oh no." Jimmy laughed at him. "you're on your own with this, you figure her out on your own. You'll get no help from me, I know that you'll get to her, I'm no fool, you get to all of them in the end but you'll have to do it alone. I'm not making this easier for you."

"Could you make it easier?" he gave him a look.

"Oh, I definitely could make it easier for you. Very easy." he smirked. "But, I won't."

"Why Jimmy, you haven't been fraternizing with female employees in a romantic situation have you? You know that is against Arkham policy." He purred, letting the smile spread across his face.

Jimmy rolled his eyes. "Nope."

Fascinating, he tried to read Jimmy's body language but he was challenging, he was trained to endure great amounts of pain, to resist interrogation, to endure or die but never surrender information.

Jimmy inclined his head to the side and pointed to the joker's face.

"Your scars are starting to heal." he commented before turning. "I think that soap they gave you is working."

With that he started to walk away, leaving the Joker standing there to ponder everything he'd been told and everything that hadn't been said.

When he was sure that the guard was further down the hall, he twitched his jaw experimentally and inwardly growled. He wasn't wrong, the scars he was known for were finally, finally starting to fade away. He slowly played with the front of his teeth, the dentist hadn't' done the greatest job, when he got out he'd have to get a better set, maybe a proper grill to replace the fading scars.

He tried to peer out of his cell but all he saw was corridor, his room was nowhere near any of the doors or elevators, another precaution.

He turned away and walked back to his cot, resuming his earlier game of staring at the posing wall but he was no longer bored, his mind started running thoughts through his head. What game should he play with her? His regular stories weren't going to cut it today, not about an abusive father, not about a wife and normal life that didn't exist, no, something special for her.

He set his head back and tried to imagine her, blonde hair, blue eyes, tall and a body you couldn't forget but no image came to mind, nothing that felt right. Then he added the strange word the guard had used to describe her beauty, abnormal.

And an image came to his mind's eye.

Harley Quinn.

A/N Aw, thanks everyone. I missed this a lot actually. Nothing better than opening your e-mail and finding emails from people who review and follow your work. I hope that you guys enjoy this chapter as much as the last one, reviews are loved even negative ones are okay, they help me get better but if you're just going to throw insults please note that I've been known to pick that apart and explain the why's of why I write something. I know there was no actual Harley in this chapter but the next two chapters are going to be about her, actually I'm pondering whether or not to have those two chapters be in her POV, what you think?

I hope that I'm doing an okay job of bridging the three batman movies with the newer version of the DC universe. I know there are people who don't like the way the joker is being played by Jared Leto but I loved it, I also love the previous Joker too and I saw no reason that both couldn't exist, considering the time span between the movies.

So I hope that I've given all of you a different perspective and possibly a new appreciation for both pieces of work.


	3. Blurred

Chapter three – Blurred

It was dark and she was alone.

The only company she had was the cold hard floor, no bed, she'd lost even that privilege. Griggs had taken pleasure in taking it away from her. He took pleasure in taking everything away from her, he took pleasure in her,

She was cold, you'd think after being in here for as long as she had, that she'd be alright with that but she couldn't get used to the cold. She couldn't stand it.

Spoiled, one of the guards called her that.

Yes and they better not forget it.

She was used to silk sheets, big fluffy comforters and the best mattress a woman could want, the kind that contured to your body and made you feel like you were on a cloud.

The worst though, she wasn't used to sleepign alone anymore.

People thought he was cold, that they might sleep seperatly, that was not the case. His body was hot to the touch, she could curl up to him when it was cold like this and feel him wrap her up around him in his sleep. The cold forgotten, only warmth and protection.

There was no words to explain the life she'd come to have, worshiped, envied, pitied, feared. Loved.

She could do as she pleased, anything she wanted and no one could dare say anything against it. She could demand to go shopping and declare that she wanted to pay for everything like a normal person and it would be done. A card in her hand, a driver, Johnny, always Johnny and at least three bodyguards at her side. Escorted to the best places and treated like a princess, not just because they feared her puddin but because her business was wanted, desired. Villain yes, the Crime queen, oh yes but her jewels and money spoke to them, it meant more than anything she could threaten and hours of pampering, thousands of dollars spent without a care in the world.

She wanted to go to a lecture for psychology, he made it happen. Granted that was a little harder to do, she had to change her appearance a little but he got her in, the best seats, never a problem, no one to bother her.

Gotham had been host to an exhibition from Paris and one of the pieces was a red diamond necklace. She'd seen it on TV and her eyes had grown wide with desire for it, she wanted it. It was too high a risk though, not that she cared but her puddin had forbidden her from going after it. The bat wanted them bad and he spoke to her in that way that rumbling authority and she'd obeyed but she shouldn't have worried because the day the exhibition left, they were one item short.

She'd pouted in frustration and he'd laughed at her, teased her and vexed her to the point that she was ready to storm into their room and then he'd pulled it out of his jacket. Gleaming red diamons cut into perfect diamond shapes and he'd gotten it just for her.

It was still in her jewelry box at home.

Home.

She was loosing hope that she'd ever see home again, that she was fated to spend the rest of her life in this cell on the cold floor and never see her puddin again.

"I'll always come for you." He'd told her once. She'd been angry that he'd left her behind to get caught by the police, not batman for once but she'd had enough time to get her prints and mug shot before he busted her out.

"Puddin." she whispered quietly and silent tears flowed down her cheeks. In the dark, they wouldn't see her broken for her loss.

"You realize that you're in an abusive relationship?" The on site psychiatrist said. The woman had been sitting on the other side of this cell, safely out of Harley's grasp, taking notes and trying to coax Harleen out of her.

Abusive, that her life was abusive.

The sessions only lasted a month, the woman realized that Harley knew all the tricks, that she hadn't forgotten any of her schooling. She was crazy but not stupid and there was no way she could help her and so she'd walked away from her while Harley laughed at her, grabbing onto the bars in defiance.

They didn't get it, they couldn't.

Yes their relationship was different but abusive wasn't the word to use, complicated wasn't either. She loved him and he loved her. He didn't say it with words but his actions spoke everything he felt.

"He left you in that car to drown."

"He knew Batsy would save me, he knew that batman would come and get me."

"He was willing for you to get arrested."

He would always come for her, always.

Except now.

This was a place that was nowhere, nowhere on top of nowhere with no way of knowing how to get to her. He would search, she had complete faith in that but would he find her?

She was starting to believe he never would.

She closed her eyes and tried to conjure his face, tried to remember every detail about him, the exact shade of green of his hair, that she'd grabbed so many times in fits of pleasure. The feel of his pale warm skin, the taste of his lips, the way he gazed at her dancing in their club, both entranced and jealous. Possessive, predatory, hungry.

She might be casual about her sexuality but no other man could have her, not only because of her choice but because he wouldn't allow it. Any man who was stupid enough to think they could, well they didn't last very long.

He set them up to fail, doomed if they actually believed her puddin would allow them to have her and fucked if they refused her.

It hadn't always been that way, yes once, a long time ago there had been worse, pain, unwanted pain but that wasn't their lives now. He hadn't struck her once in years, his aggression was, wanted now. She wasn't going to lie, wanted pain was a different animal. Wanted pain was a fun time and there was nothing wrong with a bit of kinky fun.

He played with her, played with her as much as he wanted and let her play with him, neither broke.

What they didn't understand, what they simply couldn't fathom was that during that time, during that dark spot that was the beginning of their romance, he was fighting her, he was fighting his want, his attraction, the pull she felt and kenw he felt inside of him.

He'd hurt her, god he'd tortured her but all he'd done was awaken the beast inside of her. The wild had always been inside of her and she was no stranger to his world. Maybe he'd thought she was, maybe he'd honestly believed that she didn't belong in his world but she did, she always had.

She'd had to fight for everything she had, for her profession when she'd had it, her independence, the respect of her colleges and she'd pushed through, outshining them all, outdoing every trust fund brat who thought he deserved what she earned. The girls who wanted to win so badly, who leaped like deer in the air couldn't catch her. It's why she'd won so many trophies, so many medals. She'd won and the only reason she'd chosen not to do it professionally, to be a gymnast in the olympics was because she didn't want to, it wasn't her dream or desire.

She'd done it to prove that she could, to others and to herself. To show that she could and would, do everything and anything she wanted.

Why should it be any different that she had to earn his love? That she had to prove to him and to herself that she could and that she not only deserved his affection, that it was hers by right.

She'd hurt him too, he'd never admit it, he'd never acknowledge what she'd done to him but he'd felt pain at her hands, because of her. If their relationship had been abusive then it was a two way street. Harley had left a scar or two on him, pointed a gun at his head, punched him straight in the face in anger. She'd even run him over with his own car, nothing lethal but enough to hurt and he'd laughed, he'd just laid on his back and laughed as she pinned him to the ground. She'd been so angry then, so very angry with him for what he'd done.

For the torture?

No, that wasn't what she was angry about, what hurt her. She'd meant it, she could take it, she could endure the pain, he had after all. How many times had they done those things to him? If he could take it so could she but it hadn't been that.

He'd left her there.

He'd abandoned her.

She knew he felt it, the connection, the pull, the blood boiling sensation of being in the same room, he felt it and he ran and that's what she couldn't understand, what she hadn't been able to forgive. He'd acted like she was less than a footnote in his life and she was stripped of the ability to let it go now.

He'd done that, he'd stripped that layer away and she was alive, she was awake and she'd hunt him down one way or another.

She missed him, so very much.

They wanted Harleen back, they just didn't get it, Harleen had never left. She was her, just she was unmasked now. This had always been her, hidden underneath it all and he'd seen it, he'd drawn it out and then, then he'd gone away.

More tears spilled as she remembered the many days in the hospital, Gotham general. Her mother sitting at her side, holding her hand. Telling her everything would be alright.

It wouldn't be alright though, it would never be alright.

He'd tortured her and he'd told her how badly he would hurt her but she hadn't realized what he'd meant. The shocks, the pain, that wasn't his torture, it was this. Leaving her in that hospital all alone. He could have sent her something, anything to tel her he was still thinking about her, he had the means to come see her if he really wanted but he hadn't and when she'd been released. When her mother took her back to the home she'd grown up in to finish recovering, she'd hoped, she'd longed for him to come and find her but he didn't.

Everyone had commented about how strong she was, how amazed they were that there was no lasting damage from what the Joker had done to her but in that moment, that quiet dark moment in her old bedroom, looking up at the ceiling like she was right now, it happened.

She broke.

Harley had to put her hand over her mouth to keep from sobbing, the memory too clear, too vivid.

Her body shuddered as she cried, still in silence, still alone in the dark. That night she'd finally broken, her mind coming undone and what she'd fought against her whole life came flooding forward.

At first she honestly believed that the torture had awoken some dormant schizophrenia but the voices that became clearer in her head were her own. Almost like her mind had plucked itself apart and placed each aspect of who she was in separate boxes and they communicated with each other and to her. She stopped seeing the world like she had, she saw the world for what it was and the voices now capable of pointing everything out to her that she needed.

Fragile glass smashed into thousands of pieces.

She'd tried, she really did. Even went back to work, back to her apartment in Gotham but when he was in the papers, she had to run away. She couldn't focus on patients, she couldn't function properly. Two months, that's how long it went on for after she'd told her mother she was going back to her apartment, Two months of eating nothing but Chinese food and pudding cups.

Two months until she tracked him down.

He tried to kill you.

"I tried to kill him too."

He left you to drown.

"He knew batsy would save me."

You're in here because of him.

"He always finds me."

He took everything from you.

"He gave me everything."

A/N So I think T've taken a bit of a risk with how I'm taking Harley but as a character she's an interesting dilemma. Don't get me wrong I love her, she's my favorite DC character but her origins are incomplete. And yes I looked, comics, tv shows, forums. That works for the joker because you know nothing about him from before. Sure there are variants to possible roots for him but nothing confirmed. Because we do have an origin story for Harley, you see her as Harleen Quinzel, you only get part of the picture. At least, that's how I see it.

So hopefully you guys like it. Anyway, reviews are always loved and thank you to everyone who reads, I'll try to keep the post pace up.


	4. Ambitious

Chapter four - Ambitious

"Always keep a safe distance from him, never allow him to be at arms length of you, even in the straight jacket."

"Understood." Harley said walking beside Dr Stevens. She'd been surprised that he was the one escorting her up to the rogue gallery. She knew that officially it wasn't called that but she found the name fitting. Still for the current head of the asylum to personally take her to her first session with the joker, it felt, overdone.

"Do not under any circumstances make any deals or promises , if you feel that something should be removed or given, you come directly to me. If you have to touch him, which I find doubtful unless you're administering a shot, you do it with the guards holding him down,.never allow yourself to be alone in a room with him without that jacket on and even then. Harleen, I'm warning you again, every doctor who's handled his case is either dead or no longer able to work here. If you want you can just be in charge of his medication dosage and never have to talk to him."

Harley frowned. "Dr Stevens, with all due respect I didn't get into psychiatry to dope my patients."

"Neither did I but in some circumstances, we're left with little choice." He sighed and ran his hand through his gray hair.

"You're referencing to Dr Crane?" she knew she'd hit the mark when he winced, she'd heard rumors that he felt responsible for what had happened with Jonathan Crane, for not seeing it sooner, for not being able to stop it.

"He was only the first Dr Quinzel, the catalyst, the Joker, he's, he's something else entirely."

"I can try at least." she insisted. "I'm aware of everything I need to know, I understand the risk, I'm willing to take it."

"Why?" He asked her, eyeing her carefully. "If you think he'll be the jump start to your career I can tell you now, you're looking in the wrong fox hole."

She shook her head.

"I'm fascinated by the extremeness of these personalities, years ago people like him, like the scarecrow, like Batman were things we read in books and watch in movies, now they're walking around among us. Unmasked, uncaring of what the world thinks of them. I believe that we need to understand how that change occurred. If we have any hope of helping them and the future ones who haven't arrived yet."

He regarded her carefully, a small smile fighting to be on his lips. "You're young, I respect your optimism and you aren't wrong, we're treading in unknown territories. These people, there aren't text books that can help us and it is getting worse. It's why I'm allowing this, You're not burdened by years of understanding one way of helping patients. Maybe you can see what I can't."

Harley smiled and they continued walking to the elevator. She knew she could help, it's why she'd subtly urged, openly asked, gently pressured the head of the asylum for the opportunity to interview the Joker. He was right, the Scarecrow was the catalyst but the Joker, he'd been so much more and she was fascinated by him.

Gotham had transformed over the years and each day, stranger and stranger things were happening. Meta humans, extreme criminals, super heroes for god's sake's. Super heroes like superman, vigilantes like the batman. It was a new era, a new world and her boss wasn't wrong, they had nothing on their side to help.

She would change that, she would give them the tool they needed to help.

It might have been arrogant of her but she knew herself, she knew she had the ambition, the drive, the unrelenting need for those answers.

If she could understand the extreme, maybe she could understand the rest.

"I don't' really approve of the heels." Dr Stevens commented when they arrived at the elevator. "I won't lie to you, there is a chance you might have to run."

"I'll be fine." she smiled coyly. She could run in heels, she could do a lot of things in heels, including a very good back flip, without even breaking the shoe.

"I understand that the security has changed since he last escaped." she said once they were inside.

"It has, we'll get off this elevator on the fourth floor and take another one to the fifth floor. An unfortunate upgrade that we found helps." He admitted grudgingly. "Expensive too."

"He hasn't escaped again though."

"That doesn't mean much Dr, he's always plotting, always planning."

"He's very intelligent." she looked at her reflection in the elevator's mirror like surface. She looked like she always did for work, her hair up in a tight bun, her glasses, little makeup. As natural as possible. Everything to look professional and more importantly, older than she was.

It was an unfortunate factor of her life, she had things to fight against, she was a woman and though she thought what genitals were between her legs shouldn't affect her capacity, it did matter .

She wasn't rich, she had no family influence. She didn't come from the best place and everything she had was earned with sacrifice, sweat and even a little blood.

Her body had paid the price for that scholarship, waking up at that ungodly hour to go to practice, never knowing if up was down or down was up. Becoming more comfortable being on her hands than her feet. Flying through the air, the callus of her hands, diets that meant she couldn't' even look at a cup of chocolate pudding. She'd done all of that, all of it to be noticed, to be seen as the best and she'd earned that funding, because being a professional gymnast wasn't her goal.

In collage she'd had to fight against temptation and trust fund babies, people who hadn't had to work for it. Who got in because their parents were friends with the dean or who paid the tuition without flinching. While they were busy joining fraternities and sororities, she was getting a part time job to survive. They were drinking, having sex, partying, getting high. She was in her room with headphones on, listening to classical music to drown out the noises of fun, drowning out the sounds of abandon to cram in every piece of information she needed to know.

She was first to class, last one to leave and she jumped at any extra credit she could get. Harley did all of that with no intentions on failing. Caffeine pills, energy drinks, anything to keep her going. She could not fail, she couldn't go backwards.

She wanted more, she didn't want that old life, she wanted something that was hers. What would she do if she did fail? Go live at home? Get some mediocre job at some shop? Be a waitress? A shop clerk? Be like her brother and sit around and do nothing?

No, that wasn't her, that was not Harley.

They'd thought she was stuffy, that she was high strung, stuck up and cold but they were wrong. She loved having fun, she missed having fun. To be wild and crazy but she'd had to put that on the back burner, what she had to loose was too great a thing. Impossible to get back and she knew what her life would be if she failed.

She could be fun, she could be a lot of fun, there was a reason there was a motorcycle sitting outside, there was a reason she drove it instead of a car and the payment plan wasn't the reason.

The elevator opened and Dr Stevens led her to the opposite side of the building, stopping at a set of metal security doors and entering a code into wall console and leading her across another corridor, leading to a second elevator that was guarded by four large, muscular guards.

"Are you ready?" He asked her, she nodded.

The guard closest to her right turned and punched in password, swiping a key card and allowing Dr Stevens to do the same. The elevator opened and that same guard along with another stepped inside with them. She could have sworn that as the doors closed,g one of the two remaining guards muttered. "Fresh meat."

No one spoke as they rode up, she felt the guard behind her looking at her back. She recognized him from downstairs, they'd spoken a few times, he'd stroke up conversations and joked about how her bike and she shared the same name. He'd asked her out for a drink, as colleagues, not as a date, he'd insisted but she hadn't given him an answer yet.

When the sound of the elevator doors pinged, he leaned forward a little and whispered. "Welcome to the jungle."

They all stepped off and the guards came to stand on either side of the doctors, flanking them, they seemed relaxed but she didn't miss the change in their postures, straighter, making themselves seem bigger. Classic signs of setting dominance.

Each guard on this level was what could be considered an alpha, hard to manipulate, born to lead. She wondered how much money the government had to offer these men to get them to come work at the asylum. More than she made sadly.

There were no cells near the doors. Only office like doors that were labeled treatment rooms. Rumor said they did radical therapy up here, shock therapy, water, even talk of a white room which she considered torture.

"We'll have to pass the cells to get to the interview rooms." Dr Stevens explained. He glanced at the guards. "Is he ready?"

"I had two guards setting him up when you called, he's waiting in room six."

"Good, Dr Quinzel, if you'd like to take a look at his cell before you meet him, I think we have the time."

She nodded silently and walked on, the guards keeping easy pace with her. Not all the cells were occupied, many of them were empty but a few were occupied. They almost looked normal in their prisoners clothes, not even worthy to just be patients, they were set apart so that everyone knew they were criminals.

They stopped at a particular cell, Dr Stevens waving her inside. The glass and metal door was wide open, no occupant inside. There wasn't much, some of the other cells had a sink, this one had none, the bed was exactly the same as the others. Honestly that was the only thing in the room. A deck of playing cards, a book, for some reason a rubber duck. She arched an eyebrow and looked back at the guards.

He had nothing, except those few trinkets, nothing that told her who he was, nothing personal enough to give her a read on him.

Harley turned carefully and walked out of the cell. There was only one way she was going to learn anythign about him, she'd have to meet him.

"I'm ready to meet my patient." she announced confidently and looked at Dr Stevens. "I'll be alright, I think it would be a bad idea for you to come in with me, it would look like you don't trust me."

For his credit he didn't look pleased but he nodded, consenting that she was right. The joker needed to see her as her own person, not one of the lackeys.

"Be careful." He warned and the guard who had spoken to her, escorted him back to the elevator.

She turned to the head guard, his name tag read 'Jimmy.'

"What can you tell me about him?" She asked looking at his eyes.

"What makes you think I know anythign about him/" he retorted casually.

"You deal with him day to day, you see him relaxed, he's not going to respond to doctors like we want him to. I think he responds because he can't hold up the silent treatment for long."

"Well, least the rumors were right about that. You're a smart cookie." He motioned his head down the hall and they started to walk. Her heels made a clicking sound on the hard floor and she wondered if she should have worn flats, just for the amount of walking from her office to this floor.

"You aren't' going to tell me anythign are you?" She sighed inwardly, of course, these guards had a code between them. They were privy to secrets, they were keepers of truths and for their own survival, for their own sanity they knew to keep their positions neutral.

"I can tell you one thing." he said, leading her down a smaller hall. A room with the number six above it now visible. Harley's heart started to pound in her ears. She was getting nervous.

"What's that?" she asked, trying to keep her voice professional but her accent slipped out, something she tried hard to hide away.

"He's excited to meet you." Jimmy stopped in front of the door and stood at attention. She took a deep breath in and nodded her consent to open the door.

Jimmy walked in first, She stood at the door, his hand keeping her from going inside.

"Joker, your doc is here. Play nice." He said and then motioned for her to come in.

He was sitting there, straight jacket on, his hair longer than she remembered seeing in the papers, his skin unnaturally pale, eyes so intense, focused completely on her.

She walked to the empty chair and glanced at the guards who did not move. Great she'd have an audience for her first session. She heard the door close but didn't turn to check if Jimmy was still there, if she looked, it might come across as her wanting the security of another guard present.

"Morning." She said lightly. Still careful not to use her accent.

He said nothing, just kept looking at her. She opened her folder and started to write, it was a clean piece of paper not one of her official note pages and she started to write randomly, not even thinking about it. Her glasses slightly fallen down the length of her nose, so she could glance up at him.

She'd spent the weekend devising possible approaches to deal with him, plotting out possible outcomes, scratching off ones that had been done, others that wouldn't work, some sounded too out there, workable but no guard would allow her to do it on her first go. One plan was so crazy, so incredibly insane even she knew it wouldn't go well.

She was left with one option, ignore him.

She said nothing, just kept writing, the color of his hair, trying to figure out the exact shade of green, trying to remember if she recognized the lipstick he wore on TV. Sad, he wore a better brand than she did.

He'd changed since the first time she'd seen him, the news broadcast that had started his terror campaign. The scars on his face were almost gone, strange, she wouldn't think medically that would be possible but then again, his world had stranger things in it.

The rumors that his teeth were new was accurate. Supposedly the Batman had broken all of them and the work looked a little crudely done to her. Even in a straight jacket, he looked so, predatory. Intense wasn't' enough of a word, the air was thick with his presence. He was a force, a force of nature that could and would erupt at any moment and as she continued to ignore him, doodling on her paper now, having run out of things to write, she knew, absolutely and utterly that he was annoyed.

He wanted an audience, he needed it. He needed to be the one in control but so did she and she knew it was risky, she knew that if Dr Stevens or anyone else on the staff knew what she'd been planning, they would have pulled her off his case before she even got into work that morning.

She looked up at him twice, their session was thirty minutes and both times, he was looking right at her. His arms weren't' moving but she knew that you could get out of those things, she'd done it once before herself. In medical school, a rare moment of fun when the class had been celebrating the end of exams for the year, she'd been one of the ones who'd been strapped in, everyone betting whether or not she'd get herself out and how long it would take. She'd done it, not easily, not pretty but she'd done it. It had taken a long time.

She imagined for him, it was easy, pretty even.

She looked down at her drawing, the words had become lines, indistinct from the drawing, not unless you were sure they were there and she'd lost herself in it a little while ago. If the guards looked over to see what she was doing they didn't react, he was too far away to see that she wasn't' actually writing anymore and she kept her pen moving at the right angle so it always looked like she was making notes.

'This is stupid' her mind warned. 'He's going to kill you for this.'

No he wouldn't, she'd make sure of it.

By the time she was done, the whole page was full of a very intricate drawing, nothing spectacular, just, an abstract thing with dark and light, diamonds, squares, circles and in the middle, something that might have looked like a woman standing on her hands doing a cartwheel, if you looked really hard.

She put her pen down and finally looked up at him, then at her watch. Sighing as if she was disappointed that their time was up and then she looked back at him.

"Well, our session is up, it's been a pleasure to meet you. I'll see you on Wednesday at the same time. If there isn't' anythign you need, I'll see you later."

She rose from the table and grabbed her folder and pen, she took note that the guards were looking at her wide eyed. She hid the smirk that wanted so badly to come out. He hadn't' moved, he hadn't reacted at all and an impulse hit her.

She tore the drawing out of her folder and put it faced down on the table.

She waited patiently for him to speak but he didn't so with a final nod of goodbye, she left the room.

"That was stupid." Jimmy said from outside, he was standing there with his arms crossed.

"Oh, it was?" she asked, feigning innocence.

"Yeah, gutsy though, but stupid."

"Is the room sound proof?" she asked him glancing through the window to see one of the guards holding her drawing up for him.

"Yeah."

"Next time, no guards in the room. Just me and him."

"You know, he can get out of that thing?"

"I do."

"You're crazy lady."

"Well maybe crazy is what's needed here."

"You'll be lucky if he just kills you." Jimmy warned her and they started to walk back down the hall, suddenly, the sound of laughter hit her ears. A rough sound that sent a shiver down her spine.

Jimmy snickered and shook his head.

"What?"

"He likes you, you've got his attention, now what are you going to do?"

What indeed.

A/N so I hope you guys like this one, next chapter will be back to Joker and I hope I'm still showing their characters in a deeper way.

Thank you for the reviews, I love them. Thank you for following and faving, it means the world to me as always. I'll have the next chapter up soon.


	5. Admiration

Chapter five – Admiration.

He turned off the faucet and looked up in the mirror. He wasn't at all surprised to find her sitting on the edge of the massive tub, a full thing of water, where seconds ago there had been none. Full of bubbles, pink, blue, purple and yellow.

She was completely naked, her hair loose, wavy and wild, her skin so pale, milky, so beautiful. Smooth to the eye, softer still to the touch.

He watched her slide into the water, funny, she loved that tub but still couldn't swim. It was big enough to warrant it, yet she'd never worried about drowning in it.

"But I worried that night." she said, relaxing her head against the edge, letting the bubbles cover her.

He didn't answer her.

"You heard me scream, you know I can't swim but you left me in the car. You left me there and let me fall in." She didn't sound angry, she sounded like she always did, her smile sultry and inviting.

If she'd really been there, he wouldn't have hesitated to join her, she'd have pulled him into the water and laughed, gleeful and eager.

"You trusted that he'd save me didn't you puddin? You thought, the bat will always save her. He'd never let her die."

"Yes."

"You weren't wrong." She let herself slide under the water and he kept watching the mirror, counting the seconds until she reemerged. She was under there for so long, a part of him wanted to turn and go after her, pull her back up to the surface but he reminded himself that she wasn't real.

She emerged from the water and laughed harder. Resting one arm against the edge of the bath and nestling her chin on the back of her hand. Seductive, piercing.

"You're worried, you think he might have done it, might have killed me. That you were wrong, we did too much for him to just let us live." Her smile taunted him, he wanted to smack it off her face, he wanted to beat it off her, not because he wanted to hurt her but because she wasn't really smiling, she wasn't there, god damn it, she wasn't even there.

"We took something away from him, he took something away from us. From you, he'd blame you over me wouldn't he puddin? He'd do it, you think he would. It's what you would do, it's what you do puddin, you take things away. You're worried he finally stepped over the line."

It felt that way, felt like maybe, just maybe the batman had, that he'd finally, after all this time finally stepped over that line. He'd sent some of his men to the morgue, to check if her body had turned up, to infiltrate the police station, his water logged car was there, so if she was dead, her body should have turned up. It hadn't though and for a while, he'd worried that one night the Bat would leave him a present at his door, a dead woman, his Harley lifeless, gone.

'I'm not dead puddin, he didn't cross that line, he wants to make you suffer, wants me to suffer too. Can't suffer if you're dead."

"No honey, you can't." he agreed. "So where are you?"

"Well, I'm not in the usual places and we both know I would have escaped from his cave if he'd taken me there. He could have taken me anywhere, there is no telling where."

"That doesn't help me baby girl, that doesn't help at all." He growled and she laughed again, it wasn't the full throaty laugh she had, it was a soft almost giggle.

"No it doesn't puddin but if you stop to think, if you think like the bat, like others. What would you do?"

"Take you out of Gotham city, where it would be harder to find you, harder to track you."

"But not impossible." She cooed. "Come on puddin, you aren't gonna tell me you've lost your edge there? Not because of poor little me."

He turned and the tub was empty, no bubbles, no water, no Harley.

He walked out of the bathroom and glanced at his circle, his weapons, the roses, everything. He'd return to it in a second but first, there was something he wanted to look at.

He walked over to his dresser and pulled it open, Harley usually took care of his clothes, she liked doing it, liked folding them. He knew it made her feel normal, even if they weren't. He could make someone else do it but she loved it, not all of it but things like that, he'd just let her do them. Make the bed, do the laundry, bake a cake. Make dinner. There was something both amusing and alluring seeing her covered in cake batter.

He pulled some of his shirts aside and found what he was looking for.

A folder, thin, black, nothing that would draw attention.

He flipped it open and pulled out the old piece of paper.

It was an old drawing, doodles, done in pen and would mean nothing to anyone else.

He stared at it, like he had that first day when she'd sat across from him. Her only words a quick greeting before she opened the case folder. She'd spent their first whole session focused on that piece of paper and for a moment he'd honestly believed she had no interest in him, that she was there because she was made to be there and had no intentions of actually doing anything with him.

He'd understood then, what the guard told him. Abnormally pretty, no, he'd been wrong. Not pretty, drop dead beautiful.

When he'd imagined her, he'd been off. She was delicate, her whole body somehow fluid. She was trying to look so professional, so mediocre but the look didn't suit her, that was the abnormality about it. She looked, out of place.

Jimmy let him keep the picture, he'd warned him once they had him back in the cell to stop thinking of hurting her. He was worried for her, already sensing the danger but he didn't know the half of it. She outdid his expectations, her name was perfect but her wit, her attitude, god, he had no idea that they'd give him such a prize.

"Should have known then puddin, should have known then." She taunted from the bed. "You wanted me then, you needed me. You wanted my attention so bad, you couldn't stand that I wouldn't give it to you. That I wasn't scared, that I could so easily avoid eye contact, that I was busy coloring."

He had been furious at first, when the guard flipped the page over and snickered, holding it up for him. This picture of abstract thoughts, saying nothing to anyone and everything.

It had taken him a few minutes to see it, held up against the light, the drawing covered something else, something hidden under nothing.

He didn't have to hold it up to the light now, he knew the words by heart.

From behind him, the taunting voice of Harley said it allowed.

"Hello Mr J, my name is Harley, I'll be your doctor until your next escape. I hope that we can have a pleasant working environment until then and that I'm at least able to help you work through some of your issues."

After he'd gotten a chance to be alone with the piece of paper he'd examined it a little further, the abstract nothingness gone. It revealed a lot about her.

The woman in the center, her, standing on her hands, not her feet. The free form of lines, the dark spots, the light ones, the shapes. How they interacted.

It was almost like she was telling a story about herself, letting him know her in a more intimate, secret way.

He wondered If she even realized it then, that she'd handed him the blue prints of herself.

"You couldn't read them though." she sang.

"I did in the end honey, I figured you out in the end."

"And you still ran away from me." She made a mewling sound. "Hurt my feelings there puddin, made me feel all neglected, unwanted."

"You weren't ready pumpkin pie."

"You weren't ready puddin, I was, you weren't. It's okay though, I forgive you."

He put the picture back in the folder, he'd always considered it a trophy, like so many other things he took from people but he understood now that it was so much more than that. It really had been a blue print to Harley's mind, who she was, everything inside of her that was screaming, begging to come out.

Abnormal, yes that had been a good word to describe her then.

The doctor that wanted his case, the woman who wanted to help him, genuinely wanted to give him a better quality of life. She'd taken him off all his medications except for a sleeping pill. She announced that she didn't believe he needed the medications, just someone to talk to.

She bent the rules, brought him outside food, coffee from the cafe she liked. Came across the table which had infuriated Jimmy and held the cup for him to drink it while they talked. Sitting herself on the table, her bare legs exposed to him, smooth, strong.

Those heels, sharp, easily weapons in a pinch.

She either left him trinkets in his cell, while he waited for her or brought them to their sessions.

Over the course of the months, her professional look had started to melt away and slowly, he saw more and more of the real Harley.

Her heels got higher, that tight bun at the back of her head became messier, where her blouse had all of its buttons done up neatly, they now had at least three undone. That skirt which had always been appropriately lengths started to shrink.

He hadn't denied it, she was beautiful and she caught his attention, there was an undertone of sensual seduction about her even then. Rebellious, those blue eyes weren't so crystal clear, there were storm clouds in them, very dark waiting clouds that had spoken to him.

"Should have seen the chaos in me."

"I did." he whispered, just not how deep or how much of it there was.

"Don't worry puddin, it was all for you, it's always been all for you. You left and I found you, you ran away and I hunted you down. Those storms were racing after you, I won't lie. Kind of embarrassing, you spent all that time with me, all those years of searching for the roots of chaos, of me and when you had them, the solid root of what I am, you ran away."

"I didn't run." he growled so softly, if it had been an actual person, they wouldn't have heard.

He heard her get up and walk over to him, it was dark outside, Gotham's lights were bright but he had no interest in anything.

The clubs would continue to work, he'd still make money, even if he didn't put his hands into anything but even if they didn't, it didn't matter.

"Aw puddin, don't be all sad. Smile for me, laugh for me. You know I am."

He looked up at the dresser mirror and saw her, just inches away from him, that smile still on her face. She was wearing one of his shirts, half buttoned and nothing else, how many times had she done that? Just grabbed one of the shirts that were too big for her and just walked around in it, not giving a fuck what anyone said, knowing it drove him crazy.

"It's winter puddin." She whispered suddenly, breaking his thoughts apart.

"It is."

Gotham was covered in snow, the winter had set in hard this year. The water ice, the streets slippery, easy to wreck a car, easy to slip and fall. People stayed in, made crime so easy.

"It's winter." She repeated again, her voice loosing its myrrh, loosing its joy. "I hate the winter."

"I know baby girl." He closed the drawer and turned around, she was still there and a small part of his mind actually hoped, but when he reached out for her, his hand went right through. She was still visible because the moment wasn't taunting, the thought in his head was not self punishment, it was solely about her.

"I don't like the cold."

"I know you don't." He watched the image of her wrap her arms around herself, that haunted expression she tried so hard to hide from the world, the one he saw, the one she let him see. She trembled and he understood why he was imagining her like this.

It was winter everywhere, even in the south, wherever she was, wherever they had her locked away, it was winter.

"I'm cold puddin." she whispered with her lip trembling. "I'm freezing."

"I know honey, I'm gonna find ya.'

"It's cold." She said again, he blinked and she was gone.

She was alone, she was imprisoned and she was cold, not home, warm, safe, wanted, pampered.

He growled in anger and walked back to his circle, stepping over his knives and sat back down. Looking at the images on the screen. Images of her, amazed that he'd taken so many pictures of her and never let himself realize how much he needed her.

Chaos did not have to be lonely, she wanted him, she always had, she'd come to him of her own free will, she'd endured him, survived him and now, he had to survive her.

He had to find her, there was no other option, there was no other way, he wouldn't stop, he would kill everyone and he would torture who he needed to as long as she was found.

Nothing, not even the Bat would stop him.

"That's my puddin." Her voice said with that hint of glee in it. "Do it."

A/N So there was some rumors online about deleted scenes and extended versions of some of the Joker Harley scenes, one of these rumored scenes was one where Batman puts Harley in the bat mobile after he saves her and says. 'the joker took something from me, I'm taking something away from him.' I don't know how true that is but I loved the idea of it, especially since we're dealing with an older Batman, not origins batman.

Thank you to those who've reviewed, I've worked faster every time I read your comments, it's just so great that you love the story. To all who are following and faving, thank you and I love you for your support.

I hope you all enjoy this chapter and I'll have more up soon.


	6. Positions

Chapter six - Positions

They'd been talking for three months now, three times a week and he'd come to enjoy the routine. She was smart, smarter than they gave her credit for and to her merit, she challenged him.

If he'd been expecting traditional psychological evaluations he shouldn't have worried, she was young, believed in trying new approaches.

They had privacy, she entertained his mind, asked him questions that had nothing to do with therapy. Just talked, let him say what he wanted, when he tried to scare her, she rose to the challenge and would quirk her head to the side and pointed her pen at him, almost playfully before asking him why.

"Tell me why you think that.' She'd say and then sit with her chin propped on the backs of her hands and wait for an answer.

She was fun to play with, he liked picking her brain, she had a lot of her own ideas and if he was a different man, one who's whole being wasn't owned by a force stronger than either of them, maybe. He had to admit, she was fascinating.

He saw more and more of her chip away, the mask, the tightness, the harsh edge she gave everyone else. At least he imagined, since she acted so stiff around the guards.

He was starting to come up with a workable plan, something that would actually work to get him out of here and she was a big part of that plan. All he had to do was push, tug a little more of that mask off, to reveal the wilder side underneath. If he could do that, he could get her to help him.

Harley had the key to his freedom, she could open the doors, she could let the men in and that's all it would take. Computers could be hacked, what he needed was for someone to open the physical door, to bring him his men, everything else would fall into place after that.

In the meantime though, he would enjoy the doctor's entertainment.

He didn't say it aloud but he waited for their sessions, the guards didn't particularly talk to him much, other than a quick banter that didn't lead anywhere but Dr Quinzel was a highlight of his day.

She knew she wouldn't get a straight answer from him, that every story he told her was a lie, so she avoided them. She wanted the truth and he didn't have any to give her, they both knew this, she respected it and he was amused by her approach. She challenged his intelligence, asking him random topic questions, trying to pick his brain that way, trying to understand him more like someone making a friend would. He hated to admit it but she got closer than anyone else, she started to get him, to know him, to read him.

His past, a mystery and that it would remain his and so was hers, she had one, he knew that much. He caught hints of her accent, thicker than she let slip. When she wasn't trying to sound as polite or Dr like, the richness came out, the gruff hard edges of the bad side of town. When he spoke of people from his world, she didn't ask who they were. He tested her knowledge, she wasn't fully informed of the crime world but she knew of it, been touched by it somehow and names that were common to all of their kind she knew, their occupations, the street doctors who didn't ask why but patched you up for a fee, the loan sharks who dealt directly with criminals, the secret places where they met just to unwind, away from the clutches of the batman. She didn't say any of that aloud but he noticed, the subtle signs, the quiet gestures.

He was enjoying himself, he liked the games he was playing with her. Tonight, he had something special planned.

They didn't open the cell to feed him, they put it through a slot and he put it back when he was done. If you could call that food, honestly when he got out he was going to use this stuff as a method of torture and see if it worked. It was bland, dry, processed.

They gave him three bathroom breaks, then he had two passes. The guards called them free passes. One was for the nightly dosage of medication, which was now only a sleeping pill and an emergency pass.

He already picked out which guard was in charge of the doors. They tried to keep it subtle but he'd picked up on it a while ago, the one who wouldn't want to come in there and beat the ever living crap out of him for the things he could say. The calmest, the coolest.

He wanted to rattle her a bit, for fun but his plans required it too, they would not call her on her off day unless it was an emergency with one of her patients and well, he was going to have himself an emergency.

Every time the guards did their rounds, they saw him reading one of the books the good doctor brought him. They were her books, he could smell her on the pages, saw the little dog ear marks she put on the pages to bookmark them, small little ink marks where she found a fascinating section.

She was all over the place, from romance novels which he found laughable, to horror stories, philosophy and text books. She dipped into a little bit of everything.

He waited until nine thirty, his medications administered and the shift guards already looking at their watches, wondering when 11 would arrive.

Pretending to have a psychotic break was easy, pretending to have a believable psychotic break was harder to do in a mental facility with guards who didn't trust you.

He succeeded though, the stunt had two purposes honestly, one it was a test to see how the lovely Dr Quinzel spent her nights and two, an opportunity to get a message out to his men.

The guards might be golden boys but the medical staff was not and he knew five different people he could pay off or threaten to get the word out for him.

They got him out of the room, taking him to an examination room where he gave the male nurse a whispered offer as they strapped him down. He knew the man, the grandson of some mobster who'd been thrown in jail years ago. Easy, simple.

He'd get the message out, the guards hadn't even noticed the interaction, they were too busy dealing with his fits and the uproar in the cells. He'd made enough noise to rowel up the rest of the gallery.

His point again proven.

You give a person a chance to do right or wrong, they'll more than likely choose wrong.

The guy couldn't get his men in though, he also couldn't get him out.

That's where Harley came into play.

They could be as creative as they wanted to keep him locked up, he could outdo them, he could out think them.

The problem they had was that they thought inside of the box, around it if they were lucky but never through it, never punching a hole through the bottom and seeing what was underneath, never reshaping it to something else. A box, was always only going to be a box to them.

It took half an hour for Harley to arrive on the floor. The sound of her heels clicking fast on the hard floor, something that was becoming an association for her. The women who worked at Arkham mostly wore flat non slip shoes, Harley, well she was defiant and special. He could appreciate that spark of rebellion.

Yet there was a distinct difference in the sound, sharper, like the point of the heel was more blade like than the heels he'd seen her in.

When she walked in, he realized the difference. Her clothes were always professional, always, even though they'd started to become less, appropriate when they had a session, they still fell under the category of work attire.

Not what she wore tonight.

Those shoes were not work appropriate for strippers, let alone here. Spiked, stilettos. Red with a black strap along the back, as if that flimsy piece of material would support her ankles if she fell.

The dress was just as bold, just as daring. A red thing that was cut low on her chest and high on her thighs. A black pattern snaking its way along one side like vines, only they weren't vines at all. She wore a black coat over it, so he couldn't see the sleeves, if the thing even had sleeves or straps. Her neck bejeweled with black and red gems, though he guessed they weren't real, costume jewelry that might have looked trashy, even gody on another woman but not on her. They gleamed, her make up was vibrant, striking, her lips painted a rich dark red, her eyes shadowed to make your focus go to those eyes, flecks of gold around them, her lashes thick and luxurious.

Her hair was down, it must have been windy outside or she must have run because it lay wildly, untamed against her shoulders.

She actually managed to distract his focus, though she was probably distracting everyone, his guards couldn't keep their eyes off her, even the nurses were all staring at her.

"Okay Mr J. Lets see what's going on." she said with that tone of authority she tried to pull. Though he'd definitely caught her off guard, he could hear her accent far more clearly now, it sounded so natural, so perfectly her.

This was her.

For the next few minutes no one spoke, she checked his vitals and frowned, she obviously couldn't find anything wrong with him, she asked the staff if anything had been changed in his medication, it hadn't of course.

Harley sighed and brushed some hair out of her face. She turned around and addressed the guards and staff.

"Can you give us a minute?"

No one moved.

"Just a few minutes, don't worry, I'll be fine."

A lot could happen in a few minutes but they were still on the fifth floor, not yet, no it wasn't time yet.

The guards left last, reluctant to break the rules, she must know them, know that it was against policy to leave him alone with anyone so loosely restrained but she shut the door behind them and then turned to face him.

It was the first time they'd been alone without the jacket, the restraints were tight but not tight enough to not allow him to break free. They would sacrifice her if they had to, a hostage situation wasn't viable, fun maybe but wouldn't get him out of here but maybe he could threaten her, make her get him out but the look in her eyes was clear.

Don't play games.

"So you wanna tell me what's going on Mr J?" this was not his doctor standing in front of him, this was a woman who was frustrated with him, he'd interrupted something, he'd interrupted... a date?

She let go of the professionalism, there was a grit in her voice now, he liked it.

"Just had a melt down Dr Quinzel."

"Don' give me that." she warned, coming closer. "What you trying to prove?"

"Not trying to prove anything." He shrugged, slowly moving his wrists so that she didn't notice them slowly slipping out of the straps.

She came right up to the bed and undid the strap, surprising him. "Don' play with me Mr J, Its been a long night and I don' have the patience for it right now."

"You look beautiful." He commented, true but more to rattle her a bit. He rubbed his wrists and sat up in the bed, she crossed her arms and shook her head.

'You think flatterin' me is gonna do anything for you? I'm not stupid.'

"You undid my restraints, some might think that isn't very bright." he smiled at her and ran a hand through his hair, sweeping it back in a casual, almost friendly manner.

"Why'd you want me in here?" She made a tapping sound with her foot.

"Did I disturb a date?" He quirked his head curiously, almost innocently.

"As a matter of fact, you did." She looked away. "Not that you interrupted much."

He lifted his chin up, regarding her more carefully.

"Bad date then Dr?"

He saw a twitch, she was trying not to smile.

"You could say that."

He looked her over, then as if by impulse, he reached out to her and tugged on her coat, she resisted him but not hard, like part of her wanted to show him what was under that jacket.

He wasn't a hundred percent sure how he knew, still he knew that she'd gotten all dressed up like this for him. It was too much for a first date, he'd known mob bosses daughters who wore more to go out and the color red, it wasn't a subtle red, it was bright, vibrant, alluring. It was the kind of dress you wore for a partner, a boyfriend, a lover.

He was convinced of this once the coat was off and dropped to the floor. He saw that it was strapless. She wore chunky bracelets in the same style as her necklace, a matching set, one black on her left wrist, one red on the right, rings on her fingers.

Neither of them spoke as he ran his fingers along her bare shoulder, the first shred of physical contact between them, the first touch he'd been able to give her.

She'd always been so careful, never to let skin touch skin between them and she felt so warm, goosebumps on her skin as he felt the smoothness of her flesh.

A voice in the very back of his mind murmured something about taking advantage of her offer, silent as it might be but he withheld from it. No, seduction was one thing, having an obsessed little girl following him around, that was a different thing and besides, she'd been on a date.

The voice growled in his head, it somewhat amused him that a part of him, that any part of him was actually jealous about that. Jealous that she was going out on a date with some man, man that wasn't him, especially looking like that.

"Were you looking to get lucky Dr Quinzel?" he purred at her.

"What makes you think that?" she whispered, looking down at her arm, where the contrast of their skin was so evident, so obvious. Her fairness still so dark to his pale complexion.

"well, you got all dressed up for me."

She crossed her arms over her chest and moved a half an inch back from him. This didn't help her case, the hem of her dress hiked up ever so slightly.

"I told you, I was on a date and no, I wasn't looking to get lucky." She sighed. "I had to take a cab in the middle of dinner to get here, it's cold out there and it was my one night off."

She was almost whining now, like she was complaining but not really upset over the disturbance.

"Like I said Dr, had a bit of a melt down." he smiled and laid back on the bed.

For her credit, she surprised him again, her arms reached out and found his shoulder. She was strong for such a little thing, would at least take a man twice his size to subdue her, interesting.

Her hair fanned around them both and her blue eyes pierced into his own eyes with fierce intensity.

"Listen to me Mr J, listen good." Any pretense of her degree or status as a doctor were dropped, this was a woman from the world he knew, his world talking to him, making their position very, very clear. "I don't know what game you think you're playing but it ain't gonna work, I'm going to help you, whether you like it or not. I'm going to get through to you, I'm not going anywhere."

As she spoke he felt the heat of her words, the smell of her perfume, it was sweet, subtle, meant to accent, not over power.

He said nothing, just looked up at her, he liked this side of her, he liked the gritty side of her personality, he knew gangsters with less courage. It would have been one thing to threaten him with his restrains on but she'd undone them, she'd put herself in danger so that she could do this, like it was done in the streets of Gotham.

"Did you hear me?" she whispered menacingly, it was cute.

"Oh, I heard ya, and good." He meant it, for reasons he didn't entirely understand, he wanted her but he didn't care, she was there and he had a moment, that's all it was, a moment.

He pulled her down easily. Her body pressing into him, her weight taken from her so that the position was more intimate than it should have been, his lips caught hers and he kissed her. There was no pretending, from either of them, there was hunger and heat in those few stolen seconds. Her hands still holding onto his shoulders, his roaming the length of her back, the texture of the dress, how it went from that silken fabric to her skin and deep, deep in his mind he had to admit.

She excited him, she enthralled him but the rest of him wasn't ready to admit it yet.

When there was no air left between them, she pulled away from him, wiping her mouth and then wiping his, breathless, shaken. She looked over at the door and grabbed her coat, putting it back on.

"That never happened." she whispered and grabbed his restrains, putting them back on, tightening them more than the guards did as if to warn him. As if tightening the straps would make what just happened go away. "It never happened."

But it did and she was rattled, he'd shaken her, she'd liked it, he could tell by the flush in her cheeks, the way her chest heaved and how her exposed skin seemed to tingle.

She adjusted herself and then walked to the door, glancing back at him once more before opening it and saying something to the guards outside.

Their moment was over and he started to laugh, a hard laugh that went all the way to his stomach.

Dr Quinzel didn't realize it yet but she'd just saved her own life, he wasn't going to kill her, no but he wasn't going to leave her like she was either.

No.

He was going to wake her up.

A/N So I had fun with this chapter, a little indulgent perhaps but I felt appropriate. Touch is such an important step in a relationship, especially when there is chemistry. Also we are going to be getting into the darker aspects of the relationship, it's just the way it has to go and well. I'm not planning to sugar coat it, so you've been warned.

Also, I am aware that Jason's death is not actually voiced in the movie but there is an Easter egg in the movie about it. I was inspired by the idea, not an actual scene.

As always, thank you for your reviews, your comments, your feedback. I love you for it all. To those just joining us down the rabbit hole, welcome and I hope you're also enjoying yourselves. So please, sit back relax and enjoy the rest of the show.


	7. Bad day

_A note for all of you. For the sake of this particular chapter, please feel free to find Mad world sung by Adam Lamburt. Trust me, it'll change the experience._

 _I cried._

 _Chapter seven – Bad day._

 _Bad day._

 _It was going to be a very bad day._

 _She felt the drugs coursing through her system, she looked down at her veins and imagined the medicine flowing through them like they were dyed neon colors. Both of them, a little white pill and a shot to her hip. Subdued, held down, three guards would be visiting the emergency room today and it would be because of her._

 _What had they given her? What had they given her?_

 _She hadn't seen the bottle, she hadn't seen the names, she could still remember, still remember the names of drugs. Anti depressants, anti psychotics, mood suppressors. Medications for bi-polar disorders, schizophrenia._

 _Too many possible options, they could have just grabbed something random, something they hoped would work. The doctor had stopped coming around three months ago._

 _Her chest started to flutter, she was light headed and she already knew the side effects._

 _Feeling high and panicked all at one._

 _She was having a reaction, possibly an allergic one, no, not allergic, her white flesh didn't suddenly turn red but then again, who knew how her body reached to anything anymore. Her rebirth had changed the very composition of her being._

 _Maybe that's why it was affecting her like this, maybe it was doing the opposite of what the medicine needed to do._

 _Or maybe it was doing exactly what it was supposed to._

She fell back onto the floor and looked up at the ceiling, laughing hysterically. God, they were trying to tame her.

What the hell did they think? That she was someone who could be tamed?

She had never been tamed, never been able to fully hide who she truly was and the drugs started to surge the memories of that life, buried, folded like an old dress you put int eh top of your closet, knowing you should get rid of it but keeping it for the memory.

" _I don't want to be known as Harleen, that means a field of bunnies, I'm not a bunny." she'd declared a very, very long time ago. "I want to be known as a Harley."_

" _That still means a field of bunnies."_

" _No, like the motorbike,, powerful, fast, wild."_

" _You can't drive one of those things harleen, those are for, those sorts of girls. You're not that sort of girl, you're better, you're better than your father."_

Her past was like that, she remembered it now, pieces that lighting had supposedly burned away, that chemicals eroded into the ends of time.

" _I want to play a game with you."_ _His voice speaks in her head, the memory as clear as if she'd been sitting across from him right now._

" _What sort of game?" she asks, it's the last session, it's the last day. She's done it, she's done what he's asked and by the end of tonight, he'll be free._

 _He'll be gone and she'll be left behind._

 _She won't stay, she can't. She's been looking for places, for new work, somewhere far away from Gotham, somewhere where his name is only a whisper of a far away place._

 _She knows he'll leave and forget her, she's no fool, she's not stupid enough to believe that he loves her, he can love, she truly believes that but he will never love her._

 _Harley is the one who fell in love, not him, she isn't enough for him. He'll never see the truth, he'll never know the core of her soul, who lurks inside her, the reality of who and what she is, because even that won't be enough. He'll say she's acting, she'll say she's just a phonie, a fraud._

" _A psychology game." He quirks his head to the side and smiles._

" _Why one of those?"_

" _Humor me Doctor Quinzel, please." He gazes at her with those eyes and she nods._

 _Yes, she's going to humor him, she'll give him that before they part ways for the last time._

" _Alright, which one?"_

 _He smirks. "Associations."_

 _She arches an eyebrow but nods. "Okay, who's asking?"_

" _We take turns, I'll go first."_

Harley kept laughing, she laughs because she wants to cry, will the memories stay, will that precious moment stay with her? They think she can't remember, she can't, everything else doesn't matter but those memories mean so much to her.

A virgin, an innocent to his world and he'll be the one to pluck her, to take the girl and make a woman of her and she doesn't even know it yet.

" _Red."_

" _Blue, my turn." She glances at the door. "Night."_

" _Batman. Grenades."_

" _Explosions. Freedom."_

" _Soon." he gives her a meaningful look. "Car."_

" _Motorbike. Food."_

" _Wine, flowers"_

" _Roses, broken."_

" _Face." His eyes darken. "Electricity."_

" _Storms." she says simply. "Ocean."_

" _Endless. Chocolate."_

" _Puddin'." she smiles at his reaction. "My favorite. Dance."_

" _Well, winter."_

" _Bad, blankets."_

" _Silk. Why?"_

 _She blinked. "Why?"_

" _You're leaving."_

" _Oh, yeah, my internship is almost up, I've almost finished and I thought it was time to find my own practice."_

" _That's, disappointing." His voice is even but there is a hint of menace in that statement._

" _It's alright, you're almost cured."_

 _They both were speaking between the lines, they both understood the silent conversation. The secret questions._

 _You're leaving, I have no reason to stay here._

 _You're running away from me, you're afraid that I'll hurt you?_

 _You've broken my heart._

 _I will hurt you, we both know it, I'll have my fun and then I'll go off and be who I am._

 _I'm leaving Gotham, I can't stay here without you._

No, you won't be leaving yet.

 _I love you, even if you can't._

 _Why are you running?_

 _Because you're free tonight._

Harley screamed out a howling laugh and rolled on the floor, her mind becoming more and more hazed.

She would never cry in front of them, she would never let them see her true pain.

She was crazy, there was no denying that, she knew that she wasn't right but she wasn't wrong either. She was still Harley, she was still her and her soul belonged to one man and he wasn't here.

" _Did you receive the gift I sent you?" he asked her later in the session, she nodded, remembering the little box that still sat in her office._

" _Yes, thank you." she looks down at her empty notebook and picks up her pen._

 _An exercise she hasn't done since their first session, pretending to write, pretending to make notes but he knows now. He watches the way her hand moves, how her grip loosens and tightens and he knows that she's writing him a goodbye._

" _Where will you go?"_

" _I'm not sure yet Mr J, haven't gone that far into the plans." She shouldn't be surprised that he knew, the guards must have told him, the guards would tell him that piece of news. If you aren't here, there is no point anymore. I failed us, I failed you, I failed me._

" _Did you like the gift?" he asks again and she nods._

" _Yes, I did."_

A severed finger, that was his gift, a severed finger and a familiar ring.

It could be a lie, it could be someone else finger but it doesn't matter. He did that for her, whether the man was dead or not, well that didn't matter either.

Her father's killer, he'd found him for her. She hadn't given him any information about the situation, about how her father had been a con man who'd destroyed her family, about the drunk driver that ended his life. The fact that she was never sure if him dying was a blessing or a curse.

The guards are trying to pick her up, there is blood in her mouth, she thinks she's drowning in her own blood.

What did they give her?

"How much of that stuff did you give her?"

Griggs, that's Griggs voice, no, not him.

"The dose, just the dose, it's not from her chest, she bit her tongue."

"Yeah and she can still swallow it, open her damn mouth."

Had she bitten her tongue?

She couldn't feel the pain of it, she couldn't feel the pain at all.

The only pain was in the reopening of that wound, the one in her heart, the drawing, the last thing she planned to ever give her Joker.

Her Joker.

"You don't get to die hotness." Griggs warned her. "Do you hear me, you've got a life sentence to fulfill, you don't get off that easy."

She can barely hear him, they think this is a trap, that she's doing this for attention, they think she's doing this to get out.

A small part of her wants to do that but she's convulsing, she's lost control of her body, it's functioning on its own. It shakes, it trembles and she laughs, harder, crazier, hopeless, helpless.

 _Puddin, they're killing me. I don't want to die._

 _I want to go home, I want to be with you._

 _Beat me, hit me, slap me, insult me, treat me like less than a dog but don't leave me._

 _Save me from the Bat, pull me out of that car, don't let me come here, turn back time and save me. Turn back time and change that night, I'll change it for you. We won't get in the car,_ _take me home, take me up to our room and I'll show you how much I love you._

 _My everything, my sanity, my chaos, my reason._

A tube is in her throat, it burns, they're not being careful. She hates the tube, they think she enjoys it but she hates it, she hates that they do this to her. She hates that the pain comes with no pleasure, it's all misery.

Confused, unsteady, hard to breath.

They're cursing, they're arguing, something about the wrong medication.

Of course, of course they'd give her the wrong drugs, probably poison.

 _Will you mourn me puddin? Will it matter to you?_

 _Yes_ , his voice growls. _Of course it matters._

 _Am I nothing but trouble? Am I a nuisance to you, do you wish you'd left me to die when I was born? Are you glad you left me to drown the last night you saw me?_

 _No._

They're just voices in her head but she believes him, that he would grieve if she died, that he would not take back that day, he would still have saved her from the burn.

 _Abuse me, just don't leave me._

 _I haven't abused you. Not in a very, very long time._

 _Yes, yes you have. I have too._

 _Co dependent, can't live without each other, can't breath properly, can you not feel it? I don't know where I am but I feel your pain, I swear I do. Right now in the very second of time and space, I feel your pain._

 _Do you feel mine?_

Harley thrashes wildly, they're yelling at her to stay still, a sedative, they want to add on more drugs.

Her heart might stop, her heart will stop.

 _Will you feel me die puddin?_

They say that people feel when the people they love are no longer in the world of the living.

 _I'm dying, they killed me._

" _What, you gonna kill me Mr J?" she had asked after she'd been strapped into the restraints. She couldn't remove them, she couldn't take them off._

" _Oh, I'm not gonna kill ya, I'm just gonna hurt you, really, really bad."_

" _You think so, well I can take it._

She'd said it with confidence, she'd said it with such faith that she would.

She would endure it, she could survive it, he would torture her, he would condemn her mind to somewhere that would have no hopes of escape. She didn't want to come back from this though.

A blessing, maybe he'd accidentally kill her and put her out of her misery. She couldn't let him go, she couldn't get him out of her mind.

 _Let me forget you, let me forget that we ever met._

 _Will you mourn me when I'm dead? Will you grieve? Will you bury me puddin?_

 _I can't let you go._ His voice demands of her, it insists in her head and she feels herself come back from the brink. I can't let you die.

 _Would you live for me?_

 _Yes._

 _Then fucking live, you made an oath, you don't break that promise Harley Quinn, you promised you'd live for me and that's exactly what you'll do. Do you understand me baby?_

She can see him shaking her, his eyes crazed, wild, frantic, angry.

He's shaking her back to life, he won't let her go, he won't let her die.

She's his everything, his sanity, friend, lover, queen. The one who sews him up when he's bleeding, the one who erases the nightmares in the middle of the night.

She's the very breath he takes.

Harley stops thrashing and her body relaxes as suddenly as it began its violent fit.

 _Do you love me?_

 _Yes._

 _Why can't you tell me?_

 _Do I honestly have to?_

 _No, you don't._

The sedative is working, her body feels heavy, her limbs fall limp on the ground.

The tube still feels tight in her throat, they're keeping her throat from closing up.

She has to live.

Harley must live, they need her to live, they need her to serve her life sentences, to grow old and helpless here but she doesn't' care about them.

She just needs to live for him.

This is only a bad day, it's just a really bad day.

A/N So I spent the eight dollars and bought the novelization of the book, I was actually excited. I was like, oh my god. Yes I'm going to get the in depth scenes you don't get int eh movie, more of the chemistry between Joker and Harley. I'm torn, as a story, it's not bad but as the official novelization of the movie? It was definitely lacking I was disappointed with the back story for the Joker and Harley, really I was. The writer made Joker... whiny, suicidal in a way that was just, unJoker. He also made Harley more of an annoyance, an idiot. There are still some good parts in it but you don't find allt he lines that the book should share with the movie. That's only my personal rant though, if you don't agreee, I totally respect that.

I also went back tot he movies today, went and saw suicide squad again. I had this crazy idea of doing my own attempts at the novel version of the movie and sending it in, saying here you go but no. that's just silly. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this, I love writing it even though I won't lie, I fell asleep on the keyboard doing editing to this chapter.

Love you all, thank you for your support and I'll catch ya next time.


	8. Heartbreak

Not: I listened to running up that hill while writing this chapter. The Placebo version

Chapter eight – Heart broken.

"I can be there on Monday." she spoke into her phone.

She was in the records room of the rouge gallery,. She was late in leaving, paperwork to sign, though it wouldn't matter by the time she left.

She needed to get down to her office, get changed, go home.

"No, thank you, I appreciate you getting back to me so quickly."

She feigned a soft laugh at something the man on the other line said and looked at her watch.

She was checking the last of her papers. The one she was going to leave him, the drawing she'd done earlier that day for him. Her final message in the lines.

It was more detailed than her first, she hadn't known what she'd feel, how her life would change because of him.

The words so clear on the page.

I love you.

Goodbye.

The drawing above those simple words revealing nothing about what she felt.

"No, I've got no problem with moving, it won't be an issue at all."

She folded the piece of paper in her hands and closed the cabinet

A new job, in Central city of all places.

You couldn't get any further away if you tried.

Running, yes she was running.

"I'll see you Monday." She closed her cell phone and stuck it back in her pocket.

She wasn't supposed to have it up here but it didn't matter anymore. Policy, the rules, none of that meant anything.

She had to rest her arm against the cold metal of the filing cabinet, she had to cover her mouth with her hand to keep the sob from being heard.

 _Stupid girl._ Her mind scolded angrily. _You've done it now, you've really done it._

What, what all had she done?

Fallen in love? Put everyone in danger? What else had she done?

Everything.

He'd asked her over a week ago for the machine gun, at first she'd resisted, she'd resisted helping him. Understanding what he wanted her to do but she'd been unable to leave it alone.

She wasn't thinking like a doctor anymore, she was just a woman in love.

Harley had made the choice, not the doctor. Harley.

His cure was freedom, his mind needed the streets, his treatment was his violence, his killing, his crime. She understood that, there was nothing mentally wrong with him. Not in the traditional way, Yes he had a lot of issues but that was what they were, issues, not conditions.

She wanted to laugh at herself for that.

There was no label she could put on him that fit properly and she didn't want to put anymore tries into it.

For a week she'd done this, cried, on her way to work, on her bike, in her bed, hugging her pillow. In her office.

She'd already cried earlier, hours after their session, she got a call from downstairs telling her she had a delivery.

A man in a panda costume, with a bouquet of roses, red, so beautiful and in the center, a violet rose. No card, no need for one.

At first she'd thought his men had jumped the gun, because she recognized the mask.

She closed her eyes and rested her head on the cabinet

What had she done?

The right thing, the only thing.

Find Johnny Frost.

Go to the nightclub, ask for Johnny. He'd be expecting her.

He had been, the meeting had been quick, easy. Tell him what he needed to know, hand over the paper with the right codes, all of them. The ones she knew, the ones to the cell. The information she knew, because she was trusted, because she had to know them. The three security agents who unlocked the doors.

Everything.

Even the best day to get him.

Today.

Jimmy's team would be off duty and they were the most dangerous, the best trained, the harder guards to take down.

They couldn't keep a full day and night shift of men like them, too much money.

It would be done, it would be tonight and she was running out of time to leave. Go home, cry herself to sleep all over again.

She'd never cried so much for a man.

No lover, no boyfriend or crush had ever induced such ache in her heart.

She'd thought she knew what love was, what it was supposed to feel like but she'd been wrong.

 _It's obsession_. Her mind insisted. Trying to give herself comfort. _It's just obsession._

No, it was love, she was in love with the Joker.

"Great Harley, add that to the list." she laughed softly to herself.

Her lips burned, the sudden image of his kiss. That stolen moment that should have never happened. Sensuous and wanting, there had been fire in that kiss and it hadn't been only from her side.

 _No, don't delude yourself, a man like him. Could never be with a woman like you._

No he couldn't could he?

She wiped her face, grabbing her bag. Second shift was far more lenient with her than the first shift guards. She was no threat, she was always professional and so, because they trusted their abilities and trusted that she wouldn't be as stupid as she'd been.

She had some freedom up here, as long as she stayed up here.

Finally feeling herself composed she locked the records room up and started walking down the hall. She could avoid his corridor, not walk past it, not say goodnight.

She'd never been up here at this hour without an escort, never stayed this long. She could go down the other way and never see him again.

Hear about what happened in the papers, on the news, let her guilt overtake her as she ran away.

She couldn't do that though, she couldn't just leave it be.

She turned the corner and saw the rows of cells. They'd close this wing down, for repairs, as a crime scene. She was sure of that much. She would have no reason to return up here, she'd be gone before they reopened it.

 _And if he comes back in here?_

 _He won't._

 _If he does?_

 _I'll be far away, I'm never coming back here._

 _What if he hunts you down? You'd be a loose end._

 _I'm not important, I don't matter._

She stops at the edge of his cell, out of view but he already knows she's there. She can see him, he's looking for her. His eyes predatory as he scans his surroundings.

No guards, they're on another corridor.

"Good evening Dr Quinzel. What a pleasant surprise. What did I do to deserve your company after hours?" He spoke with a purr, that predatory gaze, keen, aware. For the last few months she'd made sure his mind was clear, awake. Hating the drugs they gave him, to dope him, to silence him.

She'd done this.

She'd made sure he was at full strength. No more shock therapy, not under her watch, no more treatments other than her sessions with him. Her protests to reduce him down to a sleeping pill had done this, plus his insomnia controlled, his body was rested, full of energy. She'd been helping him from day one.

"I just, wanted to say goodnight." she said, pulling her hair down and gingerly brushing it out with her fingers. "I won't get to see you Monday."

"Gonna tuck me in doctor" He cocked his head to the side, the glint of knowing in his eyes but he played dumb. "And why won't I see you on Monday? I was so looking forward to our session, you know it's the only thing that I look forward to anymore."

She shook her head, not wanting to play this game anymore. Did he see the red rim in her eyes, the flush in her cheeks, the quiver in her lip?

"We both know it's not, we both know you never needed my help." She sighed and looked down. "You were never sick."

He smiled, that smooth, cunning smile that was both terrifying and enthralling to her.

"You saying I'm not crazy."

"I'm saying you do a good job of playing the part, you're not. You're too smart to be that crazy."

 _I'm the one who's crazy, I'm crazy for loving you._

"You really believe that doc?" He came closer to the cell, his damaged tattoo pressed against the glass.

"I do." She confessed quietly. Stepping closer herself, not letting her face touch the glass, just close enough to hear him breath roughly. "I'm leaving."

"I know."

"Tomorrow."

"So soon, you don't want to stick around for the fireworks?"

"No, I can't." she gripped her bag.

"Feeling guilty Doctor Quinzel? Helping a sane man get home?"

"No Mr J, I don't feel guilty, about any of it." she whispered and looked away from him.

"Harley, look at me." He ordered and she turned to look at him.

"Where are you going to go?" he asked, his hand caressing the glass, as if he was caressing her face.

"I got an offer." she couldn't stop the words from coming out, from spilling from her lips. "I'm going to a hospital."

"Here in Gotham?"

"No."

She thought she imagined it but there was the smallest sound of growls from him.

 _If you heard it, it's only because he wants the full effect, you are his audience, his assistant but assistants can be found easily. You are not for him._

 _I want to be._

"Where you heading Harls?"

His pet name sends a shiver down her spine.

"I can't tell you that Mr J." she glances up at the cameras and instantly notices that they're off, how long have they been off? Where are the guards?

"Don't worry about that princess, why can't you tell me where you're going?" He presses a finger hard against the glass, she can tell the force he's using, he's angry, he's angry at her for not revealing her secrets. He wants to know, why does he want to know?

"Because I'm starting over." She takes a little step closer, so that her forehead and the tip of her nose touch the glass. That sheet all that was between them.

Her lips burned, want, love, desire, hunger begging for a kiss goodbye. A kiss that was meant to never end.

A stupid wish, her only wish.

"Why you wanna do that pumpkin pie?"

"I can't stay here."

He growled in frustration. "Damn it woman, tell me why. Can't you be honest considering it's my release date?"

"I can't be here anymore." she said with a defeated sigh. She didn't have the energy to fight him, to hold herself back, to lie. "I can't be around this place anymore, not without... thinking of you."

"Do I scare you? Are you afraid of me?"

"No, I'm not afraid of you." Her hand reached out and touched the glass. "I'm not afraid of what you are."

"What am I baby?" His voice is a whisper, his eyes promising pain, promising hurt, suffering and something else. Something she saw in her own eyes but she couldn't bring herself to believe he'd feel it.

"Chaos."

 _My soulmate, my love, the man who'll never be matched._

 _Any man I find from this moment, will never be enough for me, no man will ever compare to you and you only ever kissed me once._

He grinned, liking her word and she pulled back, away from him. Looking down at the ground, ashamed for what she felt.

"Goodbye Mr J, It's been, a pleasure."

He laughs, a low chuckle and he places his other hand on the glass, stretching, letting her see the lean muscle of his body without trying. He was strong, he was fast, he was more than those clothes let on.

"What hospital Harley, where you running to?"

"I can't tell you." she insisted. "I can't let you shadow me."

He arched a none existent eyebrow and ran his fingernails down the glass. "You can't tell me why, you won't tell me, you think I'll come and follow you?"

 _Please, please follow me._

"Can't start over if you tell your past where you're going. Don't feel bad, my family won't know either."

"I'm not your family Dr Quinzel." His voice was low, the silver in his teeth glinting in the artificial light.

"Why does it matter Mr J, it doesn't matter to you." she bit her bottom lip.

"Maybe I care."

"I was told that was a very bad thing."

He laughed, deep and threw his head back. His hands pressed flat against the glass, she could see the lines of his hands, hands that she wanted on her, remembering the feel of them on her body.

"Not wrong there sweetheart, they ain't wrong there." He smiled again, that vicious, deadly, perfect smile.

"Then why would I tell you?"

"Because you want to." he looked up at the ceiling. "That's why."

He was right, god he was right. She wanted to tell him, she needed to tell him.

She looked down the hall but no guards came, she might have gotten worried but he enthralled her so much, he distracted her common sense to the point it might as well not exist.

"Central city."

"West coast? You running that far away Dr Quinzel?"

"Yeah, I am."

"What you scared of princess?"

She walked closer again, pressing her hands against the glass again, her palms touching his and she felt a spark, for the smallest of milliseconds she felt the connection between them and she wanted to cry, she wanted to scream.

Scream because it could never be, never.

"You, I'm scared of you." she said in a rushed voice. "I'm scared of what you've done to me, I'm scared because I want to walk away and I can't."

He laughed again, deeper, a thick sound that twisted her insides.

"Get under your skin Doc?"

"Yes, you already know that. I've done what you asked, I've done what you want but you'll never want what I want. I know this and that's why you scare me."

"Interesting."

"It's not."

She pulled away again and pulled something out of the front of her bag. The folded piece of paper.

There was a very thin gap between the bottom of the glass door and the floor, only big enough for one piece of paper and she crouched down in front of him, if anyone came looking, it would seem like she was bowing to him, she didn't see the pleased look on his face at the action and she slipped her goodbye, her answer, her love letter to his side of the cell.

He could laugh at it, he could scrunch it up, think she was a little girl but she had said her piece.

"Goodbye Joker, its been an honor to know you." she said and turned to walk away.

"Harley." he called and she stopped. "Harley Quinn."

She had made it a few empty cells down but at the name she walked back to his door.

"What?"

"It's what I want to call you, Harley Quinn."

"How did you know that name?" she breathed.

He gave her a curious look. "Who gave you that name before?"

"I... I did."

He grinned, a smile like no other and he crouched to pick up her paper, opening it up in front of her and looking at the picture. He regarded it for a minute but it would take him a little longer to see the words.

"Good night Harley Quinn, I'll see you later."

"No you won't Mr J." She whispered and slowly, excruciatingly slow, she moved away from him.

Finally the guards came down in her direction and they escorted her to the elevator.

She heard him, Harley, he sang it, over and over again.

Harley, Harley Quinn.

"Good bye." she whispered again as the doors closed.

Convinced that she would never see him again.

A/N Oh my god, thank you so much for your feedback, I almost cried with some of the stuff you guys said, I am so happy that you guys are enjoying this story. I started writing it to satisfy my own desire to see more of the JandH relationship but I never though you guys would be so pumped for it.

Thank you so very much. Also a little secret, I'm actually working on original work, I'm hoping to have it ready to submit for publishing in January. Crossing fingers. So I do care a lot about the way a story is written and how readers react to an emotion. Yes I want you to get angry, to feel sad, to feel scared, anxious. That's my job as an author.

Also I am thinking of writing two stories later on. One about Joker and Harley's daughter and son and an actual Joker and harley origin story, not just flash backs. What you guys think?


	9. Loss

Note; Please grab some tissues, you might need them.

Chapter 9 – Loss.

He was clean, he'd actually showered today. Frost didn't even have to go in there, he'd done it himself.

The place was a mess, a disaster zone and he could already hear her voice yelling at them all.

He was alone, leaving the room, showered, changed for once. He needed to come out though, Frost had a call coming in today, a specialist, high priced but worth the money.

His specialty, tracking and hunting. There was no one who could hide from him, even if they hid in the most remote places in the world, he'd find them.

They were lucky, he was one of them.

He had one rule, no heroes, he did not hunt down heroes for anyone. He was low key, staying under the radar and he wanted to keep it that way.

"Puddin, you tell those lazy, good for nothing boys of yours that if they don't clean up MY kitchen before I come back, I'm going to play whack a mole with their heads."

They'd left take out boxes, plates, cups, silverware, weapons. Everything and he thought about warning them but he chose not to.

"Play whack a mole baby, go ahead."

It might even be funny. He could imagine her with that baseball bat of hers, smashing their heads in for the offense of leaving her personal space a disaster.

Harley loved that kitchen, he'd never understood her appeal for it.

She could spend hours in there, baking, cooking, reciting recopies off the top of her head. Knowing the exact amount that needed to go in anything to make it perfect.

He'd more than once indulged in sitting on the other side of the room, lounging or pretending to work, just watching her dance around the kitchen, use the counters as both work surface and launch pads. Flipping over to the other side, instead of just simply going around.

Trying her own food, making faces when she believed something wasn't exactly the way she wanted it to taste.

Getting full on that well before she served it.

He'd never quite understood the appeal for her but he'd know the appeal for him. To watch her, so lost in her own little world that she never noticed the amusement she brought.

He didn't even care when soem of his men watched, snickering under their breaths when one of them got stupid and tried to swipe something. Finding a knife through his hand.

She fed them, that was her rule. They couldn't leave unless they were fed.

Even him, he'd be ready to leave and she'd block the door, wouldn't care that he looked ready to blow up, her own glare just as intense.

"You leave when you eat."

Like that mattered to him, money to be made, people to kill, a Bat to destroy but no, she'd pout at him with those dark red lips and flutter her eyelashes at him, though her eyes still held that vicious unrelenting fire and she'd coo at him.

"Please puddin, how can you take down Batsy with an empty stomach?"

She conned him and he let her, she was too enticing to pass up, especially when she hand fed the stuff to him. The taste of the food amplified by the taste on her fingers. Almost made him regret wanting to go out.

That wasn't real anymore though and the mess just proved it, when the cat was away the mice would play and they played now that she wasn't here.

She wasn't in that kitchen raising the depths of hell on his men, she wasn't in the house, not on the couch trying to distract him from any chance of getting any plans done, she wasn't even outside, nowhere in the city.

She was nowhere.

"Boss?" Frost came in through the front door and caught his attention. "He's on."

Joker nodded and sat down on the couch, carefully watchign as Johnny put his phone on speaker and laid it down on the coffee table.

"Alright man, talk." He ordered and the voice on the other end of the phone made a humming sound.

"Hey J, sorry bout your girl, look I haven't found her yet but I'm still working on it, I got some good news though, she's still state side."

Joker didn't speak, Frost answered for him.

"How do you know?"

"She ain't been moved, wherever they're keepin her, she's been put there tight, lock and key sort of thing ya knofw what I mean?"

Where did Frost dig this guy up again?

"Listen, you need to trust me, she ain't overseas. I'd know, I got enough contacts to know when someone like her leaves the country."

"What if the military moved her?" Johnny asked.

"I'd still know man, come on, I'm good at what I do and I charge a lot for doing it, you think anyone would come my way if I couldn't deliver?"

Neither spoke.

"She's not been seen overseas, she stands out a bit you know, she's still home bound somewhere. If they moved her around a bit, then I could find her in a day but they ain't, it's a little harder to do."

He was starting to get on J's nerves, he wished he knew where the idiot was, no one ever knew. He wanted to find him and put a bullet through his mouth, then his eyes, then maybe even his chest. Watch him bleed for wasting his time.

"It's weird though, like she fell off the face of the planet. Someone went to a great deal of trouble to keep her location secret. Government types, god."

He looked up at Frost, his patience already gone, one more smart ass word from this wannabe oracle and he was going to take his frustration out on Frost's head for finding him.

"See funny thing is, there is absolutely no record of her arrest, her transportation, anything. Not even newspapers about it, you'd think with as high profile as she is. Someone would have reported her missing but they didn't. As far as anyone's concerned, she's there with you."

That was no comfort, she was not with him, she was not here and he pulled out his gun. Unsure what he wanted to shoot first.

"I'll find her though, one way or another I'll get you as close a location as I can. I'll be in touch."

There was another pause and the man spoke directly to Joker.

"Hey, you may not like my methods or the time it's taking but listen up J. I'm not the one who left his lady to drown, you are. You gotta own that one yourself. I'm out."

The call ended and Joker looked up at Frost who was still staring back at him.

"Got something to say Johnny boy?"

No sir." He grabbed his phone, god he wanted to shoot him but he knew not to. Not yet, he'd have to teach someone else to do all the things he did and he wasn't interested in any of that.

Harley had been the last, the most detailed training.

He'd put her through her paces and she'd thrived, she wasn't just a pretty face.

"Get out." He ordered and Frost got up and left him to his misery.

Whatever he thought, well that didn't matter.

"He's never really known how to feel about me puddin." Her voice again, he had come to rely on his mind's delusion to get through the day. He didn't even care that it was crazy, so what, everyone already thought he was, everyone was convinced of it. Even his own men so why the hell not?

"Like I care what he thinks."

"You care a little bit puddin pop." she had changed the nickname and he stiffened. That was not his nickname, she never called him that.

She called another that, that was her name for _him_.

"Why'd you call me that?" He hissed.

"I dunno puddin, they're your thoughts, were you thinking about him again?"

"No, I wasn't."

"you must have puddin, why I say his name?"

"You didn't." He snarled but realized quickly enough that could only mean one thing. He had.

No he couldn't, he wouldn't.

"You're realizing a lot puddin, you really think he wouldn't come to the surface too?"

He'd hoped, he wouldn't ever come to the surface.

"Come on puddin, lets go see."

He stubbornly sat there in the dim light, intending to stay put but he lost the fight against himself. He rose and walked back down the hall to his room, walking past the door where his circle of weapons was waiting and stopped in front of a door that was closed. It was adjacent to his room. He'd forbidden anyone from coming back in here, Harley did but he couldn't stop her from it. She'd stopped coming in so often though. Stopped even looking in the doors direction.

He caught her though, in winter, when the streets of Gotham were quiet, nothing to do, when she thought he was asleep. She'd come in here and lie on the ground. He let her think he didn't know, that he didn't watch her.

He opened the door quietly.

It was completely pitch black, you could only see shadows. Only see phantoms.

He flipped the switch on and he nearly laughed, not in humor but disgust that his mind would conjure what it did.

Harley was laying on the floor, in one of his shirts. She was thinner, hadn't been eating, her hair was dull and unkept.

Really? Really, was he so self loathing that he couldn't come up with a better memory?

No, because there was no good memories in this room.

They were all tainted in blood.

 _Harley was holding a blue and purple blanket, she'd made it herself. She had been so proud of it, looked awful honestly, she'd been too excited to do it properly and it looked uneven, mismatched but she'd been so proud of it, like a little girl who'd done some great work at her school.._

 _She held onto it now, tears in her eyes, rolling down her cheeks, silently crying as to not wake him up. She hadn't thought he'd watched her, not knowing what to do, not knowing what to say. There was nothing he could say that would ease her pain, nothing he could do to make it go away_.

 _He had done things that were terrible, he'd found them fun, amusement, he'd killed, he'd tortured and never blinked about it. He still didn't and he'd done terrible things to her, he'd hurt her, driven her mad, lied to her, used her, he'd let her fall into the same chemicals he'd fallen into, knowing she could not swim, knowing it would change her, kill her and he'd tortured her but nothing he'd ever done had broken her like this._

 _Once he'd wanted her broken like that, to lay there, just give up but when he saw what it looked like, when he saw her utterly unmade on the floor like this. He couldn't stand the sight of it, he hadn't been able to get her to do anything, not eat, not sleep, not even get drunk. She just stopped wanting to live, not even for him._

" _Harley?" he walked in and crouched down next to her._

 _She turned in his direction, not bothering to wipe her tears away. She didn't care if she cried in front of him._

" _Hey puddin." she mumbled weakly._

" _What you in here for baby girl/"_

" _Nothing." she lied and turned her head. Looking over at the crib nestled in the perfect spot by the window._

 _She'd said it would make it easier for light to come in, safe enough but brightening._

 _'You can't stay in here Harls." he told her, crossing his legs and staring at her. 'You need to sleep."_

" _Don't want to." she murmured and gripped tightly to the blanket. "Don't want to do anything."_

" _You breaking your oath honey pie?"_

" _Yes. I'm being a terrible horrible liar and breaking my oath, I don't want to live, not even for you." She whimpered and then she turned towards him. "I didn't mean that."_

" _I know you didn't."_

 _He didn't even get angry, part of him didn't expect her to follow her oath, not after, not after this._

" _We'd be good parents wouldn't we puddin? We'd have been good parents to him."_

 _He didn't know, he thought, he thought they would have. She insisted they would have been, when she was still pregnant._

 _Her delight bordered and overflowed into obsession more than once and he never stopped her, let her indulge her every want, buy the crazy things he couldn't understand any child ever, ever needing and let her be thrilled._

 _He'd known before she did._

 _No test had to tell him, he knew his girl. Her scent was different, something had changed, her skin almost glowed, even as pale as she was. There was a natural mask appearing on her eyes, something hadn't been right and she'd started to crave things, subtle, things you wouldn't notice unless you put all the signs together._

 _He hadn't been surprised when she ran into the bathroom and lost the last three hours food into the toilet. He hadn't been surprised when she crawled back into bed and declared she'd over eaten._

 _He could still remember the look on Frost's face when he ordered him to go get a test. He'd wished he'd had his camera._

 _She hadn't even cared if he was alright with it, she was so lost in the moment when that little stick changed. She'd run, god she'd run all over the house, down in the club, screaming in joy. He'd watched her, listening to her screams of 'I'm pregnant.'_

 _He hadn't told her yet, what Frost had pulled him aside to ask him. She'd have reacted very differently if she'd known what was discussed but that had never been an option._

 _He wanted it too, surprising his second in command._

" _What do we do about this?"_

" _Nothing to do." He'd said casually. "Find me a doctor who can keep his mouth shut."_

 _She could be obsessive and he could feed on it, because he'd wanted this, knowing that there was that little, helpless thing inside of her. That it was so much more than just cells that combined both of their DNA._

 _It was the purest form of chaos, the creation of a life. Starting from nothing, the strongest of his seed, one tiny insignificant egg that only had three days a month to bind itself._

 _There was something poetic about it._

 _This small little thing that grew every day, evolved, transformed. Feeding on its mother, taking from_ _her, changing her mindset to protect it, to nourish it. Kind of like a parisite really, only one you wanted to keep._

" _We're not supposed to have this puddin." she murmured sadly. "We're bad guys, bad guys don't get happy moments like this, bad guys don't get normal. It's just a setting on the dryer."_

 _He wanted to agree with her but he couldn't._

 _He had become hooked on the idea. Watching her every day, the little monster inside of her growing too and then, oh god that fateful day when she'd reeled him in._

 _What Harley wanted, Harley got. She wanted watermelon with chives at three in the morning, his men got it. She wanted some sound thing that was supposed to make your kid smarter, she had it._

 _She wanted the same heart beat monitor the doctors used. She somehow got it without issue._

 _She'd bolted from the parking lot, leaving Frost in the dust and gone to the penthouse._

 _She'd stripped down in front of him and laid down on the bed._

 _It was actually amusing, her belly was flat, her hips had only spread a little but she couldn't keep her hands off her stomach, ever._

 _Not that he could either._

" _Nothing sexier than a pregnant woman, proof someone in the world got laid. Especially if that guy was you." One of his men had commented one day._

 _He could hear her heart beat, steady and strong, she frowned, having trouble reaching the lower parts of her belly in that position._

 _He watched her adjust, contort, twist and turn until she got what she wanted, a position perfect for her task._

" _Come on puddin pop, let mommy hear you." she said to her belly._

" _Harley, I don't see puddin pop being a name our enemies are going to fear." he'd been leanign against the bathroom door. "I'd like for the future of our empire to have some level of street cred."_

" _He will, just he's going to be my puddin pop. Mother's rights."_

 _He hadn't had a chance to argue back though, she found what she was looking for._

 _The rate of the beats changed, they were no longer her own. They were too fast, fluttering._

" _There you are, let daddy hear you." she'd cooed and then laid back, letting him hear the heart beat of the growing chaos inside of her._

He looked down at her, lying on the floor, wishing he could burn the memory away.

"Yeah pumpkin pie, we would have been good parents." And the sick thing was, it wasn't a lie. He believed it.

He sat crossed legged in the middle of the room. He was alone now, his words fading her away, the images, the memories fading back in the shadows of his mind.

He'd repressed them when she was here, at first because it was bad enough she was falling to pieces, he couldn't too and then, because slowly she came back to life, the fearless edge on a higher platform than before.

It felt like she wasn't just living for herself or even for him. Was she living for him too?

She was convinced of it, that it was a boy. No proof of it, she'd lost him too soon.

God, so much blood, her screams, her sobbing cries.

He'd never invoked that sort of reaction from her, he never wanted to.

She scared everyone, they should be scared.

He wanted to blame someone, anyone but he couldn't.

It just, happened.

She hadn't done anything wrong, hadn't done anything at all. She'd been so careful, suddenly not so fearless, careful now, cautious. Aware that things could hurt her, that people could hurt her.

Her fault.

That's what she moaned into his arms, that it was her fault.

No, it wasn't her fault.

Whoevers fault this was, it wasn't hers.

Now that she was gone, now that he was stranded alone, he could think about this. He could let it out.

She'd scared him.

She'd truly frightened him.

Her scream had echoed down so many floors and then through his phone.

He could have given the flash a run for his money with how fast he was up there.

In the bathroom, covered in blood, mortified, horrified, already mourning. In so much pain.

Lost, gone, undone.

No answers, no explanation to why, the doctor simply didn't know.

She'd just, lost him.

It was stolen and with it, a piece of them both went with him.

He looked down at the spot he'd imagined her to be and he did see the blanket laying there.

She must have been in here for real, before the bat took her away.

"It's alright puddin, it's alright." She whispered in his ear, soothing, cooing, hiding her own misery. "We made this together, wasn't planned, wasn't expected, neither of us thought it was even possible but we made that happen. This perfect little being who took us over, turned our lives upside down and inside out. It's okay to be angry, it's okay to be miserable, it's alright to want to tear something apart, because I do too."

He growled into the nothingness, loss.

All he felt was loss and he couldn't stand it.

If the bat honestly believed that they were even, that they both had lost the same thing then he was very, very mistaken.

He'd taken more away from him, taken more than he ever should have dared.

He'd already lost his son, he would not loose his queen as well.

Not to Batman, not to anyone.

He got up and stormed out of the room.

Fury raging through his veins, his blood was pumping with fire, with hate, with anger, tomorrow he'd loose it. Tomorrow he'd feel drained, lost all over again but right now all he could feel was the urge for vengance.

All he knew was pain and that would never stand, someone had to pay.

A/N So I know the chapter is a bit chaotic but I wanted it that way, you have to think this is J's head we're talking about and a subject that is a bit controvertial. Personally believe that Harley was pregnant, that at some point she was and either lost the baby by miscarriage or even by a 'work' related incident. Now you hear about couples breaking up because they loose a kid but J and H arent' normal, I think it would make them closer. Anyway, that's my own opinion. Besides why the hell would J have baby clothes In hnis circle? That circle was full of HIS things, his weapons, knives, armory, roses for her, laptops with HER. Why have baby clothes if they werent' somehow personal?

Anyway, I would like to thank all my readers, each and everyone of you. Whether you review or not are an amazing support, I love you all and I'd like to welcome the new followers to my house of crazy and I hope that you're all enjoying the story so far. Someone asked me how long this would be and someone else asked if there would be an end. Yes there will be an ending and I'm not honestly sure about the length of the story. I'm guilty of writing very lengthy books. I'm thinking at least 25 chapters, possibly more. My shortest story is 36 chapters.

Anyway, please review, that makes me feel so happy and I will be updating very soon, a day or so and I'll catch ya all later.


	10. Sanity

Note; songs used to write this chapter. K's choice: virgin state of mind for the music itself and some of the lyrics. Alison Krauss: It doesn't matter

Chapter 10 - Sanity

Freedom.

Such a thing so few people in the world could appreciate, so few had it in them to be grateful for it but he wasn't one of those people.

It was so close he could taste it, the sound of explosions making every single nerve in his body tingle with anticipation, for the hunt, the kill, the release.

His release.

Soon,, he told himself, they were here, his imprisonment int his god forsaken place they called an asylum was minutes away from ending. Freedom.

He was impatient for it, they were late, taking too long to get the damn doors open. It was a computer system and they had the codes, they knew the analysts to threaten, why did it take them so long? Still another part could wait.

Patience, his greatest feat and greatest weakness.

There were moments worth waiting for, moments that you couldn't stand to hold back from and this moment, this particular moment was both things buried in an explosion that had been months in the making, since his entry here.

Since day one.

Funny then that his thoughts were focused on the red book in his hands.

A cheap second hand book with raised writing on the cover, the title worn away a long time ago.

He stared at the cover with interest, with eager predatory awareness of what was to come.

A simple harlequin novel she'd found him, her own personal joke.

The plot was boring, predictable, the characters dull and just as predictable but she hadn't handed this to him for the entertainment value. No, this, was her secret.

Freedom so close and yet he couldn't leave yet.

He owed her a debt and he was not a man who left debts unpaid.

He leaned his head back against the wall, utterly relishing the knowledge that after he stepped foot out of this cell, he wasn't ever going back in it.

He planned to destroy this little box, to erase it from existence.

He'd have Frost get all his stuff out, no need to destroy his trinkets. After all, the books were loans and he'd hate for the good doctor to think he didn't value her services, or her time.

This little book though, was coming with him, everything inside of it too.

He grinned, had she gone home?

It had been almost two hours since her surprise visit to his cell. His blood still pumping fire to have been so close to her, the damn glass between them.

He wanted to hurt her, he wanted to see her limits, see how far he could push her. Test, experiment to see if what he believed was the truth or if it was just a drug induced fantasy.

She'd been good to him, from day one, a rare gem inside a hellhole.

He hadn't lied when he told her that he lived for the moments with her, inside this place. She was a moment of reprieve, a flicker of light in the darkness.

She was intelligent, witty, had an uncanny ability to tell the cheesiest joke and somehow make it sound utterly amusing. Unpredictable, he never knew who he was going to get.

Dr Quinzel or Harley?

He owed her a thanks, he would give that to her soon.

If she'd gone home, he'd have his men bring her back, he wasn't leaving until he paid up, business was not something you left unattended like that and besides she was planning to leave tomorrow. Central city, probably only a weekend trip but still.

He wasn't waiting around here till Monday to catch her, he wasn't going to sacrifice that much time.

He'd send her on her way with a special, thank you note.

She deserved that much didn't she?

He'd discovered that she was more than just the sexy blonde all the men wanted to rut, there was power in her, a force of will he'd rarely encountered.

A volcano waiting to erupt.

Beautiful and violent.

His sort of girl.

The kind of girl you bring home to meet your mother.

He was going to do this and flush her out of his system, months of seeing her so consistently had made her stick to him but he'd learned through experience that once he'd completed his task, he got over it quickly.

Once he left, he wouldn't look back and besides she might have will but he was the unstoppable force. She never had a chance.

Three things rested in that book.

Two pieces of paper, two drawings that were incredibly different, the first and the last. The audacity of the first, to greet him through hidden messages and in such a way and the last.

The last one intrigued him the most.

He'd gotten to her, he'd gotten to her very, very bad.

 _I love you, goodbye._

Such simple words covered in chaos, covered in darker lines, this was not her as a whole like the first, this was something else. Unmasked, darker, wilder.

He didn't care that she'd fallen, it had been part of his plan after all. Love was useless, love was something too easily manipulated. Put value into a single person and that person became your vulnerability.

He'd become hers and all her strength, all her will meant nothing because of it.

He'd reduced her from a strong career driven woman to a crushing school girl and he honestly hadn't put that much effort into it.

Yet, she'd managed to get under his skin.

Not love, just fascination.

She was, unique to say the least.

Part of him, the part that felt jealousy over her, possession, want, desire, lust. That part of him wanted to take her with him, remake her mind and keep her. Coaxing his brain into the idea, stating she was intelligent, pretty. He could use those things.

He could imagine some of his associates drooling over that body, becoming melted fools at the sound of her laughter. Imagining in their heads what her lips tasted like, what her body felt like in their hands. What sounds she'd make if you learned how to play with her.

He wouldn't take her with him of course.

He didn't' need her, his want was only the result of this place.

Once he got out, he'd remember that she wasn't so bright, that she'd let herself fall like this and that though she was pretty, she wasn't THAT beautiful. Only the most beautiful woman here, that wasn't exactly something to brag about.

She could move to Central city after he had his fun, after he rewarded her for her contribution to his release and they could deal with the monster he was preparing to awaken.

She'd find her own way and one day, he'd open the papers and find a big splashing picture of her, Central city's latest criminal, not a meta-human. They had quite a few of those on the west coast but she'd be famous enough and she'd have him to thank for it.

Another of his out in the world causing some chaos.

She'd have to learn on her own, he couldn't be expected to do everything for her but all of that violence, wild hunger, hidden secrets was just aching to come out.

J flipped to the last page where her little secret lay.

She hadn't even known she'd left these in there, you could tell by the way the pages creased around them, how the book held them stuck in place.

She'd simply forgotten she'd put them in here, all her little slips of paper went into the middle of the book, never the front and never the back.

If she'd had dirty pictures of herself in here, they wouldn't have excited him as much as the ones he pulled out that day.

Because even though a naked woman was pleasing, it wasn't as enthralling as the girl in shorts, high heels, a t-shirt and pigtails side saddling her bike and laughing wildly as she held up the keys.

He realized that the night when she'd come in from her date was a shadow of who she was, each picture, some summer trip from her collage days revealing the truth.

Beautiful, impulsive, violent.

The last picture, the most fascinating, it was of her in a fight.

Someone had deemed it worth a picture.

He was glad.

A man twice her size, twice her weight and she had him pinned on the ground, a baseball bat in her hands. The very twisted sight was being greeted by laughter, drunken, unabashed murderous thrill.

There was no proof that she'd killed the man, probably not. Probably just hit him once and let him off with a warning but the picture showed the possibilities.

Chaos existed inside of her by nature, it would come out one day.

He would help it, he would bring this girl out of its cocoon and unleash her on the world.

Like he'd said, he owed her a debt.

" _Do you want a bite?"_ She sat across from him, her sandwich in hand, offering him a bite. Smiling almost friendly, her eyes daring him, saying. _'You know you want a taste.'_

Compared to the food they served him, her sandwich looked like ambrosia. A cup of steaming coffee in a cup, how she'd gotten all of that by Jimmy's men, he could only speculate.

" _Come on, I don't mind, it's from the deli."_

She let him eat the whole thing, taking only two bites herself and let him drink her coffee.

Not caring that he might get out of his restraints and use it against her. She used a lot of sugar, wasn't just a coffee either. Espresso.

He might have been annoyed at her if she'd not treated it so, delicately. Not acting like she was feeding him, more like she was sharing her lunch like a school child would with their friends.

That hadn't been the only time, it became a ritual in their sessions, as many as she could get away with, which were most of them. As long as it was Jimmy's team on call, if it was some of the others, well they were harder to sway with such rule breaking but she'd bring him things to eat. Full meals hidden as her own.

Maybe they had been hers, he wasn't sure.

His favorite moment though, his favorite time was after their single, intimate encounter. When she'd brought something that required a higher level of connection, his realization that he'd gotten to her. That her walls were breaking away and that the thing that hadn't happened, really had.

" _I made it at home."_ she said with a sweet, almost innocent smile that said so much more. _I made it at home and I made it for you._

Cake, such a simple thing, cake and a cup of pudding.

He'd inwardly resisted the offer, this was different, if she fed him with a spoon then she was taking control from him, it was no longer a sharing thing which was tolerable. She'd never brought food that required silverware before.

Plastic it might be but still, a weapon could easily be made of it but she'd offered, like she always did and when he hadn't spoken she'd shrugged and started eating while they talked.

It was fresh, cut strawberries inside the filling, the cream fluffy and smelled tempting, clever girl, tempting him as punishment, knowing it irritated him that she'd have to feed it to him. Knowing he wouldn't be able to resist it after a few of her own bites.

She'd made it, entertaining, almost sensual. He wondered if the guards were looking in from the window, who cared, he didn't. An audience was most definitely a plus and what an act they made.

When he'd relented, when he'd agreed, she came over like she always did and sat on the table's edge, careful, always that and sliced down with her plastic little spoon and took half a bite of cake, then offered him the other half.

It was the kind of act a lover would do.

Maybe in some ways that's what this game had turned into, lovers without touch, silently playing to a secret, shared game that had rules only they could know.

He enjoyed the game, watching her fight herself, knowing he was fighting it off himself. It was, difficult to keep things professional, especially when his goal was to seduce her, to gain her undivided attention as to gain her help, guarantee his escape.

He'd done it, he'd gotten her help and as soon as his men got this door open, he was out.

He was gone.

She'd fed him, sneaking things into the drink, supplements, things to compensate for what his diet was lacking. He remembered that little note in the book when she'd handed it back to him for the first time, telling him she was sure if he gave it a second read, he'd find it more entertaining.

A small scrap of paper that was written in her hand.

 _I can't help you eat every day but I can do something._

Then another scrap of paper, one with shakier hands, emotional, angry, trembling hands wrote that note.

 _No more treatments._

He quirked his head at the memory of that.

His guards had told him, laughing at the thing they'd witnessed.

Dr Quinzel storming into her boss's office, fire blazing, determined and unbreakable. Declaring that she would not under any circumstance allow her patient to be subjected to barbaric, backwards treatments that were only doing more damage than good. That his situation didn't warrant torture, that since she'd been handed the case, she wasn't going to share with an idiot Dr who didn't know the difference between A and Z.

He wished he'd seen that, what he had witnessed and he wasn't sure if she knew it, was an exchange that she'd made with one of the orderlies on his floor.

There was a blind spot where the camera's didn't catch you and she'd used it to her advantage.

He'd watched curiously, out of the corner of his cell, watched her bat her eyelashes at the young nearly hypnotized man, pulling an envelope of money out of her pocket and handing it to him. Tucking a long strand of blonde hair behind her ear like a teenager who was trying to get a date with the quarterback.

He hadn't known what she was playing at then, hadn't realized what lengths he'd reeled her in. To do what she'd done, well only this act of utter betrayal to her job outdid it.

His eyes darkened at the thought of it.

Where was Frost already, he was getting moody sitting here waiting for them to open a god damn door.

 _Routine._

 _That's what it was supposed to be, just routine but well in a place like this, nothing was routine after all._

 _He knew how the procedure worked, how it was supposed to work but immediately knew that it wasn't going to go that way._

 _It never did._

 _Their treatment for him was different than the machine's intention._

 _If it had been done to someone else he might have even approved of the assault, the obvious disregard for everything a doctor was supposed to be, what they were supposed to represent._

 _But it was him, it was his brain they were testing, reducing to less and less for their own means._

 _Probably thinking that if they fried his brain enough times, they'd finally be rid of his chaos._

 _Idiots._

 _He never remembered the initial effects, never remembered what occurred but after about a week, he would. Always and he had names, he had a nice little list of names of people he'd be visiting when he got out of here._

 _Their arrogance was unfounded, they hadn't earned the right to be cocky. He had, he'd earned his right to believe what he said, he earned the right to brag._

 _Not today though, a Saturday, of course._

 _Not his guards, not the ex military ones who didn't play games, not even the second shift who were almost as good._

 _The weekend ones who would rather be anywhere else but here, the ones who hated being there because of him. Who happily obeyed the doctors who ordered them around._

 _This was not Harley's doing._

 _Her weekend off, she'd told him, on Friday morning, their last session. After she'd let him eat most of her pizza, from a place in Gotham he himself enjoyed._

 _She was going to see her nephew, his birthday, a rare occurrence she said since her brother didn't' have custody of either of his children._

 _A slip on her end, giving him personal information like that, easily used as blackmail but she'd smiled at him and promised that they'd have an extra session next week._

 _Bribery._

 _Smart girl._

 _But not now, a different doctor. One she hates, one who hates her._

 _One he can't stand._

 _Arrogant little boy who has it in for him, he won't tell him why. Maybe he killed someone on the outside, maybe he took someone away from the little boy and he was getting even for it._

 _Hard to say, not that it mattered. He was up there on the list._

 _Strapped to that table, Harley had promised no more treatments and if she'd been here, they wouldn't have dared. They were afraid of her, he couldn't help it, he laughed._

 _They were scared of her, everything about her, her hair, her eyes, her stunning looks, her cleverness._

 _They were scared of what she was and he just laughed as they prepared him for the procedure._

 _He could feel the numbing tang of the local, the relaxant. He still laughed, though it's harder to focus his thoughts._

 _The little boy must realize that he's started building a resistance to the drugs, how many times had they done this? Too many, his body reacting in defense despite their attempts._

 _He would feel this more intensely, he could already imagine it, so long without it, months, his brain was already frying._

 _It's supposed to be quick, thirty seconds, no more than a minute but he counted the ticking in his head as the pain intensified, more than a minute._

 _Then relief, no more pain but he's still aware, hadn't gone yet, he hadn't faded into unconsciousness just yet._

 _That's what the doctor wants, to keep going until he's unconscious and then they'll drag him to his cell, letting him sleep it off for the whole weekend._

 _They want him to forget, to forget everything but he won't._

 _Again, the seconds tick and again, more than sixty seconds. The room's charged now, his eyes unable to focus completely on just one spot._

 _Idiot boy, because of what he is, because of who he is, there is a moment of perfect clarity, where his senses are sharpest. His hearing acute, his eyes seeing into the layers of color, light, shape, sense of smell catching everything, touch, oh his skin tingles in discomfort as he feels the rough fabric and the cold table._

 _Again relief and the boy is talking to the guard._

" _Two more goes, then he should be alright." he actually has the indecency to sound professional, like he's doing him a favor._

" _Dr Quinzel's been spoiling you Joker, she's not conventional, doesn't appreciate traditional methods or understands that some patients, can't be helped any other way. It's for your own good."_

 _The laugh returns, harder, crazier and he loves the sound of his own laugh, echoed in his head, in his ears._

 _Spoiled?_

 _Well, maybe but he acts like that's such a bad thing._

 _It kept her off the list, off the kill. She should be honored, this little boy didn't get it, that Harley, that she'd understood that the way to stay alive was to play the game._

 _They went another round and the pain started to grow to another level and he stopped counting after two minutes._

 _Two more rounds? Oh no, it was going to have to be more than that, he wasn't going to give them what they wanted so easily._

 _The exquisite moment of clarity, where all his senses erupted into overdrive caught something, a sound, a smell._

 _Familiar, wanted._

 _Not heels, boots but still a sharp click-click to them, but that wasn't the sound, it was a voice._

 _Her voice and she was furious._

 _The door crashed open and everyone turned to look, even he does._

 _Black jeans, hugging her like a second skin, boots, tucked underneath them. A jacket meant for riding on the road, padded in such a way that it would protect her if she fell off the bike, stripped off in a fury as she stalked in, right towards them, right for her adversary. A green tank top revealed under the jacket, matching necklace around her throat. Only a little darker than his hair color, it looks good on her._

 _She's done something to her hair, curled it maybe, at least given it some bounce, it's loose and hangs down to her mid back, beautiful, silken and his fingers crave to wrap around the curls._

 _He thought he'd seen her mad, apparently she had a completely new level of fury._

 _She said nothing, not a word as she made it to the little boy._

 _He had a very good angle of the altercation._

 _Her fist, his face, once, twice, three times and when the guards tried to intervene he watched in HD clarity as she glared at them and snarled an order. Demanding that they leave or she'd report them for abusing a patient._

 _They did and she grabbed the doctor by the shirt and slammed him into the wall._

" _You ever try this again and your license will be the smallest thing you stand to loose."_

" _It was approved." he yelled, grabbing his face. He was bleeding, bright crimson blood was trickling from his nose._

" _Bull, I know it wasn't." she growled and shoved him away. "We'll see what Dr Stevens has to say about this on Monday, until then, I suggest you pray I don't decide to take care of this myself."_

" _You threatening me bitch?"_

" _No, a threat is something you don't intend to carry out." she came up to him and threw another punch into his chest, hard, fast, vicious. "I have every intention of keeping this, I swear to you, I swear that I'll make sure you don't ever find another job again, ever. Not even a back door street doctor will hire you to scrub his test tubes, ya understand me?"_

" _Yeah, yeah, I get it Harley." He coughed, his voice full of venom._

" _Dr Quinzel, you don't get to call me Harley." She spat out and J watched in amusement as she kicked him for good measure._

 _Then as quickly as the rage had come, it was gone. Her posture straightened, she smoothed out her top and rolled her shoulders._

" _Get cleaned up, tell the guards that I'm in charge now, that I'll let them take MY patient back to his cell when I'm sure he's alright."_

 _The boy muttered something, something insulting._

" _Ghetto bitch."_

 _She was fast, grabbing him around the throat._

" _What you call me?" she demanded, her accent very much alive. "I'm being, generous right now. You get that? I suggest you be a little more grateful of that, walk away now. Pretend this never happened, that you were never this stupid and we'll call it. Because you thinking it will end well for you, well lets just put it this way, we'll find out how good your book smarts are to mine."_

 _She let him go and backed away, letting the doctor clean himself up before scurrying out._

" _Coward." she breathed then turned to him, her rage and agitation turned into concern._

 _She ran to his side and undid his restraints. Again, fearless of the danger that caused between them._

" _Mr J? Can you hear me?" she whispered, running a hand over his forehead, across his tattoo. "I'm here."_

 _There was a gentle soothing tone to her words, she meant them, she was there, she had come for him._

 _He had a headache, it would be a little bit before he lost the moment, before his mind shut down and he fell asleep. Then he'd forget, for days if he was lucky, for a week if it was normal but maybe longer if he wasn't so lucky._

 _It was a gamble._

 _Her hands were hot against his skin, he reached a hand up and touched her arm. Feeling the shock that passed to her but she didn't even flinch when it happened._

The door finally opened, he turned to see Frost standing there with a bag.

"What took so long Johnny boy?" he hissed menacingly, rising from the cot and walking towards his second.

"Guards." He said simply.

Joker pulled off the thing they called a shirt and flexed before he stepped out of the cell. Relishing the first seconds of freedom.

"Welcome back boss." Frost said, holding out the bag. "Figured you'd want some clothes."

"You figured right Johnny, now I have some unfinished business. Tell me you could manage some security."

"We own it, no one gets in or out without our say."

He laughed, that deep thick laugh that promised so many things.

"Good, now, two questions and I expect an answer for both. Was there a Harley motorcycle outside?"

"Yes."

"Have you found the doctor who came to visit you?"

"No."

"Well, see that doesn't' make me happy Johnny boy, that doesn't make me happy at all."

"We can find her boss, she on the list?"

"Oh no, no, no, no. she's not on the list, she's special. I owe her a special gift."

If Frost wondered why the Dr had earned the special treatment, he didn't ask, he knew better. J watched as Frost spoke into his com and relayed his orders.

Find Dr Quinzel.

"Johnny, let them know I want her untouched, unharmed and breathing."

"Sure thing boss."

It was time, he flexed his muscles again and took a deep breath. Working his jaw in anticipation.

He felt the rush of the hunt, so many possibilities.

She could still be here, knowing he'd come for her, always knowing she was going to find herself in his hands, her life on the edge of that cliff. Or she'd run, left the bike to distract the search and she'd make him find her.

Either way, he was anxious to start this.

"Where are you Harley Quinn? Daddy's coming for you." He sang under his breath as he started to walk towards the treatment rooms.

Wherever she was, she'd end up back here.

He had a masterpiece to create.

A/N Oh yay, I love you guys. I was so surprised to find so many reviews for the last chapter. I had a fangirl moment and was jumping around which is quite embarrassing, especially when your kid is looking at you like your nuts.

Anyway, I am keeping quite a few scenes cut short for a reason. I am going to do an origin story. A complete thing and of course I don't' want to do full reveals of scenes when I could base entire chapters to them. I'm actually working on chapter one for it right now, though I'm not sure how to start it so bear with me on that one. If you have any suggestion please feel free to PM me.

Anyway, love you all, love the reviews. Love to all who follow and favorite, you mean everything to me and I do this for you guys. Come back and enjoy more crazy next time. See ya!


	11. Feeding time at the zoo

Chapter 11 - Feeding time at the zoo.

Harley woke up strapped to a table, She was clean, her hair was washed, the colors of blue and pink faded a little more. No dirt and grime on her and she felt the sense of disgust.

They bathed her.

That meant they touched her, that meant they had their hands on her.

Oh god, they'd defiled her.

Harley instantly relaxed her body, even in restraints she knew her body so very well, she checked, she arched and resisted against her restrains, looking like she was trying to get out of them, which was normal for her but in truth, checking to see if they'd done something.

No, nothing.

She didn't stop struggling though, rage replacing the panic, how dare they!

Like she was incapable of taking her own shower, like she was an animal at the zoo who had to be hosed down.

 _You are an animal in a zoo._

 _Shut up._

 _You're just the pretty tiger that they all take pictures of, ooing and ahing at how your stripes look and how majestic you look but all of them forgetting that you're a tiger. Till you forget that you're a tiger._

 _I am the tiger_. She hissed to herself.

There's a strange numb feeling in her face, she's having trouble making facial expressions, she can't really open her mouth, had they clamped her mouth shut?

"Evening hotness, was wondering when you were going to join us for dinner." Griggs speaks cheerfully, the tube in his hands, no wonder she's restrained.

She hates this, he's not trained, he's not licensed for this. The first time it took him an hour to get the thing in and she couldn't breath right for a month.

He's gotten better, not perfect but at least he's not damaging her sinus cavities anymore.

"So tonight we've got salmon, oats and squash, sounds good don't it honey?" He has her head held down and her body tries to resist but Griggs isn't going to get himself hurt, he's got her tied down tight, even her head feels bolted down.

"I hear you've been a good girl today, so look, I brought you dessert."

He hold up another feeding pouch, to pump into the tube, directly from the serving of whatever it is, to her stomach.

"All the vitamins and stuff a pretty girl like you needs to stay pretty."

Bastard.

She wants to work her mouth, to laugh at him, to say something, threaten him, no, no threats, threats are not promised. Yes, promise to hurt him.

"You know hotness, you are most definitely my favorite person in this whole prison. You're the prettiest thing, we got your meds worked out thanks to the nice doctor who kept you from going psycho on all of us, you make me laugh. Your boyfriend still has no idea where on earth you are. Hey, like that old game, do you know it. Where on earth is, oh man I forgot her name but she was a villain too, stole lots of stuff."

He's talking like she cares, she doesn't.

"You know, your boyfriend's been quiet, since you left." He says casually as he sets everything up, tilting her head up to get the thin plastic tube into her nose.

"Some people think he's dead but you know what I think, I think he's just, so, miserable, without you that he just, can't stand, to be, seen by anyone."

He's slid the first section into her nose, it's sticking to the back, she can dimly feel the pressure but nothing else matters, she can't focus on that, he's talking about her puddin and her attention is completely on his mouth, his words.

"Then again, with a face like his I wouldn't want to be seen either. Between you and me, never saw what you saw in that guy, you my lovely girl, have a very strange taste in men."

She makes a sound and he holds up a hand, the other still holding onto the tube.

"Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure he's got some, redeemable qualities but seriously. You go out with a guy who tattos damaged on his forehead, cause some other guy in a cape and mask punches his face. Hasn't he ever heard of plastic surgery?"

She's counting the indiscretions on her hand. How many were there now, four, five?

"Not that you're much better there honey, I mean letting him write property of Joker on your back. I guess I can understand, you probably get a lot of men looking in your directn. Lots of good looking men who just want to eat that little body up. Yeah, I suppose I'd tattoo my name on ya too."

Not that you'll ever get the chance.

Her puddin had tattooed that on her and she'd loved every second of it, he hadn't told her what he was writing, only letting her see after he was finished.

She'd spun around with such an excited smile and grabbed onto his neck.

" _Really?"_

He'd given her a look that screamed. _Why would I put it there if I didn't mean it._

"Ah, well, I guess you were attracted by the crazy, hey by the way, I'm not a hundred percent sure on how you met him. I mean, I know the story, you were his doctor, he was your patient. Did you two ever, you know, get busy during therapy?"

Her hand curls into a fist, she grinds her teeth, feeling the tube going down into her esophagus, he manages not to scrap any tissue.

"I mean, if your room was different, you know more private I wouldn't say no to a little one on one session with you like that. I mean, they say you're a sex starved little minx, can't imagine you're all that comfortable in that department."

She was perfectly fine, what the idiot didn't understand was this.

Her lust starved state was only for one man, no other man or woman could induce the kind of want and desire like her puddin did. He could look at her, he could think her name and her arousal became uncontrollable but only ever for him.

What did he think, that she was just some common whore?

She was the queen of Gotham city, the princess of crime, the consort of a crime king, concubine, lover, partner. Wife.

The word hazed her eyesight and Griggs words faded away.

A jolt of pain in her chest that wasn't from the feeding tube.

No, not wife, never wife.

 _Why not?_ A voice in her head cooed.

 _Because he doesn't want a wife, he wants a concubine._ Another argued.

 _She might as well be his wife, she acts like a wife._

 _It's not official, it isn't real until he buys her a ring, till he buys us a ring, a ceremony, guests, a wedding dress, cake, vows._

 _Those are things people do because they don't understand them._

 _The white dress is purity, we're well past that stage, even before we met him, the ceremony is a joke, the vows aren't anything worth saying._

 _You've said vows, you've said vows that mean everything. Haven't you?_

Yes, she had.

An oath that meant it all, something that was not said in haste, something that was spoken with such intensity, such reverence it bordered a religious experience.

 _There is your ceremony Harley, you vowed to die for him, to live for him, to be bound to him forever in body and soul and then you jumped. We knew that he might not save us, we knew that he might walk away but we did it anyway. To live by his side or die without him. You were reborn and he didn't let you die, he dove in, he pulled you up and your first breath, your first living breath as who you are came from his lips._

 _Isn't that what a marriage is?_

Rings, he'd given her thousands, stolen, bought, she wanted them, he gave them to her. Even engagement rings that she fancied but they were only pretty shiny things to give her, never a proposal.

 _He took you to the place of his birth, what more of a proposal did you want?_

 _A cake, bake one and serve it, guests?_

 _You had a club full of patrons ooing and ahing your dancing while he watched, a cage made of glass and a gold chain placed just for you, to entertain, to tempt, to unravel their minds._

 _All for you._

 _What more do you want Harley?_

 _I want my baby._ Her mind whispered bitterly.

The voices grew silent, they had nothing to say to that.

It was the one thing her puddin couldn't give her, her son back.

 _How did you know he'd be a boy?_

 _I just knew._

 _What if it was a girl?_

 _It wasn't, he was a boy._

 _Do you miss him?_

 _Every second of every day._ She thought to herself and watched as Griggs pumped the food into her.

"You know hotness, this would go so much better for both of us if you actually ate your dinner like a normal person, you used to be normal right? You remember what it was like to eat like one of the regular people?"

Regular people?

Oh, like the days when she lived on coffee just to function, or the diets she'd lived on, only eating salads so she didn't go over the weight requirments for gymnastics, oh yes, those days.

She lived on take out and pudding, now she had her own puddin that she could taste when she wanted and an endless array of foods to choose from.

Fish right off the boat, the best picks, the best meats right off the bone, fruits and vegetables so bursting with flavor that they drove your taste buds insane. Patries, creams, wines, the best of everything.

Arkham's food was divine compared to this crap, Darkgates menu was more enthralling than the food this place served but if Griggs was thinking that her desire was to starve herself to death, he was quite mistaken.

At one point it had become an option, especially since she'd started loosing hope that her puddin would ever come and save her but the real reason, the main reason was something very, very different.

Griggs was arrogant, he brought his phone into her cell, he took pictures of her, thousands of them. Harley wouldn't be surprised if there was pictures of her unconscious on that phone, of her being bathed, being fed like this.

Her plan in its simplest form was this, to get so hungry that she became sick, not impossible, starvation had stages to it. That sweet euphoric stage came later but at first, she'd look terrible.

Terrible enough to go to the infirmary, how easy would it be to slip his phone from under him, she'd resist the urge, pretend to be weakened and helpless and just pluck it from his pocket without him ever realizing.

" _Again." Mr J orders, circling her like a shark._

" _Puddin, I'm tired." she whimpers, her knees giving way and she buckles to the ground. He catches her before she collapses and stands her back up, roughly grabbing her chin and growling at her with menace._

" _Again Harley." he orders and makes sure that her back is straight._

 _Three days, they'd been performing this exercise for three whole days, no sleep, no bed, no sitting. No food, only water and limited bathroom breaks._

 _A lesson, this is a lesson._

 _The first of many to come but possibly the most vital._

 _It's cruel, that's what she heard one of the men whisper, his body was cleaned up yesterday._

 _A cruel sick torment, especially since her skin was still tingling and raw, her rebirth still so new. She was still a new born creature and none of them must understand, they should but they don't. She's the first woman who's entered their inner circle, she's a girl and she sees the doubt in them. They think this is too much for her but they don't know her, they don't realize that she's not like them, they aren't like him._

 _He hadn't slept either, hadn't sat down at all, always pacing or moving to keep himself awake, to keep his body from collapsing, he hadn't eaten either._

 _He suffered with her, until she got it perfectly right._

 _She wants to break the little phone in her hand, wants to smash it into little pieces but he gave it to her, he brought it for her. His second, Frost, he hands it to her with the statement of it being a welcoming kit._

 _The lesson, the task is simple but incredibly difficult._

 _Twenty numbers, twenty names._

 _No matter what henchman has the phone, the name and number will not change, the number is the vital thing, the name, only a place holder._

 _The highest rank, his, learn his number till your fingers dial it naturally, learn your pattern, learn your sign._

 _She dials his number as quickly as she can, faster than she's ever called anyone before. His phone rings, once, twice, three times. Hang up, again, call and let it ring, only four times now and then hang up again. Call again, three times hang up. That's the code, that signals him that its her and that the phone she's calling from isn't hers._

 _Only the first part of the lesson, the second, call a fourth time and let the phone ring al the way through, until someone answers or until it goes to voicemail. This is the harder task._

 _His men attack her, try everything to get the phone out of her hands, she has to fend them off, she has to keep fighting until the call has gone through long enough or the message telling them of her situation. No matter how exhausted, how much pain she's in, she must fight them off._

 _Three days and she is running on instinct alone, she kills a few of them, she doesn't even mean to but it's not a game to her anymore, it's real. Her mind plays tricks and tells her they're really hurting her and maybe they are. He never said don't kill her._

 _He laughs the whole time, watching as she fights, as she destroys his men. Picking up whatever weapon she can find, grabbing their guns from their bodies and shooting wildly. The sound echos above the sounds of the fight and they egg her on, they trigger the animal inside of her, it urges her to fight harder._

 _She fights like a blood hungry beast, she beats them to death, one after the other, her prize safely tucked into her bra._

 _Frost calls time and finally, finally she's done it._

 _Before she can collapse to the floor, her puddin is pickign her up and carrying her into his bedroom, because it isn't their bedroom yet. . He lays her under the comforters, tucking her in and crawls in beside her, asking her what she wants to eat. Anything she wants Frost will get._

 _Pizza, she asks for pizza._

 _Then the world became black and she was finally allowed to sleep. Her man pulling her close to him and joining her in sleep and everything was worth it just to hear him murmur his approval, his pride at her ferocity._

Griggs's phone is her prize now and her goal is to hear him again, to her J and tell him everything, the timer is already memorized in her head, she doesn't have to be on it long, though she imagines Griggs phone is special, made with software to keep it from being traced but that isn't the point, if he hears, if she sends a picture, a face or something, they can track that, he'll find her.

He'd be thrilled to hear from her, anything, she's lost track of the days here, how long has it been now?

Years maybe?

Has he replaced her?

No, there is only one Harley Quinn, she is the only Harley and he only ever wants her.

No, it hasn't been years has it, only months.

Only months.

The food is hitting her stomach and she wants to throw up, she wants to throw up anything Griggs touches in any fashion.

She hates him, she hates him so much, a special present for him, yes.

A little present that he'll provide for himself.

A photo of her sent to her puddin from his phone.

He's got so many of them, she knows this. She knows he's probably taken pictures of her unconscious, when they're bathing her.

She wishes she could laugh, imagining her puddin's reaction to a picture like that. Not because her body doesn't excite him, no, not because of that but because he'll know she's not aware, he'll see the puncture marks from the needles, the sedatives they shoot her up with, he'll know that they're abusing her, that she's starving, that they're touching her.

Look what he did with those who disrespected her verbally, what would he do to them if he knew they were actually laying hands on her.

Her body was sacred, her temple of chaos and power, desire, surrender, obsession and she'd gifted that temple to The Joker and him alone. He was incredibly possessive of that gift.

The growl he would give, the furniture he'd destroy. The call put through trace, calls made, contacts doing everything in their power to find her through Griggs. To appease the King of Gotham, to keep the Clown prince from annihilating them.

She manages a weak smile, imaging the mayhem, the beautiful destruction in her honor.

For her, always for her.

 _You're crazy._

 _I am._

 _Do you care?_

 _No._

 _What do you care about._

 _Joker and my baby._

 _Your baby is dead._

 _I know._

 _It's your fault._

 _I know._

The smile disappears as the darkt houghts cloud over her, like her own personal rain cloud.

 _You should have known._

 _You're a doctor._

 _You're not an idiot._

 _You should have known you did too much, the stress, you weren't careful enough._

 _I was._

 _You weren't._

 _Should have laid in bed until he came._

 _Should have known you didn't deserve that life._

 _Normal is a setting on a dryer._

 _Not the life we would have._

 _What raising babies and shooting guns?_

 _YES, exactly._

 _Raising monsters._

 _No, raising our future. My puddin pop._

" _Harley, come on pumpkin pie, drink up."_

" _No." She pushes the cup away, she's weak, she's in so much pain still, she's so lost in misery, not even her puddin can bring her back._

 _He doesn't know what to do, she knows this, she can see it in his face, hear it in his voice. He doesn't know how to help her, he doesn't know how he's supposed to react._

 _Three days, had it already been three days?_

 _Why was it so sunny? Why was it so cheerful outside?_

 _Shouldn't it be raining, gloomy, thundering?_

 _Her baby was gone, her moment of perfect joy stolen away from her, from him and she doesn't know how to get it back, she can't make him come back, she can't fix this._

 _She ruined it, something she did._

 _Something she didn't do._

 _Healthy, he was healthy._

" _Harley, drink." Her puddin has the cup and he makes her sip on the water, she sees the darkness in his eyes but he's hiding it away._

 _He feels it too, the loss of what was theirs, she let him hear their baby live. Such a perfect moment to see the fire in his eyes at the sound. That perfect fluttering little sound._

 _All of it gone, stolen away by a invisible force that deemed them unworthy of that joy._

 _She needs to stay in bed. That's what the doctor tells them, that she has to rest._

 _She lost a lot of blood, there's a bag of it attached to her arm, the doctor is staying in a guest room, checking on her almost every twenty minutes.._

 _Make her eat, make her drink, it's important to keep her alive._

 _They talk about her like she isn't even there. She doesn't care, nothing matters, nothing at all._

"All right hotness, didn't even fight me this round, good girl. So like I said, I got you a little present. "Chocolate pudding."

He grins at her, his eyes stare at her knowingly, he's heard her call Joker her puddin, she's threatened it, she's screamed it, she's laughed it out over and over again. He thinks he's being funny.

Her eyes glare daggers into him but her smile stays glued to her face, her body trembles a little in anger but he mistakes it for something else.

 _I'm going to hurt you so bad_. She thinks as he adds the pudding to her tube and then grabs his phone, she glares into it.

This will be the picture she sends, the first of many if she can manage it.

 _My puddin's gonna get ya Griggs, he's gonna know what you've done, he's gonna know everything and you're gonna wish you were never born._

She can't even taste the food, her taste buds don't appreciate the cheat.

Her body starts to react, the sedative is wearing thin. Her lips curl up into a wicked smile, a silent, unspoken promise.

 _Soon Griggs, you're going to find yourself in a world of trouble._

Her eyes travel to his phone, she's going to get her hands on it, even if its just long enough to send a picture.

A picture tells a thousand words.

 _Puddin, I'm gonna show you the way to me._

 _Promise?_

 _Promise._

 _Good girl._

"Smile pretty for me princess."

Harley does, she gives him her best smile, it might even look genuine to someone like him but her puddin will see right through it, he'll look at her eyes and see everything she can't say, everything he needs to know.

At the thought, her smile does become genuine. Her eyes project a flicker of love, adoration, desperation in them.

She'll send that one last.

A/N Oh man, this one was crazy to write, I won't lie. First I rewrote it four different times. Once because I wrote half the document asleep. And though funny enough, it sounded great, it just didn't fit in with this particular story. Also I am working on chapter one still of the origins story. I have decided to call it Monsters and Performers. A Harley Quinn origins. Hope you guys like that and keep your eyes peeled for it. Should have it up by tomorrow or Saturday.

I love you guys, I love that you guys are as obsessed with this as I am. I can't help but feed off your excitement and it gives me energy to write more, to want to go deeper into the story and give you things that are both real and very much their characters. The joker is my favorite villain and Harley is my favorite villainess. That's across the board of comics and cartoons and now live action.

I want to do right by them, I want to show them in a light that is true to who they are but believable to the real world. As much as possible.

Anyway, I won't lie, I've been half asleep through these chapters and I'm amazed they're not awful. That said, to those who are just joining us, welcome to the dark rabbit hole. To those who've been here since day one, I hope you're enjoying the ride.

Anyway, love you guys. And a little treat.

Preview of Monsters and Performers

 _Straight jacket, restraints, padding, no weapons near her body. All the guards in SWAT uniform. They're all holding their guns in their hands, twitching to pull the trigger at her. Except for one of them._

 _He's staring at her, his eyes focused on her face and no where else. She blows him a kiss and he flinches and looks away from her._

 _He's from Gotham, he has to be. No one else knows the penalty for staring at her for so long. Amusing, she loves it. Even like this, on her way to a cell that's so far away from her home, her life. Her mere presence has the power to strike fear into a young man._

 _He wants to look but her puddin's ghost is haunting her, haunting this truck and only the Gotham man can hear his laugh, feel the tension as he smiles at him._

" _what's a boy like you doing with these guys?' she asks cheerfully._

 _He jumps a little, too small a thing for the others to notice but she does, he's close, only a seat away from her. He sat across from her on the plane and she didn't miss the way he secretly studied her body._

 _He doesn't respond and she laughs. Letting her head fall back against the side of the moving prison and she closes her eyes for just a second. Her mind remembering the last few days._

 _No Arkham, no Blackgate._

 _Nowhere, they said they were taking her nowhere._

 _No trial in Gotham, no lawyer by her side, dirty, smart, paid handsomely to keep her out of Blackgate and in Arkham where she can easily be extracted. Where the guards know better than to stop him when he comes for her. They know them both too well, they'll loose their lives, they don't want that. They'll keep her, they won't set her free but when it happens, they just step away._

 _She isn't going to be there when he comes, what will he do? What will her puddin think when he finds out that the bat didn't play by the script?_

" _hey you're a guy right?" She throws the question tot he man from Gotham_

 _He regards her but still says nothing._

" _How would you react if your girlfriend wasn't where she was supposed to be after a long weekend."_

 _He frowns at her, not getting what she was talking about._

 _She watches him carefully, gauging his reaction time, he's quick enough, damn, she was hoping he'd be slower, she can manipulate slower guys a lot quicker._

" _He won't find you there, he'll probably be mad." He tells her dryly. "though, knowing your boyfriend, it's a good think I'm not going back to Gotham"_

 _Harley rolls her head to the side and laughs even louder._

 _Yeah, he's right, her puddin will light the sky with flames and clouds of green and pink gas when he figures out she's not in Gotham_

 _The queen of Gotham city, the Clown princess of crime has left the building._

 _And I didn't even get to say a goodbye speech. She pouts to herself and turns her head, looking out the small little holes and wondering where the hell they're going._


	12. Falling

Chapter 12 - Falling

 _Beep, beep, beep, beep._

A consistent, even sound, pitched in such a way that it shouldn't be distracted but she couldn't help focusing on it like it's the only sound in the universe.

It's the first sound that penetrates her world, the only sound she can find importance in.

 _Beep, beep, beep, beep._

The only sound that mattered because it meant only one thing.

She was alive.

" _You gonna kill me Mr J?" She breathed, somehow calm even though she was strapped down, captured, roughly handled and brought here to the ECT room._

 _She knows, she already knows what he's going to do, why else bring her here?_

 _He's beautiful, shirtless, she'd dreamed of what he'd look like, never daring to try to see it for real. A regret before her death, so many regrets._

 _Not to have told him, not to have shown him, even if it was a lie on his part, to embrace that dark surrender and become completely lost inside the circle of his chaos._

" _What?" His voice sounds distorted in the moment. Did they give her something? One of them knocked her on the head, not hard but enough to do more than make her dizzy._

 _A part of her questions why they were so easy with her, why she had deserved a special audience with the clown prince of crime. Why was he still here? Why hadn't he gone?_

 _She'd given him his freedom, her ultimate act of love and he was still here._

 _The police would be here soon, they would find a way in and then what?_

 _Or worse, the batman._

" _Oh, I'm not gonna kill ya." He tells her and grabs the paddles of the machine. She already feels the tightness in her chest, what he's planning becomes so very clear and she swallows._

 _Letting go of the fear, fear is the enemy here._

 _There would be no reason for it, this was inevitable, nothing she said, nothing she did would change it. She knew him, whether he wanted to admit it or not, she knew him very well and she knew one truth._

 _Once he made a decision, he couldn't be swayed._

 _She would not beg, she would not cry or plead for her life. There was no point._

 _'Let him see me brave.' She thought to herself. 'If this is my last moment, let him see me for what I am and let that be the memory he has of me.'_

" _I'm just gonna hurt ya, really, really bad."_

 _He bares his teeth at her and she wants to reach up and touch his face, to slap him, to embrace him, she can't decide._

 _'I knew you could never love me.' She thinks and looks him directly in the eyes, no more hiding, he'll know Harley Quinn before she endures this._

 _Because she will endure this, she'll show him how strong she really is._

 _He has no idea, he will. She'll show him everything and then, he'll understand._

" _Ya think so? Well I can take it." Her voice is strong, stronger than it's ever been. There is no doubt in her, no doubt in her mind or heart and as they stare at each other, his body moving around her to get into position, there is a perfect moment of connection, she sees into his soul and everything he is. It becomes a revelation to her own soul._

 _What does he see when he looks into her eyes?_

 _Does he see the truth of her? What he must have suspected but could never really understand._

 _She hears the machine turn on and she takes a deep calming breath, her whole body charged in preparation of the pain._

The sound of the monitor changes, her heart rate has quickened as she remembers.

God, she remembers.

She makes a weak, mournful sound that is mostly lost because of a tube in her mouth.

Why is that there?

No, she wants it out.

She starts to fight, her arms moving to remove the thing from her throat.

Why did he put that in her?

Her hands are bandaged, her fingers are spread open, she can't close them, she can't move them. She's trying to paw at the tube but nothing happens. She has no strength, her arms barely come off the bed, she has no energy in her body.

The tube is sending oxygen into her body, the taste is thick, unnatural and she wants it gone but she can barely move.

She doesn't understand, god she doesn't understand!

 _Calm down Harley, we're here now. It'll be alright._

 _You passed it baby, you passed the test._

 _He couldn't beat us._

 _You remember right?_

 _He looked so surprised._

 _Who are you?_

 _You know._

She did, she did know them. They'd always been there, always with her, only silent, unable to speak to her, unable to say the things they desired to say so badly. Not since she was very little, when she played with them for hours a day, not since her mother shook her and begged her to stop it.

 _We're free now honey cakes._ One of them said cheerfully. You're free.

 _Free?_

Was she free?

" _Well Dr Quinzel, you still in here?" His voice asked as he pulled the paddles from her temples._

 _She's gasping for breath, she's surging with pain, so much of it, her eyes are seeing multiples, her skin feels burning hot where the paddles were._

 _Her heart is racing so fast, almost too fast but she's still there._

" _Yes." she gasps out._

 _Her nails are digging into the metal of the table, she can feel them breaking, she's been digging in for how long now?_

 _He laughs, it sounds so different to her now._

 _Almost melodic._

" _Oh see I'm glad." he coos at her. "It wouldn't be fun if it was easy, now would it Doc?"_

 _No, it couldn't be easy._

 _His hand touches her cheek, she leans into it, trembling, her lips quivering from the pain._

" _I'm going to wake you up Harley, you're going to be my greatest work, I can see that now. We have a debt to settle but I never thought you'd be such a rare subject."_

" _Debt?" she shivers. Her whole body convulsing._

" _Shh, save your strength honey, we've still got lots more time to play."_

" _The... police." She mumbled, she jumps, it's as if she's having a seizure but she's still aware, still awake._

" _Oh, they're out there, it won't matter. I own all the high tech security, thanks to you."_

" _The...bat-man?"_

" _He's out there too, I'm pretty sure that he'll find a way in eventually, he always does but not before I've finished with you."_

" _Was I bad to you?" she manages._

" _No, no, no. You were very good Harley, so very good and that's why we're here." He soothes and places his other hand on her other cheek. "Don't think of this as a punishment, think of it as a gift."_

" _A... gift?"_

" _Yeah, a gift, my gift to you for your, kindness, your assistance." She sees his smile and her whole body convulses again._

" _Why, is everything, so, clear?"_

" _Easy, that's just your body responding to the effects of the shock, you're probably feeling that moment, it's beautiful isn't it?"_

 _She understands what he means, the world feels different, everything is clear, her body tingles with power._

 _She should be dead, her brain turned to mush. The tissue destroyed, too much electricity could leave her dead or brain damaged but she's still here and the world is beautiful._

 _She tries to talk but he places a finger on her lips, quieting her._

" _It's alright baby, I know, you can thank me later."_

 _The way he talks to her is so gentle, almost loving but there is a hint of something else that she can hear. Something she could never hear before._

" _You know, you surprised me there for a minute. You never know what you're going to get. Sometimes things look too good to be true and you feel disappointed. Take Harvey Dent for example, I suppose in a way you could call him your brother. Strange as that is perhaps to the rest of the world. He failed me as a protege. All that raw chaos inside of him and he let himself be lost by grief, by love."_

" _Love... isn't a weakness." she breaths. "It's.. what...-"_

 _He's moved his hands off her and she mewls in protest, he's loosened her hair and is brushing it out around her face._

" _It's what pumpkin pie?"_

" _I'm- still -here." she manages, leaning in to his hand and he doesn't move it away._

 _He chuckles at her, tracing his thumb against her cheek bone._

" _Yes, you are."_

 _She can feel every callus, every scar on the inside of his hand. So many, Harley swears she can feel the healed bones of his hands._

" _You're already outdoing him Harley baby, when I'm done, you'll be amazing. They won't know what to do with you. You can be so much more than this, I saw it, I keep seeing it and I've learned since your brothers and sisters. Everything I've learned, everything I've done wrong won't happen to you. When I leave you, you'll be perfection."_

" _Don't." she begs, her hands trying to reach out for him. "Don't leave."_

" _Oh, I'm not going anywhere right now sweetheart, you're not ready yet. We still have some ways to go."_

 _He leans close to her face and she can see him so clearly. Hear his breathing, rough and gravelly, she knows exactly what every inflection means, what every hitch in his breathing tells. He's hungry, starving for something but he doesn't know what it is._

"Harleen?" A woman talks to her. "Harleen can you hear me?"

The voice is familiar but she can't really place it, the only voice that she knows is his.

"Harleen, it's your mom. Please come back to me baby." the woman whispers.

Her mother? Does she- have a mother?

"Don't let what that monster did to you take you away."

 _He freed me._

 _Where is he?_

Why was this woman here and why wasn't he?

 _She screamed, she can't help it, the machine is stopped but she can't help the scream, he increased the power, she cries out and thrashes violently in her restraints._

 _His hands pin her shoulders, keeping her absolutely still but she resists against his power._

 _He doesn't understand._

" _They're..." she cries out again._

" _They're what Harls?"_

" _They're talking." She gasps, hyperventilating._

 _During the pain, during the arcs of electricity that coursed through her brain, she started to hear the echoes of a voice._

 _Distant, from very, very far away. From a place she'd pushed away a long time ago._

" _Hearing voices Dr Quinzel?" he asks and she hears the mirth in his voice. He's pleased with this, it's a new development._

 _'Harley, it's Harley." she corrects him shaking._

" _Harley huh? Wheres the doc?" He asks, sitting back down against her side._

" _Still here, still me." Harley doesn't know how much more she can take but she has to._

 _The more pain he inflicts the more she's sure that she's meant to be with him, the pain giving way to a higher state of consciousness, she moans weakly, feeling one of her teeth break. One in the very back._

 _She starts to cough violently. Spitting it out and coughing up blood, she can taste the metal, the coppery taste._

 _He's wiping her mouth clean, how long have they been here? She isn't sure and she wonders what part of this is the true torture._

 _The pain or the pleasure._

" _You're a strong girl, you're gonna be beautiful when we're finished."_

" _I'm already... pretty." She manages a small smile but it's twisted, her facial muscles are overwhelmed._

" _You are very, pretty." He agrees and climbs onto the table, he's gotten dressed at some point. He's not in the asylum clothes anymore. His jacket feels expensive to the back of her fingers. He hovers over her, leaning in close, his hands on either side of her head._

" _You know, you're probably the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Pretty blonde hair."_

" _Natural." She gasps. Her chest shuddering. "People... think... I'm not."_

" _Oh I know, those blue eyes, pretty face, gorgeous body. Tempting lips."_

 _He leans in like he's going to kiss her but pulls back and she whines._

 _He laughs, throwing his head back before looking back down at her._

" _You know you really have been the light in my life here, don't ever think that what I've said to you here is a lie. Understand?"_

 _She nods._

" _I'm a whole lot of things Harley but I'm no liar." He brushes her hair out of her face. It's static charged, rising of it's own accord, fanning up and out around her._

" _You lied, sometimes."_

" _No, never lied. Never will, I'll always be honest with you. So in the spirit of that I've got a few things to say to you."_

"Harleen, I'm going to open your eyes, I need to check them. I'm not going' to hurt you."

Someone else is talking to her,

It makes her so angry, she doesn't want to hear anything but his voice.

One of her eyes is pried open, a bright infuriating light blinds her already sensitive eye

"It's okay, I know it hurts but I need to check you. Good girl, almost done."

The doctor is talking to her like she's an idiot, a child and that only proves to anger her more.

He talks to someone else, the woman who claims to be her mother.

"She's going to be able to recover." He assures her. "I don't know how but we won't be for sure without some tests, she looks good though."

"Oh thank god."

 _God, you're thanking God? No you shouldn't thank God. He didn't do this, Joker did. Thank Joker._

Joker, her Joker, her Mr J. Her soul aches being so far away from him.

 _Laughter._

 _She hears laughter and she's surprised to find its her own. Muffled by the piece of leather in her mouth, he made her bite down on it before he gave her another round._

" _Don't want those pretty teeth breaking in your mouth now sugar, don't we?" He purred at her, she can see the excitement in his eyes. Whatever he's after, he's getting it, it's coming through. Like an artist who's fantasy is coming to life._

 _She was his canvas and his masterpiece is becoming a reality, he is the artist and she is his work._

 _Tears are streaming down her face, how long has she been here?_

 _'Does it matter?'_

 _'No, it doesn't. He's here with me, I want him here with me.'_

 _'He's killing you.'_

 _'I don't care.'_

 _There is no more sparks, no more pretty lights confusing her sight, he's stopped again and the colors of the dim room are so beautiful. She sees in ultraviolet, the air full of things she never thought existed._

 _Her muscles ache but they're aching to move, to thrash, to bend and flex. She feels like she could fly._

 _She laughs, god she wants to fly._

 _He tugs the leather from her mouth, she makes a growling sound like a dog and fights him for it. Playing with him like a pet and he smirks at her, seeing the coyness in those blue eyes._

" _Come on baby, give it up for me." He urges and she allows it to be removed. "That's a girl, see, kept those pretty teeth from getting hurt."_

 _Harley tries to talk but her voice is raw, she's screamed so much, she can't make out the words, she can only make sounds and whimpers at him, looking at his hand, hinting that she wants him to pet her like he has before._

 _He laughs at her cat like behavior. He's enjoying himself, enjoying watching the changes in her mind, seeing the break in her eyes._

" _You, beautiful girl, have no clue what I expect of you do you?" He whispers. She makes a sound that sounds somewhere in between a groan and a sigh as he crawls to straddle her again, she can feel the pressure of his weight against her again and she wishes he'd let go of the restraints, she wants to touch him, wants her hands to touch his skin, feel his strength, do more than just lay there._

" _You're going to be a good girl when you get out into the world aren't you?" He muses, growling like a wolf as he talks to her. "Going to be chaos in a whole new way, I want to hear that the bat can't handle you, that his grown side kick can't keep his eyes off you but can't make up his mind whether or not he desires you or wants to kill you. I want your name to be feared in the world. Can you do that for daddy?"_

 _She nods weakly._

" _That's my girl." He grins at her, that smile, the one that they fear. The smile she'll never forget, it will stay etched into her soul, deep in the gray of her brain matter. "You won't remember us talking about this honey bun, not a word of it but that's okay, cause you're going to do it anyway. It might come to you eventually, still, burn it into your mind Harley Quinn."_

 _He wants to kiss her, she can tell and she whines, her hands feebly fighting against the straps._

" _What you want huh?" he leans forward and she lifts her head, somehow finding the strength to do it, pushing her lower lip forward and letting it touch his lips, inviting, tempting him, urging._

 _He bares his teeth at her, shaking his head, pulling away from her and she gasps out in protest._

" _Oh no sweetheart, not that easy. What you think I'm cheap?" he laughs at his own humor and she manages another pout._

" _Say please." He instructs and she blinks at him, her eyes are sore, they burn from all the crying she did. She doesn't have another drop left in her tear ducts._

 _She tries, she tries to make words but her lips tremble with the effort._

 _Her teeth won't stop chattering, like she's cold but she isn't. He's warm, like a blanket that's keeping her from becoming frozen._

 _At some point, he took her lab coat off. She's lost consciousness a few times, it wouldn't have been hard._

" _Come on Harls, no kiss if you don't say please."_

"HARLEEN!" the doctor cries out as she tears at her own arm, pulling the IV violently out of her vein.

She's screaming, she's thrashing, a bust of energy and power making her wild, making her uncontrollable.

They opened her eyes, removing the thick crust of blood and tried tears and now she can see.

She saw the nurses in their scrubs. The doctor in his lab coat. The young man who was asleep in the chair across the room and an older woman, her mother standing near the bed.

She saw all of this but not him.

Where was he? Why wasn't he here?

Why had he let them take her away from him?

Joker, no, where was he?

WHERE WAS HE!

"NO." she screams, she's ripped the tube out of her mouth, not caring about the pain or the new taste of copper in her throat.

She's clawing at the nurses, the doctor, she's fighting against them like a wild animal.

"NO, NO, NO." she screams so loud that she can be heard all the way through the ward.

"It's okay." They try to calm her down. She was someone else, she doesn't even care, she wants out of here, she wants away from them.

"Where is HE?" She cries out. Sobbing. "WHERE IS HE?"

"He can't hurt you anymore." The doctor promises, misunderstanding her outburst for fear. "I'm going to give you a sedative Harleen, you need to relax."

"NO!" she thrashes wildly, no sedatives, no more sleep. She needs to get up, she needs to get away.

Something sharp enters her vein and she cries out as if it's a blade digging into her flesh.

"GOD NO." she sobs and they let her go, she thrashes violently. Whatever he gave her, takes only a few precious seconds to work, her violent fit looses its power and she becomes still in the bed. Someone's brushing back her hair.

"My poor Harleen."

"Harley, it's Harley." She mumbles weakly.

"It'll be okay honey, he can't ever hurt you again."

"Mr J, Mr J, please." She whispers, feeling her body grow heavy. "Please."

" _Come on pumpkin pie, you want that kiss you have to say please and then I think we have time for one, more, round."_

 _She keeps trying and the word doesn't come out right, it's not please, it's plush._

" _Oh no, that's not it. Hear me. Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty please. Can you do that for me Harley. See it's easy, say please and I'll kiss you."_

 _She pushes all her strength, all that's left and she takes a shuddering breath._

" _Pretty, please." She croaks and he laughs, leaning in close to her. Her eyes beg him, plead with him. "Mr- J, please."_

 _Hjs breath it hot and he leans in, to the point where her lips feel the edges of his and he speaks. "That's my Harley."_

"Please, please, please." she begs as she starts fading back into the oceans of darkness.

 _Beep, beep, beep, beep._

The sound of the heart monitor the last thing she hears, before she lets go and allows herself to be swept away by the dark.

A/N So this is probably the most chaotic chapter I've written. I was listening to Katy Perry's rise over and over again while I was writing since it kind of fit. At least in my head. I know that this chapter might be a little hard to follow but I hope you guys understand that I'm writing it from the perspective of a woman who's been tortured, who's just woken up after god knows how long unconscious in a strange place with no coherent memory of what's happening. The only thing that makes any sense to her is what isn't real. If you've ever woken up in a hospital bed after surgery, then you'll know what I mean.

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, was actually an interesting piece to write. Also, for those who aren't aware. I've posted the first chapter of Monsters and Performers: A Harley Quinn origins. It might not look like an origin's the first chapter but I swear it is, just a mood setter that connects her story tot he film I guess. Couldn't resist, sorry. Anyway, please take a look that way. CAUSE all the flashback chapters of their Arkham relationship will be in there, in full detail. Well, as much as is allowed on this site. Lol. Anyway. I love you guys for your feedback, your following, your faves. They always mean so much to me and I'll catch ya all later. Enjoy.


	13. Dependency

Chapter 13 - Dependency

"Boss, we got dinner." Johnny said, not risking opening the door. He held a bag of take out in his hands. He'd sent some of the more respectable looking boys out an hour ago, they'd brought the Joker's favorite Chinese.

Normally Harley would have made the order, might even have gone herself with a couple of the boys to get it but that wasn't possible now.

"Go, the fuck away." He growled from the room.

Frost sighed, he'd gotten better, a little at least. He actually left the room for a while, for about two months he'd actually looked somewhat normal. For the joker at least.

Inside the room, Joker was having a bad day.

The bottle of whiskey sitting unopened next to his leg, another bottle completely empty on his other side.

One of the laptops was playing a video of Harley on the roof top.

There was no sound but he could remember the exact words she said.

" _Puddin, if you keep coming right up on me, I can't do my practice." she complained playfully. "You want me staying at my best don't ya puddin?"_

She wore a pair of neon pink shorts, a lighter cotton candy tank top, barefoot, her hair in those high pigtails that made her look so innocent and yet somehow so menacing.

Her face was free of any makeup.

He stared at it anguishing, remembering how she laughed at his answer.

" _I could think of something else to help you stay at your best."_

" _Well maybe after puddin, this first._ " she hadn't even flinched at his growl, only turned around, blown him a kiss and proceeded to do cartwheels across the roof.

He watched the video, her flips, her rolls, the way her body flexed and stretched. How being upside down was as natural to her as being on her feet.

She was graceful and elegant, watching her was like watching a poet write a flowing line, just, perfection in motion.

"Feeling wistful puddin?" Her voice asked curiously.

He didn't answer her.

He'd gotten used to her voice, the hallucinations of her.

He knew that when he got her back, he'd have to keep his hands on her, just to assure himself that she was real and not a figment of his imagination.

There was something twisted and funny about that.

He'd always been sane, in his own head and she leaves and he looses the small screw holding his sanity together.

"Aw puddin, you saying I keep you sane?"

No, that wasn't what he was saying at all.

"Boss." Frost called again. "Got food."

Joker growled but didn't say anything, when Frost comes in, he'd just shoot him.

"You don't wanna do that puddin." Harley cooed with mirth. "Who's gonna make all those calls for you? Lets face it baby, you're not exactly patient enough to deal with our contacts."

Grateful that he was drunk, he just watches as Frost comes in and leaves the box of take out in front of him, his eyes always cautiously watching his boss.

"He's like a zoo keeper." Harley laughs. "He goes in and feeds the animals, so brave."

Frost backed out of the room without a word, knowing that the only thing Joker wanted to hear was the location of his Queen.

"You should be nicer to him you know." Harley said and he growled, remembering the night she'd said that to him, really said it.

 _She was straddling him, changed out of her outfit and into her night clothes, loose shorts and a over sized t-shirt with a bear throwing a ball, it said play with me._

 _Her hair was in a bun, she was wearing her glasses. He rarely saw them on her, not since the chemical vat, her eyes were good most of the time, even before then. The glasses had always been more for show and for reading but she stated that she needed them tonight._

 _He'd had Frost get them for her, nice ones, expensive._

 _In her hand was a sterilized needle and surgical thread, they were on his side of their large bed, near the edge and she was grabbing things off a metal tray she'd set up next to them._

" _You should be nicer to Frost." she stated coolly as she pierced his skin with the needle, unfazed by the task at hand. "He takes care of us."_

" _Don't need anyone to take care of me sugar." He said, grinding his grill. Whether in pain or pleasure, he wasn't honestly sure. She'd injected him with a pain killer, the strongest she could get in such short notice but it wasn't fully numbing._

" _He does a lot for you puddin." she said, sewing the first stitch. "You should give him a raise."_

 _J arched an eyebrow at her._

" _Oh, is that your professional opinion doctor?"_

 _She smiled wide at him, he could almost believe that she still was a doctor when she looked like that. Her hair back, those glasses, the smile more subdued, the wild look in her eyes restrained._

" _I couldn't have carried you all by myself puddin." she said, looking back down at the bullet wound. "And yes that is my professional opinion, since I am STILL a doctor."_

" _Only one I trust." he stated, he watched as her skin shivered at this comment. God the drugs were making him talk._

 _A stupid mistake, a flawless heist ruined by one idiot guard who had illusions of being a hero._

 _Harley had put so many bullets in the guy, he could be Swiss cheese._

 _He had an IV sticking in his arm, she'd put it in herself, all she was missing was the lab coat, he almost called her Dr !Quinzel._

" _You're no surgeon." he said, wincing when she stuck him again. "But you do a good impersonation of one."_

" _No, I'm not. Didn't want to stay in school that long."_

" _Surprised you remember any of it."_

 _It was true, Harley was different to him, when he'd fallen in, when he'd been reborn. He'd forgotten so much, he still didn't remember it all. Flashes of unimportant, flashes of things that might not be real but not Harley, she remembered the life that had been her infancy, that's how he saw it. Her old, normal life was her caterpillar years and she remembered them._

" _You didn't want me to forget puddin." She murmured. "You're just lucky that your Harley studied medicine and not business."_

 _They'd been doing this for almost twenty minutes, the wound was bad but luckily hadn't hit any organs, she had enough skill to patch him up._

" _Puddin, maybe I should go back to school." She had that little smirk on her face, the one that said she was kidding but she sounded so serious._

" _Why, would you want to do that? Getting bored of ruling Gotham there baby doll?"_

 _She giggled and reached for the gauze, wiping away excess blood._

" _Well, with as many injuries as we get, maybe I should, ya know. Become a surgeon."_

" _You get all the practice you need on Daddy."_

 _She snorted and sewed the final stitch_

 _She cut the thread after tying it and examined her work._

" _Not bad, you're lucky I could get my hands on this sort of thread. It's the dissoluble one, so, I get to give you a bath for the next week or so."_

 _He sounded his protest with a loopy groan, she giggled at the idea._

 _The fire in her eyes was back as she pulled her glasses off her face and on the crown of her head._

 _She adjusted her body and leaned down, kissing where she'd just sewn. Looking up at him with a cheeky smile._

" _There kissed and made it better."_

" _You, young lady, are asking for it." He felt woozy and she noticed, her expression sobering again._

 _God when she looked at him like that, he could seriously forget that he'd ever changed her._

" _Puddin, I gotta give you some antibiotics okay, keep it from getting infected. You gonna be good for me?"_

" _Nope."_

" _I'll give you a lollipop if you are."_

" _Nope."_

" _I'll give you cotton candy."_

" _What you think I only eat sugar, sugar?" he smirked at her, too tired to reject her affection, her devotion, undying loyalty and love._

 _She climbed off him and grabbed a syringe from her metal table, it was full of a thick white liquid._

 _She didn't stick him with it, she injected it into his IV._

" _Well, I need to just put some bandages on that and you're right as rain puddin."_

" _Where you going?"_

 _She smiled, grabbing what she needed and putting uncomfortable pressure on his newly stitched wound._

" _Absolutely nowhere puddin, nowhere at all."_

Except now she wasn't there, she'd gone somewhere, somewhere he couldn't find.

Fallen off the face of the earth, stolen from him and the bat wasn't talking.

"How does that make you feel?" Her voice asked but it wasn't the same, her accent was removed, hidden away to the point that the woman who spoke to him sounded a little California.

He turned, Frost already having left the room, to see Harleen Quinzel sitting on the edge of his bed in all her glory.

Those glasses, her hair in the messy bun, heels that had never been right for the works he did. Skirts so short they bordered scandalous and a button up blouse.

Her skin not bleached white, still fair but colored, those same blue eyes, hiding such wild chaos.

"What are you doing here?' he asks her.

"You needed me." she informs him calmly. "So I'm here."

He looked away, sneering. "Isn't it your day off doc?"

"It is my day off." she said, playing his game.

He heard her get off the bed and walk to sit in front of him, when he focused on her, she'd let her hair down but was still wearing her work clothes.

"Then why you here? Don't you have a date?" He demands with a growl, not caring that he was inducing his own jealousy.

She smiled, a hint of the woman he would awaken, still hidden under the mask.

"Does that make you feel, jealous?" She quirked her head to the side. "That I went out with men, that I had lovers before you?"

"What you think doctor Quinzel?"

"Oh, I think that you're suffering from a severe case of obsessive behavior, a co dependency issue that in normal circumstances would be advised against."

"And what's your professional opinion on the matter."

"My professional opinion doesn't matter anymore Mr J, they took me off your case. Said I was getting too intimate with you, they were afraid that I'd help you escape."

"You did." He purred.

"I did, didn't I?" she smiled. "I went to your club, I sat down with Frost and I gave him everything, every code, every name, betrayed everything. Sacrificed my career, my future as a doctor, all of it for you. I was willing to let you go then, do you know that Mr J? That I was willing to watch you walk away and then I would run."

"I know honey." He felt the sourness of his whiskey trying to come back up, the vial thought disrupting him.

"Would you have come for me Joker? Would you have driven all the way to Central city, found where I worked, found where I lived and unmade me then?"

"Yes."

There was no hesitation in the statement, not now.

Then? Yes there had been no thought of it but that was then and this was now.

"I wasn't the only one in love Mr J, I wasn't the only one becoming obsessed."

"I hate it, when you call me that." he growled and she smiled sweetly.

"Would you prefer Mr Joker, though it sounds awfully formal." she was just so close and so far away, it did remind him of the days when they sat across form each other, her body forbidden to him, only able to ravish her mind, explore it and indulge in nothing but fantasy. "Or, I could use your real name."

There was a hint of darkness in her voice, a glint in her eyes, the things that reminded him that it wasn't really her.

No one knew that, only he did, barely. He wasn't sure if it _was_ his real name.

"What happened to puddin?" he asked, laying back.

"We're not going to be using nicknames like that Mr J, we have a professional, working relationship, we're not... romantically involved."

He laughed, letting the sound erupt from him, in hard bitter strokes.

"Not romantically involved. We were romantically involved from the first day. From the first moment we caught eyes."

"Now Mr J, I know it's common for patients to project emotional feelings towards their therapists, especially since we have such an interesting connection but you should remember, I'm the doctor, you're the patient and I'm here to help you."

"Is that right hot stuff?" He reached out and grabbed the bottle of whiskey.

"You shouldn't drink that." She warns.

"Why the hell not, stop being this, you were never this, not really. So just fucking get it off you and be who you are."

"Well, lets face it puddin, is that what you want me to call you? Puddin? Lets face the music, you're not looking so great."

"Why am I even bothering to talk to you? You're dead."

"No puddin, I was never dead. Me, this is me, this was just the mask."

He glanced up and watched as his mind adjusted the image of her, she was crawling to lie next to him, her skin paled, her eyes brightened, her hair was bleached now, with those adorable tints of blue and pink still wearing the doctor's outfit.

He turned his head to look at her, once she'd settled herself next to him, lying on her stomach.

"I've always been here puddin, just Harley, always Harley."

"Then why do I think of you like that?"

"Because you need answers and you want them to be given seriously. Lets face it puddin, I'm just too much fun to take that seriously. What is it they call me? Oh yeah, space cadet, looney toon, ditsy, spastic, oh what was the one that mob guy called me, the one who you threw off the top of the building?"

"Retard." he growled, remembering the event.

"You need to eat puddin, for me, Frost ain't wrong. You need to thrive for me, I'm out there and you already know that I'm not going to give up, you would never let me give up." A pause, a little giggle, Harley's giggle. "You'd spank me if I ever dared give up."

" _Come on puddin, eat." she urged, holding the spoon in her hands. He stared at her disgruntled, annoyed, repulsed by how incredibly sweet she was being. That little pout on her face as she held the plate._

" _I can feed myself Harley." he growled, sitting up in the bed._

" _Uh hu, right." She rolled her eyes and he smacked her arm, earning him a small yelp but she doesn't move away. Her yelp isn't startled, she expected his lashing out, she's not impressed with his attitude._

" _Terrible patient." she declares. "Always have been Mr J."_

 _He growls at the name, puddin, Mr J, he hates the nicknames she gives him. Hates them and still can't stand when she doesn't use them. She called him joker once, just casually, he smacked her for it. He didn't even realize he'd smacked her until he saw the hand print on her cheek, not only confusing her, confusing himself too._

 _He'll tolerate J from her, when they're in private, when she's being serious but he just rolls with puddin, Mr J though, she does that to annoy him, to vex him._

" _Doctors make worse patients." he mumbles and she grins._

" _Oh, we do except, you aren't a doc puddin, you are my patient, again, so open up or I'm gonna go get a funnel."_

 _He refuses and she pouts at him, child like, making faces at him as she contemplates her next move._

 _A sly grin creeps along her lips and she puts the plate down, she made him lunch, he refused to eat the breakfast she brought him._

 _He can't deny, he's starving._

 _She walks away._

" _Where are you going?"_

" _I'll be right back puddin." she calls and leaves the room._

 _She goes down the hall, to her 'closet' a spare room he had converted for all her clothes, she has as many changes in outfit as he does. He doesn't mind, let her spend what she wants, let her have what she wants. She doesn't look bad in anything, the queen of Gotham should look stylish._

 _She's gone for a good while and he looks down at the food. She made it, he knows, he heard her in the kitchen working away. He wants it, he won't ever tell her to her face but he loves her food._

 _His arms haven't recovered properly though, he lost too much blood and still hasn't been able to recover his strength._

 _He hits his head aimlessly on the headboard of their bed,_

 _What is he going to do with that woman?_

 _Kill her? No. Torture her? Nope, strangle her? Maybe, when he's got some strength back, she'll probably think he's being kinky._

 _Put up with her antics? …..._

 _Yes, he'll put up with her antics, he'll deny it but he'll put up with anything she does._

 _He hears someone walking and sees one of his men coming to talk to him, he watches as he stops at the door, eyes something that's further down the corridor, covers his eyes and walks away._

" _I didn't see that." he calls. "I swear boss, I saw nothing."_

 _Was Harley getting changed with the door open?_

 _Wait, why was Harley getting changed?_

 _His answer came a second later, his man hadn't seen Harley getting changed, he'd seen what Harley had changed into._

 _She walked in, putting on the white lab coat that had belonged to her when she worked in Arkham._

 _She'd done her hair up in the way she did back then, had the glasses on, not the designer ones he'd gotten her, the old ones. She wore the whole outfit._

 _He'd thought they burned all those clothes._

 _She wore a pair of black heels that he knew she could never have afforded back then, still the effect was astonishing._

 _She shut the door, calming her face to look professional and walked over to him, grabbing the plate from the side table and scooting herself to sit against his side._

" _So how are we feeling today Mr J?" she asked, her accent completely gone, that learned almost Californian tone that she'd used evidence of her memory. "We doing alright?"_

" _Really Harley?"_

" _Now Mr J, we don't want to loose the professionalism do we? Dr Quinzel." she glanced at the door. "You don't want Jimmy to cut our session to thirty minutes do you?"_

 _He said nothing, a mix of stunned and annoyed._

 _What was she playing at?_

 _She was playing at being Harleen Quinzel, that's what she was playing at._

 _She picked up the fork and loaded it with food but instead of feeding it to him, she put it up to her own mouth._

" _Well, if you're not hungry, I hope you don't mind me eating. I missed my lunch break, but please let me know if you want some."_

 _The trick was flawless._

 _He groaned at the memory._

 _How many times had she done this? How many times had she come in with food, with drinks and tempted him by letting him watch her eat, the longer they knew each other, the more intoxicating the act, now the image in front of him reminded him of that intimacy and Harley wasn't one to disappoint either._

 _The sound she made, the way she ate the bite, if he'd been feeling up to it, he'd have pulled her onto the bed, plate and all but he couldn't._

 _Damn bullet wound._

 _She smiled seductively at him and took another bite._

 _He'd created a monster, a gorgeous, seductive, trickster monster._

" _Fine." he growled in agitation._

"You like it when I take care of you." the vision of Harley told him. Still lying next to him. Her cheek resting on her arms. "You take care of me too."

He snorts, like he takes care of her. Like she takes care of him.

"You do, I do, co dependency issues here puddin, we need each other. You don't have to like it but we need each other like breathing, like blood. When yours is spilled I feel that pain and I make it go away, when I'm bleeding, you feel it and you can't help but make it go away."

"And why would I want that?"

"Because for its darkness, for its twisted nature. We love each other, we're meant to be together, you love me and you can't be without me. I can't be without you puddin, I'm out there, scared out of my mind, laughing like a crazy little girl because you taught me never to cry in front of them. That only you could drink my tears."

He did love her, he couldn't be without her.

Joker sat up and looked at the food.

He picked it up and watches as Harley sits up with him, kneeling in front of him and looking down at the box.

"Pretend I'm really here, pretend I'm really kneeling in front of you, make believe like I do, that everything is normal, our normal. Eat for me puddin, because you know wherever they got me, I'm starving."

Starving, he knew it to be the truth.

Harley was somewhere and wherever she was, she was starving, starving for food that was worthy to enter her body, starving for the lifestyle he'd given her, for the clothes he bought her, the shoes she insisted were too good to pass up. The makeup, perfumes, cars, the bikes.

Starved for those things but so much more.

Starved for fun, for violence, knowledge, adventure.

Starved for his love, his touch, his lips on her skin, his obsession and need of her.

"I'm starving puddin, I'm starving for you." She whispered and then, she was gone again.

A/N so this chapter has been one I wanted to do since chapter four but it just, didn't feel right to do then. I was happy to put it here. Oh, I already made the cheesy line in Monsters and performers about early Xmas but oh well. I posted two updates, one for each story. YAY.

Also, I was inspired by the idea that well, Harley was a doctor. Joker doesn't trust many people, why would he send out for someone when he's got her there and little fyi, a psychiatrist does go through medical school, they go through the same process as a regular doctor. It just changes after a certain point I'm informed.

Anyway, please review for the staring writers. We need reviews like we need water and food. He, no but seriously. Thank you all for your support, for your love and energy. It has helped me push chapters out in days, made me want to update quickly just to feed that happiness.

Anyway, I'll update soon, promise. I got a great one coming up very, very soon and I think you guys are gonna love it. So enjoy. Catch ya later.


	14. Duties and obligations

Chapter 14 – Duties and obligations

He was speeding and he didn't care, too many months of being confined to that place, he needed to run. He needed to feel movement around him.

He was back, he was home. The streets of Gotham where he belonged.

His kingdom, his empire, his dominion.

His men driving behind, trying to keep pace with him but they were having a hard time of it.

He was like a lit match and he was going to burn the night to the ground.

Let the bat try and stop him this time, let him try and take him down.

Arkham was down, he'd destroyed it to the point that it would take them years to recover. If he took him anywhere it'd be to Blackgate and he'd be out of there quicker, Frost assured it this time, he knew it to be the truth.

He was born here, he was raised here, what little memory he had of his past was buried somewhere in the bones of the city.

He was remade in this city, his mother a vat of chemicals, his birthplace still alive and untouched. You'd think they'd have destroyed it but they hadn't. His legacy, his being was still alive in this place.

Gotham was his, it had been his since he was born. The bat had come later, much later. The others all of them. Even Crane who'd paved the way, they were all from the outskirts.

They all belonged to the the borders of this place, never its heart. None of them had ever truly belonged to Gotham properly, not like him.

Except Harley.

He snarled at the mention of her name in his head, he drove faster.

Away form that place, away from her.

His greatest creation, his master piece. He'd decided after seeing what he'd made with her, that he'd never make another.

He couldn't outdo what he'd done, he couldn't do better.

So beautiful, so strong, so deadly. At least, she'd be deadly, in time.

She'd survived, she'd endured him. Her words from the start echoing in his head.

" _You think so? Well I can take it."_

Oh had she taken it, over and over again, the sparks going through her brain, making it into mush and every time he stopped, expecting to see a vacant look in those blue eyes, he saw more of her instead. More and more of the mask broken away to reveal that perfect madness, that perfection of insanity.

Oh it had taken all his will not to take her with him. To have her unconscious in the passenger seat and watch her wake up.

That wasn't his way, that wasn't what he did.

He let her go free, he didn't kill her, he'd undone her restraints and started to walk away.

" _Mr J?" Her voice mumbled from the table, still somehow able to talk, though barely a whisper._

 _He hadn't been able to help himself, he'd turned around. His men had too. All of them transfixed by the helpless, uninhibited voice that spoke._

 _She'd always hidden it so well, that little accent of hers that spoke volumes of what part of the world she truly came from._

 _He couldn't deny that even his eyes went wide to watch her sit up off the table, shaking all over, her hair a mess, her whole body trembling from the torture._

 _Sliding off the table to her knees, then looking up at him, truly looking at him._

 _No other woman had ever looked at him like that, no other woman, nor man had ever given him a look so pure, so chaotic._

 _Then, the icing on the cake, a smile._

 _Perfectly white teeth, a grin that turned into laughter, musical, echoing laughter that tugged at his gut._

" _Boss, what do we do with her?" Frost had asked him, still stunned that the woman had endured the amount of pain and could still function._

" _Daddy doesn't want me coming with him." she whispered with a laugh, laying down on her side with her hands flat against the ground. "He's a love em and leave em kind of guy."_

 _She tucked her legs into her chest, showing off her flexibility and then, turned around as if her business with them was gone. Curled up like a kitten who was getting ready for a nap._

" _Better not be here when I wake up boys, the bat will come and get you."_

 _She said it in a child like manor, a sweet sing song voice edged with menace, with warning._

 _Leave or the bat will get you._

 _He hadn't stopped himself from walking over to her, turning her back over to look at him, she was fading away, fading into the realms of unconsciousness, maybe even coma, he wasn't sure but he had to look at her properly, had to get that final look of her._

" _Hi puddin, bye puddin." She mumbled to him. "Bad daddy."_

 _She wagged a finger at him, pouting dramatically at him._

" _Daddy leaving his princess behind." she laughed weakly._

" _You ain't no princess, honey." He corrected and she playfully smacked at him, though when her hand touched his arm, she kept it there. One eye closing and refusing to open back up._

" _I am, I'm the princess." she mumbled and shuddered, violently, like a seizure. "Princess of-"_

 _Her body fell limp in his arms and he laid her back down, grabbing her jacket and laying it across her. He was a great many things but he wasn't going to let her get sick and die from something as stupid as pneumonia._

That would just be rude.

It was like killing a family in the middle of dinner, he was civilized. You let them eat first, then you killed them.

He knew it would take time to get her out of his system, detox her like a bad trip. It was inevitable and he knew it.

She'd been in his world for six months, day after day, when not in sessions, in some way infecting his days and nights.

Not that he'd complained, not that he hadn't wanted her infection.

He was square with her now, paid up his debt of her time and effort and now he had to take his mind off her until she was completely flushed from every vein, only a memory of a moment in which he almost succumbed to addiction, to need.

He smiled, a smile that hid the scowl.

How had she gotten so damn close?

How many times had she sat across from him and he'd wished not to have cuffs on, or that stupid jacket.

The infuriating memory of her lips when she'd sacrificed precious sanity for a second of madness and kissed him back.

Then spending the night at his side, even knowing that he'd been faking it.

Watching her sleep in that dress, the smooth sight of her legs, regretting not having explored them when she'd been so willing to release him from those restraints.

Fearless little kitten.

He growled again and turned the corner, knowing he wasn't done with her yet.

She'd be at Gotham general, no way he was going there.

The bat probably thought he'd go and see her, be stalking the place like the rodent he was but he'd told the bat one thing when he'd taken him to Arkham this last time.

He was a better parent than the bat was and he had to uphold to that.

His little princess was right, bad daddy.

Since the night of the red dress, he'd managed to get things to her, gifts, sent through the orderly.

The same one she'd used to protect him, to keep her in the loop, he used him to send messages to Frost.

Telling him that the girl was coming eventually but that he wanted to butter her up, telling him very, very specific things to buy her.

Flowers, that was child's play.

Jewelry, well, what was money if you couldn't spend it? Or better, steal the damn things.

Easy picking for his men, he'd nearly groaned out loud when she'd come in wearing the trinket he'd ordered Frost to acquire, something subtle, something the guard's wouldn't notice.

A locket, inside of it, his J in small delicate diamonds.

A _thank you_ , for getting him more time down stairs.

For the end of the ECT session and everything else.

That had been for the doc though, not for Harley Quinn.

" _How did you know that name?"_ she'd asked him, it amused him now to think that she'd named herself that. That was her name, not given, thrust on her but the name she chose.

Like he chose to be Joker.

The boys followed, Not knowing where he was heading but also knowing better than to ask questions.

Good, looks like he hadn't lost that level of control over any of them.

They didn't need to know the details of his mind, they sure as hell wouldn't question this, for all it's insanity.

"I'm doing this for you baby girl." he grumbled.

Well, his favorite should get a little gift, something to get her started.

And she was his favorite.

Of all the people he'd changed, she'd come out the best.

Had it really been only six days ago that he'd finished torturing her, awakening her?

It felt like more, he growled in agitation, not caring that he'd just run a light.

That was the problem with addiction, made you lost in the days and he hadn't even become addicted to her.

Just close, too damn close.

He brought his car to a perfect stop and jumped out, not waiting for the boys. He pulled his gun out of the holster, loving that it was back in his hands and shot the glass of the store.

They better still have the thing, he wasn't chasing anything down for her.

Frost and two others came running up behind him and he motioned silently to grab what they could, the alarm was blaring, a beautiful sound to his ears.

The lights came on, he figured he had maybe four minutes before the cops showed up but it would be worth the trip.

There in the case, still waiting for him was a necklace he knew Harley had to have.

Like he thought, a gift for his favorite.

Something to get her motivated.

The thing was worth nearly five thousand dollars, a small little trinket in comparison to his own jewelry, custom made, worth well in the hundreds of thousands.

Five thousand wasn't a drop of water to him anymore but well, he really did want to break in to the place.

He tucked it into his pocket and noticed Frost staring at him, a mix of confusion and concern.

"What Johnny boy?"

"Nothing." He said but J pulled the gun out and repeated.

"What Johnny?"

"That's a woman's necklace boss, a little small for you."

Joker threw his head back and laughed, that guttural, thick sound that felt so good.

"It's not for me Frost, it's for the new baby."

He had to give Johnny credit, he didn't need long to get the idea. He saw the understanding in his eyes and nodded silently.

"You need her address?"

Joker smiled, a big, malevolent smile that might scare other people but not Johnny who'd grown accustomed to it.

Not Harley who'd stared it down.

"Johnny, get me those flowers she likes, meet me there." He told him after Frost had sent him the details.

They were gone before the cops ever arrived, a thing like this, spontaneous as it was, it was too easy. There was no risk to robbing a jewelry store with a flimsy alarm system Please, where was the fun in that?

The goal for today was not to get caught again.

The bat, so his men had told him was still circling Gotham general, had his eyes fixed on Harley.

As if she was the key to finding him.

She was still knocked out cold.

He felt a surge of energy as he pulled up into the parking lot of her apartment.

He'd driven by here so many times over the years and who knew how long she'd lived here.

Little Harleen Quinzel, the woman who got under his skin.

No elevator, not the bad side of Gotham but definitely not he good either.

Somewhere in the middle, she'd confessed her income when he'd asked her why she never wore anything that wasn't obviously cheaper than designer.

It was a joke what they paid, he paid his men more in a month than she got paid for doing a sincere, honest job in a year.

The most expensive thing she said, the thing she'd spent all her savings on was her baby.

Her _baby_.

The motorbike she'd driven to work. He'd seen her pull up during his exercise tine, when she'd come in with lunch. Jeans and that jacket, older than she was he was sure but still powerful. Straddling the machine and controlling it.

That was just parking, he'd never watched her ride though, that would have been quite a sight.

After all, she'd raced and beaten the bat, she claimed she wasn't trying to race. That it had just been an impulse, a reaction.

The part of her that was a born criminal, a born killer, it instinctively wanted to run from the hero.

He found her floor, then her door. No police in sight.

Why should there be?

They had no reason to believe that he'd come here, that he'd actually find where she lived. As far as they understood, he'd already destroyed her, punished her for trying to treat him.

"Boss." Frost was coming up the stairs, carrying his request, holding up Harley's house keys. "Here."

She had a little kitty on the key chain, a metal H and a little plastic band, the kind children make for themselves. It read her name. Harley Quinn.

Opening the door, he found the place in darkness.

A small shred of him had half expected to find her here, impossible but still not unthinkable with that girl.

Johnny turned on the switch and J had to laugh, shaking his head at the place.

It was, a, well there was no words for what it was. Joke was an underestimation of words. This place was smaller than a match box.

Actually, a match box would have been a palace in comparison to this, he remembered living in places like this, not anymore, he could never go back to this.

Tiny little kitchen, small living room, a hallway that led to a cramped little bedroom.

All of it too small for her, all of it not, good enough.

"You want me to leave boss?" Frost asked.

"Yeah, I'll be done soon." he muttered, exploring the small space.

"Sure." with that he was left alone in Harley's little box.

He glanced at her trophies, medals, certificates. She'd been holding out on him, she could do more than the cartwheels and flips she did. He could imagine her jumping buildings with as many awards as she had.

Useful for a thief and to deal with the bat.

Her collection of books, as eclectic as his was. A smaller amount perhaps but still, he had never doubted that she was intelligent, lacking common sense perhaps but not stupid.

The third shelf, the only thing with anything personal. Her niece and nephew, the ones she protected, the ones she helped raise in spite of her brother's flaws. No pictures of him, the rare time he got her tongue to spill, her words about him spoke nothing but disappointment, disgust.

He'd hoped at one point to use her family against her, if not seduce her, then force her hand but she kept these two safe, kept them out of her thoughts so that their names would never slip out but her mother's, her brother's. They meant little to her anymore, maybe they never had.

There was one picture that caught his eye, a Halloween costume of her, the boy and girl at her sides.

Recent, he could tell just by the shape of her body.

It was a dress, black and red, shaped in harlequin patterns, her hair tucked under a matching jester's hat with bells and her face painted white with a black mask around her eyes.

He recalled the Monday she'd come into their morning session, the edges of black on her temples and cheek bones, when he'd asked, all she'd said was face paint.

"Harley, Harley, Harley." He breathed, walking back around, seeing her work on her coffee table, seeing where she'd done dishes before all of this happened.

Her art on the walls abstract, bold colors, he wondered if she'd bought them or made them herself, she liked that abstract stuff.

He made his way down the small hallway, into her room.

Her bed was unmade, the sheets twisted around.

Blue, cheap, nothing like the silk sheets of his own bed.

An image of her sleeping in it came to the front of his mind and he had to turn away, banishing it.

Everything was second, nothing he'd seen in here screamed new.

Her daddy might have been a con man but he'd done a poor job of it.

His daughter had nothing, nothing to show of that legacy.

When he checked her closet, which was again, a joke. He saw her clothes separated into two groups.

The things she could wear out in public, for work, casual things and then the things she wore when she wanted to be herself.

If she was smart, she'd keep being herself.

He walked over to her bed and pulled out the necklace, laying it out on her pillow, the hint of her perfume still lingering in the air.

Damn, he was going to have to steal that bottle, he'd gotten used to the smell, the only sweet smell in Arkham, one that wasn't a disinfectant.

He'd give her a year, he'd see what she made of herself in that year.

"You're a smart girl Harley Quinn, I expect you to make daddy proud of you."

He grabbed the flowers and put them with the necklace.

Joker grabbed the bottle of perfume, no label on it at all, he wouldn't be able to find it without knowing where she'd gotten it from. Oh well, not like he was going to use the stuff himself.

Then he paused and grinned, that little gift wasn't good enough, there was something missing, something, more personal.

He pulled out his phone and called Frost. "Johnny, I want you to bring me something, two somethings actually."

"Yeah boss?" His voice said calmly.

"I want a rat and I want a snake."

"A rat and a snake boss?" He sounded skeptical.

"Did I stutter Johnny boy?"

"No, sorry boss." He heard the nerve in his voice.

Joker plopped himself on her bed, god how did she sleep on this thing?

He had one year, that's what he'd give her, that's what he'd give himself to detox, she'd make her own way and their paths might cross once in a while, she'd be grateful, he'd watch her grow. He'd get over her beauty.

A harder task than he'd anticipated.

Turns out, she wasn't the most beautiful woman in Arkham.

She was the most beautiful woman in Gotham.

When she came back here and she would come back here, he was certain of that. She'd find his gifts for her.

A necklace, stolen, an incentive to begin her own self employment. The flowers, to remember that even though she was alone now, he hadn't forgotten that she existed, yet. Money, just a little starting point. What parent lets their kid take off on their own without some change in their pocket? A few thousand just to start.

And of course, what every girl should have.

Pets.

He grinned as he lounged on the bed, waiting for Frost to come back up.

Now he felt at ease, now he felt like he'd completed his duties as her creator, he was free of her, he was finally able to start letting her go.

Yet the smell of her invaded, though the sheets were cheap imitations of what he had, he could imagine her sleeping right here, every night, coming home after a session with him, slowly falling under his influence, under his spell and thinking of him.

Right here, she'd been right here.

It didn't matter, he could indulge this moment right now, right here, a year was plenty of time, she'd be a memory and nothing more.

He'd done his duty, he'd done his best by her.

And who said he wasn't a nice guy?

A/N so this one actually came out very different than I intended but I think it works in a twisted sort of way. Okay, so for you who did not know. Jared Leto did method acting during suicide squad. That means, he was the joker the whole time they were shooting. One of the things he did, was sent gifts. If you've seen the interviews you know. Well, he paid special attention to Margot Robbie. Obviously since she'd Harley. So he got her some 'special' gifts, I know he sent cupcakes, um some other questionable things. Lol and two pets. A rat and a snake. I thought, omg. The joker would so do that. I wish I could read the poem he wrote her in character, would be quite a fascinating insight. That's what the writer in me says anyway.

So many of you have stated that you want J to find Harley soon, you guys do realize that if he finds her now, the story is over right? I mean, I don't mind ending it quicker but well. The whole point of this story is the emotional turmoil between them for the near year of separation. Cause um I think deadshot has been imprisoned for nine months, Harley maybe a month less. I'm not a hundred percent sure on that one.

So as always love you for your support, it's amazing, it's awesome. You guys don't understand how much it means to me to read your excitement, your drive makes me want to do better.

I love these characters, like I've said. I love the movie versions of them because it's taking a very real if not crazy approach to them and I always want to do them justice.

So love you guys, hope to see ya next time.

P.S For my Australian followers, I know you'll be the first ones reading it, hehe, I lived there growing up. For my Latino friends, Gracias por su amor. Los quieromucho y espero que les gusta.


	15. Bound by a thread

Chapter 15 - Bound by a thread.

It was dark, another day had come and gone and still she was here.

Harley sighed and looked down at the difference of tonight, an unexpected little thing that the fates must have deemed her worthy of.

They hadn't made it completely dark yet, there were hours before they did that, leaving her in the thick emptiness that was her cage.

Today, was going to be a better night, cold yes but better.

Her gift lay nestled in her palm and she managed to smile at it.

A guard on his way to infirmary, would be lucky if he made it through the night and she was to blame.

"You psychotic bitch!" He'd screamed as she brought a hand to his throat.

Cocky idiot hadn't learned the lesson, better for her, she got so bored here.

His sacrifice would not be in vein though, no, he'd brought her a little trinket from home.

A needle.

It was shiny silver and she'd caught sight of it when he'd come to the cage bars, holding her dinner.

Such a simple task, pushing food through a cage, gone so terribly wrong. How easy to test him, to provoke his temper, his desire to hurt her.

Not all of them were Griggs, who for his disgusting approach at least had control of his temper, mostly because he was a coward but well, you praised where you could.

This one though, no, a Saturday, no Griggs, at home with his loving wife and children.

Did his wife know the man she'd married? The kind of depraved disturbed mind that existed in that sorry little head of his?

It always made her laugh, when she sat at home and watched TV with her puddin, those crime shows where the wife had no clue that her husband was a serial killer, that she'd just assumed her baby was a normal, loving person.

What a joke, a really, funny, joke.

Sure, there were plenty of women like that, the ones who were in denial of what they were with but god some of them really could be thick.

Claiming to love their man, to know him, to be utterly sure that the man they married was a good man,

She had to laugh sadly for those sort of women.

 _Aren't you that woman?_ A voice asked and she laughed out loud, catching the attention of the passing guard.

 _No, because I've always known my man, I've always known what sort of killer he is._

Were people so foolish? Were they so naive to believe she hadn't known what lay behind that smile? A tortured man? Yes, that was part of it but inside there was a monster too and she hadn't ever forgotten that, she hadn't ever pretended that wasn't the case.

He was a monster, he was a killer, with no intentions of changing his ways when he became a free man again. That hadn't been what she'd expected, her hope, as innocent as it seemed now, was to help him.

To help the parts she could help, to ease his pain in some way, because he was in pain, there was suffering in his soul.

No one was willing to see that.

It was such a rare thing for a monster like him to just come into being, to just suddenly wake up one day and say, _I'm going to terrorize the city._

That's what she'd wanted to understand back then, what she needed to understand.

What made that day come, what caused him to decide that?

Because she felt it stir inside herself too.

It could be questioned, whether or not nature was fighting nurture but she didn't care about either, she'd always felt different, like she was missing a piece of herself, he'd given her the last puzzle piece and woken her from a deep and coddled sleep.

It was a grand and terrifying thing to suddenly be awakened, in such a brutally painful way.

To go so long with the agony of sparks and lighting going through your body, pain and pleasure stopped being separate, that one could cause the other, both could exist in the same moment.

Sick?

Probably.

It wasn't easy, she didn't one day wake up after being in a medically induced coma and say, _I'm going to be a killer, a thief, criminal_. No, it had happened gradually.

She'd fought it at first, she'd tried, oh god had she tried to function like a normal person but the problem was that she was no longer normal.

To wake up that first day, to open her eyes of her own accord, weeks after her initial violent birthing. Suddenly able to see with her eyes, like she'd never used them before.

No more rose tinted glasses, the world laid naked for her to explore and the things she saw in those first precious moments had changed her view on everything.

The nurse who came in, she suddenly saw things about her that in her past incarnation, would have never understood.

Three kids, all under six. How had she known? The woman had a necklace around her neck with three little jewels encrusted inside. How did she know they were all under six?

The hint of bags under her eyes, a little finger paint that she'd missed right behind her ear. The smell of spaghettios and baby powder.

The doctor who came in, married and having an affair with someone here at the hospital, he felt guilty about it, he wanted to end the relationship but he didn't know how, he wanted to do right by his wife but couldn't let the lust go.

She knew those things, just by watching them, by listening, the way they took her pulse, or the smells.

Her whole body was humming and alive.

She saw into people.

Then her mother and brother had arrived and the awareness made her sick with disgust.

Her brother just didn't care about anything, he cared for no one. He had no ambition, yes, she'd known those things but it ran so much deeper than that. He not only didn't care, he expected HER to pick up his slack.

Still nothing surprising there but her mother, that was what hurt, that's where the first fragile thread snapped, the lingering threads that kept her in their world and not running back to _his_.

Her mother wanted her to take care of them, for the past few years she'd prodded about a boyfriend, maybe finding someone to settle down with, have a family, not work so much. All of that was a cover for the truth, she didn't want Harley to find someone.

She couldn't let Harley find someone.

She loved her daughter, yes, she loved her but she was not her favorite. Barry was her favorite and she was more than aware that her son would not do anything, she was happy to let him do as he pleased but her aging body was worrying her, she was afraid that she'd pass from this world one day and that her precious little boy would be forced to fend for himself.

No, that wasn't something she could allow.

Harley was the answer.

Her bright, ambitious daughter who was driven by her career, who happily paid out of her own pocket for the money her grandchildren needed to live. Like Harley had money to give. She had, faithfully, in cash.

She knew Harley would become something one day, something important, she knew that Harley would make money. Enough to take care of them all and she expected it.

A mother's prerogative, a mother's expectations of her oldest child. To take care of the family when she couldn't anymore.

If that hadn't disgusted her enough, her mother resented her.

She actually resented her for her father.

For her going with him to the bad places, happy to be there, still too young to understand that it was a bad place. Never understanding that when they played the pretend game her father was trying to get a con going, using her as sympathy to get in the door.

Why she hated her having her imaginary friends, why she'd shook her so badly, yelling at her to stop it because that's what her father had done. Pretended to be other people, so easily changing his skin and lying.

Her mother loved her, because she had to.

Did she feel terrible for what happened to Harley? Yes, because her mother was still, not a bad person, just a hypocrite, like most of them. Did that mean Harley wasn't angry at the revelation of her silent confessions.

Oh, Harley was more than angry about it.

So few people showed the truth, all of them full of lies and dark depraved secrets.

Except for him.

That was something that people didn't want to accept, for all his scheming, all his plans and violent nature. Joker, was, joker.

He didn't hide, he didn't pretend to be something he wasn't.

He was strange, he was something else, he embraced it and he'd remade her.

Sharon and Nick Quinzel had stopped being her parents.

Maybe they never had been.

Harley stared more intently at the little needle in her hand, such a small thing, easily missed by anyone else. Because they didn't know how to look for the details, hadn't been awakened, hadn't been trained to find them.

" _Tell me what you feel." His voice whispers huskily against her neck, she's blindfolded, they're in his bedroom and she's in nothing but his shirt._

 _Joker's standing behind her, his hands around her waist, his lips barely touching her skin._

 _There is a gun in her hands, he'd made her run her fingers over the weapon several times while he teased her skin. Distracted her concentration to the point that she had to turn around with a whimper, only to be turned back around and the gun again, placed in her hands._

" _Tell me, what, you, feel." He repeated and tightened his grip on her waist._

" _A gun." she said absently, too caught up in his attention._

 _He chuckled at her, a low, deviant sound that sent chills up her spine._

" _Is that all princess, you can't feel anything else?"_

 _Harley focused her senses, doing her best to ignore his affection, he was making that nearly impossible to do, she hadn't imagined he was so capable of crashing her will power with pleasure, she'd expected only pain to be her method of education but no, he could change it up, he could be so gentle, so affectionate, encouraging and that was as tormenting as the other half of coin._

 _She ran her fingers over it one more time, with that determination to show that she wasn't completely incompetent and frowned, there was something, different with the weapon._

 _Half an hour ago, he'd placed the same gun in her hand and instructed her to memorize it, to remember every detail about it. She'd looked at it, run her hands over it and declared she was ready, expecting some impossible task._

 _To pick that particular gun from a line up of guns that looked identical or something just as irrational_

 _No, that wasn't today's lesson._

 _The lesson was focus._

 _Details._

 _When he'd put the weapon down on the dresser and prowled towards her, she hadn't expected what she got, not that she was sure what she was going to get but his lips crushing against hers, his hands all over her body, savage desire burned inside of her, he made her loose herself._

 _He had her to the point that nothing else meant a thing, only him, only his will and her pleasure._

 _If that had been all, then she would have considered it a very strange but enjoyable lesson but he allowed her exactly two minutes to recover her senses and then stood her up, in his shirt and had her examine the gun blindfolded._

" _The weight, it's changed."_

" _Good girl."_

Such a simple thing he explained later, was the difference between life and death, though all things could never be planned for, variables changed but you could still focus on the details, even in the middle of chaos and come up on top.

That's what she'd done today.

The guard's uniform had been sewn recently, maybe even that morning and someone, had left the sewing needle pinned to the collar.

Unless he'd run his fingers over it, which he obviously hadn't, he'd never notice it.

Now it was hers and she had plans for it.

It should have been harder to get the things she needed but turned out to be incredibly easy, just required something they thought she didn't have.

She could be patient, it was boring but so was being here, mind numbing boring.

Three pens, easily could have been turned into weapons but she didn't, squirreled away in the crevasse of the wall, right against the crease, no one misses them, no one even notices they're there.

Red, blue and black. There isn't much, she won't be able to do something elaborate and it will only pass the time for a little while but that's better than nothing.

 _You can't sterilize it._ The doctor in her warned.

 _Doesn't matter, it'll be fine._ She retorts absently. It doesn't matter if it is or isn't. If she's lucky, it'll give her an infection, it will force their hand, make them pull her out of the cell and drag her down to the infirmary.

It's his job to keep her alive, he can't let her die, he can't let her go free. If he does, his ass will be on the line.

She owes the system too much, besides, they want _him_ , they want her to be the bait.

She's stripped down, not caring what they see of her, the prison uniform too constricting, the material itchy and as close to a bed as she really has.

There's just enough light from the corridors to let her see her work, just enough to not be blind.

Dark enough for them to wonder but never try and come in.

Harley smiles at the little piece of cheap metal, nothing of value, probably came in a set that cost a dollar.

If you're inventive, if you try and be creative, you can make something out of anything.

The guard walks by again and she feels him stop, she's faced away from him, he can't see what she's doing, only hears the soft whispers as she conferences with the other parts of her mind.

"That one's too big, not enough to do that one."

"But maybe, yes, that one."

"He'll think that one's cute."

She can already imagine the guy shaking his head, crazy Harley Quinn, the psycho clown girl.

It hurts less than it should, this is nothing. The bruises on her face hurt more, she grins at the memory.

They'd gotten her so badly, well, it had taken all their strength to pry her hands off the guard's throat.

Her moonlight pale skin was tarnished by the dark, almost black marks under her eye, swollen, tender. The cut on her lip, swelling on her jaw.

 _Puddin would be so angry._ She thought as the pierced her own skin, her mind lost as she worked. Mixing pen ink with her own blood, a dangerous cocktail for her art.

It would take her days to do it all, maybe longer.

 _Good, time is all I have._

Pain is such a strange thing, debilitating and somehow euphoric if you know how to embrace it.

Danger, fear, anger.

She goes back in her mind and remembers the first time she felt real pain, long before her puddin, long before his name haunted her dreams and how innocent she'd been.

Then she thought of the pain inflicted by her Mr J, how he'd taught her to embrace it, to use it.

" _Pain is power, remember that Harley."_ He murmured into her mind. _"Surrender, it's not just about desire, it's about taking everything and transforming it. Can you do that?"_

"Yes."

"Quinn!" She doesn't turn around, the guard's voice flutters over her head, unimportant as always.

"Crazy woman's talking to herself again."

"She take her meds?"

"Nah, she won't take those, complains about the side effects."

"Well she better take em, Griggs doesn't want to get a call in the middle of the night that the voices made her kill herself."

She pays attention to that snippet of conversation, god men could be idiots when they tried.

Like she needed anything to kill herself with.

"Swallow your tongue." she mumbles absently as the needle injects once more, pushing the ink deep so that it won't fade away.

" _On your stomach." Her puddin orders her with a growl._

 _There's a spark in his eyes, dangerous mischief and decisive certainty._

 _Harley glances down at the tattoo gun. "Another lesson?"_

 _He chuckles at her curiosity and shakes his head._

" _No, something else." he purrs and she can't help the giggle that escapes her lips as she obeys._

 _She could push him, part of her wants to, just to rile him up a little, just to see the fire in his eyes when he gets irritated but not this time._

 _That tattoo gun sways her to be obedient, it wouldn't be so funny if he decided to tattoo something awful on her as payback for vexing him, he could do such beautiful art after all. Would be awfully selfish of her to deny him the privilege of using her back as a canvas._

 _No numbing gel, just them._

 _Embrace pain to endure worse. The lesson, as it always stood was to teach her to become like him, to understand the world they existed in. endure his level of pain and no one could hurt you, you could survive anything and everything._

 _The most noise she made was the initial hiss of pain, the contact of the machine sending triggers to her brain that she should feel pain but then, in a moment of confusion, telling her that it felt good._

 _Her nerve sensors had never fully recovered, she had to be more careful with herself now, treat it like those people who were born with the inability to feel pain at all._

 _She had to treat it the same way, be aware that if pain felt good, that she wasn't accidentally hurting herself beyond repair._

 _It didn't always happen, her systems consistency was at best, inconsistent._

 _Today was a good day for it, her body decided, that the pain was, mildly pleasant. Like having an itch that you scratch really hard and the sense of relief outweighs the pain of your nails._

 _He didn't speak, neither did she. Afraid to break the moment, as intense as it was. There was something beautiful about it, something that was only theirs.._

 _Harley was afraid that now that she was, well this, that he'd suddenly become bored with her. That maybe he thought all of her soul was bleached out like her pigment but he seemed more intent on discovering her, unwrapping more of her to his will. Though there were times that she just couldn't stop talking, her mouth and the filter that might have kept her silent long since broken away from each other._

 _The funny thing, sometimes she wasn't even talking to him, she was content in, talking to herself._

 _She was a fascinating conversationalist, the different aspects of her mind unique from the other, all of them widely opinionated about everything. From the clothes she wore, to the people she chose to kill, the book she'd picked up and started reading randomly._

 _They were her friends, she was her own best friend._

 _It took him over an hour, nearly two. He was precise, very clear on his design and as she'd learned, a perfectionist._

 _Harley nearly fell asleep to the buzzing sound of the gun, using it almost like a lullaby._

 _He laughed at her, that's what wakes her fully up, the sound of his laugh, his hands are running over the skin he's just painted and she looks back at him._

" _You done?" she asks sleepily._

" _I, am, done." He states and climbs off her legs._

" _What ya do?" she stretches and groans at the ache on her back, the only problem with her nerve system being so indecisive, at any given point, her brain could switch back over and remind her that pain was pain._

" _Take a look." he purrs at her._

That was his branding, that was his mark on her, to let everyone else know that she was his and only his.

A moment that was not stolen, a moment that was taken by his force of nature. Because nothing was stolen between them, always taken, always demanded, urgency.

As if they both knew that time was against them, that they had none of it to play coy little games, for all their ability of patience, neither could be patient when it came to the other.

It's why now was so torturous, she felt like there was an elastic band and it was being stretched so tight, painful all over. Somehow it held together but barely, she was feeling the edges of it's break, it was going to snap, one way or another.

The elastic was going to snap in two, the connection would break and though the pain would end, the tightness of the pull gone, it would only give way to something new, something much more painful and deep.

Hopelessness, because that band was all that kept them connected now, she was desperate.

She sat there for hours, the minutes ticking away as she worked, risking her body yet again to create a new connection, something stronger than the band, something forged in pleasure and in pain.

Something that bound them like the mark on her back claimed her.

When she was finally finished, the sun was rising over head, she'd done so much of it in the darkness, the lights all out but by then her mind didn't need it, she had the image fixed like a glow in the dark pen.

The gray of the sun came into her cage and she looked down at her work, she smiled, exhausted but pleased.

This would be the first of more to come, this would be her saving grace, her link to him.

When they beat her down, when they stole her sanity, these marks would keep her from forgetting who and what she was.

She ran her fingers along her leg, the smile turning into a grin, so proud of what she'd done.

As she traced the letters, she could hear the sound. So rich, so deep, full of power that she belonged to and a laugh of her own roared from the cage.

Down the corridors, through walls, her laugh could be heard, sending shivers down the spines of the guards, a new level of fear towards the seemingly helpless little girl.

On her leg was his laugh, branded for all to see.

In that moment, she was not alone in her cage and somewhere in their souls, they all felt his presence and trembled to the King of Gotham.

A/N So lets get the obvious out of the way, shall we. I know, the chapter is incredibly chaotic but if you go back and read it, thinking, these are Harley's thoughts. You'll get why it HAS to be so chaotic.

So I hope you guys like this chapter, I actually enjoyed writing it, even if it's just a tad disturbing but hey we love her for the disturbing don't we? He, he.

I want you guys to know a few sneak peaks.

I will have Bud and Lou, I've spent the last two days researching the spotted hyenas and how they work. Turns out, they are nearly impossible to domesticate, that should be 'fun' to write. Also, I will be doing a chapter with Harley's birthday. Not telling you how that comes into play but watch out for that. Now a few of you are curious whether or not it's going to be a whole year before they see each other. (Raises a very amused eyebrow at all of you) Really? You think that Harley is that patient? You think HE is? He may try but well, that's him. Hehe. Also, I did take a deeper look at you are right guys, it's almost two years of separation, so I'm going with that.

So love you guys, thank you for your reviews, your favs, your following. I'm so proud of this work, I never intended for it to go so deep. It was only gonna be like four or five chapters but well, you're love and excitement made it grow. So thank you and to think I started to write this fic because of a blog I read that hated on Jared Leto's performance and Margot's.

Enjoy the ride, I'll update soon and keep an eye out for MaP it'll be updated in the next two days. Catch ya later!


	16. The killing blow

A/N So this whole chapter is dedicated to the 30 seconds to mars song. The kill. I'm sorry I couldn't help the irony there, enjoy.

Chapter 16 – Killing blows.

Harley lay in her old bed, looking up at the dark ceiling, all the old stickers she'd thrown up there still attached to its surface, much to her mother's annoyance but she didn't care, she didn't want to even be here.

Harley wanted to go home, back to her apartment, back to the city and away from this place and her past.

She was regaining her memories, faster than anyone would have thought, those first few weeks of induced coma giving her mind the time it needed to sleep, to rest, recharge.

There were, theories, experiments done by private companies that explored the effects of how electricity affected the brain and with careful treatment, if a person could be pushed to their prime.

Was that what was happening to her?

She felt, different.

She'd been here at her mother's house for a month now, she hadn't stopped seeing the world through those new, clear eyes.

She felt alive.

Yet she was incomplete in the darkness, the cold sheets little comfort for her, memories flooded through her head at any given time and her body couldn't make up its mind whether it was in pain or not, the noises in her head, the voices that had broken through the veil of fog, they were clearer too.

She remembered them, she knew them, not all, some were new and unwanted but there were a few, a few that were familiar friends.

Friends, they were her friends.

Parts of her, she knew that, parts of her self, her soul. Everything that made her who she was and it scared her, because it felt so good when they embraced her, when she let go and allowed their connection.

It just felt, so good.

Except, it felt terrible too because she had no idea what to do now, what was she?

She didn't have a map, or a manual that told her what to do next and she was scared of that.

So she lay here in bed, frustrated and frightened, alone.

 _Oh Joker, why did you wake me up only to abandon me? To leave me in loneliness?_

He didn't love her, he couldn't love her. She was, his creation, not his lover.

She felt lost without him, he wanted her to become, something but he never told her what exactly or how. A criminal? She had no idea how to become one, she'd studied them, tried to understand them but she had no personal experience.

 _That's a lie_. A voice sang in her head, sweetly, lovingly. The princess in her head. _We know how to be a criminal, daddy taught us how to be._

She swallowed as the memory invoked itself into her mind, by no will of her own.

" _So, I was thinking, now that I'm out. Maybe we could move back to Brooklyn." Nick Quinzel held her hand, walking down the main street of Gotham, the day was bright, warmer than it had been for months. The streets busy and she was just content to be doing this, to be holding her father's hand._

" _I don't think mommy will be okay with that daddy." She said quietly._

 _She's four, nearly five, already they've moved from Brooklyn four different times, Gotham was the first city where they could pretend to be normal, since daddy went to the bad place._

" _Yeah but well, Brooklyn has more work honey." He explains as they cross the road. "More work means more money for me to take care of my princess."_

 _Harley giggles at the nickname, she loves it, she loves it when daddy takes her to the nice shops, with bundles of money the ladies give him, when he'd buy her pretty dresses and shoes, taking her to the fancy places with those ladies who fawn over her, tell her how pretty she is._

 _Mommy doesn't like it, she fights with daddy, she threw him out last time._

" _Daddy, mommy said, she doesn't like you doing the work you do." Harley bites her lower lip. "Why can't you have a real job, like the other kids daddy's?"_

 _Her father stopped and crouched down in front of her, brushing back the hair that threatened to fall in her eyes, her glasses glinting the reflection of the afternoon sun._

" _Harley, sometimes, you need to..." he sighed, unsure of how to explain. "Harley, some people, their good at things, they're so good at the thing that they can't do anything else."_

" _And you're good at pretending to be someone else/" she asked innocently._

" _Yeah, I am. Harley, princess. I find people who have lots of money, lots of it and I get them to give it to me, you know why I do that?"_

 _Harley shook her head._

" _Because I don't want you to grow up like I had to, you're so smart, you're so beautiful. You're the best thing I ever made and you deserve a real princess life."_

" _But daddy, mommy says that you do bad people stuff, to get the money." she frowned, still not understanding properly._

" _I'm not a good person, I'm a bad one Harley, I'm not ashamed of that, I can't be ashamed of who I am."_

 _She was still so young, she still didn't understand it all. She just knew she liked it when they went to visit her daddy's friends, they doted on her, they gave her candy, let her play with the shiny coins they had. She liked the nice places daddy took her, just the two of them._

 _She liked to pretend, to be the princess and the smart girl, the acrobat and she liked... she liked the game they played, the game of pretend._

" _Daddy, I like Gotham, I don't wanna leave Gotham daddy."_

 _He sighed. "Gotham is...Gotham ain't an easy place to rule honey."_

" _I can do it daddy." she said confidently. "I can rule Gotham, you'll see daddy, I'll be the queen of Gotham."_

 _He laughed, pulling her in for a hug._

" _Okay Harley, you can be the queen of Gotham city."_

Gotham was an impossible task to rule.

She knew that now, all grown up, having lived in both worlds, Gotham and New York. Her father hadn't been wrong.

Gotham was its own beast.

 _You want to rule though._ One of the voices whispered, so sweet, so elegant. _We can rule Gotham, daddy was weak, he didn't have the strength to rule. We do._

 _It's about brains, we have those._ Another voice whispered. _Just takes time._

 _You already started._ The darker, more viscous voice whispered and she stiffened. This was the voice she feared the most, the one that was tapped into earlier today.

She hadn't even thought about it, she'd just slipped the food into her pocket and walked out. No one saw, no one even stopped her as she walked out of the grocery store with her mother.

She didn't need to steal it, someone, had been paying her bills, someone had anonymously paid for her medical bills and for three months pay.

She wanted to believe it was _him_ but she knew better, it wouldn't be him. He was all about the performance, all about the shock and awe. He would have sent something to make it clear it was him but he hadn't sent her anything.

It was then that the tears came, she'd held them off all this time, she'd held them off to the point she'd almost convinced herself she was over him but it was a lie, she wasn't over him, she'd never be over him.

"What am I?" she whispered into the dark. "What am I?"

 _You're Harley Quinn._ The voices whispered together. _You are Harley Quinn and you were that long before he touched you._

"Then why do I need him so much?" She demanded, feeling the constriction in her throat. "Why can't I let him go?"

 _Because he's part of us, he's ours._

"He doesn't want us." she cried, covering her face with her hands and choking on a sob. 'He never did."

 _He does, he wants us, he just doesn't realize it yet._ The voices soothed. _Get up Harley, get up and take your life back, take your freedom. You belong out there, on the streets of Gotham. Remember what we told daddy? We told him that we were going to rule Gotham, lets do that. Lets become the Queen of Gotham city._

"And him?"

 _We'll make him see our worth honey, we'll make him see who we really are._

Gotham was a hard place to make a criminal name, Even before the bat, before the joker.

The strangeness had always been there, it was part of Gotham's soul, part of its design. Once the mob ruled these streets, it ruled it with an iron fist of codes that prevented someone like her father, someone like herself who had no 'blood' for it. No real high connections of heritage from old countries, with fancy names, it made it impossible to be anyone in the world of crime.

The batman changed all that, it opened the way for her kind. For those with the brains and the will, for those who could be capable of greatness, no matter the blood.

If he could do it, if he could build an empire out of nothing, why couldn't she?

Something snapped inside her head.

Something dark, something, uncivilized.

Still crying, still mourning the man she loved for his rejection, she rose out of bed and walked, unhindered by a doting mother who wanted her to move back home, feeling stronger than she ever had before. Feeling justified, feeling angry, so very angry.

She was a live wire, she was raw, everything she felt made its way through her nerves, her blood, her muscles.

It was so late, even her brother was asleep.

She crept into his room, grabbing a knife from the kitchen on her way,

It would be so easy, all the problems he caused her gone away, it would be better, he was worth nothing, would never be anything, he'd never done anything to help her and he was laying there just, sleeping, worthless.

She'd seen into his truth and found him more than lacking, end him and the world could continue on its merry way.

Harley stood there for what seemed like hours, only a few minutes though, holding a knife, staring at her brother with every intention of making a victim of him.

She wanted to, oh god she wanted to. There was a joy in her at the thought, a dark, decadent thought of causing him harm, of watching him wake up as she stabbed him, knowing that he was going to die at his older sister's hands.

 _You can't, it's wrong._ A small tiny voice whispered in her head, so very tiny but still incredibly powerful.

As quickly as the darkness came, it flew back into the shadows and she ran out of the room. Throwing the knife in the sink and crawling back into her bed, the door firmly locked behind her.

She trembled there, thinking about the tiny shred of humanity that was left in her, how strong it still was and how it haunted her thoughts. It was stuck in there, keeping her from truly being free.

 _You didn't get it all out Mr J._ She cried silently. Grabbing onto the pillow like a child.

" _You will never have her." Her mother screamed as she hid under the bed. "You think I want her to grow up like you?"_

" _You knew what I was before we got married." Her father yelled back. "She deserves a nice life Sharon, they both do."_

" _Then get a job and pay child support like a regular man. Don't go around teaching your daughter that it's OKAY to steal and lie."_

" _Harley deserves those things."_

" _HER NAME IS HARLEEN!" she screamed angrily. "You think giving her nicknames and buying her things with your dirty cash is going to help her? She ain't no criminal."_

" _Oh my god Sharon, in a place like this criminal is just another career choice."_

" _What, you want your daughter to show up in Blackgate like you did?"_

" _She's smarter than that." he exclaimed._

" _I can't believe we're having this conversation, you actually want your daughter to be a criminal, to whore herself out like some prostitute."_

" _No, I never said that. She's got the gift for it Sharon, she's got brains and she's gonna be beautiful. She doesn't have to live like this."_

" _Then she can go to collage, she can get a good job and make honest money."_

" _There is no honest money, it's all dirty. You want her to go to collage? How the hell is that gonna happen Sharon? You gonna pay for it? You don't have the money, those places are the thieves, for what, so she can make a pathetic paycheck that won't be worth half her skills?"_

" _Do not make me the bad guy Nick, she's not a criminal, she's not you. I don't want my baby becoming some mobster's whore to make some money."_

" _That isn't what I meant and you know it, it ain't like that no more Sharon, times have changed, it don't matter she's a girl. She can be something, she can run this city."_

" _You're putting dangerous thoughts in her head, she ain't ever gonna be anything like that, you setting her up to fail Nick and if you keep that up then you can't be in their lives. Today it's Harleen, what about tomorrow? Barry? You gonna make a thief of your son too?"_

" _Their my kids too." Nick Quinzel growled out._

" _No Nick, their mine. Get out, get the hell out." Her mother said it, sounding exhausted, sounding defeated. "Don't come back, just go and don't come back."_

 _Harley couldn't stand it anymore. She bolted out of her room, her night clothes covered in tears._

" _No daddy, no, don't leave." she begged, grabbing onto his leg tightly. "Mommy no, don't make daddy leave, please mommy I'll be good, I'll be good."_

" _Harleen, go back to bed baby. Mommy will be there in a second." Sharon tried to sound calm._

" _No mommy, I'll be a good girl, I'll be a good girl I won't be bad, I'll be good just let daddy stay please." she pleaded and Nick picked his daughter up and squeezed her tightly in his arms._

" _Hey, hey Harley, it's okay. It's alright honey, I'm here, I'm right here."_

In that moment, her friends disappeared, her mother had shaken her and scared her that day, it's why they'd fought, it was because of her, so, her friends who were strong, brave, fearless of danger and made her feel like the princess her daddy said she was, they all went away into the deepest part of her young mind, leaving only the gate keeper, leaving only the one who said no.

The plea hadn't meant anything in the end, her father was dead. The rich man who'd been drunk and run him over didn't even spend a single night in jail, not a night.

She'd never forget the shape of his ring, how it gleamed in the sunlight as he waled out of that court house, like he had no care in the world.

He didn't, his influence, his money gave him power he hadn't earned.

Her father was just a crook, no one cared, no one thought twice, she mourned him.

All of those tears that came out for no reason at all and now, she was alone, truly and utterly alone.

 _Not anymore Harley, we're back and you'll see, we'll get the gate fully open, we'll be free at last._

The gate keeper, so weak now but still so strong, keeping her from completely loosing control.

Had she created it or had her mother? She didn't know, the only thing she did know was that she couldn't stay here, she had to leave. She had to leave right now.

Her whole body shook, not in a seizure, she shook with anticipation, with fear, dread and energy she shouldn't have.

 _Go back to work, go back home, get on with your life._ Her mind repeated over and over again.

 _Make money, try, just try to live._

It was that stupid, weak and determined voice. The voice that didn't want her to go down into the depths of this new dark purpose. How could you so desperately want something and still be repelled by it, by the steady voice that insisted it was the Joker talking and not her, that the voices were figments of her trauma.

 _You're suffering PTSD_

"No, no, no, no." she mumbled, pulling her face from the pillow, letting the tears fall freely.

She sat up on her knees, leaning her head back and sobbing silently, no noise coming from her mouth but the silent screams could have shook the fabric of time with as much pain as she was in.

Her heart was breaking over and over again, hearing his voice, hearing his laugh.

Madness, she was going mad without him.

 _I can't be what I'm not._

 _You are this._

 _No, I'm not. I don't know how._

 _Then go find out._

 _Please, what do I do?_

 _You fight, you grow up and be free._

 _You can't be here anymore, this isn't your world, this isn't your home._

 _Stay, you must fight it._

 _No, don't fight, not anymore._

 _Be what we are, be yourself._

 _Am I bad?_

 _Yes, that isn't a terrible thing, it's all subjective. They say it's bad but their words mean nothing._

 _Your mother can help you heal._

 _My mother doesn't want me, she doesn't love me._

 _She does._

 _No, and... I don't care._

 _What do you care about?_

 _HIM, I CARE ABOUT HIM_

 _He doesn't want you._

 _What have you done to earn him Harley Quinn? What have you done to show him your worthy of his affections?_

 _Nothing._

 _Then do something, be his equal, make him look at you with new eyes. Make him love you._

 _Make him hate you, make him obsess over you like you obsess over him._

 _Hurt him, for what he's done to us._

 _Love him, hate him but don't fear him._

 _I'm not afraid._

 _Then run Harley, run from this place and don't return. Go home, back to Gotham streets, back to the place that birthed us._

 _Yes, home._

Harley rose, still silently sobbing, going to the closet where all her old clothes were. A few things from collage that her mother had stowed away here.

She'd lost weight in the last month, barely able to eat and feeling little hunger. She'd fit these clothes again.

She pulled outfit after outfit from hangers, disgusted at them all. T-shirts, sweaters, grays, blacks, happy pastel colors. Nothing bold, nothing that screamed Harley Quinn.

Stripping off her nightgown, Harley found something. It wasn't much but it would work for tonight.

A pair of black jeans, torn on the knees, the legs with sewn patches, all of it black with handfuls of sequence she'd put there with fabric paint.

A red tank top and a leather jacket, worn but still good.

The only shoes that would fit, a pair of boots that felt a little tight, who cared.

 _You're gonna need something better._ The voices complained, she agreed but she had nothing else.

There was urgency in her, that other voice, the one that belonged to the civilized world trying to stop her, trying to convince her to go back to bed.

No, no bed, no more sleeping. She'd slept for too damn long.

She didn't bother with her hair, or makeup, she didn't have time. She could almost hear the ticking, the endless maddening ticking of time slipping away form her.

 _Run now or die here._

Harley's phone, her spare keys were all lying on the kitchen table, in a cardboard box. All the things given back to her by the police.

She grabbed them, stuffing them in her jacket pocket with her wallet. Five dollars in it, she had no more money, let her mother keep whatever money had been donated, she didn't want it anymore.

When she opened the front door, she slammed it, not caring who it woke.

Her bike had been moved here from Arkham, a feeling of anger in her skull, imagining her brother riding it here.

"Hi baby." she whispered as she swung a leg over the machine. "Miss me? I'm sorry, I've been out of it, lets go home now."

The bike could not answer, so Harley answered for it.

 _Yes, home._

The bike's engine filled the night air and she didn't care that there was no helmet, she didn't care that it wasn't safe, that she could possibly have a seizure.

Harley, just didn't care.

" _Mommy, I'm home." she called, having just walked the half a block home from the bus._

 _Her mother was sitting on the couch, tears in her eyes, looking stricken._

 _Sharon looked up at her little girl, fresh tears falling from her eyes._

" _Mommy?" Harley asked, her voice filled with worry. Why was her mommy crying?_

 _She had pigtails today, her glasses framing her face. Pink ribbons dangling from the elastic bands with blue flowers on them._

" _Come here baby." Her mother commanded, holding out her arms for her daughter. Barry wasn't in the room, he must still be at daycare._

" _Mommy, what's the matter?"_

 _It was a Friday, her father would be coming to get her soon. Had they had another fight?_

" _Um, honey, I... I have to tell you something." Sharon brushed her bangs out of her small face, trying to find the words to tell her daughter the truth._

" _What is it?" she pouted. "Did I do something bad? Am I in trouble."_

 _Sharon shook her head sadly. "No baby, you didn't do anything. Sweetie, something, happened."_

 _Harley wrapped her arms around her mother, looking up at her, the fear growing in her little chest. What was going on? What was wrong._

" _Harleen, your daddy-"_

" _Did he go back to the bad place mommy? Please, he's supposed to come get us today. Me and Barry, he said we were going to the zoo, he said he might even take us to see the gymnastics. He said he'd watch me on the bars."_

 _Sharon started to cry again, holding her tightly, rocking her back and forward._

" _I'm sorry baby, daddy won't be coming back." she sobbed._

" _What? Why?" Harley was crying now, her little heart breaking instantly at her mother's words. "Why mommy, why isn't daddy coming back? Where did he go? Why did he leave? Doesn't he love me anymore."_

 _Sharon cried and was unable to talk for a long time. Just rocking her daughter back and forward and because her mother was crying and because she'd told her that her father wasn't coming back, she cried too._

 _They cried and Harley didn't understand why, only the pain but when her mother was able to talk again, wiping Harley's face with her shirt, she told her and Harley's pain became almost unbearable._

" _Harley." Sharon would only ever use that name once, never before and never again. "Last night, your daddy, he was walking across the street... he was walking down the street and someone... someone wasn't paying attention to the road... your daddy, he got hit."_

 _Harley's whole body stiffened, she was old enough to understand what that meant, how many times had they yelled at children at school to stay off the road to keep from getting run over._

 _The pieces started to form in her very young mind, a thought that hadn't ever occurred before because the concept of life and death, though not unknown to her. Having already lost family pets in the past, never felt so real._

" _No." she whispered, unwilling to believe it._

" _Baby I'm sorry, daddy. He died last night."_

Harley drove, she drove faster than she ever had, faster than she'd ever dared to go. Running form the past, running to the future, whatever that was. Only existing right now, right in this moment as that last thread of her childhood left her.

She was a child again, that little girl was someone else, something else. She had a new parent, she had a new daddy and he'd left too but not by death.

That little girl had cried until there was no tears left and she'd grown up into a woman who desperately wanted to understand the why, the why of her father's choices, the why of crime and corruption.

Because that man had gotten off free, no jail, no justice, nothing to show for his crime.

Her father had stolen money from aging women, he'd been a life long criminal and he paid with his life.

She'd become a psychiatrist to understand them, to make sense of her own feelings, of her own mind but now she had a new purpose.

Harleen Quinzel was no more, she would return to work, she needed the money, she'd go back to her little pathetic apartment because she couldn't live with her family anymore.

She'd do this because she had to survive but she was now a player to the game, a player in the theater that was Gotham.

She was part of this city, born in it, moved away from it, yearning to return over and over again. This place, this place was her home, these streets with their violence and depravity, it would be her teacher if her new daddy would not be.

Harley felt a surge of confidence and power, stripping away another layer of that old person.

She would be the actress she was meant to be, she would be the princess her father had envision but so much more, she would succeed where he failed, she'd become more, she'd become everything and then, oh then she'd go after the one man who'd done this to her.

The man who was her creator, who was the connection between worlds.

She'd make him understand, she'd make him see that she was not like any other person in the world, he'd find out what he'd done, what he'd made.

He would love her or he'd die for his sin. At this point, she wasn't sure which one she was hoping for.

The night went on, she drove street after street, reckless, easily spotted by police who couldn't catch her, the bat uninterested in a speeding bike.

Harley drove past places she'd never dared go, past old buildings, industrial areas, clubs.

She wouldn't know it but she'd driven right past his club, roaring down the street, scaring the criminals who were trying to get into see the newly released Joker.

She would scare them because all they saw was a flash of black, red and green, golden hair blowing back in the wind like madness incarnate.

Inside he would hear the roar of that engine and look up for only a second, curiosity for the sound, only to look back down at his drink.

Trying to forget, trying to erase her from his mind but still unable to do it.

Harley drove that street three different times not by any real reasoning, she drove other streets more times. Just wanting to drive, wanting to go faster than ever. She should have driven a fourth time, she should have gone once more because the roaring sound of her driving had finally caught the attention of the joker who was already bored with the man he was setting up a business deal with.

He'd gotten used to intelligent conversations and Harley knew it, she was smart. She was god damn smart.

She should have made one more turn, because he was out there, listening to the wild roar of that bike going down the other streets, both amused and curious.

"Hey, crazy bitch, nearly ran me over?' someone cried.

"Some crazy blonde is racing down the streets."

Crazy, yes, bitch? They hadn't seen nothing yet.

If he'd seen her, he would have never been able to let her leave so easily, never been able to just walk back inside like he would and brush it all off.

Harley should have driven by once more.

Finally, after what seemed like days, she parked her bike in its special place and made her way up the stairs.

Floor after floor until she found her own door.

Her real keys had gone missing, never found but the spare was here. The spare was still in her hands.

Harley unlocked the door and stepped inside, expecting a envelope on the ground, telling her she had only days to move out but there was no such letter waiting on the ground.

There was a moment of vertigo, looking around her old place. It felt so tiny now, tinier than it had been before.

"I'm home." she whispered, not expecting anyone to answer, no one did.

She walked down the hall, wanting to go to sleep in her own bed, finally feeling a little more sane, a little more in control of herself.

Could you imagine the surprise to see what awaited her on her bed.

She had never thought, she'd believed he'd just forgotten her...

Her bed was made, her comforter, changed, her sheets still blue but not the cheap ones she'd bought at the store. New pillows, maybe even a new mattress, it looked, bigger.

On this new bed, there were fresh roses laying there, beautiful, red, dozens of them just laying there on the bed for her. A large envelope and something glimmering on the pillows.

Harley carefully stepped into the room, half crazed again, half expecting him to suddenly be there, to come out of her bathroom and say boo.

"J?" she called carefully. "You, here?"

No one answered.

Swallowing hard she walked over to the bed and sat down.

It was not her bed, the whole thing had been changed.

The comforter felt so good, it was a dark red and black, it's as soft as feathers and she could feel the expensive texture of the fabric.

She picked up the envelope, there was a large sum of money in it, all of it in bundles.

A note with it.

She took it in trembling hands, swallowing back her tears.

 _Make something of yourself, I expect you to make daddy proud Harley Quinn, something to start you out. Until you come back, someone's coming in to feed your new pets._

 _J_

Harley frowned, new pets?

She turned to look at her dresser, there were two cages sitting there, side by side.

Harley rose and walked over to them.

In one cage, there was a rat, currently nibbling on something, looking as content as could be and in the other, there was a snake coiled up asleep.

"Hi." she whispered, how thoughtful of him to realize she was alone.

"He didn't forget me."

 _He's still expecting you to do this alone, no guidance, a few thousand dollars. That isn't right._

No, it wasn't right, it wasn't enough.

Not the money, the gesture was beautiful but not enough.

She walked back over to the bed and picked up the gleaming something from the pillows.

The gasp was uttered before she had time to stop it.

It was beautiful, a necklace that outshone the one he'd gotten her for the fundraiser, not clear diamonds like that one, this one was gold and she sat back down.

Overwhelmed and confused.

He left her gifts but left her.

He sent her money but didn't send himself.

He gave her pets but wouldn't give her the only thing she wanted.

Him.

Harley stripped down, just letting her clothes fall to the ground. Still holding the necklace, she crawled into that new bed, inhaling deeply. Catching his scent on the expensive silk sheets. He'd been here, he'd laid here and she sighed in content peace.

He wanted her, he needed her, he just refused to see it.

"It's okay Mr J, you'll see me soon, I'm gonna do what you can't do for us." She promised, the necklace clutched tightly in her hands.

"I love you, I'm gonna get you to see that you love me too."

And for the first time in weeks, for the first time since before his awakening, before his request of a machine gun.

Harley slept, dreamless, peaceful and content.

The Joker didn't realize how much trouble he was about to find.

A/N A/N Oh god, I am so sorry this took a week to write. It was such an intense chapter, which is nearly impossible to keep going when you have to switch back to normal life mode for large periods of time. I can see why Jared Leto stayed in character for the whole filming. It's hard as hell to go back and forward.

So as an apology, I have a surprise. I have a box with a ribbon and it's got a present for all of you. It's a... second chapter update. Yay, yes I've done two chapters. Please if you intend to review, would you mind doing both chapters separately. I know, selfish and greedy but hey, I love your reviews. They get me all giddy and excited to write more.

So I was watching a you tube thing about the Joker's portrayal and I was quite offended by the whole thing. I agree with only one thing, the movie did NOT have enough of his character, I think if you saw more of him. You'd have seen a hell of a lot more of that depth that he worked so hard on. The guy who was posting this, actually made reference tot he novel version of the film and I nearly sent him a ranting comment. Please, if you have not read that novel. DO NOT think that it portrays Jared Leto's performance at all. IT doesn't even come close. It does no justice to Jared Leto or Margot Robbie's characters or their work.

Sigh, sorry. Had to let that out.

Anyway, for those who don't know.

I posted a one shot that didn't turn out to be a one shot. It's a bit AU but if you guys wanna read it please go ahead.

So without further adieu, may I introduce you to the first of the two inspirations for that one shot.

Jason James Quinzel/JJ/Joker Jr/Jester

Why do you have those tattoos on your hands?

Well, the smile my dad did.

Who's your dad?

Joker.

…

The letters I did, see. I hold my fingers up like this they make out words.

That isn't appropriate boy.

I think they are, oh look different word.

You're a comedian aren't ya boy?

Well, not yet... working on it.

So if you're the joker's son, what should we call you? Jester.

Hmm, I don't appreciate the sarcasm in your voice, since you obviously don't believe me but the name sounds cool. Jester, Jester. Hey, I like it.

Get this one a shrink, he thinks he's the Joker's kid.

Why doesn't anyone ever believe me?

So JJ is the son Harley miscarried but... well if you guys like him I'm willing to squeeze him into this story's cannon later on. Let me know what you think of him.

Anyway, love you all. Hope you enjoy this chapter and please follow me to the next chapter of madness.


	17. The babies

Chapter 17 – The babies

The sound of maniacal laughter comes up the stairs long before he reaches that bottom step, they know he's coming, they smell him, he can imagine both of them standing by the gate, expectant, eager, desperate.

Frost is walking behind him, though not as quickly as his boss. Few of the boys come down here, they know the danger this area holds, what could happen if they cross that line, get too close.

It's happened before.

Only Joker walks in with no fear, he knows nothing will happen, he has nothing to worry about.

The laughter grows louder as he reaches the end and enters the enclosure.

Two of his men, young, one's not even eighteen yet, they keep watch down here. Make sure it stays clean, makes sure the boys are happy.

As he predicted, they're waiting for him, pacing back and forward, their eyes fixed on him as he laughs, exciting them as they return the sounds.

"Open the gates." he orders, the older of the two boys swallowing hard, fear in his eyes but he nods and takes the keys, unlocking the lock and opening the gates.

Two large hyenas bound out of their territory towards him, sniffing the air, reaching him as he crouches down to their level, head butting and seeking his touch.

The three other men in the room keep their distance, not that it matters. If the boys wanted to, they could kill all of them in a second.

Bud is the largest, he's lighter than his brother, the dominant of the two, demanding his attention, seeking out the Joker's hand and snapping at Lou to get away, the younger not relenting though, coming around the other side.

Their not tamed, he's just part of their clan.

"You can't tame hyenas." Harley's voice coos in his head, Lou nudging him till he's sitting down, crawling up onto his lap, getting a better position.

"You got to let them be part of your family." her voice continues.

These are her babies, raised from only a few days old by her hand, now grown adult males, larger than they would have been in the wild, spoiled brats who had more than once served to scare the living souls out of his enemies, those who dared to cross him.

He laughs hard and lays back on the ground, the enclosure takes up the entire space. The fence, the gates only section off a small strip of area, where humans can safely roam, unhindered by their sharp teeth and cunning minds.

Beautiful, deadly boys who embody everything he is, everything she is and share their parents nature.

"Got a treat for ya boys." he purrs at them as Lou laughs echoing, chillingly towards Frost.

The boys are spoiled, they get fresh meat, the calf not even skinned, they're particular about their meals, they have every right to be.

They're her babies.

Frost looks up the stairs, hearing the sound of footsteps.

"Boss, they're coming." He tells the joker and the sound becomes clearer, catching Bud and Lou's attention, their laughs become deeper, more menacing, sensing a threat.

Joker makes a sound and both male hyenas submit to him, falling back as he gets up.

"Boys are gonna do daddy a favor aren't you?" he tells them with a smile full of silver teeth.

He leads them back into their large enclosure, following behind them, the guard shuts the door back up but doesn't lock it.

He's unafraid of them and they hold him as no threat, he's the leader of their clan now that Harley's gone, they feel her absence as much as he does, Lou especially, who continues to seek for her, smelling the air.

" _Can I keep them?" She asks, holding the pathetically tiny animal in her hands._

 _He's biting at her fingers and she lets him, not breaking skin, squirming, squealing in her embrace. "They don't got no one else."_

 _What a sight to walk into, Harley sitting on the couch, a pet carrier on the floor and two hyena cubs on her, one on her lap, the other in her arms._

 _He imagines her having gone to the Gotham zoo and stealing them from an enclosure but that would've been reported, there was nothing on the radio when they came back, or on the TV._

" _Where you get them?" He asks, casually stalking the room._

" _I bought them." she explains just as casually, both of them keeping their eyes on the other, their words not relaying the hidden conversation._

 _What have you done?_

 _Nothing I couldn't handle._

 _Do I need to clean up your mess?_

 _No._

" _How much?"_

" _Oh well, the man was just so nice, since they're orphans, their mama died when they were born puddin, so he let me have them for free."_

 _Translation, she made the deal, then beat the man to death._

" _Over priced em did he?" He grins and her eyes light up, he regrets not being there to watch her work._

 _She can be so beautiful when she's violent, when she lets herself go and gives in to the urge, to give into chaos. He's not even worried that someone might have seen, she's a smart girl, if she hadn't cleaned up her own mess, she would have come home crying._

" _Please puddin, they're all alone in the world." She coos in that way a mother does to her baby, picking the cub up high in her arms and hugging him._

" _They'll tear ya up once they're big enough." He warns, amused at her antics, refusing to show her that he is._

" _No they won't, I know how to get them on my side, yours too puddin."_

 _He raises an eyebrow at her smile, she laughs hard and the cub squirms obviously reacting to the sound._

" _Oh, how ya plan to do that Harley girl?"_

" _Hyenas can't be trained." She explained, placing a kiss on the infants nose, something that if he was older, would probably have cost her half her face._

" _Doesn't that mean they're more likely to turn on you then?"_

" _Nope, because I'm not gonna train em." She grins more widely, seeing some of his men peering in, seeing the small animals on her person, imagining a fight._

 _Crazy Harley Quinn, that's what they think, they won't say it aloud. They know better than that but they're thinking it, she's brought home strays and not a dog, not a cat, something else._

 _They probably don't even know what they are, he does. Spotted hyenas, laughing hyenas. He's tempted, just to let her keep them, for the name, for the illusion._

 _He takes the opportunity to test her though, he needs to see how far her brain has gone, it's been over a year now, since she jumped and still they're in uncharted waters._

" _Hmm, so how ya gonna keep them from ripping your pretty throat open?" He crosses his arms, leaning against the opposing couch, curious at her response, curious at how she'd respond to the slight._

 _Her perfectly beautiful blue eyes say it all, she'll keep them either way, she only asked him as a courtesy. She has a plan, she intends to see it through._

 _He was discovering, that for all the infuriating defiance Harley could have, he enjoyed the contradiction._

 _Both completely submissive to his power and yet, still able to push against his storm when the mood arose._

 _Did it surprise him that she'd pick such a dangerous pet? No, did he know that she'd picked them out not only for herself but for him too? Oh yes, Harley always thought of him, it was part of her devotion and his, in it's strangest form was to grant her little things, let her have her fun._

" _I am going to make them part of my clan." she emphasized and he grinned._

 _So her plan wasn't to train them, her plan was to train herself._

Bud ran the parameter of their enclosure, letting off some energy while Lou insisted on receiving more of Joker's attention.

That's what the men coming down the stairs saw when they finally made it down to them.

The joker, the prince of Gotham, casually playing with a dangerous, vicious killer. Completely at ease with the animals, who in turn looked just as relaxed with him.

The scene should have looked funny but it didn't, like so many things about him, it should be funny but he made it look so menacing.

The two hyenas were not domesticated, they were still wild. Harley had gone to great lengths to encourage their wild instincts, to keep them free. At least once a week, she made them bring live animals for the boys to hunt, encouraged them to work together, like the leader she was to them.

Joker held rank between the three and today, there was something eerie about it, maybe because Harley wasn't here as well, maybe because he looked so damn calm, almost like a normal man playing with his dogs.

He was no normal man and they were not dogs, not even close, they were vicious monsters, at the prime of their health, with only Harley to dominate them in the ways their species were accustomed, these boys were far more capable of viciousness, of aggression.

"Got him boss." Johnny calls, watching his boss warily. The joker's bad enough when he's letting himself go all over the place, random, chaotic but when he calms down like this, when he just, relaxes and you know he's angry, enraged.

You feel like all it will take is a spark of a match to ignite the gas that you didn't notice in the room.

At first Joker doesn't acknowledge them, he's lost in his own thoughts, listening to her voice in his head.

" _Lou likes it when you pet his neck, Bud nips at him there a lot."_

When Bud comes back to him, nudging Lou away, wanting Joker's attention for himself, Joker laughs at the aggression of the older brother. The hyena laughs back at him and the men in the room watch the unknowable conversation, it scares them, it should.

Does he understand them? Do they understand him? Is he more than a man?

 _Harley's laying down with Bud resting against her side, she's got her arm outstretched with a bottle in her hand, a mixture of egg yolk, cream and milk, mixed in with drops of other vitamins she's added to their formula. Lou is greedily suckling on it._

 _In only a month, they've both grown so big. She can't hold them both in her arms at the same time without them fighting, Bud gets jealous when Lou is granted attention he wants._

 _He's not surprised to find her down here, she's down here at least four times a day now, feeding them, interacting with them and he can't help but feel a pang of jealousy at her complete devotion to the two animals who only seem to squeal and cry._

 _Their a near chocolate brown, their spots, she explained would become more defined as they grew up._

 _She hasn't spent a penny of his money on this enclosure, it's all stolen or bought with her own investments, she's trying to prove something to him, something she doesn't need to but still, he can appreciate the sentiment._

 _He doesn't know how he feels about her half the time, some days, he can't stand to have her in another room, wants to chain her to his wrist so she can't move away, other days, he wishes she'd never existed and the idea of strangling that perfect, feminine neck drives him crazy._

 _She makes him feel, that's the thing, she makes him want to feel more._

 _Only batman had ever been able to induce that desire, for different reasons, that made sense though, chaos against order._

 _What was she?_

 _There's a bruise on her jaw, it's swollen and purple, Bud is lightly licking it, almost as if giving her some form of comfort but again that isn't needed._

 _The cub has no need to comfort his mother, she's not distraught over the blow._

 _She laughed, he struck her and she laughed at him._

 _He didn't even remember what set him off, she'd just, done something, something that angered him and instead of cowering in the corner like a pet who'd been beaten by their master, she laughed at him and then wrapped her arms around his neck, biting his lower lip before skipping off._

 _Coming down here, coming to her babies._

 _There were no tears in her eyes, her feelings weren't hurt._

 _She glances up at him and smiles, those perfect teeth gleaming at him, those eyes almost knowing. Knowing what?_

" _Hey puddin." she purrs, sitting up, earning a yell from Lou who was not done with his meal._

 _She makes a sound at him and be backs off obediently. Submitting to her dominance._

 _Bud doesn't even move, he's quite comfortable where he is and doesn't have to fight against Harley's will._

" _Do not, call me puddin." He tells her, annoyed with the nickname._

" _Puddin, puddin, puddin." She taunts, laughing loudly and amused. "I love puddin, you know that so what else could I call you other than puddin?"_

" _I don't care what you call me, just not that." He snaps, feeling anger for her again. Angry for how personal she is, angry how the bruise is swelling, purple, a sign that he's lashed out at her perfect pale skin. Angry at how exquisite she looks, laying there on the ground with two wild animals demanding her attention, seeing her as their mother._

 _His blood is boiling and he can't decide why, anger, jealousy or lust._

" _I could call you Joker..." She smiles and uses her free hand to count off the names she could use. "Or Mr J, you know like I used to."_

 _Joker growls, catching the attention of the cubs, they both turn to look at him, making loud howling sounds._

" _No, see that's the problem, you don't like those either. They piss you off so much." she sighed and sits up properly, earning her a whine from Bud who was enjoying his comfortable mother._

 _There is a spark in those blue eyes, a fire that is barely contained inside of her. Whether in anger for his beating, want for her madness or something else, he can't say._

 _She's so impulsive, so hard to determine._

" _Especially since you've seen me naked." She drawls and puts down the hyena's formula. Picking Lou up in her arms and laying him across her legs._

 _He has, he's indulged in her, the beauty of her body, the thrill of her pleasure and how easy it is for him to invoke it out of her, he doesn't care what she calls him then, as long as it's him she's calling for._

" _See puddin, it's gotta be puddin." She shrugs absently and goes back to petting her babies._

 _He glowers at her and she grins, knowing what he's thinking about now._

" _Aw babies, daddy's mad at mommy but don't worry. Mommy's gonna be just fine."_

" _Oh, what makes you think that Harley?" he snarls, again his blood boils and he doesn't know what to focus it on._

 _He watches as Harley moves Lou off her, gently pushing both cubs away, he stares intently as she pushes her whole body off the ground, holding herself up just on her hands._

 _She performs a little show, doing a back flip and landing on her feet._

" _You want me gone Joker?" She asks him, her voice both serious and passionate. "Is that what you want baby, do you want me gone?"_

" _Careful." he warns, pointing a finger at her face._

" _Or what puddin? You're gonna kill me? Go ahead." she said, coming closer. "Gonna torture me, you already did that and I'm still here. Just say it puddin, just say it. Leave and don't come back, I'll go, won't ever see me again. I could go to Central like I planned or I could go terrorize somewhere else. I hear Bludhaven's nice this time of year."_

 _She's so close now, they're breathing the same air, all he has to do is slap her, tell her to leave and she'll go. He knows it, her eyes say it. If you don't want me, then make me go._

 _He could, he should, she's too close, too involved._

 _He'd have it back, that sense of solitude, not sharing his bed with her, not hearing her talk, not watching her disobey him and do her own plans._

 _He could let her go, never see those eyes, never taste those lips, never hear the sweetness of his name on her lips as she looses herself in him._

 _He could but he won't, he can't and he hates himself for it._

 _She grins, knowing that today, she's won the game._

" _It's okay puddin." she whispers, as if they're sharing a secret. "I won't tell anyone, you never have to say it, you never have to show it. I already know and I love you too."_

 _When he grabs her in his arms, he thinks he's going to hurt her, that's what he intends to do but instead, he's pulling her to him, desperate to have her as close as physically possible to him. Her arms snaking their way around his neck, her lips hungrily seeking out his._

He came back from the memory, glancing at his boys who are pacing back and forward at the gate, anticipating the meal to come.

Not a dead calf from the butcher's tonight, live prey.

They love to hunt, they're laughing, both of them in wild, predatory excitement.

Two men bring in the baby cow, frightened, dripping with fear.

The man who's bound up looks just as afraid and Joker wonders, who the babies are hungrier for.

He makes a sound, a mix between a laugh and a growl, both of them come to stand at his sides, their collars gleaming purple and green in the artificial light.

Hyenas are pack hunters, they won't attack unless their alpha commands and right now, he's their alpha.

"So he was there hmm?" he asks, looking at the man who's been shoved into the gates.

"Yeah boss, took us a while to find him, apparently they're keeping everyone involved out of the way. This one got stupid." Johnny explained and Joker circles him, Bud and Lou following. Their eyes intent on their potential victim.

He crouches down in front of the cop, his eyes reveal what the rest of his face refuses to show.

"Have you met my boys?" he asks, almost, pleasant. "Bud and Lou?"

At the sound of their names, they laugh, feeding on the tension.

The man inhales, glancing nervously at the wild animals.

"You see they have a little problem." He whispers menacingly now. "They're a matriarchal animal, they are better when a female is in charge. See, my boys are unhappy because their mommy isn't here."

"I don't know..." the man starts but Joker stops him with his hand.

"Sh, don't talk, I'm not done." He warns. "You see, they need their mommy and well, what you and your friends did was break up a clan. You broke up a family. Now how does that make you feel?"

The man doesn't know how to react. Joker laughs at his silence, he laughs and the sound is echoed twice over. Filling the whole space with a harmony of madness.

With the flip of a switch the Joker's pleasant mood is gone, he looks back down at the cop but he's not grinning now, he's not smiling at all and his eyes scream murder.

"Where is she?" he demands in a gravel, hoarse growl.

"I don't..." the man starts and Bud leaps forward, sensing the Joker's impatience and taking it as a sign to attack.

Tearing at the man's arm, Lou follows his brother and bites the man's shoulder.

Joker slowly grins.

The man's screams ring in his ears and he talks louder.

"I can stop them if you tell me what you did to her." He doesn't sound angry anymore, another mood swing changing the script.

"I don't know where they took her!" The man screams. "Please, oh god, please."

"What do you know?"

"I just... I just know, they were taking her to another... airport."

The boys aren't even really trying, they're playing more than trying to kill, Harley taught them to play with their food.

"Give me a name." he demands angrily.

"They didn't tell us." He gasps and Bud starts tugging, still playing but the taste of blood taking him over.

"Give me something or my boys will have an appetizer of you." He growls, he's lying, he can feel it. He knows something, he knows the first step in her journey.

"Oh, god. KEYSTONE, I heard something about KEYSTONE!"

"Just a stop off huh?"

"Yes, just a stop off..." the man can barely focus, Joker slaps him hard across the face, forcing his eyes back on him. "They didn't want you to find her, to follow. For her to escape."

"Who is they?"

"I don't know." He cries out like a child and begs for his life, begging doesn't help, it never does.

" _Hush little baby don't say a word, mama's gonna kill for you the whole damn world."_

He hears her singing, a memory flooding over him, turning his blood cold and he has to roll his neck, cracking it as he looks back at the man in front of him.

 _Joker's sitting with Lou laying across him, the hyena being as demanding for his attention as his mother. She's laying on her back, her hair braided into two plats, the pink and blue vibrant and bleeding up her bleach blonde hair._

 _Bud is sniffing at her, she's got a grin on her face, exposing her flat belly to him._

" _Hush little baby don't say a word, mama's gonna kill for you the whole damn world."_

" _Cute." he comments, hearing her new iteration to the lullaby._

" _Well our baby should have a song that fits for him." she pets Bud's fur and he laughs in response. "Isn't that right baby? Your little brother needs something just for him."_

 _She still hasn't told him how she knows it's a boy, she just gives him that smile that hides her secrets._

 _He doesn't know how to respond or how to react, he feels protective over the blonde, his mate, his queen and the child inside of her but he isn't sure how to feel, the same way he wasn't sure about the boys._

" _So you got a whole song worked out then?" He asks, curious to the morbidity of the lullaby._

 _She giggles and sits up, rolling onto her stomach and crawling on all fours towards him, nuzzling Lou affectionately before climbing into J's lap._

" _Oh, I got a whole song for JJ."_

" _JJ? You already naming my kid little girl?"_

 _She smiles brightly, laughing and grabbing his hand, placing it over her belly. "Jason, his name is Jason."_

" _Harls."_

" _He's got to be Jason puddin, you know why." she whispers conspiratorially. "A memorial of our legacy, the day we broke him baby, the day you broke him."_

 _He considers it and nods, accepting her explanation. "And the second J?"_

" _Jason James. Like Jesse James." She explains again and then, her smile turns fond and she places a slow sensual kiss on his lips. "That's what it'll say on his certificate, when he goes out, Jason James Quinzel, since you don't know your last name but in reality..."_

 _He arches a knowing eyebrow, already guessing her plan. "Joker Jr?"_

 _She giggles again, placing her hand back over his and starts to sing again._

" _Hush little baby don't say a word, mama's gonna kill for you the whole damn world."_

" _And if they don't laugh at our jokes, mama's gonna stab out their goddamn throats."_

"And if they start to run away." Joker's singing the song now, it sends chills through everyone, the lullaby that he sings, sweetly, almost loving as his hyenas rip and tear at the man, covering the floor in blood.

"Daddy's gonna paint the streets with blood." the cop can't scream anymore, the pain is too much, all he can do is sob. "And once the blood starts to wash off, daddy's gonna blow some more heads off."

A few of his men have to look away, others can't do anything but stare. Johnny's heart is racing, the Joker's always had that edge of madness but it's almost like it's not just him in there, not just Bud and Lou, it's like, she's in there. It's almost as if the song isn't really being sung by him, it's as if she's channeling through him and it terrifies them all.

"And if the world still doesn't laugh, daddy's gonna go and poison them, and when the poison does its job, daddy's gonna show you your legacy."

Joker's staring past the horror of blood, looking up at the gates, he doesn't see his men, he doesn't see the terrified calf who's mooing and trying to get away. He only sees her, sitting against the gate, staring up at him, smiling. Her eyes bright, that knowing glint that tells him that she knows, even when he doesn't and her belly is swollen, ready to burst with their son. JJ, gone, their legacy gone.

Suddenly it's this cop's fault, it doesn't matter that it isn't, it just is, it's his fault, it's the fault of every person out there, it's batman's fault, it's everyone's fault.

"And if the world still tries to fight, daddy's gonna burn their houses down."

The man's dead, his use is over, Joker couldn't stop Bud and Lou from feeding if he tried, no one could. His promise an empty thing. Though it did stop, he's gone now so it isn't a lie.

He keeps singing, looking up at the image of his Harley Quinn.

"And if you grow up with her smile, daddy's gonna be so proud of you."

There is a moment of silence, no one speaks, no one can. He swears he can hear her, not just the voices of her in his head but actually hear her calling for him, like she's somewhere close.

He's laugh fills the silence and Bud and Lou join it. It's a sound that could even bring a chilling fear to the dark knight, it's the sound of a man who's accepted his madness, who's found the end of his rope and has no intentions of hanging himself with it, it's the sound of a man who will do everything and anything to retrieve what belongs to him and only him.

No one will stop him, no one can.

No one ever could.

A/N Ah, yeah a very twisted chapter but I loved writing it honestly. I've been busy doing so much research on the hyenas and well hope you guys liked it. I hope it makes up for the delay. That last chapter really put the breaks on everything.

So, last chapter I intrduced you to JJ, who in the AU is J's and Harley's oldest son, in this chapter I'd like to introduce you to their younger child.

Eve Lucie Quinzel/Evie/Lucy/Highwire

I can't believe I'm stuck in a safe all night with you.

Hey, I'm great fun bird boy.

Yeah, I don't call blowing up the whole building fun.

That's cause you didn't see how pretty it looked.

You know, I take it back. You're crazier than they are.

Aw, thank you.

Wait, what are you doing?

Well, we're stuck here all night, we have air pumping in, which is strange, how many people you think they throw in here a week? Oh well, I have a paper due tomorrow. I intend to get it done.

Wait, you go to school?

….. Yeah...

Why?

Something to do, watch the little people live their sad little lives. You know, have a social life outside the circus.

You want normal?

No, yuck, normal is a setting on the washer and dryer. I just like human interactions, it's funny.

Human interaction is... funny?

Yeah, it's better than watching stand up.

You're, strange.

Hey, I'm not the one in that get up.

Oh and your costume's just screaming day wear.

I haven't seen you complain so far.

….

What?

Highwire, why'd you kiss me?

Did I?

Two years ago.

…. You still think about that? If you remember, I pushed you off the roof afterwards.

Why?

Boredom, curious what you'd do.

Oh.

what? Wanna do it again?

NO.

-tilts head back and laughs, a more feminine version of the joker's- You're so cute.

What?

You're blushing. It's cute. I just wanna shoot you. They had to take my gun. Well if I missed in here we'd be dodging the damn bullet all night.

You're, smart.

Yes, thank you and you talk way too much. I got work to do, shut up

-Sits across from her.- Advanced calculus?

Yeah, so?

I could...

No thank you, I would like my 4.0 average to remain in tact.

Highwire?

What bird wonder?

Nothing.

-Puts down book- wanna play poker?

Poker?

Yeah, play poker with me.

Why?

You ask too many questions, just play.

What we playing for?

-smiles wide.- winner gets the others mask.

…..

Chicken... -clucks tauntingly.-

If we do, we can't use it against the other when we get out.

That's no fun.

No game.

Fine, spoil sport. So, wanna cut?

So, yeah as I mentioned in the last chapter, the oneshot turned into a story. I hope you check it out. It's called Legacy and anarchy. Don't worry, it's centered around Joker and Harley, not Eve or JJ.

Anyway, I will update very soon from now on again, love you all. Please remember to review both chapters separate.

LOVE YOU.


	18. Poisonous seduction

Chapter 18 – Poisonous seductions.

Grape soda.

His favorite drink, chilled and fizzing on his tongue as he took another sip. So easy for people to think it was actually alcohol.

 _Idiots._

He didn't drink, not unless he had no intentions of leaving upstairs, the image people had of him was complicated, some thought he was a raging alcoholic and drug user, others, knew better.

When you spent as much time as he did on anti psychotics and drugs that could honestly leave you wondering whether you were dead or alive, you lost the taste for them in the real world. They dulled the senses, they addled your mind and left you praying to gods that never existed.

It's all in the details, always has been.

Why put himself in a position to loose focus? Let them think he drank, let them think he got high like they did. His high was something they could never understand, his high was batman and his endless crusade for righteous justice, like he was sure the dark knight's high was the Joker's endless pursuit of chaos.

There was some sick and twisted poetry in that, knowing that the fixation was so close, so thin a line between their worlds. The same and yet completely and utterly different.

Batman wore a mask, he didn't. His face, his whole body was his mask and his identity.

It's what made him more frightening than the vigilante, they didn't know what he was, who he was. If you took the mask off from the bat's head, you'd find a man but there was no edge to his mask.

No one knew who he was, he barely knew himself half the time.

The soda was sweet, the carbonation tingling and keeping him awake enough to listen to the dribble the man in front of him was uttering.

God, he might get a whiskey just to dull himself out of boredom.

Boredom, he was bored.

When had that happened?

A year ago, he'd been living it up, enjoying the nightly adventures, making deals that could easily go wrong for no other purpose than to tempt the bat, to see if that would be the night he pushed him over that line and into the dark side of their world.

Now, the idea seemed, childish, uninteresting.

The bat still a form of amusement for him but this way wasn't doing it anymore, there was no excitement, no thrill as they planned.

Money could be such a dirty word, he was agreeing to this job just so when he got their money, he could light a match to it and watch them scream like he'd just cut their arm off.

These men were slaves to it, seduced by the little pieces of paper with dead men on it.

They spent it always with the idea of making more of it, never satisfied with what they had, their greed was blinding.

He'd been satisfied years ago, with a few thousand a month, cheap thrills that had such explosive results.

Making money, was easy. Almost too easy, there was a point a few years ago when he'd actually gotten sick of money, he couldn't even look at the stuff.

It disgusted him because now that he was the prince of crime, they expected him to share in their greed, in their obsession with the pieces of paper that added up to meaningless numbers.

 _It's just paper, it's just another drug to addle the mind._

Too few criminals were of the caliber to call themselves villains, he had little respect for these men, hell he had none for them.

They were just meat sacks with mouths.

If tonight they all died, he wouldn't feel an ounce of regret or remorse, why should he? His end game was no end game, their end game, make more green paper come their way.

Then the Joker realized a very sick thing, something he hadn't thought about in weeks.

He missed talking to Harley.

She was an intelligent woman, who had opinions, had ideas of her own. How many sessions had they sat there, her holding up newspapers for him to see the going on's in the world, how someone else had gotten arrested and how she would point out the flaw in the planning, debating with him until the guards came in, declaring time was up, only to watch her hold up her hand and tell them with no small measure of authority that they weren't done, pointing to the table and then at him, demanding he finish his point.

He missed her wit, how she'd come in with a joke book one day, flipping it to the first page and just started reciting jokes from it.

Child level jokes that could have only amused a third grader but she said it in such a way, such a perfect and intriguing way that when the obvious punch line came, he found himself laughing irregardless, making her smile and then laugh herself.

He missed that too, he missed her laugh. Her accent bled through when she laughed, a sign that she'd spent time away from here, spent time in another place.

She'd been born here, in Gotham, Gotham general actually. Funny, he remembered being born there too. Taken back to Brooklyn though, taken away from this place and then brought back, over and over again and still somehow, this city was still in her blood.

She was both sweet and demanding, in charge and completely submissive, treating him like a person and not an inmate, not a patient.

To have the audacity to do the things she'd done, to walk in a room with him unrestrained and then tell the guards to leave, that hadn't happened only the one time, it was the only time he'd indulged the taste of her lips and the feel of her body.

He counted at least six other times, six times in which they were in the same area and he was unbound and she fearlessly came up to him.

These men felt fear, she didn't.

 _Get over her, you need to start the detoxing._ He warned himself.

He'd done good, not thinking of her much in the past few weeks but now, her little monstrous thoughts had come back in.

These men, they wanted money, they didn't want problems, they didn't want mistakes, they wanted order like the other civilized people did.

How had it come to this? When did chaos subdue to order?

He took another drink of his glass, focusing on that instead of the mullein sound of the man in front of him.

He was going to shoot him, right in the chest, watch him bleed out, then he'd shoot his guards and the others, for about five second he'd have some amusement.

Then he'd be lost in that irritating boredom again, boredom that felt more suffocating than any straitjacket ever could, more suffocating than a cell with glass.

Harley could keep him entertained for hours, for days even, a session with her and his brain worked tirelessly until the next time, trying to entertain her, be better than she was, to outdo her.

Not to impress her, to encourage the brilliance of her mind, to urge her on. Challenge him, entice him with her thoughts. That's what made it so damn hard, because though her body was a thing so beautiful, perhaps proof that somewhere, some god did exist and had a taste for perfection. Her body was only icing, the thing you saw first, the pretty designs that made you want to cut a slice and take a bite.

That cake inside, fillings jam packed and the cake itself perfectly made, it's what made her so very difficult to forget, to want to forget.

Inside that beauty was brains and wit, sense of humor and something beyond bravery, some form of fearlessness that shared no name because for as reckless as it was, as utterly chaotic, it was in the end still fully in the realm of her control.

It sickened him, it disgusted him, to feel this sweet obsession for this woman. To have created her because he saw the potential, because he saw inside those blue eyes and saw the chaos begging to come out and he'd done what he always did, he did what he must do for that chaos to grow.

He abandoned her, no, he'd done more than that. He'd done more for her than he'd done for any of his children.

He'd given her a starting point, he'd given her jewelry and money, pets to play with and a new bed, because he just couldn't stand the feel of that mattress as he'd waited for Frost to come back to her apartment.

He'd done those things for her, the brat better be utterly thankful to him for his gift, for his time spent on her.

Maybe that's why today he couldn't get her out of his mind, maybe that's why today she was his obsession.

Frost had collected newspapers, news reports, security footage, anything he could get his hands on.

She'd been a busy little bee, a month of crimes done every night, always somewhere different, always something changed, still learning what worked for her, what she liked and what she didn't and always, in costume.

He appreciated the outfit, it was eye catching, inventive, black and red, tight to her skin and showing off every single curve of that body, a black mask that covered her eyes and cheekbones, white grease paint covering the rest, making it impossible for anyone to recognize the woman underneath.

He especially liked the hat, jester styled with bells at the end, that would definitely catch the bat's attention and he knew it, he assumed she knew it as well.

He watched the footage that morning, how fluid and swift she was breaking into a place, emptying it out in minutes. He sat and watched as she killed three guards without blinking, the crimes seemed so unplanned, unprepared to the novice but to him, he saw how delicately she'd planned them out, something so similar to his own mind but still so very different.

It wouldn't take long for the bat to find her and then they'd see how good the little harlequin was, how adaptable she really was.

He found it strange, that she'd return to work, there was footage of that too, of her getting on her bike early in the mornings. Like she must have done before he'd touched her mind. Driving that thing to Arkham, trying to work through the day.

" _You have... grease paint on your cheek." He commented when she sat down across from him._

 _It was Sunday, the asylum was quiet, she wasn't wearing her skirt or lab coat. Her hair was braided to the side and had streaks of color in it, blue, pink, red and green, all adorning her hair. She wore no glasses today as they sat across from each other, her jeans were worn, her t-shirt clinging to her chest._

 _She was just a woman sitting there, no doctor, no psychiatrist wanting to cure him. Just Harley._

" _I was at a child's birthday party yesterday, I don't think I got it all off." she said sheepishly, rubbing at her face._

 _He grinned, amused at the way she tried to rub her cheek, only spreading it more._

 _Tomorrow she'd be gone, away for a conference, mandatory she'd said, unavoidable but she didn't want to miss their session, so she'd done what she was best at. Bullied her way into coming in on the Sunday, surprising the guards, surprising him to see her like that._

" _And." He motioned with his hand at her hair, she smiled bashfully and tugged at the strands of blue._

" _Not my idea, kids party, they had... entertainment." She shrugged._

 _He couldn't help but think she'd look more beautiful as a paler version of herself, how alluring those colors were in her blonde hair._

 _They were in the bottom level, in the sensory room, because it's not Jimmy, she's convinced them to allow no straitjacket, he's free to walk the room, if he wanted to, he could reach out and touch her, strangle her, those guards aren't even paying attention to their conversation. He could in theory, do whatever he wanted to her and nothing would happen to him until it was too late but he didn't._

 _Because moments like this, even as a free man, they're impossible to replicate, impossible to remake with another person and he wants this moment, seeing her as close to herself as he ever has._

 _The boldness of her makeup, the way the paint pales her skin, the color in her hair._

 _All of this she is and he sees potential, further proof that she's meant to be a creation of his making._

Joker snaps back from the almost sunny memory, how long was he meant to endure this punishment of humanity? He should have known it was a bad idea, damn drugs, damn place and its forsaken need of bringing out the humanity in him, what little bit there was.

" _I'm here Mr J." Her voice whispered, sitting against him as his eyes focused on her more clearly. "I'm not going anywhere."_

 _The room was dim, she'd turned off most of the lights._

" _Can you sit up for me, baby?" she asked quietly. "Come on puddin, sit up for me if you can."_

 _He did, he'd sit up for her and she gave him a cup with a straw of water._

 _They were still in the ECT room, he was still on the table._

" _I'm sorry." she said, her voice thick with tears. "I'm so sorry baby."_

 _His mind was still foggy and when her head leaned against his shoulder, he didn't flinch away, not because it was part of any plan, just because he didn't want to fight that feeling._

 _Not with the pounding in his head, the lack of any memory of this moment, just knowing where he was by sheer will power and knowing that she was there._

" _It's okay puddin, I'm not gonna let em hurt you." she breathed, running her fingers through his hair, shameless of how unprofessional it was, how inappropriate. "He shouldn't have touched you."_

"Boss?" He turned to look at Johnny, the man looked concerned, he looks, uneasy as he looks from the Joker then down to the crowd.

"What is it Johnny boy?" He said absently. Pointing to his boring guests. "Can't you see I'm entertaining."

"You... may want to see this." Frost turned back around and swallowed, unable to believe that he was looking at what was impossible to see.

J rose from his throne and came to stand at the balcony, the music had changed to a new song, a heavy beat, something different to what the club normally played, one of the girl's must have asked for it. They liked those beats, faster to dance to.

Johnny pointed to the center of the large room, and it took Joker only one second to realize what Frost wanted him to see.

There was a blonde on the stage, her hands over her head and swaying her hips seductively in a downwards motion, all the way till she was on her knees, a young man on his back, the object of her seduction.

Joker's hands gripped the edge of the rail, his eyes wide and baring his teeth as he watched the woman dance, he'd never seen her dance before, never known how her body could move, a hybrid of a snake and a tiger.

Somehow never touching the man who sought her lips when her head came close to his, always moving away from him and rising, dancing again for the crowd who were eating her up, the atmosphere utterly changing, she was changing it, she was molding it to her will and no man or woman was immune to her spell.

She threw her head back and tossed her hair wildly as the song found its highest point, no glasses, her body exposed and yet denied to anyone.

Emerald green, that was the color of the dress she wore, it shimmered, the necklace he'd left her on her new bed around her neck, he'd know it anywhere and around her wrists, new bracelets the color of his hair, he knew that they weren't fake either. Her spoils, real jewels that she'd stolen for herself.

He wanted to storm down there, wanted to grab her off that stage and put at least a full round of bullets in the boy who was reveling in the sheer power dripping off her body.

Diamond dust, he could see the glimmer from here, gold and diamond dust.

Now how had she gotten her hands on that?

She went low again, her hair brushing against the man's chest before she tossed back, bending her body so far back she was bent in half, then she rose to her knees and stopped dancing for a whole second.

Their eyes meet and he sees the predatory edge in those perfect blue irises.

A smile creeps on her lips and for the rest of the song, she doesn't look away, only to twist and turn, every other movement is dedicated to him and only him, when the song comes to a dramatic end, the crowd cheers her on and she lifts herself off the stage and back into the crowd, holding his gaze.

It's like magnets, it's like being pulled forward by an invisible cable, her hand comes up and he can make out the gleam of new rings on her fingers.

She's showing off for daddy.

Her gaze turns back to the man who was the focus of her playtime and he's grinning like an idiot, J feels his blood burn inside of him, the boy lays a hand on her arm and leans in, kissing her bare shoulder.

He doesn't even notice when Frost backs away, doesn't notice when he growls in anger and jealousy.

Harley leans into her date and sensually kisses him, leaving the idiot boy breathless and stunned.

He's had enough, he's made his way out of the VIP section, unsure of what he'd rather do to her, take her over his knee and spank her like the child she is or pin her against the wall in front of everyone and watch her melt.

Damn it, what was she doing here? She wasn't supposed to be here, seeking him out like that, upstaging him in his own club!

It wasn't that far a distance but by the time he got there with a few of his guards, the pair was gone, the place where she'd been empty.

He pushed the crowd away roughly, finding himself in that spot, the hint of that familiar perfume still in the air.

"Boss?" Frost was back at his side, frowning. "So what do we do?"

"Find her." he snapped.

 _Oh Harley you have no idea how mad you just made daddy._

She had no clue the punishment she was about to receive for the disrespect she'd just shown him, in his house, under his nose.

They were nowhere, it was frustrating, where the hell had she gone?

He had the bathrooms checked, everything and they were nowhere.

An hour later, one of his men came in, looking grim.

"Sorry boss, your girl left you a little present outside." He said nervously.

Joker didn't even bother to ask or shoot the guy, he needed to see what the hell she'd left for him. Oh that girl was gonna get it and he was going to enjoy giving it to her.

The man lead them to the side alley, three guys keeping people from being curious.

It almost looked like a makeshift crime scene and it was.

Whatever he'd expected to find, it hadn't been this.

Her date was on the ground, bludgeoned to death by something, repeatedly. She'd struck him over and over again, his face, his chest, his whole body her play thing as she literally beat him to death.

"No one even heard it boss." the guard said casually, unfazed by the body.

On the wall, painted on the bricks was two letters, only two and he looked down on the ground again, seeing the present the kitten had left him.

H and Q were there, painted in the boy's blood.

"I'd say he was no more than twenty." One of the guys said, eyeing him carefully. "Looks like she lured him out here, knocked him on the head and just kept beating him."

The funny thing about criminals with half a brain, they made for great detectives.

The little girl had brought daddy a present but still he wasn't happy.

Especially when he heard the loud roar of an engine, a familiar sound that he'd heard several times over the past few months.

He pushed his way through again and watched, with little amusement left as Harley drove by, still in her dressed but accompanied by black jeans and a new helmet and jacket.

She was speeding down towards the club, going so fast you could barely register her presence.

A low growl escaped from his chest and he turned to Frost.

"Car now." He ordered, not caring what anyone said. He knew exactly where to find her.

 _Oh Harley, daddy doesn't like this defiant rebellious attitude honey pie._

There was only one thing she could do worse and that was take his gift of freedom and become a hero.

He slid into his car, shutting the door and not waiting to see if Frost was coming with him, this one was for him and Harley alone.

She ran, she was fast but he could be just as fast, he chased her, he chased her down every street she took, debating the merits of pulling his gun on her.

Yet his heart was alive with the thrill of the chase, watching her turning every so often, imagining the grin on her face at the realization of his pursuit.

His instincts took over, the car moved with no effort, anyone else could have crashed but they were like a storm, a storm she was heading, a storm he had no choice but to chase after.

She got ahead of him, a smaller street he couldn't get a car in, he'd have to take the other way. Longer but they were close to her apartment, she was heading home.

Good.

Her keys were in the glove compartment, he'd thrown them in there the last time he'd gone up there, not that he visited her place often, before she came back he stopped in there a few times just to assure that the boys had done the job right.

He pulled into her parking lot, his car standing out among the rest, her bike near the entrance.

She was already upstairs.

The adrenaline rushed through him and he was eager, excited, animal crazed driven with lust and anger. A powerful potion of poison and seduction.

He raced up those stairs three at a time, not hearing the sound of her heels, wondering if she was in that apartment or somewhere else waiting for him.

He was so angry he could barely get the keys to work, her floor was quiet, people who slept through the night or the old lady who lived across from her who never bothered anyone, he didn't care, she was going to scream for him, she was going to cry out in pain and he didn't give a damn who heard her.

The door finally swung open and he stormed in, baring his teeth in a wild snarl.

She stood in the middle of the living room, her jacket and pants removed. Leaving her back the dress, her heels making her look far taller than she was.

She was breathing as heavily as he was, the apartment had changed considerably since his last inspection.

She'd changed out all the furniture, it was new, all of it, a big TV better couches, some pieces of art he knew for a fact were from the Gotham art museum.

He slammed the door shut and they just stared at each other, his gray to her blue.

Neither said a word, both sizing the other up.

There was no grin on her face, her lips were trembling in anger, anger at him, anger at something.

He breathed heavily through his nose, coming closer, circling her as she did the same.

Finally she spoke.

"Did you get my present?" She asked in a mocking tone.

"I did." he hissed. Unable to keep his eyes off the bare skin he knew felt so soft, or the way that dress clung perfectly to her, the jewels that were more deserving of her beauty.

"What's the matter daddy?" she asked, her eyes half crazed with rage. "You look... upset at me."

Her voice still sounded so sweet, so civilized.

That accent of hers hidden beneath a thick layer of glass.

He stepped closer and so did she, neither caring anymore what end game this was.

They'd never had an end game he supposed, just throw her out into the world, see what became of her but seeing her here. There was an urge inside of him that he found so difficult to deny.

Something more he wanted from her, something more he needed or he'd loose his mind.

If he gave in, he'd have to start all over but if he didn't, he'd become more obsessed. He had to end this now, he had to end this tonight or she'd be the end of him.

The switchblade right there in his pocket, if he killed her, then she couldn't bother him anymore, her skin would grow cold and she'd loose everything, there would be only a shell of a woman he'd come to be impressed with.

There were no scars, the burns he'd left were gone, she was Harley Quinzel and she wasn't, all at once.

"You broke me." She said finally, the rage coming through. "You broke me, I'm broken."

He laughed, shaking his head, still circling her, his eyes never leaving her face.

"I broke you? I freed you." he snarled but she shook her head.

"I'm in limbo now, I can't be free and I can't go back." she had a tremble in that voice, a very harsh edge to that sweet little speech. "I tried, I tried to go back to that life but I can't."

"And why oh why would you want to go back to that life Harley? Didn't I give you the gift of life? Didn't I give you your freedom?"

"No, you left it there, I still hear it, I can't get rid of it." She growled out and the guttural sound of her true voice came out for a moment. "It stops me, it haunts me every time I try to be what I am."

"Then you... have to fight it, not me. I gave you the keys Harley, you just gotta... open the lock."

She came forward, her eyes on fire and her hand reaching for his throat but he was quicker and more experienced. He caught her hand and twisted, turning her around so that her back was pressed tightly against his chest.

The blade came out with a click and he pressed it against her throat, not even out of breath.

"You have some lessons to learn little girl, you have no idea yet but Gotham is your mother, Gotham city is gonna teach you those lessons, not me. Don't you dare come running home to me for help. What more do you want Harley Quinn? You want me to kill you now? Put your pathetic life out of its sad little misery or do you want me to let you live, to make something of yourself?"

"I can't do this without you." she gasped, melting into him, completely unfazed by the knife that could so easily end her existence.

There was a dark urge in him at the way she spoke, the warmth of her skin. Her hand was against his chest, behind her. The other pressed against his arm.

"You're gonna have to princess, I don't give hand outs."

"Then why..."

He understood the question, what she was trying to ask him and the truth was, he didn't know himself. He'd never helped one of his like he'd helped her, it wasn't even the money that had affected him, it was, something else.

His mood suddenly changed, the hint of her perfume on her skin intoxicating and dizzying. God damn this foul woman and her seductive charms.

"I do as I wish Harley, if I want to help you get started it's my right to do so, if I want to kill you and bury you in the ocean that's my right too. I do as I want and when I want it, if I wanted to bend you over and make you scream I could do it and you'd like it."

He wasn't prepared for the sound she made, the way her back arched into him or the shuddering breath he felt her heave at his words.

She didn't answer his statement, she didn't have to. Her reaction was answer enough.

That was what she wanted, she wanted his touch, his lust.

He spun her around and let the knife drop to the coffee table, sticking it in the wood, he snarled at her and then grinned, seeing the lust in her eyes, the way her chest rose and fell. He grabbed her by the hair and pulled her head back, exposing the necklace he'd gotten her, he'd been so right. It looked perfect on her.

He growled as he breathed against her, running his mouth up and down half an inch from her face, as if snapping at her, keeping her from getting closer.

He chuckled and traced one finger across her cheek.

"You've been busy though, haven't you Harley girl, loved the costume by the way, was... exquisite. I'm sure the bat will have a lot of fun with you."

"I don't want the bat." she gritted out. "I want you."

"Sorry kitten, that ain't on the table."

"Really? Then kill me." she said, her own mood changing to calm. "Because I won't stop, I'll shadow you, I'll haunt you. I'm either gonna be with you or not at all."

"Oh, sound a little crazy there doc, maybe ya need some medicine." He taunted but that darkness was building in him, her words affecting him even though he wanted to rip them apart.

"You wanna kill me?" She asked, he watched as she ran her tongue over her lips.

"Now pumpkin pie, if I wanted you dead, I would have killed you at Arkham." He purred at her, still running his hand over her face. "I told you, I was gonna hurt ya, really, really bad."

"I'm still taking it." She hissed and all pretense of civility was gone.

Her hands reached up and grabbed his jacket, forcing those last bits of space to disappear.

He didn't try to stop her as she forced her lips on him, he too eagerly gave in, damning himself as he cupped her face, roughly kissing her back. Catching her tongue and sucking it greedily.

 _Damn her lips._

 _Damn her skin._

 _Damn her moans and her breathing._

 _Damn her._

 _And damn me for wanting it all._

He thought this as he let go of her hair and pulled her closer to him, growling into her mouth as she jumped, wrapping her legs around his waist, showing him her ability.

There would be no mistake today, there would be no rushed and hurried panic, no words of this never happening.

This would happen tonight, it had to happen and he'd call it a bad day, a necessary bad day because he'd never fully indulged in her, that's why he couldn't get over her, because he was still lacking in the taste of that forbidden fruit.

He'd have her and then he'd be able to rid himself of her.

There was a part of his mind that knew better but he didn't listen to it, he refused to listen to anything anymore. The sound of her gasps too thrilling, the touch of her skin unbearably teasing.

Chaos was about taking opportunity after all and what better opportunity was there than a woman he had to get a fix of, offering herself like his favorite food on a platinum platter?

He didn't even realize when he had her pinned against the wall, only the thud of her back hitting the surface alerting him that they'd moved.

There was a taste of strawberries in her mouth and he gripped at her waist harder, the sweetness only egging his need on.

He wanted this, he needed this and even if she hadn't been so willing he could have it, he was the lord of this city and she owed him more than just her life, more than her freedom.

How dare she expect more? How dare she want more of him.

How dare she be so desirable, intoxicating and unforgettable.

How dare she sink into his skin and into his brain.

Harley was roughly grabbing at his jacket, desperate to get the thing off, he didn't fight her, moving his arm so she could tear it off.

When he finally pulled away from her kiss, breathless as she was, he threw his head back and laughed, feeling her lips on his neck, she was drunk with want and he was getting drunk just from her energy.

Before she woke up the next day, he'd be gone and he wouldn't return here, he'd be done with her, she was on her own and if she thought differently, she was quite mistaken but for now she was his to do with as he saw fit.

Harley lowered her legs and came to stand against the wall, still kissing on his neck, nipping with her teeth.

J's hands were already working the fabric of her dress down her body, almost mad with the desire to see all the flesh he hadn't been given access to before.

She pulled back suddenly and her head pressed back against the wall, a look in her eyes that would have brought other men to their knees and demand to worship her, sultry and impossibly divine. She breathed heavily and calmed her storm of lust for a single moment.

"Come play with me." she whispered, grabbing his arm and leading him down the dark hall of her bedroom, down the rabbit hole to where neither of them knew what to expect.

A/N Sooo, um. 'glances around room' Well, that just happened. Lol, sorry I was gonna stop it where the guy was found in the alley but um, yeah.

So okay, here is the thing, I can write a really great sex scene, it's quite in my realm of capacity to do. There is a bit of an issue though, the site. I've been on here for years on and off and I know how the rules work. If I wrote the explicit scene between these two I would get... booted so bad. Lol. Though I am writing a little something for those who are interested, it's not full out, well you know how they put it. Smut but it's something akin to what I can do. I'm gonna post that as a separate little mini series, will be in Harley's POV and AU from this one. Yes if that goes well I will be adding some of those sorts of scenes to this piece.

Anyway, a few things. Number one, last chapter. For those of you who don't follow all the media's of DC universe or don't have any gamer friends, the lullaby that I had in there is unfortunately not my creation. It's something that does happen in the game series, Arkham city series. If you go to you tube and type in, Harley's nursery rhyme it will show up.

I had to use it though, also for the ones who are observant, the bat in suicide squad that Harley uses with good night on it, has that same lullaby on it. So if you can, take a look to see.

Second, after this next chapter we are definitely delving into the movie. I'm scared to death of all of that, I've spent hours now looking up you tube videos of the deleted scenes, which has been a lot easier than it should be. Yes I will be dealing in the deleted car chase scene but I have mentioned this before, I'm absolutely terrified of touching those scenes. Their so intense and contrary to belief they make sense for both characters. I will be writing them though, because I want to portray the work that was done.

So I've updated chaos today and will hopefully update Monsters and Performers tomorrow and I am working on Legacy and anarchy, I'll post the new story here in a little bit, probably right after breakfast It's gonna be called Life and destruction.

So you guys know, I have like five different documents at a time up. Lol.

Anyway, love your reviews, I'm so happy you guys were in love with bud and Lou, I worked really hard on them. Please your feedback always helps me give you better chapters and as always, enjoy the ride. See ya later.


	19. Animal instinct

IMPORTANT A/N "Stands up on a chair with a very large bowl of meat, looking absolutely horrified at the ravenous beasts all around.' Okay you guys, you win, you win. Here you go, this is what you're all wanting so very badly. Please don't eat me!

Chapter 19 - Animal instincts.

Harley lay on the ground, her eyes focused on the ceiling, she'd done this several nights but tonight was different. She wasn't going to cry, she wasn't going to laugh, tonight she was going to be happy.

She needed to be happy tonight or she was going to slice something open, maybe even on her own body.

This place was taking her sanity away from her, slowly taking slivers of it until there won't be anything left of her, she'd fade away and only the voices would be left behind.

 _Relax._ The soothing temperate voice of her former profession whispered. _Relax and count backwards._

A cheesy exercise but still, effective. She was ready for this, she needed this more than breathing right now.

 _ **Ten.**_

 _ **You're feeling more and more relaxed.**_

 _ **Nine.**_

 _ **You're feeling your body become heavy.**_

 _ **Eight.**_

 _ **You're going back in your mind, back to the first time you felt safe, to the moment you knew what you were meant to be.**_

 _ **Seven.**_

 _ **You're going back to the feelings, the smells, the sounds, what you saw. Everything.**_

 _ **Six.**_

 _ **Be in that moment and no where else, be that woman once again, feel what she feels, experience what she experiences until its' done and then come back.**_

 _ **Five.**_

 _ **You can pinpoint that moment, you know what it is, find it and let yourself slip into it.**_

 _ **Four.**_

 _ **You're completely relaxed now, letting your whole body float away.**_

 _ **Three.**_

 _ **When I say so, you're going to open your eyes and you'll be in that very special moment.**_

 _ **Two.**_

 _ **You're safe, your alone, no one will bother you while you're there.**_

 _ **One.**_

 _ **Open your eyes.**_

 _She had a hold of his arm, tugging him almost violently towards her room, at first he followed without a fight but when they reached the hallway, he spun her around and pinned her back against a wall. His hands gripping her wrists, holding them over her head, licking her shoulder. Tasting the shiny flecks that she'd put on her skin earlier that night._

" _Where you think your goin'?" he growled against her shoulder, licking a straight line up and down, tasting the dust's sweetness._

" _Bedroom." she gasped in a low whisper._

" _You think I need a bed?" He purred. She couldn't help the giggle that she gave, turning it into a moan after he reached the hollow of her throat, where her necklace touched flesh._

" _No, you don't need a bed." She admitted. "Neither do I."_

 _He let go of her hands but she didn't let them drop, her body completely vulnerable and exposed, his fingers gripping the hem of her dress and pulling down until it pooled around her waist._

 _The hallway was dark and all either could see was silhouettes but she heard the approval in his breathing when he trailed down her chest, earning him a whimper._

" _Where did you get diamond and gold dust kitten?" He breathed on the beginning of her cleavage, the push up bra she wore making her breasts far more tempting to him._

" _It's not... it's sugar." She moans as he sucked the sweet glittery substance off her._

 _He seemed to enjoy it, taking his time with each taste and she lowers herself so that her knees bent. No man, no woman has ever done this to her, able just with kisses and sucks of almost innocent flesh drive her to melting._

 _What had he done to her?_

 _His hands were on her waist, exploring the unexplored places of her body he'd never had the privilege to enjoy._

 _How many times sitting across from him had she wanted this? Admitting it now felt wrong, like blasphemy but she didn't care. He was touching her now and she knew she'd been his lover from day one, wanted to be his lover, wanted him to indulge with her._

 _God why hadn't she just thrown herself over that table and undone his straitjacket? Why had she held back from him when the sensation between them was so desperately obvious?_

 _His mouth was slow, his hands were quicker, rougher. Almost rough enough to bruise her but light enough to send goosebumps all over._

" _You were holding out on me." he purred, pressing himself completely against her, still dressed, why was he dressed?_

" _Holding out on you?" She asked breathlessly._

" _All those months and you never danced like that for me." He accused, a hint of frustration, anger in those words._

" _You never asked." She coaxed back, placing her hands on him, opening the shirt with anxious fingers._

" _I have to ask now doc?" He growled and she didn't miss the jealousy in his tone. "When others get it so freely?"_

" _No one's got nothing." she purred, pulling the offending shirt off his body and gasping when one of his hand's moved up to her bra, ripping it off. Revealing his strength, making her imagine what those hands could do to her._

" _That's not what I saw tonight princess." He pulled the torn fabric and Harley didn't even whine about the loss. She laughed at the sound of his obvious envy and she made a mewling sound at him, it came out almost like a meow._

" _What's the matter puddin? Jealous that some other boy kissed me?" Joker hisses at her, his focus returning to her very expensive dress, forcing it to fall to the ground._

" _You come into my house and you bring a little insect like that? You insult my gift to you and dance like that for him, don't push your luck pumpkin pie, you may not like the outcome."_

" _We both know you are, it's why you couldn't stand me giving another boy attention, it's why you're here now, it's why you can't stand the idea of not being inside of me."_

" _Don't flatter yourself sweetheart, you ain't all that."_

" _You want me." She declared seductively. Her arms wrapping around his neck letting one of her legs wrap around his waist, inviting, begging for surrender._

" _I'm the fucking clown prince of Gotham crime Harley, I get what I want, I have it and when I'm done I throw it away. If that what you want from me because that's what your gonna get."_

 _She laughs again, her other leg wrapping around him, the wall holding her up completely. "You won't want to throw me away, once you taste me, you'll be hooked."_

" _So confident in yourself?"_

" _Yes." she promises_

" _Oh little girl, you have no idea."_

" _Neither do you." she giggles feeling his hands touch her breast, the giggle turning into a moan, loud and throaty._

 _Her fingers found the edges of tattoos, the elevations of scars, closer than she'd ever been to him and more desperate than she thought she could ever be._

" _You scared of me Joker?" She taunted and yelped loudly when she felt his hand slap her bottom, a hard and punishing smack sound that made her loose her grip a little, her whole body threatening to drop to the ground in a single thud but he grabbed her roughly by the waist and held her up with only one hand._

" _I will never, ever be scared of you. Be grateful for what I've given you and enjoy what you're about to get, this is a one time deal."_

" _We'll discuss that after we're done with round one." she pulled him in and her lips crush his but the kisses are fast and urgent, neither able to wait anymore. He was stalling, he was scared she realized. Scared that he'd give in and he'd become lost in her but she wasn't afraid, she was so certain that this was what she wanted, what she needed._

 _Harley made a sound, thick and feminine in her throat and it was more than he could stand, he pulled her off the wall, she wrapped her legs completely around him again and didn't argue when he moved them, somehow knowing exactly what he wanted, knowing that he wanted to see her body, wanted to witness the prize he'd just won._

 _He threw her onto the bed and she landed with a light thud, she sat up instantly, watching as he flipped on the switch, there was something incredibly dark in his eyes, she'd never had a man look at her like he was. Never had someone look at her like she was precious, desire incarnate, with wild hunger._

 _In those eyes she saw the storm, the wild chaos of him, what possessed him, what drove him. Everything he was and everything he could be._

 _If she'd offered her body up for him months ago, she'd have gotten every answer she ever needed._

 _His eyes trailed her breasts, her stomach, the length of her strong acrobats legs and she knew he saw her, he saw past the gate keeper, past the madness in her swimming mind._

 _To who and what she really was, what he'd awoken._

 _J grabbed her leg and pulled her off her balance, forcing her to lay back, he wasn't gentle as he tore off the last of her clothes but still she wasn't scared, she wasn't taken aback, only hungry, starving._

 _Harley had been with lovers, dominant but never like him, never someone who'd just take with no concern of hurting her, if he did he'd enjoy it, if he didn't he'd still enjoy himself._

 _Her eyes never left his body, drinking him in, every single tattoo that must have a significance she'd never fully unraveled._

 _He was a creature of chaos and he was magnificent, beautiful in a way she couldn't describe and tonight he belonged to her._

The guard walked by her cage and looked inside. Harley was sprawled out on the ground like most nights but there was something different. She looked, more relaxed, more at ease and soft little laughs were coming from her lips, not the loud, frightening ones.

She was asleep for once, he just knew it. She was too calm and not on edge, she must have been having good dreams.

He shuddered as he turned, walking back the other way. He'd hate to know what Harley Quinn saw as a good dream.

 _He was on her, he'd moved so fast, she couldn't count the second it took him to go from the light to pressing all his weight on her body._

 _Harley was insane with anticipation, with want, if he didn't do more than nip and suck on her flesh she'd scream and pin him to her mattress but he kept her down, he kept her still as he continued his eager discovery of the woman who'd haunted him for months._

 _She wriggled, writhed and tried to nudge him to move, to complete her but she was denied, his laugh rumbling against her as he licked more of the sugar off her chest._

" _You gonna torture me more?" she exclaimed in a fit of lustful whining._

" _Yes." Joker growled viciously. "That's my plan, you honestly think I would leave you unpunished for your behavior today?"_

 _She whimpered, unimpressed by his his declaration._

" _I didn't do anything wrong." she exclaimed, still wiggling against him but he had the control of a god and she hated him for it._

" _Oh, you don't think so princess?" He laughed again. "Cause I'm gonna enjoy making my point."_

" _Please." she found herself begging. "Puddin please."_

" _I haven't, even, started." He growled._

 _He let the edges of his rings scrap against her skin as he felt her, touching every curve, every dip and line._

 _Part of her mind, the side still in tact wanted to know how he could torture her more, how could he torment her with no weapons, with nothing but his body._

 _She should have never asked that, even in her mind._

 _His touches changed from rough to soft, fast and slow.. His lips just as random, as unpredictable._

 _He'd get close, he'd get so close to her that she was sure he'd give in, only to move away and discover a new patch of her body he'd yet to memorize._

 _Seconds felt like hours, hours felt like seconds and everything he did she wanted and hated, because it was everything and nothing._

 _What did he want from her? God he was driving her absolutely insane and he hadn't done anything. She wanted to scream, she wanted to cry, laugh, and curse him to hell._

" _What did you do to me?" she demanded, feeling that her arms couldn't move._

 _His laugh makes her tremble and thrash on the bed, only making him laugh louder at her torment._

" _I got games too sugar." He teased playfully._

" _Why, why me?" She asks him, trying to hold onto some shred of control, trying to hold onto herself._

" _Because I like you." He admitted, but his control was waning. Her every sound, move and plea intoxicating like a drug._

" _You like me?" she blurted out, her arms fighting to move. "So you decide to... oh god."_

 _He'd taken one of her breasts into his mouth, sucking each soft, smooth section of skin with the eagerness of a wolf._

 _Her argument lost, his control chasing after it, enough, he'd had enough._

 _He pushed her legs up to her chest, a feat more than easy for her, gripping her thighs incredibly tightly._

 _It doesn't register as pain, it's happening again, her brain can't make up its mind and she doesn't want it to. There is such a dark pleasure in this, in the roughness of his hands, the deep husky way he breaths, how easy he can move her to where he wants her to be and just letting him, not fighting it, not daring to change his mind._

 _Because if he does he'll kill her, she'll just stop breathing if he doesn't give her everything._

 _She looses her ability to breath when he finally relents and looses himself, months of anxiety, repressed want, all of it gone in that exquisite moment, for him this is just a passing phase but for her it's everything._

 _He's not quiet and her neighbors might complain, to hell with them she doesn't give a fuck what they hear, how much they hear or if they try to break down the door._

 _Harley lets her head fall back, the cry that comes out is in rippling waves, with every thrust a new sound of pleasure comes forth, only urging him on, addling his mind and doing everything he doesn't want but can't care enough to fight._

 _It's too much, finally he has her, finally he's inside of her and every image in his mind is nothing in comparison to the truth._

 _The taste of her, the feel of her, the intoxicating poisonous way she moves and god can she move._

 _He has her pinned and she can still move against him, meeting every thrust so the rhythm is brutally passionate._

 _He wants her and it doesn't matter that he has her, he wants her more and every time he moves away he's crazed until he feels her completely again._

 _Her voice makes music and her face, it's lost somewhere far away but still right here with him._

 _Most women close their eyes but not her, those blue eyes hold his gaze, wild and desperate, she can't close them, she can't. She has to look at him, she wants to watch him dominate her, possess her._

 _When he's not performing for the crowd his voice is deeper, richer and it sends fire sparks to her brain, dangerous, deadly and all hers._

 _He can't stand the distance, he moves her, pulling her closer, off the bed, allowing her hands to move, to grab his shoulders, no words, no need for them. They both know how to read the other and his eyes tell her to keep them open, to force them to stay on him._

 _You're mine._

 _Yes. All yours._

 _No one else gets you, ever._

 _No one._

 _Even when I go no one gets you._

 _No one can, I only want you._

 _God you're so good._

 _I told you, you're hooked._

 _There's a film of sweat on both of them, her hair sticking to her back and shoulders, his has lost that neatness to it, her makeups run but so has his, it doesn't matter, nothing matters, only this, everything else means nothing._

 _His nails dig into her back, her hips, her sides, biting and kissing roughly on her neck, her collar bone, her own lips are seeking out his throat, feeling the drumming of his pulse that screams an urgency his mouth refuses to show._

 _Her gasps are still so loud, echoing in his ears making him hiss and snarl at her like an animal._

 _They aren't human right now, maybe neither of them ever was. Their wild animals, desperate to find that release, both overcome by instincts that were too long dormant inside them._

 _The cries became more animal, guttural, wanton as something broke inside of her, another thread that kept her in the world of civilized people. Another thread only he could remove and that guardian who kept her noble, kept her from going too far is weakened, crying in her head as she digs her nails into his back, earning her a moan, loud and long as he pushes her further and further towards ecstasy._

Harley spoke in her sleep.

"Please don't stop puddin." She complained still wanting, too far gone in her dream to care who heard. "Don't ever stop."

"What the hell?" The guard came back around, having heard her from the other side of the building. Not words, just sounds that didn't sound human.

She looked possessed, the guy wouldn't have been surprised if she suddenly levitated off the ground.

"Do not go in there." his companion warned, "She's probably doing it on purpose, you know, trying to get attention. She does crap like this all the time."

"She don't look right."

"Not our problem, as long as she's breathing in the morning Griggs ain't gonna care."

"Yeah, yeah your right."

Harley heard none of this, half her body did come off the ground though as they walked away, her whole back, her head still firmly placed on the ground but no one saw.

Her nails scratching at the cement floor, leaving little impressions of how her mind was entertaining her, bringing her back from that awful dark place.

Only her puddin could break the threads of her soul and only he could put them back together, it was just the way they worked, it was just who they were together.

 _She cried out his name, her head thrown back, her lungs letting go of every breath of air and a scream that invoked everything she felt, everything, she was reduced to nothing but liquid against him._

" _Look. at. me." He demanded, barely able to make the words._

 _With yelps of pleasure, she looked up, staring into the storm gray of his eyes, lost in them, hypnotized and undone by them._

 _Joker grabbed her head forcefully and crushed his lips to hers, making her cries and screams flood into him, her hair a tangled mess in his finger , catching her tongue with his own and coaxing it towards him._

 _He was loosing himself inside her, her promise of her addiction was proven in the moment he felt her loose control. He made her look at him, made her stare at what she'd done, her damnation for destroying his control, his perfect way of being._

 _Utterly devouring the joyous look in her eyes, she wanted this, she wanted to destroy him and bind him to her and it was working, god damn it, it was working and he wanted it to work._

 _He pinned her against the bed and wrapped a hand around her throat, tight, tensing his entire body as he found his own last shreds of sanity shattered, damn her, damn her, damn her!_

 _His free hand gripped the sheets as he laughed, the laugh of a hyena, so desperate and cruel sounding and yet so fogged with feeling, his ecstasy, his relief, desperation to undo this choice and the urge to squeeze._

 _To watch her life in his hands._

 _He looked down at her, hoping to see panic, to see terror in her face. At least then it'd prove that she was only good for an amazing fuck but he saw none of those things as he looked down at the woman who'd become his lover for the night._

 _She was having trouble breathing but he hadn't closed his hand completely around, she was trembling but it wasn't out of fear, she was sweating but so was he, the intense fire between them burning even now._

 _There was only love in those eyes, want, need and he let her throat go in utter aggravation and maddening want._

 _He wasn't done with her yet, no, he had hours to burn, he could let go later but he'd made his choice tonight._

 _The sound of his name on her lips screamed in feral carnal abandon was more than his body could stand and he pressed both hands on each side of her, growling possessively over her, Her legs still tightly wrapped around his waist, unwilling to release him from her hold._

 _He breathed hard, needing several of those breaths to say his next words._

" _Ready for round two?" He graveled out. Earning him a delighted moan._

Harley's eyes finally opened, the sun was up. Her whole body felt rested and recharged.

She smiled to herself and turned to her side, the morning shift was just coming in, she could hear them outside. Still early.

He could do that to her, even in her mind he could change her, energize her and devour her.

How many rounds had they gone that weekend? Because he hadn't been able to leave right away, she wouldn't let him, she hadn't allowed him to leave until they were both utterly and completely spent.

He had left though, gotten dressed but she wasn't asleep when he did, she'd watched him. Covered in bite marks, hickeys and scratches, both of them coming out of this scarred and wounded.

 _Her lips were bruised from the kisses and she was amazed that she had any capacity to walk. He hadn't said a word the whole time that he got ready to leave. Neither had she._

 _A tension between them that felt like static, sparking invisibly between them and she knew he belonged to her as much as she belonged to him._

 _What now? She had no clue._

 _He pulled his jacket on and grabbed his knife, she leaned at the edge of the hallway, wearing nothing more than a t-shirt that left very little to the imagination. Like it mattered, he'd seen everything already._

 _He didn't even look at her as he headed to the door, grabbing the door knob as if he'd just performed a business transaction._

 _But he stopped, he stood at the door for a split second before growling and turning around. Storming over to her with that spark of anger in his eyes._

 _He grabbed her roughly by the hips and pulled her into him, knowing how good it felt, how easily she molded into him._

 _ **Like we were made for each other.** Her mind thinks._

 _He kissed her, passionate, deep and she obliges more than eager to feel his lips on hers._

 _When they finally break apart he grabs her chin in one hand and tilts her face up so that their eyes meet directly._

" _Do not, come looking for me again Harley." He warns her. "You may not like what happens next time."_

 _He traces his thumb against her cheek before he swiftly turns around and opens the door, leaving her there breathless._

Harley laughs at the memory, how addictive it was to kiss him, how hard it was for him to leave without returning several times to touch his lips to hers. That he'd made the mistake of giving in and that she was a drug he couldn't detox from.

Harley laughed joyously at the memory, hugging herself to know that out there, somewhere, maybe in Gotham, maybe closer or further than this unknown place. Her joker, her puddin was out there and he craved her, he wanted her, needed her and he'd never stop, he'd never ever stop looking for her.

"Come get me puddin. I'm waiting." she breathed out, her hope renewed, hearing the footsteps coming closer.

A/N 'Pokes head out and checks if there is any meat left' so is it safe to come out guys? Did you get at least some of your fix? 'stares at all of you. You know, I didn't expect for all of you to get so... passionate about this. Lol. I didn't think it was injustice that the last chapter ended where it did but apparently, I was utterly and totally wrong about that. So yes, I dedicated this to all of you with the intentions that the girls need a fan and the guys, yes I know you read these too! That you need maybe five minutes to yourself to cool off. I literally stopped writing everything else just to write this for you. Cause every review was amazing, but a few of you got, savage with it. Lol. So you guys realize I'm gonna take my payment now right? 'Holds out hand" REVIEWS please. Yeah, i'm gonna be a shark about it but you guys can't imagine this, I wrote all of this last night. Cause a sex scene can only be written with no distractions. So yes I am gonna be demanding. Lol.

Hope you guys liked it, I don't know if it turned out good enough but I think it works okay for the piece and it's purpose. Cause it ain't so easy to sneak a sex scene randomly into a chapter withotu a valid reason. So I had to make up a reason. 'sigh, what I do for you guys.'

Anyway, I love you all, thank you for pushign me, thank you for your amazing support and your encouragment. It means the world to me. I aim to please so though I was jumping up in a chair screaming oh god their gonna eat me, I thank you because you make me want to be a better writer.

So with all my love, all my thanks I will see ya all next time.


	20. No fury like it

A/N An absolute must for this chapter. Crazy in love by Beyonce but not her version. The one by Sofia Karlberg. Just put it on repeat as you read. Trust me, you want movie moment, you need it.

Chapter 20 – No fury like it.

Vexing.

That's what Harley had become, she'd become vexing and she wasn't sure if she loved it or hated it. She couldn't make up her mind either way. All she knew, was that she had no intentions of changing that attitude until he did.

Three months had passed since he'd left her apartment, she'd quit her job right after he'd left. Her desire to function in the normal world destroyed by the perfection of being with him.

Her new job and hobby had become being a thorn in the Joker's side. In a spot he couldn't just pull her out and throw her. She didn't go back into the club, not because she didn't want to. She'd enjoyed the attention, the dancing, the way everyone stared at her as she moved for him. Because even though there had been a stand in laying on the stage for her to tease, every move was for Joker.

The club wasn't going to do the same thing though, she had no intentions of doing repeat performances with him, it wasn't what would get his attention. He'd grow bored soon enough and then she'd really loose him.

She was spontaneous, when an idea came to mind, she did it before thinking about it too much. Outlining a quick plan before just going with it. Some were simple, more prank like than anything. Things that would annoy him but not outright get in his way.

She didn't even have to get into costume for those and she wondered if he even realized that she'd done them. It was easy when you knew what he liked, the places they got their food, his crew made up mostly of men, she was sure they did a lot of take out. Because even a crime lord like the Joker had to eat, he'd found his food, tasting quite differently thanks to her.

His car empty of gas mysteriously. Anything he sent out to get dry cleaned, suspiciously missing. Stupid things, things she had to look up online to discover were considered. "Crazy girlfriend" stunts.

She did that mostly to get back at him for not coming back to her, for having the self control of a damn god. Because she sure as hell didn't have that control in her anymore, he'd removed the ability to have it and left her wanting, left her more than wanting. He'd left her starving.

The worst things she did, the things that she knew should have her buried somewhere or worse, were things she never thought she'd be capable of.

Those took planning, those took research on so many levels. From getting a hold of contacts who could find out things for her, to stealing to make her plans work. She made it a point to thwart any plans the Joker had. She couldn't touch his stocks, she didn't have the resources for it but she could undermined him in other ways, unraveling deals, destroying property, getting five of his men killed and making some of her crimes look like his.

She made him fail.

Those things he knew, oh did he know and yet he hadn't come himself to retaliate. He'd sent Frost and his men but she wasn't so caught off guard by them this time and they found themselves on the bad end of her psychosis, when they tried to come in, Frost still having a key. She'd been waiting, her baseball bat in hand. Showing them exactly why it was a mistake to cross her.

She'd even done Frost a favor and left him with nothing more than a black eye, telling him to let Joker know if he wanted revenge, he'd better come himself.

He still hadn't come, the most she got was a phone call.

" _ **You, better be careful little girl."**_

" _ **Come get me."**_

" _ **Oh, I bet you'd like that."**_

" _ **I'll make it worth your wild."**_

" _ **Stop getting in my way."**_

" _ **Never."**_

" _ **Then we have a problem."**_

" _ **You have the problem, I have the answer."**_

" _ **Don't cross me, I warned you, you won't like the result."**_

" _ **Coward."**_

 _ **Click.**_

She'd hung up on him, hadn't answered him again when he'd called back and then, just to make sure he understood the severity of his crimes against her.

She ran him over with his own car.

The only other time she'd been to the club, she dared to mention afterwards, when he'd been laying on the ground behind the club, still too stunned to get himself up that he might want to fix his security.

She'd found her way, into his penthouse.

You'd have thought the place was better guarded, it wasn't. They were keeping their eyes out for the bat, for the cops. Not for a woman, breaking in through the second story window and using their elevator to make her way to the top floor.

The place was as lavish as she imagined, also how she'd imagined, lacking anything female. Because she wanted to get to him so badly, she did him a favor. She cleaned up. The place was empty, all the men downstairs, their girlfriends too. He was holding court, she washed dishes, cleaned up the mess they'd left and even tidied up his room. She could imagine the confused, irritated look on his face when he came upstairs. She half expected him to show up, expected someone to come upstairs and find her there, in the middle of turning down his comforters.

There was a part of her that felt sad, looking at the place. He was alone, for all the people who surrounded him, he was completely alone in the world.

If he'd just see, if he'd just open his eyes and realize that she loved him, he'd see that he didn't have to be alone.

Because she did love him.

She knew the things he'd done and having spent some hours in his home, she knew the rest too and still loved him for it all.

She wrote him a note, leaving it on his pillow before heading back downstairs, breaking into his car, waiting for him to come out. Even if he didn't, he was going to find his pretty purple sports car magically missing and on the Gotham news.

Seeing him, was a difficult thing to do. It invited so many emotions, love, hurt, lust, anger. The last one overtook her that night, pure unadulterated rage that he'd done all this, that he'd shut her out, that he could sleep at night when she couldn't go a single night without thinking of what they'd done, of what they could be together.

How perfectly her body molded into him, every curve fitting into every dip. How both of them seemed unwilling to give in, every time they thought it was done, the need returned and the thought of him leaving seemed impossible. How easy it was to fall asleep with him, if only to nap, because that's all they seemed able to do

Harley felt his soul during those few days, she was certain that at some point, when she thought she'd suddenly died from ecstasy, she swore she touched his soul and that he touched hers. The moment had been more than perfect, a word that didn't exist in the dictionary or in any language for. To go beyond just pleasure and into something far more intense.

She could imagine them doing that every day, waking up with him and just being with him.

A few days with him and she'd changed again, she'd gone through another changing experience.

She lost the ability to care who she killed anymore, except for children, she couldn't bring herself to hurt them but everyone else, they seemed free targets now. They felt like targets.

She was broken and only he could fix her.

The biggest problem Harley was facing, she felt uncomfortable in her own flesh.

When she looked in the mirror, she saw Harleen, not Harley. She saw the face her parents made for her, when she put on the makeup, got dressed up, she felt more. Real.

There was something disturbingly pleasant about it, yet it still wasn't enough. She had to take it off, put it back on. On and off again. Like a mask, she didn't want the mask.

She was half tempted to leave the makeup off when she'd go off on a heist but, there were still things she had to protect. Not her mother, who she'd stopped answering for, not her dead beat brother.

Jenny and Nicky, the Bat could still hurt them, the cops could still hurt them, the new world she belonged to would hurt them.

She was grateful Joker hadn't gone after them, even with all her stunts, maybe they weren't important enough for him, or maybe he wanted this game they were playing to stay between them. He seemed, intent on keeping things personal when it came to games.

Harley had gone to Nicky's house that morning, sat down with his mother and handed her ten thousand dollars, cash, untraceable.

" _Harley, I can't take this." she's said in awe._

" _Take it, for you, for Nicky. I want you to get out of this place, find a nice apartment. I'll send you money every month, just don't spend it all at once okay?"_

She explained how spending it all would attract attention. She warned her not to tell anyone where the money came from, didn't explain where she'd gotten it either.

She did the same with Jenny's mother, asking the same of her.

The truth was, Harley didn't need all the money she stole, they did.

She would never be able to make that sort of money working legit, even after she became a full and proper doctor, there would be absolutely no way to support two families and herself like that. She could do this for them, she could give them a better life, she had the ability, the skill, the smarts. If she didn't, it was going to start piling up in her closet and then what?

She thought about moving herself, finding a new place. Nicer, bigger but for what?

Did she want her life to be better?

It was different now but was it better honestly?

No, she had to admit that, it wasn't. This wasn't better, just more flexible.

And more dangerous.

That she was enjoying, as insane as it was. The danger was exhilarating, killing someone didn't phase her like it did the first time. God had it been that long ago now?

That first time, it'd been something so different to now. She held nothing back now, held nothing back as she beat a man down, beating him until he was dead, beyond dead.

"Here you go Miss Quinn." The waitress said, placing her two plates in front of her."

She was at a restaurant tonight, her book laid flat on the table, a dirty love story she'd picked up at a second hand bookstore, steamy but mild compared to her and the Joker.

The little Chinese restaurant catered to the underbelly of Gotham, it was a hot spot for criminal meetings and she understood why the place never had to worry about its more violent patrons attacking it, hurting it.

Why would you hurt the haven the cops didn't know about?

Why would you destroy the place with such awesome food?

He'd mentioned this place when she was still his doctor, she'd never dared come here herself then. After he left the second time she wandered down here.

 _He hurt us._

 _He loves us._

 _He hates us._

 _I love him._

 _I hate him._

 _Why isn't he here?_

Harley popped a dumpling in her mouth and flipped the page. She had no plans for tonight, she'd save that for the week to come. There was supposed to be a big weapons auction near the docks, the Joker was going to be there. She planned to be there as well.

"MR J." the owner called.

Her eyes shot up and she stopped chewing to look at who'd just come through the door.

It was him but he wasn't alone.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

He had five men with him, she recognized every single one. They were the same ones who'd come to her apartment, Frost of course walking right beside him. The other four, keeping a flank position.

He was wearing a silver jacket and a red shirt, mostly unbuttoned, revealing the pale tattooed skin of his chest. Black pants and of course his jewelry. She remembered something he told her once, he had to keep with the times, keep the look updated because the old one just wasn't cutting it.

He definitely looked impressive, his status definitely obvious to the world.

When he started out, she imagined that no one gave him the time of day, now, they bent over backwards to serve him.

He hadn't noticed her and that made her feel, irritated, angry. He looked so good, why did he look so good?

It wasn't fair, she couldn't sleep properly, she kept waking up in cold sweats, blissfully wonderful dreams of his touch, the way he felt against her, around her, the way he growled when she exploited a sensitive area, how she could make it turn into a groan so easily. Only to wake up reaching for him and find no one there.

She hadn't been able to stop thinking about it, it's why she'd gone on her crusade.

Harley had been defiant, she hadn't paid his warning much mind. She'd invaded his space more than once but this was a coincidence. He was supposedly rumored to be held up at his club, preparing for next week, he wasn't supposed to be seen.

She glanced down at her book, taking another bite of her food. Pretending she hadn't just heard them, pretending she hadn't just seen him.

Having to control her body from what it wanted to do, grateful it had no clue what it wanted to do. Attack him? Yes but how, to beat him to a pulp or to throw him on one of the tables and strip everything off him.

Neither seemed, effective enough for her.

 _How much longer are we going to play this game for puddin?_ She silently asked as she sipped her tea.

She didn't look up when one of them passed the table, just catching a hint of the guys jacket, they sat them three tables over from her and she got the nagging suspicion that they sat him facing her. He could see her.

 _Do not, look up Harley, DO NOT LOOK UP. You look up, you look desperate, let him make a move._

 _He won't make a move._

 _Nope, he's stubborn._

 _Shut up and let me enjoy my dumplings._

She grabbed another one and popped it into her mouth, suddenly sure that someone, several someone's were watching her.

"You want a refill Miss Quinn?" The waitress asked her, forcing her to look up at her, she smiled brightly.

"Yea, I would love a refill." She said, as if she had not a care in the world.

The woman went and got her more hot tea, Harley looked back down at her book, absolutely sure now that she was being eyed.

She glanced to her right, away from them, no one was staring at her, she looked forward, no, no one and then as if not even bothered she looked to her left and saw all six men staring at her. The most intense of them being the Joker.

She inclined her head as if surprised to see them, she lifted her hand with a very bright smile and waved at them all.

Then, turned back to her food.

One of them snickered, then she had to hide a smile when she heard the same guy go. "Sorry boss."

 _Play smart Harley, play smart or you'll be chasing him forever._

It was difficult but she ate quietly, still feeling his eyes on her.

"What are you doing here?" she jumped, staring up in surprise to find him sliding into the chair next to her.

It took her a second to register that he was indeed sitting there, that he hadn't just come over and hit her or used her chopsticks on her, she was sure he was that mad at her but there he was, sitting next to her. Stealing one of her dumplings.

"Hey." she protested as she watched him eat it. "I was, trying to eat."

"What, are, you, doing, here?" He asked again, making each word sound like a threat.

"I'm, eating." She said again, with the same tone.

There was a pause and he grabbed her chopsticks from her, earning himself a scowl as he pulled her plate from her,

"That's mine." she snapped and he gave her a smirk.

"You steal from me, I steal from you. I call that... fair."

She pushed her glasses off her face, resting them against her book, trying to get her plate back. He grabbed her wrist, quick and hard without making a sound. No one disturbed by their small altercation. He pinned her hand on the table, taking his other, with her chopsticks stole another bite, effortlessly.

"You want some?" He asked after he'd eaten a quarter of it.

She nodded, her anger turned to fire, having just watched him eat her food.

He took a morsel, pulling her chair closer to him, she felt his hand loosen just a little, not enough to let her go but enough to be confused with a caress. His blue gray eyes staring right into her as he lifted the chopsticks to her lips.

She opened her mouth, suddenly falling under that hypnotizing gaze of his, letting him feed her.

The moment his hand grabbed hers, there was no one else in the world and all she wanted to do was keep touching, even like this.

Joker let go of her hand after he gave her that bite, a reversal of roles. She'd fed him once, it seemed he felt it fitting that it was his turn now.

The waitress brought his food but didn't set it down.

"You sitting here with Miss Quinn Mr J? Or you want me to set it with your table?"

"Here with Miss Quinn is just fine." he purred, pushing her plate back towards her.

Neither spoke to the other while they ate, she didn't pick up her book, the thickening tension now a semi solid mass that you could probably walk across.

Frost came over to talk to him three times, business which she paid attention to while looking at her plate which was half gone. She felt their eyes on her and when she looked at Frost who was walking back to the table, she saw two of the men glaring at her.

"You cost them quite a bit of money." He informed her as casually as if they were talking about the weather.

Harley didn't feel bad about it, she turned back and waved merrily at them before turning to him.

"Wasn't expecting to see you." She admitted. "Heard you were busy."

"Even the prince of Gotham has to eat." He said with a roll of his eyes and Harley got the impression this little endeavor wasn't his brain child.

"You still mad at me?" she asked curiously.

"Yes."

"Gonna kill me?"

"Now why, would I want to do that?"

"Because I have no intentions on stopping." She said in a low whisper.

"You know, ya keepin that accent is unbecoming of ya. Heard ya quit your job. Why keep the prissy little princess voice?"

"Maybe I like it."

"Maybe you aren't quite there yet huh." He taunted. "You play a good game Harley, you ain't elite though."

"Who says I wanna be elite?" she asked, though his words stung, she'd tried, she was trying hard and she thought she'd done pretty good for someone who was just starting out.

"Oh, trust me, you want to be up here with me."

Up there with him, god please.

"Oh, you mean with henchmen and penthouses that look an absolute mess? Expensive cars?"

"That reminds me, I should pay you to come clean up the place, watched you on the security cameras, I have to admit. You did an impressive job."

She frowned at that, her intent was to vex him, not to please him and she realized he was making fun of her antics. His eyes screamed something, anger and hints of that lust she knew he had to have for her but that grin.

Oh, she wanted to wipe that grin off his perfectly white face.

"Well, maybe you should get yourself a cleaning girl." she suggested.

"I did offer to pay ya."

She sneered. "You'd have to pay me a lot to stoop down to that level, besides. It'd be a full time job. That place probably looks worse now."

"Oh, well, it does but see. No one asked you to come in there, no one asked you to do that."

"No one had to, it... bothered me."

"Woman." he shook his head, eating his dinner with enjoyment.

"No, just, how can you let them mess up your home like that?" she asked him seriously. "That's your sanctuary, that's your everything and they just, disrespect it like that."

"Oh, like you did breaking in?"

She smiled. "Yeah well, never said I wasn't hypocritical."

The rest of the meal was quiet and the waitress brought her the check for her food. Joker waved it off and she took it away.

"I'm a big girl, can pay for my own dinner." She teased.

"Well, I didn't take you to dinner last time, call it... a chivalry."

She arched an eyebrow at him, she'd told him that chivalry was a joke, a really dark one and she got the hint. This might look like a pleasant evening, it wasn't though.

She couldn't help the anger that hit her for it, for how, casual he was. How dare he sit here with her and look like she didn't matter, how dare he abandon her AGAIN, how dare he look like he had no want of her when she knew damn well he did. He wanted her and she knew it and god damn it why was he fighting it so god damn hard, WHY?

"I warned you Harley, next time you might not like the outcome."

"I'm not gonna stop."

"You better, three strikes and you're out honey." He growled.

"Then I guess I'm gonna be out."

He leaned both arms on the table, now empty of their plates and hissed at her menacingly. "You think because I fucked you, I care? You think that I've given you a second though? The only reason I've even bothered to bring up your name is because you've deemed yourself fit to get in my way, what did I tell you about getting in my way Harley?"

She didn't answer him.

He continued regardless. "You mean nothing to me little girl, I told you. I get what I want and then I dump it when I'm done. You are, dumped."

It was like a mirror shattering when he said that, so quiet, so serious and a complete and utter lie, she knew it. She saw it in his eyes, the subtle lines of his face, the way he'd stared at her through dinner. The fact that he'd sat here with her meant something, if she was dumped, he'd have stayed with his crew.

Joker got up, pushing his chair in and motioning for his men to head out.

He turned to her, grabbing one of her stiff hands, placing a soft, hot kiss on the inside of her wrist. In that one instant, Harley flashed back to every moment, when his lips had touched her, devoured her and the anger that boiled up as he let her go, leaving with his men was too much to take.

Her hands shook

 _No, no,no, no, no, no, no. NO!_

This was not over, this was not done, he couldn't do that, he couldn't play like that. He couldn't pretend, she saw it now, she knew.

She knew.

Harley got up and grabbed her glasses, leaving everything else behind.

He was getting into his car, the purple one and she was parked only half a block away.

If he saw her, he didn't even bother to look.

She was furious, raging with wild anger that threatened to burn her up like fire.

When she started her bike, he was already driving but she kept pace with him.

She was going to catch him, she was going to shoot him, the gun hidden on her aching to be used. The bullets screaming to take blood, his blood.

How dare he, how dare he.

This wasn't funny, this wasn't fair. She loved him, she'd given everything for him and for the sake of his image he refused her?

The streets of Gotham were still wet, it'd been raining all week and the water splashed as both vehicles moved at their top speed.

He noticed her now, he was running away from her.

She was driving up beside him now, one hand off the bike and banging on his window. He glances at her and lowered his head, banging it repeatedly against the window's glass in frustration.

"STOP THE CAR!" she demanded

He places one hand on his hear and mouths. "What?"

"STOP THE FUCKIGN CAR." She screams and pulls out her gun, pointing it at the car.

The car does stop, the men get out as she brings her baby to a stop. Climbing off it and storming over to his door, the gun still in hand.

"You're crazy, you know that?" he said, circling around her.

"If you were going to do this, you should have just left me there!" she yelled at him, angry.

Joker sighed dramatically, turning in a circle before facing her again. "Honey I did leave you there."

"You should have left me like I was, not this." she spat leaning in.

She saw one of his men coming close, she pointed her gun at him and bang bang, two shot and he was dead. Then she moved it to his head, her eyes a blaze with fury.

"Now calm down honey, we can work this out." he rose his hands up as he spoke soothingly to her.

"You left me there." she repeated.

"And, I'm sorry for it." He purred charmingly. His hands constantly moving in supplication. "So how bout you hand daddy the gun?"

"You're lying, you're not sorry." she hissed.

"Aw, now see that hurts. Here I am being honest and you don't believe me?" He asked her, coming just a little closer.

For a second she hesitated as he spoke, she didn't know why she did, she was still so angry at him but, his voice had this maddening effect on her.

Joker moved faster than she could react, the gun had clanged to the ground. The weapon out of her hands and the dark look in his eyes became intense.

"Now see, daddy's just not happy with you right now Harley, this attitude of yours is just getting old."

 _ **Smack**_ , he backhanded her across the face and Harley fell to the ground. With his other hand he slicked back his hair and looked down at her.

"See, Harley, we can't keep playing this little game of yours. I know you want to impress me, I can even appreciate that but you see. Daddy works long hours and he just doesn't have the time for his little girl."

"Fuck you." she cried.

Joker grabbed her off the ground and pulled her up. There were tears in her eyes, her face stung, it wasn't fair, why did pain have to exist for her right now?

It was less the pain of her cheek, the burn where his skin had made contact, just the pain in her heart.

"Now pumpkin pie, don't cry. I'm not that mad at you that you need to cry. Come on, show daddy a smile. One of your pretty, little smiles."

She looked away from him but he grabbed her face in both hands and pulled her attention back to him.

"You know everything I do, is for your own good honey, you gotta remember that." he purred and then, as if nothing had just happened. As if they hadn't been playing this violent game of cat and mouse, he leaned in and kissed her.

She should have pushed him away, should have gotten on that bike and drove, drove and just left him but she couldn't. She was too far gone and his lips were addiction.

 _Last chance Harls, no going back after this point._

She was right, she knew she was right. He wanted her, he still wanted her so much.

His lips spoke every word he refused to acknowledge and she responded to the kiss with desperate eagerness.

Her anger melted away into need, damn him and his charm, damn him and his lips. Glorious, aching lips that spoke to her in a way nothing could.

She was crazy, she had to be. She knew it, the voices in her head proved it now more than anything but oh damn it she didn't care.

 _I'm crazy, I don't care anymore. I'll be crazy, I'll be as crazy as he wants, crazy as he's ever seen just don't let him leave me again._

The kiss was rough but somehow gentle, sucking all the air out of her.

When he puled back he let her go and paced in front of her again, she didn't miss that he kicked her gun away.

"So now the question is, what do I do with you?" He asked, scanning her over.

He pondered the issue for a moment, making a show of it. Letting his hand brush against her every so often as he considered it.

Frost had come forward now, eyeing them both carefully.

"Johnny boy, get the lady's bike back to the club will ya? Sorry boys but you're gonna have to walk home." He said looking at her, his rage turning into madness and dark pleasure.

"Where is he taking my bike?"

"Oh, don't you worry your pretty little head about that honey." he came in, cupping her cheeks again and placing another kiss on her lips.

It was like a drug to make her stop thinking, had he figured out how to use that against her?

Yes.

"Get in." He ordered with a smile.

"Why?"

"Because I told you to." he snarled lowly. His men already following his orders.

He motioned to the car, slowly she walked to the passenger seat and got in.

The seats were high quality, all of it customized, she knew that from her last unauthorized visit.

She didn't buckle up, she just sat there and stared at him as he climbed into the drivers seat.

"Where are we going?" she asked him quietly.

"We're going to see my mother, we're going to go see where I was born."

A/N AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Oh my fucking god. I won't lie to you, I watched the best quality deleted scenes I could find. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I WISH I could make out what they're saying, I swear to all of you I would write it word for word. As it is, I tried to describe the performance I watched as best I could but I have no idea if I did good enough. Oh that was amazing to watch and I'm devastated that it wasn't in the movie. I get why, it's about the squad. Not just J and Harley but still. So in the rumors of the scenes, I know that they shoot up the restaurant. I'm changing that here a little just cause well, it works for this story a little better. But oh god, oh god. I think I re watched that video fifty times.

 _Breaths out hard_. This is where we get into the movie stuff now. Next chapter not so much but the one after. OHH yeah, we are definitely in movie territory then and I am honestly nervous as hell. Like that funny feeling in your gut nervous.

I seriously still haven't decided how far in I'm going either. I mean do you guys want me to go throught eh movie too? Or should I cut it off right when he finds out where she is? I mean, that would sort of make sense since I started it on that but oh man. I just don't know.

SOOOO anyway, my self doubt aside. Here is the deal. I am not gonna hold back my punches when it comes to the relationship between these two. There are a few realities that must be understood, they are an abusie couple at this stage of the relationship. Yes, he does put his hands on her, frequently. For fuck's sake, he tortured her. You onestly believe he wasn't gonna hit her? Still, I am going to... show you guys the evolution of physical, emotional and mental abuse in this story and how it can evolve from just being plain disasterous to something else. The cartoon tookt he very straight forward approch to them.

He gets mad, he hits her,s he cowaers and instnatly obeys. Abuse, doesn't workt hat way all the time, yes there are cases of it. I won't deny that sometimes it's just that simple, as tragic as that is but these two. They are TOO extremem for that. I mention that extremity in Monsters and Performers. The reality of the situation is, there has to be more to it, there HAS to be so mcuh more. Real life isn't as easy as throwing Harley through a window and she just suddenly gets it. Suicide squad opened up an opportunity to do something that wasn't possible with the original version of Harley. Co dependancy and a much stronger female presence. There are women who get abused who arent' afraid of their partners. They might fear the action but not them, they havent' broken that way, that's this Harley. So I hope you guys are ready cause I am reallys ick of reading the fics where she cowers. This is fucking harley quinn. This is the bad as version of this amazingly intelligent, savvy character who took abuse from the Belle Reve guards with a laugh. Who stared at violence and danger and grinned.

Sorry everyone, I've been waiting six chapters to give that appropriate rant. "Sighs" I got done reading someone's fic, not mentioning names where Harley coward for days because he'd hit her, AFTER belle Reve. Okay, I'm done. Sorry. Just the nerves are gettign to me.

Anyway, for the future. I have one big issue, I cannot find, any really good detailed videos of the chemical vat scene. I've looked,t heir all blurry or out of focus. I also can't go see the movie again, lackign in funds. So if, IF one of you amazing readers could maybe send me a PM with any little details you guys noticed it would help so much. Cause that is the big explosive scene that I am the MOST worried about. And I want to get it as amazing as I can. I also got some surprises with it for you all but so yeah, if you guys wouldn't mind. The more details I got,t he better.

Okay, so i've gone off the deep end a little too far. So I'lm gonna go, work on Monster's and performers again. Since this and it are the babies that need the most work and I will catch ya guys next time.

Thank you for the love, please keep it coming my way. "Sends you all kisses for your reviews." enjoy.


	21. What's life without Harley?

A/N Sorry this took so long guys, J didn't wanna come and play. He's, sort of in a mood. Which is sadly understandable since his kid was just... oh, sorry guys that's a different story but yeah try having them take over your head and see how that works out. Lol, enjoy.

Chapter 21 - What's life without Harley?

The road was empty, the rain had chased everyone inside but he knew that he'd come. He'd make him come out and face him.

He had to, he needed this more than he needed anything else. Except for Harley, she was the only thing he needed more.

" _Is Joker what you really want me to call you puddin?" she asked as they lay in his bed,. He was busy licking the chocolate syrup that she'd spilled on herself while she ate her ice cream. He didn't normally allow food on the bed, since no one was around to clean it but she'd looked so delicious sitting up in bed with that bowl in her hands, taking bite after bite._

" _J is fine." He growled, still enjoying the dessert off her skin._

" _Yeah but..." she moaned, tilting her head back as he lulled her into a state where she didn't want to talk. "I named myself Harley, do ya really just not have your own name?"_

" _As long as it's not puddin." He crawled up her naked body, pinning her down on the mattress. She was the only woman he'd let stay here, the only one who'd spent any time in his room. Her skin was healing, the blisters all gone and now all that was left was the pale perfection of his mate, reborn to be like him. Still somehow utterly stubborn in her determination to annoy him._

" _I like callin' you puddin." she mumbled softly. "You didn't mind me calling ya that a few minutes ago."_

" _That's different." He smirked. "You can call me whatever you like then."_

" _Please." her eyes lost that edge he was growing accustomed to, they were softer, gentle and he fought the urge to pull away from her. Harley reached her hand up and very gently caressed his face, touching the J near his eye. "Is Joker the name you chose as your name?"_

" _Yes." he confirmed and she nodded, understanding. Harley inhaled a deep breath and smiled up at him._

" _Joker."_

There had been power in that word, power in his name when she'd whispered it with such love, such devotion. Like the name suddenly meant something, that it was a name parents would start calling their sons.

He hadn't dwelt on that gentleness then, convinced that all he needed from her was the heat of her body and the sharp edge of her mind. That's why he'd saved her, not for love, for entertainment, so he wasn't so bored.

"Looks like you were wrong Joker." She sang from the seat next to him. "You were in love baby, I've been telling you that for months now."

"Shut up Harley." he ordered but the hallucination in his mind wouldn't allow him to let this go, because he couldn't let it go.

"You think because you order it, I'll do it? That isn't something you love about me puddin. You love the fact I fight back, you love the fact I don't cower in the corner like a scared child. You love the fact that if you hit me, nine out of ten times, I'm likely to hit you back."

 _Except for that one time, when she didn't._

He pressed his foot on the gas and the car roared as it picked up the speed.

"Oh, don't like that thought puddin?" she taunted him, laughing mockingly at him as he turned the corner. "I go one time cause I'm fed up and you just can't... stand it."

"Shut up." He repeated.

"It wasn't so bad though baby, was it? Watching me leave, watching me take off with my bag? I mean, wasn't like it broke your itsy bitty heart now, was it?"

He gritted his teeth.

"Oh wait, I forgot. It did." she laughed again, that deranged laugh she had for those who got under her skin, a sound that sounded so full of humor but was nothing but death.

"Oops, sorry puddin' I forgot.."

He let her leave, he didn't care. He'd watched her go and he was happy about it, let her have her hissy fit. To get angry and act like she was done. He knew she wouldn't stay, all that crap about love was tested and proved wrong.

For what? Because he disregarded her? Because he'd hit her again?

Because he'd humiliated her in front of the others?

No, something else.

She'd yelled, she'd thrown things, his favorite guns, his knives and he remembered exactly what she said.

" _Everything here is yours, not a goddamn thing belongs to me or ours. It's your room, your bed, your house. I work for this too but it's all yours." She'd declared as she packed a duffle bag, he hadn't seen it before. Wasn't anything he'd gotten her._

" _Where are you heading kitten?" He asked, leaning against the door frame of his bedroom._

" _Since I don't own anything here, I'm gonna go find something that's mine." she spat, slipping several of her own weapons into the bag. Zipping it tightly and throwing it over her shoulder._

" _Where ya gonna go?" He pushed off the door and came to stand in front of her, right in her face. "You ain't got nowhere to go, you got no one, no friends, no family who wants ya. This city is mine, where ya gonna go where I haven't touched?"_

" _I ain't helpless." She whispered angrily. "I deserve this city just as much as you do."_

" _Why? Because you say so?"_

" _Yes." She got right back up in his face. "Because I say so."_

" _You're here because I let you be here little girl, you live here because I deem you my amusement, you think I care if you take off? Go ahead, you'll be back by the end of the night when you ain't got a full belly."_

" _You'll come crawling after me before the end of the week." She purred, her mood instantly changing to a much more, pleasant, sweet tone. Sickeningly sweet. "And when you come lookin' puddin' you better be prepared to accept just one, little, thing."_

" _What's that?"_

" _We're equals, you and me."_

" _Equals? I made you, you're my property, that doesn't make us close to equals."_

" _Oh puddin, you think that it just works one way? Oh that's just so... adorably cute of you." She cooed as if talking to a child before she walked by him, letting her hand brush up against his arm._

Two weeks, that's how long she was gone for and she hadn't even crawled back, he'd found her, he'd found her riding her bike. Newer, shiny and more flashy than the one she'd owned when she was one of the normal folk.

Before she was chasing after him, at that moment, it was him chasing after her.

Because the sadistic thing was, she managed alright by herself.

Harley, didn't starve, she wasn't homeless and rocking back and forward in a corner so withdrawn by her desperate need that it looked pathetic.

She was so much stronger than all that,

" _Aw puddin', you chased me ten blocks just to say hi?" She looked, so good._

 _She'd changed out of her jester costume, you'd think that would take away from the allure, that the skin tight costume would be the only thing she'd look amazing in but the new outfit, maybe it did her more justice._

 _Her hair was in high pigtails, the bleach blonde gleaming in the light of the streetlamps. The new outfit was black and red, the colors Gotham had come to associate with her but he had to admit, it was less, street fair and more performer. The shirt didn't cover her stomach, half black and half red, It looked more grown up on her, the pants, were tight on her legs, accenting the perfection of her shape. He watched her break into a shop, moving with ease in that thing like it was a second skin._

" _Ya coming puddin'?" she asked, grinning at him._

 _It was beneath him, breaking into some small store and watching her steal all the money from the cash register, petty theft. Wouldn't even get a year for it if she got caught but he couldn't stop staring at her, couldn't stop watching her as she worked. What she stole seemed just as important as how she stole it._

 _She was specific, passing up several items of value to get one particular thing that might seem, insignificant to the untrained eye._

"Between my brains puddin' your training, did you honestly think I wasn't going to be just the object of the perfect girl?" Her ghost taunted, J was about ready to let the car flip with him in it.

"Oh come on, you know you couldn't stop staring at me, you couldn't stop wishing I was all over you. I wanted to be, you know that right? You know all I wanted to do was be all over you, showing you how much I miss you, how much I wanted to go home but I didn't."

No, she hadn't.

 _She'd stuffed her backpack with everything she could fit, leaving the store and climbing on her bike. Staring back at him with a smile._

" _Coming?"_

The sirens were blaring behind him, the new car was alien to them, he hadn't had this one customized, not yet. It was black instead of his trademark purple, it was all power, all speed but no glamour.

He 'd intended to have ti done but...

"You really think batsy is gonna give up where I am puddin?" She asked him, her voice still throwing taunts in his direction. "He hates you so much right now, all he wants to do is see you suffer. You think that he'll just... say I forgive you for killing my sidekick and hey, you can have your old lady back now."

J ignored her now. Pulling his gun out, more than eager to kill the moronic cops who dared follow him.

They weren't who he was trying to attract, he wanted the Bat, the source of his wretched agony, the one who'd taken her, who'd handed her over to whoever it was who had her and would more than likely be the one to know where to find her.

How ironic and stupid that little thought was, he needed the bat's help to find Harley.

"No puddin, not his help." Harley purred, her voice shifting with his mood. "You need him to talk, you don't need him to like it, to forgive you, you just need him to talk."

It was getting close to Halloween, October, it was October.

A whole year now, she'd been gone for a whole year.

"Bad sort of anniversary to celebrate baby." She mused, leaning back in the seat. "We celebrate lots of things, your birth, my birth, day we met. First time we faced the bat together, robin's death, this one I think is one we shouldn't celebrate."

No, he agreed on that one. This would be a day he'd make sure became buried deep in the memories of both of them. It'd never be spoken of again, it would cease to exist all together.

With all his resources, his contacts and power, no one knew where Harley was. No one knew how to find her.

He'd gotten angry, he'd grieved her, he'd mourned her and now he was ready to kill for her if he needed to, to kill the other obsession in his life.

Every day without her felt like a day in hell and the bat was the devil.

How was that right? How was that their world now?

He was the devil, he was the one who caused suffering.

The bat wasn't coming, why the hell wasn't the bat chasing him yet?

He rolled down the window, aiming his gun without looking and shot off a few rounds. Not caring where or who he hit.

"That's not enough to get his attention puddin' You gotta think more flashy, more you."

 _How can I do me when I ain't got you?_ He thought bitterly.

"Oh puddin' you always got me, you know that much baby. Even if I was across the world, in some desert I'd always be yours, only yours. That's the one thing you never gotta think on, I'm property of The Joker. Remember that? I'm yours and your mine. That's how this works, remember, that's why I came back home."

 _J followed her, the industrial area of Gotham. Past the apartments and housing, past the big warehouses and factories, until they reached the warehouse she was looking for. Smaller than the others, out of the way. You'd have to know you were looking for it, otherwise you'd drive right by it._

 _It looked abandoned, she parked to the side._

 _So this was where she called home now? This piece of crap?_

" _Come on." she ordered sweetly, a little skip to her step as she rolled her hips and walked around to the front. A set of heavy keys pulled out of thin air, that's what he thought as he followed close behind her. Contemplating the pleasure of jumping her and strangling her neck a bit. She always got this exquisite look on her face when he did that, a mix of suffocation and delight._

 _They stopped in front of the warehouse door and she led him inside, guiding him in the darkness. The moonlight and a dim security light the only way to maneuver the place halfway safely._

 _He followed her in silence, curious to her plan, was she going to try and take revenge for his abuse? Would she try to kill him? That would be something, it'd at least be entertaining before he crushed her little hopes back into submission._

 _They climbed up a set of stairs, he kept right behind her, close enough to touch and he didn't deprive himself the privilege. Half way up she stopped, her head tilting back as his hands caress the exposed flesh of her midriff and sides. ._

 _She didn't stop him, they just stood there, unmoving except for his hands, his breathing coming out ragged, he couldn't decide what he wanted again._

 _She finally peeled herself away from him, moving faster up the stairs, turning once with a hint of a smile before racing up the rest of the way. Making him chase after her again._

 _She opened a locked door and flipped on the light, it looks like a converted one bedroom loft. It's more than he expected, clean, warm, furnished._

 _It isn't as extravagant as the penthouse but it's a hell of a lot better than the apartment she'd lived in over a year and a half ago._

 _Harley dropped her backpack on one of the large couches and turned to face him._

 _There's tension between them, thick in the air and choking the life out of both of them._

 _Because this never was about want, that was always a given, this was never about her love. She never fell out, she loved him still, her eyes screamed it._

 _This was about respect._

 _She wanted his respect, she wanted his equality, to be seen as more than the Joker's plaything, more solid, more permanent._

 _The truth was, he was impressed._

 _He'd expected her lost, he'd expected her in the gutter or a shelter, not here. Not in her own small starting point, her own little hideout._

 _It made him think, if he'd waited the year. If either of them had the power to hold off for that one whole year. Would Harley be something more than just his play toy?_

 _Yes._

 _He stepped closer, his shoulders heaving as he breathed, he couldn't take his eyes off her. How quickly she'd evolved. Maybe she'd evolved earlier, he'd just refused to notice it._

 _The only thing holding Harley back from taking over this city, was him._

 _The pill wasn't so hard to swallow though, he felt his attraction for her change, deeper, his hunger for her increased to a burning growl in his stomach. She was his mate after all, did he want a rag doll who'd bore him after a few months or did he want... someone who was his equal?_

 _ **I'll make five more just like her.**_

 _ **Not just like her, no one's just like her.**_

 _ **I'll take her skin and put someone else in it.**_

 _ **Wouldn't be the same, it's not just her body I want, it's all of it. I want that wicked, deviously intelligent mind, I want that laugh, her devotion, her loyalty.**_

 _Loyalty, some might think her walking out was her disregard for that loyalty but, she'd kept out of his way, she hadn't interfered in his affairs. She had simply, done her own thing._

 _Harley took hold of the hem of her shirt and pulled it off, throwing it on the coffee table, the black bra she wore such a contrast to her white skin._

 _ **That perfect creamy skin.**_

 _The tension continued to grow, like it always did between them and he stood there. Watching as she came closer, her hips swaying enticingly._

 _The most beautiful woman in Gotham city, the most intelligent, seductive creature and she belonged to him. She would always belong to him, no matter how far away she went, no matter how he treated her she would always be his but even with the want that they were breathing, the urge and need. Her eyes said one thing._

 _I'm yours but you gotta earn me._

" _I can get someone else." he growled, circling her._

" _You could." She agreed with that sweet silky voice. "But you don' wanna."_

" _I can have any woman in Gotham city."_

" _Probably but you only want one."_

" _What makes you think it's you?" he taunted but she didn't take the bait, she only grinned, bearing her white teeth at him, circling him with purposeful steps, each time a little closer._

" _We both know why." She pulled down both of her pigtails and let her hair loosen in a wild cascade around her, her head dropping just a fraction, her eyes staring up at him, mirroring his own predatory stare._

 _She was not prey. Not anymore, she was like him and she was hunting him just like he hunted her._

 _He wanted to mock her, that her sex wasn't that great. That he'd had better but he couldn't do it with a straight face._

" _Wanna know the difference between us puddin?" she breathed, breaking their cycle and coming right up to his face, so close that he felt sparks, shocks go from her to him._

" _I can admit you've ruined me, I can admit you've spoiled me for anyone else. You can't, yes I'm that good, yes we make magic together. No man has ever broken me like you did. No woman's driven me over the edge like you. Can you really tell me that any other woman you've been with has ever... made you loose yourself like me?"_

 _His jaw clenched and he had to work it, cracking his neck to the side as she continued to invade his personal space._

" _Come on baby, be honest with me. No one can hear you, no one knows where this place is. Just you and me puddin, you can tell me the truth."_

" _No, there is no one better than you baby." He confessed lowly, she grinned at him. Moving away from him for a second, just far enough so he could watch as she peeled her pants down her legs, removing them and her boots._

 _So that she was left in her underwear. All of it black, all of it screaming to be taken off._

 _The growls came without his permission, the effect of her body on him, how easy it was for her to just undo him like that. He hated her for it, he wanted her for it._

" _You want me?" She asked, coming back towards him._

 _He didn't answer with words, he grabbed the back of her neck when she was just close enough and pulled her against him, his other hand instantly going to the small of her back, possessively gripping her._

" _I don't like people touching my stuff." he hissed and she giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck, her chest heaving with her desire._

" _No one's played with me puddin' What, you think I settle for seconds?"_

" _What, do you want?" He demanded, knowing he wasn't just simply going to get her, yes he wanted her, yes he wanted her right this second and she was making an offer. A deal, he felt like he was in front of a demon, one who was asking for his soul for the exchange of something he couldn't get on his own._

" _I'm not one of your goons, I'm not Frosty. I'm not your sidekick." she breathed, pushing him backwards, even with his hand on her body, she urged him back, until the back of his knees hit her bed and he fell back, forced to let go of her. "I don't wanna be those things puddin'."_

 _She climbed on him, straddling his hips and pinning her hands on either side of him._

" _You wanna be at my side princess?"_

" _Yes." she groaned viciously. "Not below you, beside you. You're the prince of crime, I wanna be your princess."_

" _And what do I get for that?" His eyes rolled back as her tongue licked his collarbone._

" _Everything."_

And in that moment, before anything else, she'd stopped being the student and became his princess. Gotham city's Princess of crime. To be at his side, his lover, his mate. His equal. Because she was worthy, because he couldn't stand to be without her.

What was life without Harley Quinn?

There was no life, only existing, because she'd taken Chaos with her. It lived inside of her, coursing through her veins and he needed to feed.

Where was the damn bat? If he didn't want him around, he'd be right on his ass but he needed him to show up and the damn rodent refused to show himself.

Fucker was hiding from him now, he knew he'd fucked up, he knew he'd taken something from him that he should have just saved and left to Arkham, where he could get her back, bring her home. No, he'd stolen her away, helped them spirit her to the shadows.

He drove so fast, he outran the cops. They just couldn't keep up with him.

He took a sharp turn off the main road and headed towards Gotham's industrial area. He could drive all night but the bat wasn't coming out to play just yet. Damn him, he'd be back out tomorrow and the day after that. He was going to confront him, one way or another and he'd tell him where Harley was, their game had officially turned into life or death.

The streets grew darker, everyone gone home for the night.

No one but security guards who wouldn't come his way.

No one but him.

He pulled into the familiar warehouse, small and out of the way, still her little hideout. Secret from even Frost, somewhere to get lost. To hide out when the cops were looking for them.

 _Joker ran his hands up her stomach, feeling the heat from her body as she stared down at him. Her hair brushing against the side of his face._

" _Everything huh?" He purred, giving a half way smile._

" _Yeah, everything." She agreed, letting her body dip a little so that she placed the lightest pressure against him. "Everything."_

" _Tempting." he mused, as if he hadn't already made up his mind._

 _She laughed at him, seeing the approval in his eyes. "Come on puddin' is it really that hard?"_

" _You tell me." He growled, slipping his hand behind her and unhooking her bra, enjoying the snap sound it made as it came apart, hanging loosely on her shoulders. "Since you seem to know everything."_

" _I do know everything." She whispered,. He reached with his other hand and covered her mouth, so that his tattoo smile covered her lips._

 _Harley sat herself up, pulling the bra completely off, making his breath catch as he looked up at her. There was definitely something wild about her, something, unhinged and he couldn't help the desire to drink that in._

 _She placed her hands back down on the mattress and he felt her weight leave him, looking down he saw that she was in the middle of doing a makeshift handstand, her arms trembling slightly as the mattress gave way, taking away stability._

 _He chuckled. "Showing off for daddy again huh?"_

 _She didn't answer him, only smiled. He got the hint and in seconds he'd taken off his own clothes, taking advantage of her awkward balance, he pulled the last of her clothes off. When she couldn't hold herself up anymore, his movements making it difficult for her to stay still, she landed back on him. A low groan coming from her as she made contact with his skin._

 _Skin to skin, touch to touch._

 _The power of that feeling was shared, it belonged to both of them, neither holding more of it. Because it took both of them to make it, he couldn't make this chaos on his own, neither could she and he snarled at the intense sense of it._

 _She could have what she wanted, she wanted to be his equal then yes, he'd relent her that right, for this. He'd give her Gotham on a platter._

" _You and me baby." he promised, feeling her adjust herself on him, eager, aching and dying for him._

 _Her response came in the form of a throaty moan, he ground his teeth together at the feel of her, how much he'd missed this. How easy it was to forget everything inside of her._

 _Madness, insanity, chaos._

 _There was no woman who was all of those things, plenty of crazy but not madness like Harley, not chaos like her. His hands gripped her hips and urged her to move. She obliged wanting to feel more of him, every noise she made growing louder and rougher as she picked up a rhythm._

 _Harley moved her hips in quick, short rolls, even from above him, he could still control her, his hands forcing that rhythm to not only be quick but hard. Harley's hands were everywhere, she couldn't keep them still. One hand finally coming to rest over the words of his laugh and the other pressed against the aces of his neck, her fingernails digging as the overpowering pleasure took hold._

 _She was breathtaking, her whole body jumping and he pushed her further. His own sounds of pleasure bled into hers, reverberating around the room, coming back and piercing his ears, only intensifying the thrill._

 _Those screams of hers, they were all his, for him, because of him and he wanted more of them._

 _With one quick movement, he was sitting up, forcing her to adjust just as quickly so she didn't loose her momentum._

 _Her arms wrapped around his neck and her lips sought his, sucking and gnawing on his bottom lip, the sounds of her pleasure vibrating through the moist flesh._

 _He dug his nails into her sides, roughly kissing her as he continued to force her movements, she met every grind with a bounce, he could feel how close she was, the tension inside her, the way her whole body seemed to tense in anticipation for that sweetest of feelings._

 _There was something to claim to be able to bring a woman to that sort of insanity, to know that once she started, she couldn't stop. That she'd ache, she'd hit peak after peak, that it was his work and his alone that could give her that sort of pleasure._

 _I don't go for second. She'd said earlier. Good, because neither did he._

 _She was too good for anyone else, too perfect, his alone._

 _She was so close, so very close but he knew he could push her faster than this and he needed to, he wanted to see her loose it, abandon sanity for its opposite and she needed to do it now!_

 _One of his hands moved from her side, slipping between them, expertly moving without getting crushed. Finding the delicate sensitive spot between her legs and mercilessly flicked his fingers against her._

 _He watched with a raw, animal satisfaction as her eyes went wide, her lips parting from his and a cry came out that was long and broken. She looked down at what he was doing before her eyes rolled back, her whole body reacting to it._

" _Do it, do it." He ordered and it was all Harley could stand. She lost herself, her screams lost their sound, becoming so loud that they were nothing but silence. He didn't allow her to stop moving, to stay still and ride out the pleasure, he forced her to move. Only building that gratification to a boiling point._

 _Harley tore at his back, leaving wounds across the red dragon making its scales glisten with his blood. When J was sure she couldn't take it anymore, when he felt her every nerve convulse, sure he couldn't stand the feeling of unbelievable thirst that ran through his body, he flipped her onto her back, pushing her that much further, his head falling back in a torn growl that mixed in with a laugh, finding his own shattering freedom._

 _Her arms pulled him down, a desperate whimper escaping her lips, wanting him against her, wanting him close._

 _He didn't fight her._

Joker sat on the steps, feeling that gut wrenching feeling in his stomach, in his chest.

A year, it was a year and his girl wasn't home.

He'd made her his queen, she'd risen with him, she'd helped him rise higher. Gotham had become theirs, he wasn't the prince of crime anymore, she wasn't the princess either. They'd were more, she'd helped him become the King of crime, the king of Gotham.

His phone started to ring, he looked down at it and saw that it was Johnny.

He could let it go to voicemail but he didn't.

"What is it?" He asked gruffly.

"Boss, we found something." Frost said with a grim tone. "But you ain't gonna like it."

A/N 'Hides behind glass.' So, I was gonna be mean and leave it off where she climbs up on him, then I had this awful image of you guys with torches and pitchforks. So I decided to go ahead and give it up, cause well. I like being in one piece. Lol.

Hope you guys like it, like I mentioned at the top. J was just not a happy camper, which makes me sound really crazy honestly but well when you work with characters as heavily as I do. It's easier to think of them as living entities rather than two dimensional characters. So yes, he's not too happy with me. He's really upset cause I won't tell him where Harley is He's also very, very unahppy with what I've done with Harley in Life and destruction. He also has a headache cause I keep dragging him back to the beginning of the relationship with Monsters and performers. He's just, not happy with me at all. If he was really around me or Jared Leto was playing him and I was in a room for like an hour. I don't think I'd come out of that room in one piece either. Lol. And no, he ain't happy about me leaving it there either.

Anyways. As always I will not apologize for the chaos of the chapter, as I always state, it's meant to be chaotic, it's whatever they're thinking at the time. Sometime it lines up with the interchanging chapters, sometimes it doesn't. It's just, whatever they're thinking about in that moment that works as a lead up to the next chapter. Which J has not made easy.

So I mentioned this in Monsters and Performers update, which btw I have updated and I think you guys might like. I posted two polls on that chapter and I'm gonna ask the same two questions here. If you answered in MaP you're still free to restate your answer here. Please, please, please. I really do need this info for the whole story line, for all of the stories currently in progress actually.

Question ONE, the most important. Who do you guys want to kill Robin, Harley or Joker. I know that in suicide squad it's more that she's an accomplice, that doesn't matter. Just give me your opinion. Yes I know the crowbar scene is ICONIC. Who says I don't respect the iconic? It'll be in there either way.

Second question. Which version of his death do you guys prefer. A death in the family, which is the original or, under the red hood which is the newer version of the story. I got plots for any combo of these two questions. So please feel free to go crazy with it or if you've got a third option I'll take it into consideration as well. This event is vital, not only for the canon of the story in the DC universe but for the relationship between Harley and Joker. Based on THIS chapter, so if you guys wanna re read it and see if you can spot my little hidden... Easter eggs then feel free.

Oh before I go, I've got a bone. Did any of you read the new DC comics? They were supposed to reveal the Joker's real name and identity but WHAT A COP OUT. They didn't reveal anything. That sucked.

Thank you tot he reviewer who pointed me in the direction of the behind the scenes artbook. I was so upset, I don't have the twenty four bucks currently to go buy it but it definitely was inspiring to glance through. Yes that dragon tattoo is beautiful and I will have mention of it a few times.

Anyway my loves, as always the reviews are both desired and appreciated. I love you all and thank you for all the love, the support. Whether you review or just follow, thank you for sticking with me. We've officially hit over 300 followers and over 200 favorites and nearly 300 reviews.. I said it in MaP, I may not get as many followers or reviews as some other stories but I wouldn't trade what you guys give me for a million of those.

I'll see ya guys later this week.


	22. Rebirth

A/N sorry this one took a whole lot of time to write. Remember how I said how nervous I was about this particular scene? well it hit me hard and I've been trying to muster up the courage to write it.

So... 'crossing fingers' that this is good enough.' Oh, something important. Please, if you have work or you go to school, have kids. Make sure you sleep, this chapter will be here when you get out of work/school, your kids will go to bed eventually. Please, don't destroy your schedules because of me! A musical given everyone, the score version of Gangster for the movie of course!

Chapter 22 – Reborn

They drove in silence, she was busy looking out the window with her forehead pressed against the glass.

He supposed she had a lot to think about.

She was still wearing her glasses and he wondered if she just hadn't noticed or if she was still wearing them in some desperate attempt to hold onto her own past.

He fought the urge to tear them off her face, break them in half and throw them out the window. They were such a lie, a part of disguise he felt she never needed, a costume that didn't suit her at all.

Wouldn't matter though, not for much longer. Soon enough, those glasses, that smile, her voice, everything that made her who and what she was would only be a memory and no one knew better than he did how memories could be lost, buried deep, deep down.

He might think of her one day, as a mistake, a bump in the road of this ongoing joke called living but that would happen much, much later. For now, he'd enjoy these final moments, especially since she was being so very quiet.

Maybe part of her understood, maybe all her brain cells weren't complete mush and she realized his intentions.

Maybe not.

Her whole body was relaxed, comfortable in a way no one should be in his car, not even Frost sat so comfortably when they drove anywhere. She trusted him, it should be funny but it wasn't. She actually trusted him, even though he'd struck her, tortured her, left her.

 _Either way, doesn't matter._ He told himself. _By the end of tonight, she won't be your problem anymore. She won't be anyone's problem. Just another lost soul, another victim._

He expected to feel some satisfaction at the idea but... there was none to be found.

He was, sorry for this. He had higher hopes of her, higher expectations of this woman and if she hadn't become so completely fixated with him, he would have let her live.

He just couldn't allow her to continue breathing, she was too much of a distraction, too wrapped up in him and it, made him feel.

He felt with her, anger, jealousy, lust, gods lust was one of the main things he felt for her. Agitation but also admiration, he found himself wanting to feel when he thought of her, wanting to feel things for her.

He felt, proud of her...

 _Is feeling so bad?_ His mind thought and he glanced in her direction from the corner of his eye, she was distracted in her own head, a fun house that place must be now, how could someone so smart be so...

 _Her_

There wasn't a word for her, there were thousands of things he could call her, beautiful, intelligent, funny, cunning, stupid, naive, gullible, sexy, tempting, sweet, irresistible... but there was no one word to fully capture her essence.

Maybe that was the real problem, he wanted to keep peeling away at her, discover the core, the truth of her and he felt himself loose focus. He only had room for one obsession, not two and she was steadily becoming that second fix, worse, she was surpassing the first.

 _No, she can't be anything to me._ He mused as they turned another corner. _It's just a fix, shouldn't have slept with her, that was my mistake, that's all._

He shouldn't have slept with her but he had, he knew the taste of her, the scent of her, he knew the sounds she made when he paid attention to a particular place on her body. He knew how incredibly insatiable she could be, hungry and passionate. He knew those things about her, the wild creature that existed behind those blue eyes.

He'd discovered how flexible she was, how far he could push her body before she couldn't perform. She'd exhausted him, he'd slept for hours when he'd left her. Not a nap, real, gloriously dreamless sleep. All from a weekend ravishing her soul.

 _I'll miss that._ He admitted. _Taking advantage of that body definitely works better than a sleeping pill._

Gotham was quiet, the streets weren't as chaotic, too few cars for his liking. He liked the city to be wide awake, alive, it was the only way he enjoyed himself honestly.

Maybe it was a good omen though, the quiet, the calm still of it. A sign of the storm to come afterwards, because he'd bring a storm.

Joker knew that much, he was going to have to just to entertain himself after.

 _I'll give you this Harley Quinn, you won't be an easy act to follow._

They were deep in the Otisburg district now, he knew a quick way to get to his destination but he chose to take the scenic route. Once, these same streets had been his home. He knew the GCPD, had been arrested there long before he was known as the Joker. They might even have his real name in there somewhere, squirreled away in some file, when he'd been called by a different identity.

He'd considered going in there and looking but for what? The past was a dangerous place that didn't need to be explored, it would only bring more questions and no closure.

He knew that much at least, there was nothing good in that past, nothing left for that dead man.

It felt ironic, no, fated that Harley was the one and only person to ask the question of whether or not he wanted to remember his past if it was possible.

" _If there was a way to remember, would you want to do that? Would you want to open that box?"_

No, he didn't want to open that box, because that box wasn't his anymore.

" _That man's dead and I am his son, that box is not my inheritance."_ He'd told her and she'd smiled in understanding before moving on.

Funny that she was the only one who ever cared enough to ask his opinion on the matter.

He turned at the Gotham light and power building. Harley finally stirred and readjusted herself.

"The Monarch playing card company." she mumbled, staring at the big sign of the factory as they drove by it a block later. "You told me about that place."

"Never been in Otisburg Harls?" He asked conversationally.

She shook her head. "Not this far in, where are we-"

Her question died in her throat as she saw where they were heading. He caught a glimpse of the awe in her features, her mouth hanging slightly open.

He pulled up to the security gates, lowering the window and reaching out his arm to the keypad that glowed in the dark.

He punched in a code and the gates moved with a heavy creek.

"What?" he asked when he looked back at her.

"How did you... know the codes?"

He sneered at her innocence, he had stocks in this place for a reason. Just so they wouldn't close it down. He was the one who'd paid for the security, kept the... rabble out, away from his birthplace.

Parking the car right at the front door, he let the engine die. Sitting back in the seat, he turned to look at her.

"Get out." he ordered, opening his own door without another word.

 _Just shoot her, be done with it._

 _No, she's earned a special death, something I can look back on._

He wanted to remember her death.

He wanted to think on it later, the special way she'd ceased to exist, because she'd earned the honor, because she deserved to be treated special, she was a special girl.

He came to stand in front of her, staring at her seriously. "Follow."

Harley looked up at the immense building and nodded, she followed behind, pulling out a key card and swiping it. The security pad glowed green and the door clicked open.

There was no security here, no real need for more than the gate and the door. People feared this place, they feared the ghosts who haunted it.

They feared his ghost.

He took her to the office first, pointing at one of the seats in the waiting area.

"Wait there." he told her, unlocking the main office and flipping on all the lights.

Turning off the security cameras while he was at it.

Frost would make sure the last few minutes were erased.

 _I don't need cameras to remember this moment, I just need to witness it._

Harley had her arms around herself when he came back, she looked... cold.

But when she heard him, when she looked up at him all he could see was adoration, undying, devotion and desperate love.

"Come with me." he said, ignoring the twisting feeling in his gut at the way she stared at him.

 _I need to get a dog._ He thought to himself, walking into the central area of the factory, not looking to check if she was following him. _Some mutt from the pound that has that same look, it'd be less... annoying._

 _Less of an annoyance and definitely less distracting._

 _More obedient too._

They climbed the metal stairs that led up to the catwalks and platforms.

He never actually found out what the chemicals were for, nor what the company did with them here or anywhere else in the country but he decided a long time ago that he didn't need to know why. All he had to know, was that it was still here for his own personal use.

Harley was close behind him, he could hear her breathing right at his back, he could feel the heat coming off her body and he reached back, grabbing her hand and pulled her up more quickly.

He needed to get this done, it had to happen now.

 _And if she chooses not to do this?_ His mind asked him. _What do you do with her then?_

 _That's why god made guns._

It wouldn't be as elegant or as meaningful but it'd prove that she wasn't worth the time. One way or the other, tonight would be their final goodbye.

He took her to the edge of the catwalk, looking down at the florescent liquid, remembering the moment of his birth. The way it felt, the instant feeling of change, the moment that he saw the truth.

His god, his universe.

Not something that sought peace, tranquility but something that urged him to rip away at the lie, to show the world for what it truly was.

Chaos.

He pointed down at the steaming chemicals, Harley's eyes followed his direction and she stepped forward, looking down to the vats.

"Down there." He confessed, looking from the boiling liquid to the woman who had followed him so blindly. "I was born in there."

"Down there?" she whispered, her voice laced with such reverence, as if she were in a church, as if she were asking a question of God himself.

He didn't respond, only stared at her in silence. His own sort of reverence for the moment, maybe because she was staring down there with such respect, awe, maybe because with her here there was a sense of spiritual connection in the air. It felt like they weren't alone in the room, something much bigger was here, something that filled the air between them with laughter, whispering power. As if the gods themselves, his gods of chaos, havoc and truth were here to witness this death, this sacrifice.

He could just tell her to jump in, see if she'd do it but that felt... unsatisfying.

He was curious, he wanted to know how deep this love of hers ran, he needed to know how far gone she was with him.

 _Why do you need to know that?_

 _Because this is, something unusual to me._

She loved him, that's the exact words she'd used. _I love you_ , spoken in the throngs of passion but she'd spoken them. He hadn't scolded her for it, he hadn't punished her for the words. At the time he'd been too caught up to care.

 _You have no idea what this moment means to me Harley Quinn, no one will. I've never had such a willing sacrifice, were you born for this moment? Were you made so that my power could feed on you? So that my gods could give me more, did they send you to me as the lamb to the alter so you could choose to give your body to them, your soul to me so Gotham could truly and honestly become mine? Because after tonight, I'll use your sacrifice, the power your end will give me and I'll make more of this, your death.. will not be just for my pleasure, it'll mean so much more. If I'm truthful, I won't ever be able to forget you, you'll live inside me, in my thoughts, in my soul because you are the key to whats missing, your willingness for this, yes, that's what'll give me the power I need. Because you're here on your own free will. I won't make you jump, no, you'll choose to do it because you love me and that will be all the difference I need. You'll make a king of me, yes Harley Quinn, for that, I thank you._

He was sorry he hadn't invited anyone, the moment felt like it needed to be witnessed, celebrated actually.

In ancient times, when a man like him truly was a king, worshiped as a living god for his 'madness' people like her, the specially chosen would go willingly to die, they would be happy, they would sing and praise because they knew how important their death was, how vital it was to the devotion of the gods, of the future.

" _I can't swim."_ she'd told him in a session, when he'd asked her to confess one personal thing about herself. _"I never learned how to swim, I can float in the shallow end but I get under that water and I'm done."_

 _You'll go under._ He thought to himself as he continued to gaze at her. _So beautiful, wish I'd stopped and got you something nicer to wear though._

 _Why are you stalling?_ The voice in his head asked.

 _I'm savoring he moment._

 _You don't want to let her fall. You want to keep her?_

 _No._

 _Liar._

 _She's too beautiful. She's a distraction._

 _She's not complete yet, she's not finished._

 _She will be soon._

 _You'll miss her._

 _So what?_

 _Just letting you know that, you'll miss more than her warm body pressed against you. You'll miss her laugh, her smile, the way she took care of you. The taste of her lips, her strength._

 _She has none._

 _Oh, she's strong, strong enough to love you, to want to be with you even though you are what you are._

 _She's a child._

 _You don't really see her like that, she's young. All the better._

 _Shut up._

The voice laughed in his head.

 _Go ahead, test her, see the depths of her love for you. Make her jump for you. You know she will, you'll never, ever have anyone love you more._

It was time.

"Question." He purred, watching as she turned around. Their eyes gazing into each other and for once he doesn't fight the urge to touch her. He caresses the back of his left hand along her arm. "Would you die for me?"

"Yes." her voice is firm, confident, so sure but it isn't an answer that satisfies him.

"That's too easy." He looks away for a moment to consider what would be more important, anyone could die for you. "Would you live for me?"

She doesn't answer for a few heartbeats, she's considering the implication of his question.

"Hmm?" he coaxes, watching her face soften.

"Yes."

He felt the jolt in his chest at the strength of her answer, no doubt in it, no reservations.

"Will you embrace me and only me?"

"Yes."

"Will you bind your spirit to mine in hate?" He asked her, imagining the power her answer would bring him.

"Yes." Good, he almost felt the shock go through him as she answered.

He stepped a little closer. "Do you consign your soul to me?"

"Yes." she nods, her eyes bright with devotion, love, succumbing completely to him.

"Will you laugh at the world in disgust?"

"Yes." She breathed and he points a finger at her, becoming more serious.

This isn't just for fun anymore, maybe it wasn't supposed to be, she couldn't just play around with this, he needed her to be honest, completely and absolutely sure.

"Careful, do not say this oath..." He motioned dramatically with his arms. "Thoughtlessly."

He lifted his laughing smile to her, covering her mouth, the tattoo replacing her lips as he leaned in close.

In a loud whisper, his voice thick with his own power he told her the secret of his existence. "Desire becomes surrender, surrender becomes _power_."

He moved his hand away, only to trace it down her face, gently playing with her lips with his finger.

"You want this?" He asked, the moment becoming far more intimate than even he'd expected, the velvet feel of her lips making him giddy.

"I do." her voice is stronger than before, determined.

He can't help the pleasure her admission brought him, closing his eyes, his head rolls back in pleasure.

"Say it, say it, say it." he growls lustfully. Looking back down at her, his fingers trailing under her chin. "Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty..."

"Please." Her voice is almost a whimper, so vulnerable, desperate in a way no one has ever been before.

"Mm, god you're so... good." he praises, clenching his fists in anticipation of the moment to come.

God, she is so very good.

He steps back and she moves closer to the edge, staring down at the bubbling liquid once more.

When she turns to look at him, he can read those silent words, that silent conversation she seems to be able to have with him.

 _I love you, I understand what this means. If I can't be with you, then all I want is death. There is no life without you._

 _Goodbye Harley._

 _Goodbye, I love you and I'm always yours._

There's a ghost of a smile on her lips as she spreads her arms out to her sides, her breathing calm, her face nothing but serenity.

He watched as she let her body fall back, completely at peace with her choice.

 _Goodbye Harley Quinn._ He thinks again, breathing heavily as she falls into the waiting chemicals.

It's done, she'd gone now. His dilemma erased and his life back to normal.

He feels a spark of respect for her, admiration even.

 _She chose this, she went through with it._

 _Her sacrifice is mine._

 _Her life belonged to me. Her death..._

 _It doesn't matter, she's gone and she won't be coming back._

He turned away from the vats, he could leave now. He could go on with his life now that she wasn't in it anymore, haunting him, engulfing his thoughts.

Because that's what she'd done, infected him with thoughts of her, overpowered his senses and now she was gone, he could finally be free of her.

Free? Yes, free.

Then why didn't he feel free?

He started walking, there was nothing left for him to do, he should leave, he should...

Pain, suddenly there was a sharp unyielding pain in his chest, gut wrenching agony that ripped through him without warning.

No, he couldn't feel pain for her, could he?

 _She's gone, she's gone._

The world suddenly felt, wrong.

 _Because she's not in it now._

" _I love you."_ Her voice whispered in a gasp, his mind recollecting the sound of those words on her lips in the dark.

 _I don't need her!_ He protested angrily in his head.

 _I want her, I want her with me._

 _NO._

He moved his head in agitation as he fought with himself.

 _If she dies, I've lost her forever._

Could he live with that? He should be able to, he'd done if all this time. He'd lived without someone for all this time, why should it matter that this one woman lived or died?

 _She sees you and still loves you, she doesn't fear you, she's willing to trust you, fall asleep next to you even though you could so easily kill her._

 _I've never needed anyone._

 _No one's like Harley._

 _She's just one woman._

 _She's the only woman._

 _She's the sacrifice._

 _She's a gift, she's your prize._

 _Harley, she's..._

 _She's dying._

 _No._

She would die for him, she would live for him. She bound herself to him and now she was dying.

He rolled his neck, letting his head go with it as he came to an understanding.

 _I need her, I want her, I have to have her._

With a growl of something he couldn't place, frustration, desperation, anxiety, he turned, grabbing his jacket and ripping it off, letting it fall to the side.

He ran back towards the edge and leaped off, allowing himself to do what he never thought he would again, to fall into that burning unforgiving liquid.

For her.

He hit the surface and he reached out, searching for her body as the chemicals ate at the fabric of his clothes. The familiar burn touching his skin, he welcomed it as he searched for her.

Inwardly counting the seconds that he was under, holding his breath, desperately looking but staying utterly calm until he found her.

He felt her body and pulled her into his arms, holding her close to him as they broke the surface.

She was covered in a film of white liquid, changing her in front of his eyes. Her skin was a glowing white now, like his only something far more beautiful, her hair was bleached.

Her body felt heavy in his arms.

She wasn't breathing.

 _You're not allowed to die. You promised._ He silently told her as he pressed his lips to hers, breathing air into her lungs, breathing life back into her.

He felt sudden movement and pulled back. Harley gasped as her lungs filled with air, her eyes opening. For a second she seemed unsure of where she was but when her eyes met his, she graced him with a beautiful perfect smile.

The mask of her past was melting away with their clothes, dying itself into the liquid and all that existed now inside of her was the truth, he'd seen glimpses of her for months but he couldn't have imagined how perfect she was. The depths of her soul hidden away by a mask that was destroyed.

Reborn, she was reborn to him now.

Her arms wrapped around his neck, eagerly awaiting the kiss he hungered to give her.

There was no hesitation, their lips met in a deep, burning kiss. Nothing held back now, nothing hidden. Everything he was and everything she was exposed, revealed and wanted.

 _She's everything I want, everything I could ever need. She was made for me, she's mine._

When they broke apart, he couldn't help himself. Elation, euphoric bliss overtook him, the chaos in her blue eyes was intoxicating in a way he never thought possible.

He threw his head back and laughed maniacally, Harley echoed the sound and it was just as wild as his own.

The colors of their clothes floated around their bodies but neither of them cared, too caught up in the moment of what this meant.

He pulled her back into him, his lips capturing hers again, yearning to taste her, even though his body felt the burning sensation just like hers must.

Nothing else mattered

"You came for me." she whispered once they broke apart again. Her voice laced with something no one had ever possessed for him. Faith, trust, love.

"Did you think that I wouldn't?" _because I didn't think that I would._

"I knew that you would." She said, her accent coming through clearly, that part of her mask also destroyed.

She's like a new born infant, looking around with new eyes, he remembered the feeling.

"Beautiful isn't it?" he whispers into her ear, amazed how perfect her body looks now, how, complete.

"Beautiful." she repeats, her limbs snaking around him as she reaches for another kiss.

The dye is bleeding into the ends of her hair, the blue staying its dark shade but the red of his shirt is lighter, almost pink. It looked good on her, he likes it.

"Time to go princess." he purrs at her, letting go of her body, she's still latched onto his neck and she moans softly as he swims them towards the edge.

He pins her against the edge of the vat, enjoying the gasp that rumbles through her, the metal a new sensation on her new skin.

"You're gonna have to move honey." he orders, his voice thick with pain and pleasure. She feels so good wrapped around him, he can already feel how her skin's changed, even in the liquid.

"Where we going puddin?" She murmurs, her eyes are fluttering and he knows their running low on time before the power of the chemical change is too much for her. She'll sleep like a baby for hours, he'd like to be on the ground before that happens.

"No, no, no pumpkin, you gotta stay with daddy."

"Tired." she mumbled and he pulls her up so that her whole body's exposed to the air.

She whimpers, earning herself a growl from him, what a glorious sound.

Sitting her on the edge, he pulls himself out, grabbing onto the metal ladder attached to the side of the container.

"Come on, come to daddy." he sings, urging her to climb down with him.

Harley giggles and even through her sudden exhaustion she obeys him, grabbing onto the metal and forcing herself to climb down.

She's not even a little ashamed of her nudity, when she falls into his arms at the bottom she giggles sleepily.

"Why am I so tired?" she asks, tracing one of her fingers along his lips. "Why aren't you?"

"You just had a very _emotional_ experience honey, being born is a... difficult event."

"Born?" She smiled at that as he carried her away from the chemicals. "I like that."

He carries her up the stairs, setting her down by the large metal doors, she whimpers again but he silences her with a finger to her nose.

He grabs his jacket from where it fell, holding it at arms length.

When he turned around to look at his creation, he couldn't help the feeling of pride and awe, so beautiful. Just leaning up against the door, naked, her skin dripping with the white chemicals, her eyes half open, the experience's started taking its toll on her mind, he can already imagine what's going on in that little head of hers.

"Come on honey." he orders when he returns to her side. "Gotta get you cleaned up."

Harley grins, wrapping her arms around his neck again, jumping up into his torso. It takes all his power not to pin her back up against the door and enjoy the fruits of her rebirth but he needs to get them cleaned up, this stuff will eat through his jacket if he isn't careful.

"Where we goin' puddin?" she asks again, her head resting against his neck.

He doesn't give her an answer, just walks down the hall to the hazard showers. Throwing his jacket on the bench, he walks them tot he closest shower and turns on the water.

It's steaming, filling the small area with heat.

"Down." he tells her and she reluctantly obeys. She's too tired to argue, too overwhelmed to do much else but follow his instructions.

"In princess."

He leads her into the shower stall and urges her to get under the water.

Harley hisses as the hot water hits her skin.

"I know princess, I know." He soothes, remembering the pain the contact causes, how alive and aching those nerves in her must be, every cell on fire.

He feels it too though it's not as intense as hers, his skin has already burned through this fire, it's all familiar to him, it's all home.

It takes her a few minutes to stop whimpering and whining, she squirms against him, resisting the pain but he forces her to stay under the water, he makes her endure this.

"So hot." she complains in a voice that reminds him of a child.

He chuckles at her. "I know baby, I know."

"Puddin?" she asks after another few minutes. The name irritates him a little but he lets it slide for now, there is nothing he can do to her right now that will compare with the pain she's going through.

"Hmm?"

"Am I pretty now?" She opens her eyes in the water and stares at him, her blue eyes somehow so innocent and yet so broken.

He throws his head back, letting the droplets of stinging water hit his pale face.

What a thing to ask him.

"Gorgeous." He growls, swooping in and kissing her neck roughly, it won't take much to leave marks, her whole body is a blank canvas waiting to be filled, thousands of images run through his head, the things he could do to her, the things he could ink on her flesh.

"I want you." she mumbles, pulling his head up to hers, her lips trying to catch his but he refuses her. "Don't you want me?"

"Mmmm, you couldn't handle what I want from you right now Harley girl, you're still too raw."

"Please..." She trembles but Joker shakes his head, running his fingers through her now bleached blonde hair, an almost loving act. Almost.

"Not, right, now, honey." He tells her again, pulling a little to get her attention. "Wait till we get home."

"Home?" Her eyes go wide. Hopeful, excited.

He smirks at her and goes back to assaulting her neck.

When he's sure that both of them are free of anything but water he pulls her out, slapping her face gently as she starts falling asleep again.

"Harley, listen to daddy, ya gotta stay awake till we get done."

"Head's all..." She giggles and he can't help but smile at her.

"Yeah, I know I'll let ya go off to la la land once you're dressed, but until then you're going to be a good girl and stay awake."

"Yes Mr J." she smiles and lulls her head to the side. "I'll be a good girl."

Joker slips his jacket on, feeling the keys still in the inside pocket before he turns to Harley again. He can't take her out there completely naked, even in the car, someone's likely to see and there's a feeling of possessive jealousy at the idea of anyone, male or female looking at his girl.

His girl.

His Harley.

The problem isn't hard to fix though, he finds one of the work shirts they use around here. It's dark and button up, clean.

He slides it on her smaller frame and she giggles madly.

"Feels... funny." she admits and he knows he's loosing her to unconsciousness.

"You're so good."

"Ya gonna keep me?" she asks, wrapping her arms around him again.

"Yeah, I think I might." He admits. Pulling her into his arms and hoisting her up like she was a bride.

By the time he's taken her to the front of the factory, her eyes have completely closed and her body feels limp and heavy in his arms. Her hair dangling from side to side as he walks.

This wasn't the plan, this wasn't what he wanted to do with her but there is no other path, no other option but what's happened.

So beautiful, so unexpected and perfect.

Every second revealing more and more of the truth, gods he hadn't expected so much chaos in one person, he hadn't known there was such... sensual power inside the woman who'd been just his doctor, who'd challenged him because she knew she could.

"Lets go home." He purrs at her, not caring that she's deep in slumber.

His perfection, his masterpiece.

Harley Quinn.

A/N Oh god. 'falls to the ground in a heap, both hands up in the air' I did it, I fucking did it! I didn't think I would get it done but SIXTEEN pages and I've finally done it. Oh god, oh god, oh god.

I am so sorry this took a week but a few factors took over. First of course this chapter overtook absolutely EVERYTHING. I dedicated every day to this chapter alone. So everything else went on hold until this was done. Second I caught a really bad cold so my states of awareness have been drugged on cold medicine and oh my god I think I'm gonna die from pain. Last but not least... I ordered the behind's the scene book and it only came in Thursday. It was so worth the money I paid. SO WORTH IT! It's beautiful, it's interactive, you get tattoos that were on the joker, you get Zoe's letter to deadshot. You get Harley's Arkham ID card and you get this tiny little picture of Joker carrying Harley out of the Ace chemicals factory just wearing his jacket. I have no clue where he finds her something to wear but she's wearing something, its a shadowy picture but who cares, it's so awesome. It's got the criminal records which does not match the movie but who cares, it's still good. That said I'm gonna go with the cannon I have that she got arrested October 2014 just cause I'm already using it.

Oh my god, sorry everyone, it's just... wow, I just... oh there are no words for this chapter, it's just... 'screams in joy' I did it. I am gonna say this, the extended version of the oath is not my own, that's in the novelization. One of the only good parts in my opinion.

Something absolutely funny happened the other day, how I know I'm sick and medications taking control. I was at the store with my family and I swear to god, no joke that I had a Joker moment. Which was both hilarious and creepy cause it came off at my oldest kid, who fortunately has a wicked sense of humor. Her only words were. "Mommy, you need to stop watching the Joker scene from suicide squad." I won't lie, I have been re-watching that scene over and over again, getting every little detail I could. Oh BTW big huge thanks to thefountersdaughter! thank you, this chapter would not have been possible without you! She gave me a detailed account of the scene which helped SO much.

So, I'm about to humiliate myself. 'gets up on knees from floor and holds hands up in prayer.' Please, I know I ask for reviews all the time but now for this one chapter I am BEGGING, oh you guys don't understand how badly I am begging for reviews, I HAVE to know how this turned out. You can't imagine how much gratitude I will have for every single review I get. You guys don't know how much love I feel when I read them. You guys are the best and I definitely will keep writing, I'll go as far as you guys think I should with this. I know you guys think I shouldn't stop when he finds out where she is, which to be honest isn't that far off considering the last chapter but oh man, yes I think I can dabble into the movie some more what you guys think?

Okay, I'm going to stop or this authors note will take up three pages. I love you all and thank you to all of you, so so very much, your faith in me is the world.

"sends all of you kisses and hugs." Love you all.


	23. Everything

Chapter 23 - Everything.

" _J? Do you love me?" she asked in a weak voice, feeling his fingers through her hair as he stroked her in the dark._

" _Shut up Harley, rest."_

 _She swallowed painfully and closed her eyes._

" _I'm sorry." She mumbled, pressing her hand down on her bandages._

" _Harley, shut it." He repeated but his voice was surprisingly gentle, tender, his body pressed against her._

 _He hadn't let her go the whole time, he'd stayed with her... even when she was unconscious he stayed with her._

" _I'm sorry puddin." she whispered, feeling the sharp pain in her throat as the urge to cry hit her. "I'm so sorry."_

" _Harley, enough." he growled but he came closer, wrapping his arm around her gently but keeping a hold on her. Placing his other hand over hers and putting pressure on her stomach. She gasped in pain but he continued to do it and she gritted her teeth._

" _J, do you love me?" She repeated her question with hard, agonized gasps._

" _What do you think?"_

Harley opened her eyes and looked up at the white ceiling, she heard the sound of beeping machines and smiled to herself as she heard the voices of guards and doctors.

"I want to keep her over night, suicide watch."

"That bitch ain't suicidal." The guard who'd brought her in said angrily.

"You want to explain the cuts and bruises another way you idiot?" Another guard hissed. "Let them do it this way, otherwise Griggs is gonna kill us."

"She fucking cut me."

"She cuts everyone, you went too far."

"She made me."

Oh yes she had, she'd pushed and pushed so far and so deep that the guard had nearly killed her, forcing them to pull him off her. She'd even stopped fighting after a minute, even though her body craved to show her true strength.

It had to be like this.

 _I'm sorry puddin, I know you'll forgive me for letting him do this to me._

She counted at least ten broken bones, gashes and bruises that would take weeks and weeks to heal and a nasty gash that was probably gonna scar.

 _Oh puddin ain't gonna like that one bit._

There was something beautiful about the situation, something so fucking brilliant.

For over a year she'd poked, she'd provoked and prodded these guards to send her to the hospital ward and every time there was nothing she could do, not a god damn thing.

They were too controlled, they feared her yes but they feared someone else more and that was the problem.

Her safety, what little of it was possible in a place like this was still valuable and they wanted to keep their heads in place.

Yet today she'd found the rocket, the firework who just couldn't help himself.

Some people could be got to quickly, some people could be irritated and had a very short fuse, they blew up fast but there was never much to it afterwards. This idiot had a longer fuse and when he finally went off, oh did he go off.

" _What do we have here?" J called and Harley smiled turning around for him in front of the car and striking a dramatic sexy pose._

" _Ya like?" she asked as she showed off her new outfit._

 _He scanned her up and down and she was glad he'd ordered for them to go in separate cars for the job, it gave her the time she needed to get changed._

 _The old outfit was great but she felt it was outdated, something fresh and new was needed for the streets of Gotham._

 _As its queen she couldn't be seen in the same boring old clothes every time they pulled off a job._

" _Oh, daddy likes." He purred in approval. Coming forward to scoop her into his arms, running his hands over the white expanse of her shirt and down to the sequence of her very, short shorts._

" _I'm glad you like it." She preened, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Hope it's not too distracting."_

" _Oh it's plenty distracting baby, lots of people are gonna die tonight I think."_

" _Oh, why you think that puddin, thought this was a quick in, quick out." she inclined her head, making her pigtails flip to the side. "Piece of cake sort of thing."_

" _Cause I'm gonna kill any idiot who looks at my girl." he grinned, that shark and hyena gaze in his eyes and she smiled wider._

" _Oh well, if I can help improve your fun puddin, by all means I am here to be the entertainment."_

 _She leaned up and kissed him sensually, the kind of kiss that would make others uncomfortable but the boys all knew not to stare, they knew not to look in the direction of the intimacy but would everyone else?_

" _The question is puddin..." she whispered after they pulled apart, her fingers running through his bright green hair. "Is how fun do you want me to be?"_

 _He threw his head back with a pleasant gasp, his mouth working as he considered the question. For her to ask it, to offer it up like she was. She could feel the pleasure dripping off him and she shivered as he looked back down at her._

" _As fun... as you can be." he whispered huskily._

 _She smirked at him and tossed her hair so that the blue and pink tips fluttered around her._

" _Sure about that puddin? Got enough bullets?"_

" _Oh, if I run out I brought my knives." He sounded strained, the darkness in those eyes flooding his thoughts and she could imagine the aftermath of all of this._

 _Tonight the men would keep their eyes on her, they'd tremble in fear but they'd drool with the desire of her, look up her legs and ponder what she could do with them and she'd show them with flips and cartwheels, she'd move and bounce so that even in their terror, their desire and arousal for her was peaked and when he saw, they'd die for it._

 _Tonight she would feed his jealousy, she'd let it run rampant, she'd egg it on till he was so furious with it that blood flowed like a river and when they were done, when the job was over and they'd had their fun he'd take her and all that violent jealousy would become something far more exciting._

 _Dark and murderous passion that could and would kill any other woman but fed into her own obsession._

 _She'd feed his jealousy so he could feed her lust._

The doctor stuck her with a needle and she laughed as she felt it go under her skin, the sharpness of it only feeling like something hot touching her flesh.

"This is going to alleviate some of the pain. Help you rest." He explained as if she was a child.

She rolled her eyes at him, they'd pumped her so full of sedatives, she was starting to develop a resistance, not only that, this little drug wasn't gonna do much for her, pain was subjective after all.

"You're lucky he didn't kill you." the dark haired doctor muttered to her as he removed the syringe. "You got a death wish?"

"No." She said happily. "More like a life wish."

"Well you have a pretty sad way of showing it." he sighed, looking at her chart. "Miss Quinzel..."

"Quinn." she corrected.

"Your name is Harleen Quinzel."

She shook her head. "No, there was never a Harleen Quinzel, there was only ever Harley Quinn."

"Harleen was the name you had before."

"Harleen was the name they made me have, Harley is the name I chose."

"You can't seriously want this life?" he asked, his eyes full of sappy compassion.

"I do." she smiled. "Want to taste that life?"

He shook his head sadly. "No, I don't. It's just, disheartening to see a woman who used to want to help people fall so far from grace."

"Ya gotta be in God's graces in the first place." She whispered conspiratorially. "And let me tell you a secret, me and God haven't been friends in a very, very long time."

"You're Jewish." he said calmly. "At least you used to be."

She rolled her eyes again. "No, never was.."

"You were, at one point in your life."

"Going to temple once a year doesn't make you Jewish." she huffed impatiently. "Get to your sappy point and leave me alone."

"You mother, she's Jewish." He insisted. "That makes you Jewish."

"I don't believe doc." She admitted with irritation. "Never did, not in your god anyway."

"Gotta have faith in something."

"I have faith in one thing and one thing alone."

The man didn't respond to her this time, she didn't have to say what she had faith in, it was written all over her, literally.

"What's the matter doc? Got nothing for that?" She asked with a wicked smile. "Your god abandoned me a long time ago, so I found a new one."

"He's not God."

"He's my God and I'm his Goddess."

"Do you hear yourself?"

'All the time doc, all the time."

"You keep down this route and there will be worse things for you later."

"Oh, you mean in the afterlife. Yeah, I'm pretty sure there will be but to be honest... I'm not really that concerned about it right now."

She said it in a stage whisper, the doctor looked unnerved by it, he looked saddened by her disinterest in her own spiritual salvation.

He didn't understand though, her soul, her spirit was bound to that of the Joker's. That night, that beautiful night when she'd let herself fall into that vat and he'd followed after her, when she'd given herself and everything she was to him and was reborn, her spiritual soul was saved, it was remade.

"When I die doc my soul's going somewhere, don't think I don't believe in anything cause I do. I'm going somewhere, very, very special."

"Where."

"Sh, can't tell you that." She breathed, feeling the pain in her broken ribs.

 _Harley laughed as she watched her puddin shoot down the room, her laughter echoed above the machine guns and her own gun went off from the second floor._

 _She saw the wild delight in his eyes as they attacked the place, people screaming and scrambling to get out, they couldn't though, they couldn't get anywhere near the doors and she grinned as she watched them run around like spooked animals._

 _It was like being on a hunting trip, a stampede of wild animals just waiting to be picked off and no license required_

 _She saw the fear in their eyes, they controlled the room, the king on one side and the queen on the other, could have easily been misunderstood as a rival fight but their aim was just magic, he would shoot and she'd attack and it was like music harmonizing._

 _Like they could read each others thoughts and anticipated every move._

 _Left, right, up and down._

 _They were perfectly synced, it was so beautiful to watch, she was glad one of the boys was recording it, she'd want to watch it later. Some couples needed to rent pornography to spice things up, all they needed was to relive a heist and they burned up like lit matches._

 _There was no better high, there was no feeling like it._

 _They watched as people coward and scrambled and she knew her cue._

 _She caught his eye and blew him a kiss before she turned and slipped down the hall, a small group of men with her, searching for the room with their prize._

 _Theatrics and misdirection, illusions and mirrors._

 _The room they were looking for was unguarded, while Joker kept the guests entertained, Harley and her team broke down the door._

" _Alright boys, spread out, find it." she ordered and she skipped into the room in her heels, looking through the room for the flash drive her puddin wanted._

 _He'd given them fifteen minutes to find it, grab it and be back. A tight window but definitely doable._

 _They'd done smaller time blocks._

" _Got it.' One of them declared and ran up to Harley._

 _She plucked it from his hands and grinned._

" _Okay, lets go." she said in a dark serious voice. She handed the drive to another man who slipped it into his jacket._

 _A safety precaution in case she or J got caught by the bat._

 _Knowing their luck, the B-man would be here very soon to break up the party._

" _Lets go, lets go, lets go." she ordered in a sing song voice as they exited the room._

 _The sound of gunfire had stopped and Harley wondered why, she didn't have to wait for an answer._

 _Indeed the B-man had arrived, she watched as he and her puddin fought, the bat not holding his punches, her baby not holding his._

 _It was never a fair fight, the bat wore armor, he hid behind his equipment while they were out in the open, like raw nerves._

 _When her puddin hit, he had to go through that armor, when the bat threw a punch, it hit flesh._

 _Yet the Joker was like a kid in a candy store, he was enjoying himself too much, he liked this, he liked the fight, the anger in the bat, the way he lashed out but held back._

 _She knew that he was looking for that perfect moment when he finally snapped and crossed that line._

 _The bat was a hero, a dark hero maybe but still a hero and heroes didn't like taking lives, even the life of a villain like The Joker._

 _Part of her was grateful for that, what would she do if her puddin died?_

 _ **I'm part of you puddin, what would I do if you die?**_

 _She didn't show her distress though, her mind running through plans to get him out of Arkham quickly, by the looks of it, her puddin might find himself back in there tonight._

 _ **We could stop this.**_

 _ **He'd get mad, he loves this too much.**_

 _ **He's gonna get a black eye.**_

 _ **We can kiss it better later. We won't let him be in that place long enough to need a change of clothes.**_

"Doc, can you tell me what's up with me?" she asked suddenly.

The man sighed and looked at her chart.

"You have four broken ribs, a broken wrist, several fractures, tissue lesions."

"So why you tell them you'd cover for them?" she asked, her voice raising.

"Miss Quinzel... you can't blame the guards for what you do to yourself."

She laughed, coughing violently in pain as she did but she couldn't help herself. "You couldn't even say that with a straight face."

"Look, we all play by rules..."

"No." She spat angrily, her temper flaring suddenly. "You play by rules, I don't."

"And maybe you'd be hurt less if you did play by the rules." He warned, coming closer. "These aren't people you want to cross."

"Oh, they aren't?" she said with fire in her eyes, she knew it scared him. "You should see the guys I play with, they make these guards look like little toy soldiers that you play with plastic. I know real men, I have a real man."

"And where is he?" he leaned forward.

Harley grinned gleefully, the fire breaking into broken glass.

"He'll find me."

The doctor shook his head. "No one will ever find you Harley, your only chance is to serve your sentence and hope that you get out of here."

Harley laughed harder, the doctor tightening her right wrist, her left one the one in a cast.

"When he finds me, you're all so screwed." she said in a menacing growl. "He's gonna know everything you've done to me, everything you dared do to his queen."

"You're not a queen Harley, you're just a very sick girl with a very tragic story." He said sadly.

She grinned. "So says you."

 _It was about the details, that's what he always told her and if she hadn't remembered that, she might have missed it._

 _The bat was nothing more than a distraction._

 _Everyone knew that the Joker couldn't and wouldn't give up a chance to mess with the Batman, everyone knew it was the thing that got his blood moving and those eyes ablaze with fire._

 _The only thing that outmatched that was Harley herself._

 _There was something in the shadows._

 _Something moving against the fear, against the hysteria._

 _Calm, steady and predatory._

 _No one else noticed, no one else saw the person who lurked with a gun in their hands._

 _No one but Harley._

 _In her mind she saw what would happen, she didn't even notice that her body was moving on its own._

 _She'd been heading down the stairs when she'd noticed the bat but now, her heart beat was pounding in her ears as she moved._

 _The room moved so slow, she felt like she was one of those meta humans with powers, like she was suddenly super speeding across the room._

 _It all happened so fast and yet every second was an unmoving frame of time._

 _She saw the way the bat's fist came in contact with J's face, every tone of her puddin's laugh. How everyone moved around them._

 _She was one of two people moving at normal, she could move as if the pull on time wasn't affecting her._

 _The only other person who wasn't affected was raising his gun and she saw seconds ahead, she saw into the future in that second. It'd be her puddin who'd be shot and in the stances the two men were in, the bullet would hit vital organs, it'd go through him and the blood would be too much, he'd bleed out in only a few minutes._

 _ **No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!**_

 _She didn't know the assassin but his face didn't matter, his face, his name meant less than nothing._

 _ **No, you can't have him.** She screamed in her own head. **YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!**_

 _She counted off the seconds._

 _They ticked away and her hands stretched out, she'd have to be strong, she'd have to be stronger than any of them._

 _When her hands pushed her baby's jacket, time spun back into normal motion, sound which had dialed down to mute came cracking back with a terrible, deadly bang._

 _First there was the pain of Batman's fist against her face, the heaviness of that first sending her whole mind throbbing as her body spun._

 _The thing was, that movement might save her life._

 _There would be no salvation from what happened next._

 _Her adrenaline was pumping so fast, so hard, she barely felt the bullet puncture her middle._

 _She was facing the assassin who'd lowered his gun in surprise, his face was masked, but she saw into his eyes, golden brown eyes that stared at her with hatred._

" _You can't have him." she breathed heavily._

 _There were only she and him in the world again, only they existed as he snarled in anger at her._

 _His moment taken, his target moved._

 _He had no choice, she saw it in his eyes. He'd have to leave or face the wrath of the Joker._

 _She thought she heard someone scream her name, The guns started firing again all around them but all she could do was watch as her puddin's would be killer took off. His stride still confident, his eyes fixed on hers._

" _I beat death." she laughed happily. "I beat death."_

 _Harley looked down at her shirt, there was a hole in the fabric now and bright red blood was staining the white. She frowned at it, both understanding and not quite comprehending what was happening._

 _Why was her shirt red now?_

 _She'd just got this shirt, she loved the feel of it._

 _She pulled it gingerly up, revealing her wound to the world as she felt her knees give way on her._

 _Someone grabbed her before she could fall to the floor, her hand still over the oozing wound._

 _Gray blue eyes stared into hers and she smiled, she'd know those eyes anywhere but why did he look so panicked? Why did they look... frightened?_

" _Puddin, I beat death." she told him proudly. "I beat death and he left me a present wrapped in red."_

" _You aren't dying princess." he said but she had trouble hearing him properly, his voice kept going in and out so that she only heard half of what he was saying, he called her princess, he told her no._

" _But puddin, death was coming for you and I saw him, I saw him and I couldn't let him take you from me so I ran, I ran so fast and I beat him." She said in a rushed voice. "I would die for you."_

" _You'll live for me now!" He demanded, shaking her a little, she nodded weakly._

 _She watched as he yelled orders to someone, baring his teeth when that person spoke. Was that Johnny?_

 _It was like listening to voices under water, you heard the tones and you heard the noise but the words made no sense. They were meaningless sounds._

 _She glanced to the spot she'd last seen the bat but he wasn't there anymore. She looked around but the dark knight was no where to be found. The gun play was too much for him, poor batsy._

 _There was a shifting and someone was picking her up in their arms, the steady, wonderful sound of her puddin's heartbeat against her cheek._

 _She could hear that just fine and that's all that mattered._

 _Then there was a sudden sharp pain._

 _The first thing she heard was the sound of her own scream._

 _A deafening sound as someone pressed something against her wound, that adrenaline suddenly zapped from her and the pain that had stayed its hand hit her. The piercing of the bullet into her flesh, how it felt inside her body as it tore into her and now the pain as they tried to stop the blood._

" _You stupid woman, you stupid, stupid girl!" J was scolding her as they ran out of the building._

" _Did I do a bad thing?" she asked confused. "But I beat death, didn't you see him? He wore all black and had golden eyes."._

" _How dare you, how dare you do this Harley." He was still yelling at her but she couldn't understand why he was so angry at her, wasn't he proud that his lil monster defeated death himself._

" _Puddin..." she blinked a few times to get the haze out of her eyes._

 _Suddenly she wasn't in his arms anymore, she was on something hard, something metal. The hood of his car, the person who'd been running with them started working immediately on her wound._

" _There's too much blood."_

" _Fix her or your life will end tonight."_

" _I need to clean it out, get the bullet out." the person was saying, their voice laced with fear. "I'm not as good as she is, I need somewhere calmer, the cops are coming."_

" _She's dying now! Fix her now."_

 _Dying?_

 _Was she dying?_

 _ **Yes, you're dying.** Her voices whispered sadly. **We're dying.**_

" _Puddin? Gotta tell you some stuff." she gasped as more pressure was put on the wound. "Don't bury me in the gold dress, it's tacky, I don't like it that much. I want the red one, the one with the little diamonds on the neckline. Don't let some armature do my hair, get it done nice okay? And no sad flowers, you know I don't like sad flowers. All roses and no white, no white roses. They can be blue or red but no white and no black."_

" _Harley, stop trying to plan your own funeral." He ordered, climbing on the hood of the car. "You aren't dying baby, you stupid looney toon, you aren't dying."_

" _Just in case puddin, he's not that good."_

" _Then you show him how baby, show him how."_

The doctor finally left the room and she grinned, moving her left wrist from side to side against her leg, no cameras in the room, she felt something small and rectangle, hidden underneath the sheets.

She'd worked with a broken wrist before, it was a hazard of the job, a hazard of being a bad guy. You got hurt all the time, you had to learn to fight through the pain.

Or steal.

If they'd tightened that left strap as tightly as the right she wouldn't be able to do more than press buttons but the good doctor had sympathy for her injury, such a good man. He'd get a nice clean death when she got out of here.

She wriggled the cast out from the restraint, she wasn't anywhere near strong enough to escape, she'd only fall on the floor and they'd just come in and restrain her again but there was something else, something important she had to do and she knew she didn't have a lot of time.

The nurse was going to come in here to clean her face up and her window of opportunity would be gone.

As she pulled her hand out, she held the little device in her hands, smiling at the glowing screen.

Beautiful, it was such a beautiful little thing.

It wasn't Griggs phone but it would do, this guy took pictures too.

Her trembling fingers pressed button after button, just like she'd been taught, she pressed and called and then hung up at the right ring. Then she called again, then again until the pattern was complete.

Her puddin never changed his number, it was always the same over any device he changed. The phone rang and someone picked up on the first ring. Her heart beat so loud, she hadn't heard his voice in over a year.

"Harley?" The sound of Frost's voice echoed through the phone, she frowned for a second but then smiled. It was the next best thing.

"Hello Frosty." she whispered very, very quietly. "How's it going?"

"Harley, where are you?" he asked, his voice calm but she could hear the hint of... relief in his voice.

"No idea, some... some prison. They don't tell me the name of it. Where is he?"

"He's... out."

"Aw, I went to a lot of trouble to get this phone." she said pouting. She'd wanted to talk to her baby.

"Harley, I'll call him, can you stay on the phone.

"No, they'll figure out I have it very soon, they'll come for it." Then she blinked. "Why he change his number?"

"It's temporary, he broke the last one, I handed him mine. Harley why can't we get a location on you from this number?"

"It's secret." she smiled. "They keep all their little secrets."

"You're going to have to give me something."

She knew of only one thing that would help them.

"Griggs." She said with a grin. "Griggs."

She heard footsteps, the sound of an angry man storming down the hall, the man in question and she heard what they were saying.

"I gotta go Frosty, tell puddin I love him and I miss him so, so much. I'm sending ya a present."

"Wait..."

She had to hang up, she flipped through the guys photos, he had a lot of pictures of half naked women. She found what she was looking for though, the perfect picture to get her puddin's blood boiling and motivate him.

"Love ya." she mumbled as she clicked send. Then with all the speed she could muster, she erased both the call and the text.

They were getting very close now.

She let the phone drop to the ground and it made a little clunk sound as its protective case kept it from cracking.

They couldn't call the number back, it was private, it didn't matter, she'd done what she needed to do. He'd be hard to find, his name would be hard to track down. She didn't know his first name, only the last and she didn't know his credentials, if he had any.

Still it was more than what they had.

She stuffed her hand back in the restraint and looked up at the ceiling. A big smile on her face as the door flung open and Griggs, dressed in street clothes and the guard who'd nearly killed her stormed in.

"I see it." the guard said sheepishly.

"Ya damn fool, you fucking leaving a phone in her with hotness."

Luckily for her, she was tied in good enough where no one would notice her left arm.

Griggs checked.

"See, she was loosening this left one." he said, tightening it up. "We leave her overnight she might have grabbed that damn thing and made herself some calls."

"Oh yeah, I would have made some fun calls baby, ya know, the kind with a nine at the start."

"You keep your pretty little mouth shut honey, you're in enough trouble. Now didn't we talk about all this, remember it's my job to keep you alive."

"Why don't cha talk to your boys about that?" she asked in a hoarse voice.

"It's fine, nothing's wrong with it."

 _Except that I made a call, sent a text and deleted both before you came in with a busted hand._

 _I'm so good._

 _Your so dead baby boy._

 _Have a nice rest of your life, it won't be long._

"Now it's late, I'm going home, you princess better get some shut eye and enjoy this little vacation of yours, it ain't gonna last you very long."

"Okay, I'll be a good girl and get some sleep." she said in her sweetest voice. "Would ya tuck me in?"

"Cute honey, very cute." Griggs smiled at her before turning around shoved the guard out of the room.

"Good night, don't let the bed bugs bite." she called after them, closing her eyes.

It'd felt so good to hear the voice of Johnny, it wasn't her puddin but it was part of home, she was one step closer, one little step closer.

 _Harley's eyes opened, she was in the dim light of the bedroom._

 _Her clothes were stripped off and one of her nightgowns, the ones that you tied at the back was on her body._

 _Someone had changed her clothes._

" _Puddin?" she asked, tasting a whole lot of cotton mouth._

" _I'm here." he whispered from beside her._

 _She blinked and turned her head to look at him._

 _He was shirtless, his skin glowing in the dim light of the room, his face nothing but shadows of seriousness, no hint of a smile._

" _Am I dead?"_

 _He shook his head at her. "No, you're not dead."_

" _That's good, I was rethinking the gold dress, it's not that tacky."_

" _Shut up about your funeral Harley."_

" _But puddin-" She groaned as he placed his hand on the bandages of her wound and pressed down. "It's the only thing I'm gonna be able to plan, not like I'm gonna get baby showers or weddings to plan."_

 _He didn't respond to that._

" _Sorry, morbid thought there huh?" she offered him a weak smile. "Please don't be mad at me puddin, I ain't dead."_

" _Why did you do that?" he asked suddenly and she felt uncomfortable under his scrutinizing gaze. "Why would you take that bullet for me?"_

" _Don't you know J?" she asked quietly. "It's kind of obvious to me."_

 _When he didn't reply she continued._

" _I love you, you're my everything. I would take a thousand and one bullets for you as long as you stayed alive. If you die, I'm nothing but a ghost, someone pretending to be alive."_

" _You'll never do anything so stupid again."_

" _Can't promise that puddin, cause that happens again and I'm gonna do it just like I did."_

" _Then you are a very dumb blonde."_

" _And you are a very lucky man." She retorted._

" _Hm, am I?"_

" _Yeah, you are." She smiled, feeling heavy and weak. "So I had to doctor myself?"_

" _Hmm, with help." He affirmed, still putting pressure on her middle._

" _Were you scared?"_

 _He didn't answer with words, he leaned in and kissed her. His lips felt hot against hers, his skin sticky, like he'd been sweating._

 _She felt tired again, so very tired._

" _Puddin, I think I need to take a little nap." she confessed._

" _Sleep then, I'll be here when you wake up."_

" _You mean that?"_

" _Yeah, I mean that."_

" _I should get shot more often, makes you all soft and squishy."_

 _She winced as he applied an incredibly hard amount of pressure against her injury, reminding her that soft and squishy were the last things you would associate him with._

" _Sleep you silly girl. Sleep."_

 _He reached over her body and turned off the little light, so they were now shrouded in the dark._

" _J? Do you love me?" she asked in a weak voice, feeling his fingers through her hair as he stroked her in the dark._

" _Shut up Harley, rest."_

 _She swallowed painfully and closed her eyes._

" _I'm sorry." She mumbled, pressing her hand down on her bandages._

" _Harley, shut it." He repeated but his voice was surprisingly gentle, tender, his body pressed against her._

 _He hadn't let her go the whole time, he'd stayed with her... even when she was unconscious he stayed with her._

" _I'm sorry puddin." she whispered, feeling the sharp pain in her throat as the urge to cry hit her. "I'm so sorry."_

" _Harley, enough." he growled but he came closer, wrapping his arm around her gently but keeping a hold on her. Placing his other hand over hers and putting pressure on her stomach. She gasped in pain but he continued to do it and she gritted her teeth._

" _J, do you love me?" She repeated her question with hard, agonized gasps._

" _What do you think?"_

 _He relieved the pressure and moved his hand so it rested on the lower part of her belly. Letting it relax there as he nuzzled her neck._

" _I think you do." she breathed with the softest of smiles. She closed her eyes and breathed him in. "Good, I didn't want to be dreaming that part."_

" _Sleep Harley, just sleep."_

" _Okay daddy, I'll be a good girl."_

A/N Yay, first of all. You guys are the best, one review from 50 reviews last chapter. That was just so amazing and you don't know what it means to me that you guys did that. Your words and your support got me through being sick and I am happy to report that I'm back at a hundred percent and will be back to my regular schedule. I have finished the chapter of Monsters and Performers and will be updating that later once I've finished editing it. You'd be surprised how long that takes. I also wrote another one shot for you guys to check out.

So this chapter marks the start of the second act I suppose is the best way to put it. So the feel of the chapters will change a bit.

Thank you for everyone who's stated that they consider this story and it's sisters canon, it's amazing that you guys say that and even though I don't think I'm worthy of that statement, I appreciate it either way. I still haven't decided where this story ends but I can tell you that your poll has helped a lot but thank you to one special reviewer who gave me the last puzzle piece. Thank you Goldenwisps. I know exactly how and where I'm gonna put Robins death in canon of the universe, might be a little later than DC has it but... I don't think anyone will really mind. A lot of you have commented that I shouldn't doubt my writing and I appreciate that but well, lets just say I have a real life hater who does an impressive job of stunting my ego but you guys have lifted it so high.

Anyway, love you guys so much, thank you for allt he support. Please keep it up, please review, you don't know how much I love reading them. See ya next ride.

Also, what the hell to any writer, did everyone just suddenly take a writing strike while I was sick? Allt he writers I read are not updated, it's sort of like WHAT? Remember I'm a fan too. Lol.


	24. To know it's real

A/N If you can, find love song by 311, that will definitely set the tone forthis chapter.

Chapter 24 – Just know it's real

" _Would you die for me?"_

" _Yes."_

" _Desire becomes surrender, surrender becomes power."_

" _Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty..."_

" _Please."_

" _God, you're so good."_

Harley felt herself starting to come back from the realm of sleep, so many dreams, so many colors and images racing through her mind, until she was utterly and completely lost in the randomness of her fantasy.

She dreamed of being in a circus, someone was adjusting a costume on her.

It was red and black, beautiful, a woman was doing her makeup in gold and silver.

A voice was calling out to the crowd.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is my great honor and pleasure to introduce to you, in her debut performance. The one the only, the infamous HARLEY QUINN!"

The voice was that of the Joker, _her_ Joker and when the curtains opened, she stepped out, striking a dramatic pose, the crowd went wild, all of them standing and cheering.

He came up and grabbed her hand, lifting it up high in the air as he showed her off to the adoring public.

He wore his original purple jacket but it looked more glamorous, it shimmered and he wore a black shirt with matching black pants, he twirled her and she spun before he led her to the platform, a glass cage waiting for her.

The dream rippled and faded and she was back in the chemicals, drowning, dying.

Was he never coming for her?

It burned, she could feel it burning away at her old skin even in the dream.

It filled her lungs, her nostrils, her eyes and she tasted it as it flowed down into her belly.

She remembered sinking to the bottom.

 _If he doesn't want me, then I don't want to exist in this world without him._

Such extremity, dark longing that overtook her as she faded into the black of unconsciousness.

She remembered, or maybe it was just the dream but she remembered someone waiting for her, a figure, reaching out for her in that darkness and she knew she didn't want to go with them.

It said nothing but she was sure she didn't want to go.

 _No, I don't want to go with you._

Her soul was bound to someone else, someone so powerful, someone who she loved. She'd promised.

The figure approached her, its power so primordial she was sure she was looking at death, yes, this was death.

And he wanted her soul.

 _No, you can't have my soul, my soul belongs to the Joker._

The figure seemed to flinch at the mention of his name, she grinned at him, even here as she felt herself slip into death, the very name of her love was enough to make the gods tremble.

And then...

Voices echoed in her ears, voices that weren't part of a dream, that weren't the voices of her friends.

Male voices.

"I'll have the boys pick it all up."

She knew that voice from somewhere. She was sure she'd heard it before.

"Twenty minutes Frost, not a second after or well..." There was a threatening pause and her body turned towards the voice, oh she knew that voice. She knew that voice very, very well.

"Don't worry boss, I'll see to it myself." the voice of Frost, oh yes, she remembered him. There was paused as he took something from the other man, it made a rustling sound. "You need me to get anything else?"

"Dinner." The voice of her love, her creator, her savior sounded amused as he said it. "You can take thirty minutes."

"The regular place?"

"Mmmm, buy everything on the menu, till we figure out what she likes."

Food, oh, her stomach growled

Harley stretched herself out as the door made the sound that alerted her it'd been shut.

Whatever she was on, it was wonderfully smooth and felt like decadent silk, she was naked against it and it smelled so good, like mountain springs, somewhere private, somewhere that was not meant for human eyes.

Her head rested on dozens of pillows, like her own personal cloud.

Was she dead?

Was this heaven?

The mattress shifted slightly and a hand came to brush away her hair, so it was out of her face.

No, she couldn't be dead. That single touch felt too real and then, she remembered.

Her first breath, he'd breathed air into her lungs and brought her away from the figure of death. He'd come for her, he'd claimed her, snatched up her want, her love, devotion and madness for him. He'd wanted her, he needed her.

Such a beautiful thing, oh such a wonderful feeling to be wanted, to be desired. For someone to come and save you from the clutches of death and give you life back.

Let every woman in the world feel envious of what she had.

She remembered opening her eyes, looking around, suddenly confused but then, oh then, how magnificent he was, her Joker holding her close in the chemical that now birthed them both. Changed her, gave her what she'd been missing all her life.

She'd been meant to become this, she felt it now as she lay in the bed, who's bed, she had no clue and didn't care because she knew those hands that now came to touch her, she knew that energy that pulsed near her, coming closer so that she was pressed against his skin.

Instinctively, Harley wrapped an arm around his neck and allowed her eyes to flutter open, finally coming out of her dream state.

"Wakey, wakey pumpkin, time to wake up." He murmured gruffly as he watched her eyes fully open. "Let daddy see you."

She found no haze or blur in her eyes as she focused on him, his hair was a shade greener, more vibrant than it had been, had that happened from the chemicals? She wasn't sure but she liked it.

She grinned at him and wriggled herself so that she was slightly propped up on her elbow.

"Hi." she whispered softly. Still in awe of this, that he was with her, that she'd done what she'd done. The maddening changes in her mind still making her feel that sensation of dizzy but it was such a wonderful feeling of freedom, so... perfect.

"Morning." He growled with a smirk. "Or should I say, afternoon?"

"Did I sleep that long?" she still felt stiff, her skin tingled and some parts of her still hurt, her insides had a feeling of discomfort. "I didn't mean to sleep all morning."

He chuckled at her.

"Oh, you slept all morning, all night, all day, all night again and then all day."

She blinked up at him in confusion.

"You've been asleep for three days kitten."

She stared at him in surprise. "Three days?"

"Hmm, yes." He pulled her closer so that her whole body pressed against his. He was naked like she was and she gasped at the warmth she felt, gods he felt so good, so soothing.

"Is that..."

"Normal?" He laughed and bent down, kissing on her neck before responding. "Very, I slept for days after, woke up still feeling raw, I had no one to rub cream on me while I slept."

Cream?

He grinned at her and licked his lips before reaching down and catching her lips in a deep, passionate kiss.

She could feel the little blisters on the edges of her lips but she didn't care.

God his lips felt so good, so soft and luxurious. How could a man's lips feel like that? Full and addictive.

The kiss turned rough, hard and he rolled her onto her back, putting all his weight onto her, he fit so well against her, the contours of his lean defined muscles, the way her curves melded to them, how their skin moved so effortlessly now.

She felt, complete.

Harley felt like like her whole life had been leading up to this perfect moment when she was something much greater than a simple human being, evolved, reborn, remade.

All because of him, all because he hadn't been able to let her go and now she was who she was meant to be.

"Say it." she breathed when he pulled back, only to return, the kisses no longer long, they were short and fast but still hard, rough and urgent.

"What?" he growled between every kiss. "What do you want me to say?"

"My mame." she moaned out, greedily reaching up for more.

"Your name?" He grinned, pulling back from her, a glint in his eyes. "You mean Harleen?"

She made a sound that was a mix between a groan and a growl and pulled him back toward her, her arms locked around his neck, her hands gripping his bright green hair.

"No, that's not my name." she hissed and forced her mouth onto his but he wouldn't be so easily beaten.

The kisses became more aggressive, suddenly becoming a competition for dominance between them, she needed him to say it, she needed to hear her name uttered from his lips and he needed to dominate her. He had to be the one in control between them, his ego and nature demanded it.

He was enjoying the fight, she could feel it, his body alive with want, he was enjoying the fact that she was fighting, he loved the fight, her spirit.

 _And there is plenty more of it coming._ She thought lustfully, wriggling her legs from under him so that she could wrap them around his waist.

There was a familiar feeling to this, she'd felt him like this before, she'd held him this close and remembered thinking that they were so perfect together but everything was foggy, the memory there but just out of her reach and she had no desire to go hunting it down.

"Say it." she said again but her voice was less a demand now and more of a plea. "Please Joker, say my name, I have to hear you say it."

He groaned in delight at the change of her voice, there was still some sort of power in her tone but it seemed to please him much more.

"You want me to say it, you need me to call your name?"

"Yes."

He chuckled at her again but she felt the reaction she was having on him, the warmth that pressed between her legs.

Familiar and yet new, it was like being with him for the first time and he was only pressed against her, what damage would he do to her once he was buried inside of her?

"Har-" He leaned into her, his lips right up against her ear. "Harl-"

"Oh god." she cried out, not caring that she was being loud. "Please."

She felt the growl right in her ear.

"Harley Quinn, Harley Quinn." He said and it was better than the introduction she'd heard in her dream. "Harley Quinn."

She nearly lost what control she had, she'd wanted him from the moment she'd opened her eyes in the vat and now, now she couldn't bear the idea of not having him, if he denied her, if he told her no again, what would become of her?

He was cruel about it, he denied her but he gave her just enough to tease her, to burn her up, to make her crave more.

"What are you doing to me?" She breathed anxiously. "What's wrong with me? I feel, everything."

He laughed, a rich guttural sound that sent new bolts of pleasure through her. It was like hearing the sound for the first time, how many tones did it have laced under the initial sound.

"You're still new baby, everything I do to you will be intense, erupting, you'll melt and burn and freeze by the simplest touches, the easiest movement will drive you absolutely insane."

Intoxicating and torturous, that was the only way she could describe it, a mixture of pleasure and pain.

He grazed his teeth against her neck and she felt like he was sliding a knife along the skin, he moved his hands to her waist and pressed down, she thought he was going to bruise her, but it all felt so, so incredible.

"Please, oh god please." she whimpered and she looked up at him pleadingly.

He shook his head. "Sorry sugar, not yet. We've got company coming up with some presents, I can't have them waiting out there. I did tell them twenty minutes, if they're a minute late, I'd be forced to kill them. Those are the rules."

"But I want you now." she cried out.

"Oh, well I can give you a little taste."

"I don't want a taste, I want it all." she whimpered.

"Oh kitten, you don't get to make demands like that, you just have to lay here for me, let me enjoy my work."

She bit her lip but she was too far gone into her wanting, too aroused.

"Please."

"Hmm, you tempt me honey, I won't lie but what I say goes, those are the rules for today."

"You're the Joker, you don't live by rules."

"Oh I don't live by rules but that doesn't mean that everyone else doesn't have to live by mine."

"But-"

Her protest was silenced when she felt his lips brush against her throat, so lightly she shouldn't have been able to feel it.

"Oh." she sighed, he placed another kiss a little further down, the edge of her collar bone, then another at the start of her sternum, she felt dizzy but it wasn't from the chemicals, it was him, he was making her loopy, unstable.

He continued laying hot feather like kisses along her chest and down to her stomach, if he'd been someone else she might have believed he was being gentle with her but she already understood, he was tormenting her, he was enjoying making her squirm.

"Please Joker." she breathed and then cried out when she felt him graze her skin with his teeth, the tender soft flesh of the crease of her leg and pelvis.

His every touch both catching her attention and completely distracting her so that when he tasted her, she felt the flicker of his tongue against her, she was caught completely off guard, unprepared for the surreal sensation.

Her head fell back into her pile of pillows, her hands reached down to grasp his hair, eagerly urging him to continue.

He didn't deny her this time, with every touch, her voice grew louder, when his tongue traced along the edges of heat, her back arched off the mattress, her eyes widening as a cold, lighting feeling tunneled through her.

He couldn't possibly be doing this, he was barely touching her and yet she felt out of control.

Yet he was and she didn't want to understand how he was doing it.

His tongue curved deep inside of her, he was achingly slow but if he'd gone any faster she didn't think she could take it. He was tasting her, feasting on her in a way she couldn't remember feeling before.

"Puddin'" She breathed before thrashing wildly.

There was a growl from his lips and the pleasure intensified, her voice grew louder, till all she could do was scream, her chest heaving with rapid, uneven breaths.

His gentle teasing suddenly changed, like the storm he was his mood became aggressive, his attention becoming just as aggressive as he devoured her.

There was a thin film of sweat covering her body, her knees pressed against the bed, he had her pinned helplessly and Harley cried out his name.

He was right, oh god he was right. She was so sensitive, so new, so raw and as he lashed her with his tongue she felt the breaking inside her stomach, her body jumped off the bed, once, twice, three times before a wave of pleasure overtook her.

"Puddin!" She cried out and she heard him laughing, a maniacal sound that only fed her orgasm.

He climbed up her body, almost snake like as he felt her whole form convulse, all of it his doing.

"Look at me." he demanded when he climbed up her body. She obeyed happily.

"That's a girl." He purred, giving her his best smile.

"What was that?" she whispered after she finally came down from the euphoric sensation.

"That my little harlequin, was a little taste."

God, that was just a nibble?

"You still think you can take more?" he taunted and she found herself swallowing.

"Yes, I want to feel that power, I want to feel all of it.."

He hissed in delight and rolled off her, rolling her onto her stomach, then pressing himself against her again.

She wasn't sure if he was showing her affection or trying to hurt her, either way what did it matter?

His hands outstretched against her shoulder blades

 _Is he magic?_

 _How can he do this?_

"You know honey, that the same nerves that cause you such pleasure, can so easily be used against you." He whispered in her neck, as he pressed down, sending warmth across the tense, readjusting muscles of her back.

"I don't feel the pain the same way anymore." she mumbled, enjoying the feel of his attention.

"That's just the point princess, you're special, you're remade in my image."

She smiled. "Does that make you God?"

"Mmmm, I like that."

"Are you my god?" she murmured back to him.

"Maybe I am."

"What am I then?" She shivered as he released the tension in a spot right under her shoulder blade.

"You have to earn that right for a title beautiful girl, right now, you're no one, nothing."

"I must be something." she moaned as he moved down her spine. "I must be something to you."

He laughed, a soft, deep laugh that was different to his other laughs. "What do you think you are to me Harley Quinn?"

"I think I'm gonna be your partner in crime." She said lazily. "I think that I'm your Harley."

"That just makes you a toy." He purred but she shook her head and relaxed a little more.

A knock on the door broke the relaxing atmosphere and he bit on her neck, sucking on her earlobe before he slid off the bed, pulling on a pair of pants he'd thrown on the ground and walked shirtless to the door.

Harley forced herself to move, an incredibly hard feat.

She covered herself up but as she nestled herself into the covers, she felt something land on her face.

She giggled as she realized it was one of his shirts, it was dark blue, almost black and she made a pleased humming sound as she slipped it on, nimbly doing up the buttons.

He glanced in her direction as she layed back, her hair fanning around the pillows, she really did look like a princess, laying in the king sized bed, with expensive sheets and pillows all around her.

J opened the door and the man named Frost came in, walking down the steps with bags in his hands. Three other men came in, none of them in masks like she was used to from the few times she'd seen them, all of them with boxes and bags.

"That's everything boss." Frost said, Harley noticed that none of the men were looking in her direction, they were all keeping their eyes firmly on the Joker.

"Food?" He asked casually, glancing to Harley and then to Frost.

"In the kitchen."

"Ya hungry pumpkin pie?" he grinned at her. "Bet ya are."

She nodded, glancing back at the men who were steadily avoiding her.

"Puddin', why won't they look at me?"

Only Frost dared look in her direction but his eyes looked so neutral, she couldn't imagine him being attracted to her.

The Joker crossed his arms with a tilt of his head.

"Oh now boys, how could you not glance at the pretty girl, after all... don't you want to see the new baby?"

They still did not look in her direction, though she could tell it was killing them not to.

He had them well... trained.

"Go ahead, you get to look." J said sincerely. "A thirty second glance at the baby."

The three men looked at each other then to J, to Frost and finally to her.

She counted the seconds in her head as she shook her head and stretched in the bed. "Do they think I'm pretty?"

One of the boys paled, she couldn't help but smile. She was being awful, she was being terribly mean to them but well, Joker had a point, she had to earn her place and even though she still felt sore, weakened and her skin still felt so raw, it didn't mean she couldn't start making them respect her, fearing her a little bit.

 _Can't be the Joker's girl if they don't fear you just a bit._

 _I like this._

 _This is fun._

 _Almost too much fun._

"Well boys, answer the lady, don't insult her." J's eyes had flared with anger, not at her, at them for not responding.

"She's really pretty boss." One of them said looking down at the floor. "You're a lucky man sir."

"Tell her." J pointed to Harley. "I don't need the compliment."

The man turned, swallowing, as if his life depended on what he said next, his right hand was shaking a little.

"You're very, pretty Miss Quinn. My boss's incredibly lucky to have you."

"Thank you." she chimed happily.

He looked away quickly and the Joker chuckled. "Tommy, you're free to go."

He walked very quickly, muttering a rushed thank you to the crime prince and she laughed, she couldn't help it.

The boy had balls.

The other two mumbled their appreciation in similar manors but she didn't thank them so quickly, the other guy had been brave enough to speak up, they hadn't.

Still J let them go, his interest more focused on Harley right now than on ending a life.

 _Interesting._

Frost was the last one to leave, J pointed to Harley and then to the well dressed man.

"You remember him?"

Harley nodded at him. "Hi Frosty."

"Miss Quinn."

"Harley." she corrected. "Miss Quinn makes me feel so old."

Frost glanced at Joker but nodded in her direction. "Harley."

"You leave this building, he goes with you."

"I'm not helpless." she sighed.

"Until I see what you're made of kiddo, you'll do as daddy says."

"But I'm a big girl, do my own heists and everything."

"Oh, I know but you're playing in the big pool now, we can't have you drowning without the floaties."

"That's not funny."

He was mocking her, he was poking at her weakness.

"Frost, get someone to load up some food for the princess here, then, take the night off."

"Whatever you want boss." he affirmed. He turned to Harley after that. "Nice to see you again."

"Bye Frosty." she called as he left the room. "I like him, he's fun."

Harley watched as J walked over to one of the bags, pulling out a small box, it fit in his hand.

He brought it over and pulled out the contents.

It was a tube, some sort of ointment.

"Now my dear, I'm afraid it's time to fix you up." He said dramatically.

Harley grinned wildly.

"Gonna rub me down?"

"Well, can't have you doing it yourself now can we?"

"I'm a big girl."

"Oh, sure you are pumpkin, I'm sure you are but... well... this is gonna hurt."

Harley started to unbutton his shirt, sliding back out of it and letting it fall to the ground.

"I'm ready." she breathed, pulling the covers down. "Let me show you what I'm made of."

She watched as his eyes lit up at her challenge, there was fire in the gray blue and she held up her hands playfully.

What was pain? What was discomfort?

She hadn't died but she was somewhere like heaven, she was here with him and he was about to touch her again and she could smell the hints of food coming from down the hall, hot and fresh.

Food, sex and the love of her life, what else could you want?

 _Nothing, only to know that it's real._

A/N Huh, so this chapter was interesting. I have a little confession to reveal, I've never written that sort of sex between anyone. So go easy on me, I'm learning. Still, I thought ti was an appropriate thing to add there. So you guys are aware, sex scenes are hard. Not to write, writing a smut scene is easy it's making it plot related that's dificult. It's amazing how hard that can be, cause you have to put it in such a place where it makes sense and well unless it's someone paying for it, sex never just makes sense. If it did, well it wouldn't be any fun.

So in other news, baby Eve was born in Life and destruction. Harley is very happy but J's, well remember how I said he was mad at me at least the character as I envision him in my head when writing. Well, yeah he just found out... I am now writing up his reaction to that little bit of news. I'm gonna post that in desire and reality since it's a one shot and that is my spot for all one shots. So keep an eye out for that.

Also, I just found something out. I was reading someone elses fic and it came up in the A/N that Jonny had a weddign ring on his finger in the movie, did anyone else catch that? So I look it up and would you believe it, yes he was married and because he in my book is an important member of the faction, I feel the need to fix his story just a little cause wow, comic book wise dear god. So I will be adding some stuff from the graphic novel the joker into canon but I will definitely be reworking quite a bit to make it all you know work with this universe.

As always, you all are just the best, we're almost half way to four hundred reviews, I am just stunned witht hat and so honored. I know some of my other fics don't get as much publicity but I understand it's cause they're AU and might not suit everyone but thank yout o those who check them out.

A small reminder, cause well this has popped up recently in the coments I get. Monster's and Performers IS the base, the root for all other stories I write so far. At least from arkham and the early stages of their relationship. That is the base canon, Chaos is also part of that base canon. Allt he other stories are AU. I hope that clears up some confusion that was going on.

Anyway, I love you all and as promised. I was gonna start writing more frequently again and I'm happy that I'm feeling the writing just come out again.

So I hope you all enjoyed, please as always don't forget to follow, fave and review. They make my day to read them, I love to hear your comments and to my foreign friends who have apologized for their limited english, please never, ever worry. I love your reivews just he same, so for now I say. Adios, Au Revevoir, Auf Wiedersehen, and Tchau. If I forgot anyone, please yell at me. Love you all.


	25. Madly and deeply

Chapter 25 – Madly and deeply

 _Music played over the radio as she poured the chilled grape soda into his mouth. They were in front of the fireplace, the new rug on the floor soft under them._

" _I thought you didn't believe in Christmas, puddin," she said with amusement as he tilted his head back and swallowed the liquid from the cognac glass, the crystal changing the taste of the soda._

" _Who said we're celebrating that?" He asked with a purr, running his hands over the torn remains of her outfit._

" _Well, then what are we celebrating?" she asked coyly, her face a mask of sweet innocence that was nothing more than an attempt to tease him. Her hair was an absolute mess already, small cuts and the hint of bruises from earlier tonight along her arm and leg._

 _Nothing that wouldn't heal, nothing she couldn't handle, apparently._

" _Celebrating a first," he said, taking the glass from her and taking a large drink of it before offering it to her._

 _She giggled and took a long drink of the soda, moaning as a few drops spilled down her chin and onto her throat._

" _Oh? A first, puddin?"_

" _Yea, a first."_

" _What first would that be?" She wrapped her arms around his neck and crawled onto his lap so her thighs brushed against his bare sides._

" _Our first," he explained with a smirk._

Their first December, he thought bitterly as he sat on the roof of the building. He'd said it as a joke, almost as a taunt but it was more important now. Because it was December again and there was no Harley to enjoy it with.

Before when he destroyed the holidays for Gotham, it didn't have the same excitement she brought to it. Her craziness, her unpredictable ideas.

The devilish outfits she wore just to taunt the people and fuel his jealousy and his lust.

He hated the holidays because it was such a lie, togetherness, good will, hope that the city really didn't share but lied to themselves about. Pretending they liked each other and celebrating a tradition that they didn't even understand.

Harley had understood it, long before he'd entered her life.

She had a strange upbringing though, being from a religiously mixed house.

She seemed to hate the season for her own reasons but shared his displeasure at how fake it all was.

He hadn't expected to enjoy himself so much the first time he'd taken her out for a ride at the peak of shopping season for Christmas, his intentions to remind Gotham that he was back and that he was here to stay.

" _Harley! I'm aware that women take a long time getting dressed for a party, but if I can get ready in thirty minutes that's more than enough time for you!" He yelled from the kitchen._

 _Gotham was getting ready for its annual tree lighting ceremony, a highlight of the season that was a Russian roulette game between the villains. Which one of them could get to it first._

 _Gotham clung to hope, the corruption that existed here was still running through the bloodlines of this place. You couldn't just get rid of something that was built into the roots of a place. Granted the world was different, not like it had been in the old days when the mob owned Gotham, but still._

 _There was no gain in this little stunt, there was no financial gain or even a terror play for it. Gotham was too callous for it after so long._

 _This was for the fun of it, for the sheer useless chaos of it and every criminal in Gotham knew it._

 _It was also an excellent way to get to the bat, he'd be there, waiting for whoever was planning to come around and J had every intention of catching sight of his old friend._

 _It was an excellent occasion to show off the youngest of his creations._

 _The beautiful Harley Quinn._

 _Harley had been with him for a few months but she hadn't participated in any of his big flashy jobs. Bank jobs, heists, deals with clients and the crazy spree here and there but this was going to be her first real, crazy event._

 _It was time to see what she could do._

 _Did she have the spirit, the mind, the chaos to be more than just a criminal?_

 _Could she be a force of nature like him?_

 _If she couldn't, well. He liked her but their positions would definitely be altered._

 _He couldn't be seen with a woman who was so far beneath him._

 _There was a sound coming from the hall and then Harley came out with a dramatic pose against one wall with a mischievous smile on her perfectly painted face._

" _Ready," she giggled and did a small turn for him and the boys who all stared with wide eyes. "You think it's enough or should I go with the Christmas tree dress?"_

 _Harley was dressed for the occasion._

 _She was decked out in a very bright red dress with white lining, two layers to its thin fabric that stopped very high up her thigh. The middle of the dress was lined with white fluffy lining and festive decorations to look something like buttons, a knife could cut the thing down the middle and reveal her firm toned body underneath._

 _It had gauzy thin straps and J was sure a quick pull would remove them._

 _Knee high black boots accompanied the dress and she wore little silver bells around her wrists that chimed as she moved._

 _If the skimpy Christmas dress wasn't enough, on top of her head she had a set of goat horns that were pulled back and as he paid more attention, he noticed that her makeup was different._

 _Her lipstick had markings along the edges to look like fangs._

 _She skipped over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, running her tongue over her teeth._

" _You said look nice."_

" _Oh, nice is definitely not a word I'd use for how you look." He murmured, spinning her around._

" _You don't like it?" she pouted._

" _Oh, I love it." He grinned. "Gotham will adore it. What's with the horns?"_

" _Well, I didn't want to leave out the roots of these traditions, puddin. Figured there was no harm in giving Gotham a bit of a history lesson while we were having a good time."_

" _A history lesson, huh?" He grinned and glanced at his boys. "What are you standing around for? We've got tickets, we'll be late."_

 _Frost motioned for the boys to move quickly and grabbed the keys to the car._

 _Harley made to go with them but J pulled her back roughly and ran his hands along her bare arms and down her smooth pale back._

" _You'll get cold, princess," he purred with a grin. "I don't want to hear you complain."_

" _I have a jacket," she giggled. "You like, puddin? Cause I really want you to like it."_

" _I like it almost enough to leave it intact later."_

 _She made a sound of pleasure and reached up, kissing him roughly, gnawing on his lower lip before pulling away with a shake of her hips._

" _Come on, puddin. Gotham's waiting for its prince to light the tree."_

It was cold, the weather was bitter this year but he didn't notice it. He sat with his legs crossed staring at the phone in his hand.

Berating himself for having missed the call, berating himself for still not finding her.

Two months ago she'd sent the message and still nothing.

How could it really be so hard to find her?

Why were they keeping her so well hidden from him?

Griggs, the name played in his mind over and over again but still they hadn't found who it was or what it could mean.

He pressed the button on his phone again and listened to her quiet voice, the message having been played so many times he'd memorized it completely.

 _Tell puddin I love him and miss him so, so much._

She was hurt, he could hear it in the shake of her voice.

Not fear, the sound she made when her body was in pain and she couldn't quite grasp a hold of it.

That's the shake he heard in her tone, she'd gotten herself hurt in order to get the message to them and still he couldn't get her back.

Had they learned of his weakness?

Had the bat just finally understood that without Harley, he was less than a man?

He hated to admit it aloud and he wouldn't but Harley gave him something he'd never thought he was without.

Women had thrown themselves at him before but only Harley made him feel like a god.

Only Harley made him feel like he was completely invincible. The crazy things they did, she egged him on to keep going, to go further and somehow they were always alright in the end.

They were always on top again.

Not this time, though. This time they were rock bottom and he felt it.

If he'd had any doubt that she was as low as he was, it'd been banished when Frost showed him Harley's little incentive gift.

The photo of her in her little cramped cell.

A cage.

She was on her back with an unconscious look, bruises along her body where she'd gotten into fights with her guards.

Her hair had been cut, the pink and blue dyes were gone and he saw where she'd given herself tattoos along her thighs.

His Harley, his queen laid out on the concrete floor, helpless, used.

Her cell had nothing, not even a cot to sleep on, and she had no prison clothes on, either. They degraded her even to that degree.

Yet she was still somehow stunning, she was still the most beautiful goddess of chaos, his goddess.

His consort, his queen... his...

"Is that what I am, puddin?" her voice asked him softly, uncharacteristically gentle but a voice he knew too well.

"Yes," he admitted without looking at her.

"Since when, puddin? Since when have I been your wife?"

Wife. That was a mad word. A normal, societal word.

No, wife was the wrong word for what she was to him.

Mate. Yes, that was a better word for it. His mate.

Harley was the woman he wanted to spend his life with. There was nothing without her because she shared the same spirit as he did, it was bigger than just love. The word felt laughable.

The English dictionary didn't have a word for what they were, no language he'd searched for had the word.

It just didn't exist.

They were more than human.

Weakness? No, Harley wasn't his weakness. She was his strength.

Yes, attack her and he felt vulnerable, but he was still alive. She was alive with him and even though they were so far apart, her love, devotion was still powerful.

She complimented him in every way. She saw flaws and fixed them, took a hit for it and still she made him fix it.

He'd been kept out of Arkham because of it, she was his limbs and she was his heart.

He stared at the picture, feeling a split in his mind, half of it enraged by the way he saw her treated. No one got to hurt her but him, no one touched her like that. No one but him.

The other half was mad with desperation to have her back, to feel her comfort, to loose himself in her madness.

God, she was crazier than he was. She'd been crazy enough to love him, crazy enough to jump, to stay with him when he'd done terrible things to her.

She'd been crazy enough to carry his child and stay with him after she'd lost it.

She was crazy enough to trust him.

Crazy.

 _He pulled her away from the group as they moved along the outskirts of the crowd, unnoticed as everyone paid attention to the mayor's holiday speech._

 _Something about kindness, working together, crap that would get him voted in again._

" _You know your part?"_

" _Of course," she smiled and pulled his gun out of his jacket. She wore a white jacket over the red, he growled as he imagined it stained in blood. He was sure that's why she'd chosen it._

" _No, no honey. That's daddy's gun," he said, taking it back from her._

" _But I didn't get a weapon," she protested as childishly as she could._

 _He grinned and touched her lips with his fingers. "Got you a present."_

 _He snapped his fingers and held out his hand. One of the boys handed him a brand new oversized mallet. It was actually lighter than it looked, but if you knew how to use it it could be incredibly damaging._

 _Her eyes lit up, her smile became excited and that only made the fangs look more menacing on her face._

 _She took it in her hands and stared at it as if it'd been made of gold._

" _Something a little more fun than just a gun," he explained and tilted her head up. "What do you say?'_

" _Thank you, daddy," she mewled, lowering her new toy and pulling him in for a long, passionate kiss that left both of their makeup smudged._

 _He shoved her playfully towards her group and waved her off but before they all left to their assigned places, J grabbed the lead of the team she was in and growled in his ear._

" _You make sure the cops stay away from her, you understand?"_

" _Yeah boss," the guy swallowed before running off to catch up to Harley's quick movements._

 _Amazing she could skip in heels like that._

 _He wasn't ready for her to go to jail yet, that would come in time but not yet. His reputation was on the line with her, too many failed attempts had left his position in Gotham unsteady and that wasn't going to stand._

 _She'd better do well tonight. He had a good feeling about her, she'd taken to the training so well. She was ambitious and she loved to please him._

 _She had a quick mind that a few of his associates would love to dissect and for all the childish attitude she'd been showing. She was incredibly intelligent._

 _She wouldn't let him down, she was eager to please him right now. She wanted to prove that he'd made the right choice, that he'd chosen the right girl._

 _Harley Quinn wanted to belong to his world._

Harley did belong to his world. She'd always belonged to it. She'd been too bright a star to just be ordinary and he was glad that she'd chosen to come to him.

He let his head fall back, feeling drops of snow hitting his face and the back of his neck.

She'd made a small name for herself in the beginning of her career, when he'd left her, when he'd thought he could exist without her.

When to him she was nothing more than a weakness.

Then to present her to Gotham, in that moment, in that second she became more than just a girl at his side, she became the princess of Gotham

Elevated to the elite of the city.

Feared, adored, envied and she was all his.

He stared at the picture again, more carefully, letting his anger subdue itself so that he could focus.

He ignored the snow that fell on the screen.

She wasn't alone in that picture. There were guards around her, some of them injured. Obviously she'd put up a hell of a fight.

One of them was this Griggs. One of them had to be him.

Every guard in this picture was destined for a very nasty, brutal end.

None would be spared because no one touched Harley Quinn. Not because she couldn't defend herself, but because she belonged to him.

If they turned her around they'd see the tattoo clear as day, everything about her screamed that she belonged to him and he'd be damned to hell if anyone did this to his queen.

" _Why don't you drink?' Harley asked as she poured some more grape soda into his mouth._

" _Fucks up your brain cells, doctor. You of all people should know that," he teased as he tore at the hole in her dress._

" _Oh, I know. But it tastes so good and like you said, we're celebrating," she teased back, hissing with a look of pure pleasure as he pressed into one of the closed cuts on her side._

" _Hmm, we are celebrating, but I want you conscious tonight."_

" _Oh? What ya have in mind, Mr. J?" She put the crystal glass down on the tray and ran the tips of her fingers through his green hair._

 _He grinned at her evilly and she gasped as she caught onto his intentions._

" _Did I do good, daddy?" She purred with eager submission._

" _Oh, incredibly good," he leaned forward and sucked on the exposed skin of her collarbone, relishing the sound of delight she made. "But then again, you're always good."_

" _Oh, I can be incredibly bad," she declared lustfully. "Really, really bad."_

" _Mmm, sure you could be. But then I'd have to punish ya for it."_

" _You act like I wouldn't enjoy it, puddin."_

" _You just keep being a good girl tonight and give me exactly what I want."_

" _Oh, you mean more death and destruction? Hundreds injured, property destroyed, the bat beside himself with so much chaos?"_

 _He smirked and smacked her on her behind, enjoying the way her face contorted in pain and pleasure._

 _The sound of her remaining bells jostled as she wiggled herself out of the tatters of her dress, leaving her in nothing._

 _He growled with pleasure at the sight of her, so beautiful, so perfect. His masterpiece, his insatiable little monster._

" _I want you," she said thickly. "You want me?"_

 _He enjoyed her accent, he enjoyed the change in her tones and how her voice almost mirrored his, guttural and yet velvet._

 _Not for the first time since he'd brought her home, was he glad he'd chosen to pull her out of the vat and enjoy her._

 _There were several moments when he'd regretted it. It was incredibly time consuming grooming her, but tonight had proved that it was worth the effort._

 _The look on the bat's face when she'd appeared with her mallet, when she'd thrown that grenade. God, there was very little as sexy as watching her kill._

 _He didn't answer her question, not with words._

 _He roughly grabbed her hips and pulled her closer so her skin touched his. He purred and dipped his head into her shoulder, biting and licking the sensitive flesh as she ground her hips against him, obviously impatient to fuck him._

 _He hadn't imagined that a woman could be as excitable as she was, not when he'd first met her. He knew she had secrets but this pent up drive was not one he'd uncovered until after they were both out._

 _A taste of it one night, then a small sign of it when he'd fried her brain, seeing the cross over from pleasure to pain then pain to pleasure, but nothing like he'd experienced when he'd given into her seduction and definitely not now._

 _The woman was a beast of lust and he reveled in it._

 _He ran his hands over her whole body, causing her to whimper and moan as he touched the bruised and cut flesh._

 _Her hands moved along him too, causing the same pain that made him growl and moan as he let himself fall back onto the rug, staring up at her, his ravishing prize who worked quickly to remove what was left of his clothes._

 _There was a frenzied look now, a wild urgency accompanied by little whimpers and groans as she worked to get the offensive garment off of him._

 _When she'd achieved her goal she sighed in satisfaction and crawled back up his body, kissing and licking up his thigh and up to his pelvis. Grinning up at him with a mischievous smile._

" _So what first are we celebrating, puddin?" she asked him as she continued to crawl up his body._

J got up from the ground and started walking towards the door. He needed to find Frost and that computer boy he had downstairs, he needed these guards found, any of them at this point. He needed to know how it was possible for months they hadn't found a damn thing.

Secrets, their damned secrets.

"Everyone has a weakness, puddin. Everyone. You have to use that weakness to your advantage."

Weakness. Yes, that was the key, but first he needed to know who these men were. He needed more than a name.

"You're my weakness, puddin. You always have been. My one weak spot, my Achilles heel and I'm yours, but we're both strong. We're still invincible. Look at these men. I bet they have dark secrets, bet they have really, really dark secrets that even the government couldn't hide away forever."

He stopped and turned around to stare at her.

She was wearing that red dress, the Christmas Santa girl one. The same one he'd torn to bits after they'd come back from the lighting ceremony their first year.

It clung to her seductively and was completely inappropriate for the weather and made her any man's wet dream.

She wore those black boots but instead of the horns, her hair was up in those pigtails, her makeup elaborate and flashy.

Bells on her wrists that jingled as she came a little closer.

Weaknesses that couldn't be hidden.

He growled in frustration at himself, he'd been so blinded by the emotions that he hadn't considered what Harley had been sending him.

He'd been obsessed with the call itself, he actually forgot that his Harley, his mate, his queen was a fucking genius. A brilliant therapist who'd even managed to dig under _his_ skin to reach his mind.

Everything he needed to know, everything he needed to find her was in the call and in the picture.

She'd sent _this_ picture. he was sure there were more that she could have chosen from, but she chose this one.

Why?

He stared at his phone again, pulling the image up and then looking up at his girl.

She was smiling at him, those perfect white teeth telling him he was on the right track.

Harley was fucking out of her mind, but she was brilliant. She always had been brilliant and being crazy didn't take away from it.

Harley wouldn't allow herself to be beaten to the point of hospitalization, which was the sound they'd caught after filtering the call, the beeping of machines in the background. She wouldn't risk that unless she had a plan.

She didn't have a name for her prison, so she gave him something close.

A name of a guard, a specific guard who had a weakness.

They both knew the difference between men of honor and men without.

The men in that picture were men with no honor, three of them holding phones and taking pictures of her. The others were too busy picking her off the ground, or attempting to.

She could be heavy when she was unconscious.

A weakness worth exploiting, a weakness that he could get his hands on.

A drinker perhaps. No, too simple.

"Think, puddin. There are dozens of options, every single one in your reach. Every single one leads to the name I gave you.'

He stopped staring at the image and then looked back up at her. Grinning, the spark truly coming back at the realization of what she'd handed them.

"That's my girl."

"Merry Christmas, puddin. You know I never forget to get you a present."

J threw the door open and yelled down to the penthouse.

"Jonny, you'd better be down there. I've got a job for you."

 _Harley crawled further up his body, her kisses becoming so frantic he was sure she'd seizure any second._

 _Her hair was wild and brushed against his abdomen, covering his tattoos as she moved up him to get her own prize._

" _Stop playing around, pumpkin. You'll ruin the moment," he warned and she giggled, sliding up with only her hands in one fluid motion._

" _Aren't you always telling me to be patient?"_

" _Never thought you listened," he growled, digging his nails into her hips as she straddled him._

" _I listen to everything you say, puddin, Every single little thing," she whispered with a groan, breaking up her words as he pushed her down hard. He gritted his teeth and hissed at the feel of her. He was still learning the different levels of her arousal, her body reacted like a musical instrument; you played different notes and you got different sounds._

 _He could create a symphony of music with her pleasure and all he had to do was learn how everything changed in her._

 _Some people might think Harley wasn't exactly the most feminine of creatures, but they were idiots who thought the larger the better._

 _They didn't appreciate perfection, every curve was shaped to match the rest. She was perfectly proportioned. Her hips were firm and when he gripped them he felt the strong muscles and bones that allowed her to be the gymnast she was. Her waist was slender and stretched up with a built, flat belly and abdomen, making her an excellent dancer, flexible and able to move like no other woman could._

 _He watched transfixed as her breasts moved as she rocked her hips against him, finding the pace that she was looking for to drive her body to almost painful heights of pleasure._

 _The thing was, Harley could reach that point and push herself further._

 _He met her movements with his own, getting lost in the way her face changed, she made it hard to focus on anything else, she didn't stay still enough. Her body and head were always moving and finding new ways to entice him._

 _He held complete power over her, it was intoxicating how good that power felt. Almost as arousing as feeling her around him, moving her body to please him._

 _Laying back gave him the freedom to look at her move, to watch as the sounds matched her expressions, to see the wild way her hands couldn't make up their minds on what to do. One second through her hair, the next gripping his arms, a second later, touching her own body in a mad attempt to keep control._

 _It was like a tribal dance of worshiping her god, and he was her god._

 _He growled loudly at the thought and pulled her down to him, his hands still on her hips, making sure her rhythm didn't stop, changing the way it felt, bringing her closer, forcing him deeper._

 _Her eyes opened and they stared at each other, their gaze locked with very different expressions._

 _Devotion and possession._

 _She saw what he was thinking and she gave herself over to it, showing him that yes she worshiped him, that her desire was for him alone. She was his priestess, she was his follower, his fanatical believer._

" _I love you," she gasped, almost in prayer._

 _He didn't answer her but he moved her hips faster with his hands, his own body finding a harder, more intense rhythm and he purred as she cried out in pleasure._

" _You are mine," he snarled with a tone that could be vicious._

" _Yes, yours," she repeated hoarsely. "I want to be yours."_

 _The understanding was between them both that she still wasn't completely his, she didn't completely belong to him yet._

 _He sat up quickly, making her grunt as J roughly moved one of her legs and she followed with the other one so that they wrapped around his slender waist._

 _She couldn't be closer._

 _He moved her now, making her do as he wished, making her move faster and then slower, driving himself mad with the ecstasy of how good she felt._

" _You want to be mine?" he asked her roughly, watching her eyes roll back at his question._

" _YES."_

 _He moved one hand and pulled her down, kissing her roughly as he fucked her, Harley gripped his back suddenly and he felt her orgasm hit her, his own eyes rolling back at the sensation. He wasn't done with her yet, though. He had a lot of things he wanted to do to her, a lot of things he wanted to show before he allowed himself that pleasure._

 _She moaned into the kiss and he didn't let it go until they couldn't breathe, swallowing her pleasure as he kept moving._

J paced the living room and kitchen as he spoke on the phone, Frost standing there with his own phone in hand.

"I want you looking in every bar, in every casino and whore house and talk to every dealer you can find." There was a pause. "Every city, everywhere, you ask for Griggs. You ask for a prison guard named Griggs."

"Boss, got the picture sent," he heard Frost say and he nodded absently.

"You're getting a text, the men in that picture are who you're looking for."

It'd taken the computer boy fifteen minutes to erase Harley from the image and clear the faces of the men as best he could.

"I don't care how long it takes, you just find the fucker. Offer what you have to. I don't care, rob the banks to get the money if you need it."

"When you find him?" J stopped pacing for a minute. "When you find him you don't touch him. You don't even let him know we're looking for him. You just find out exactly what prison he's working for. You find out everything about him. His full name, his family, his favorite colors, everything."

He ended the call and turned to Frost.

"It'll be a long search."

"Get that guy you paid before, tell him what I need."

"Sure thing, boss."

He growled and sat down on one of the bar stools in the kitchen.

"Close, I can feel it," he hissed.

Harley was in reach now, he could feel it in his bones.

It would take time. Even with hackers, even with men looking it would still take time to find this single person, but now they could.

 _Oh, honey. Daddy's so proud of you. You gave me just what I needed._

 _Harley lay on her stomach with J laying across her lazily, leaving hot wet kisses along her shoulder._

" _You're the only one who sates it," she mumbled sleepily._

" _Sates what?" he whispered as he caught her earlobe and sucked on it slowly._

" _The desire, the maddening lust," She moaned softly at his attention, the fire still flickering and keeping them warm. "No one else ever could make it go away, it was always there."_

" _That's because you were trying to sate the beast with boys and girls, honey. You needed a man."_

" _Well I got a man," she purred and reached up with her hand._

 _He kissed her neck roughly, leaving an obvious hickey for the world to see._

" _Puddin?" she mumbled with a content sigh._

" _You know I don't like that, Harley."_

" _I know. Still… puddin?"_

" _What?"_

" _What were we celebrating?"_

 _He chuckled at her insistence._

" _Why you want to know so bad?"_

" _I'm curious... and yes, curiosity killed the cat. Satisfaction brought it back."_

 _He laughed at her statement and he turned her around onto her back, pinning her under his weight comfortably._

" _Well, aren't you already satisfied? Many, many times over?"_

 _She giggled and traced the lines of his tattoos. "Please..."_

" _We were celebrating our first public appearance in Gotham, pumpkin. The Joker and his Harley Quinn."_

" _But we've gone on lots of heists already," she said lazily. "What was so special about this one?"_

" _Heists are fun, honey, but they're work. Remember we do this for a living, too. But tonight, well, that was completely for our pleasure."_

" _So we missed out on Halloween, thanksgiving and we didn't even really do Christmas. It's December."_

" _You weren't ready for Halloween and thanksgiving is a joke. Besides, Gotham adores the tree lighting thing, it symbolizes hope for them, the sense of solidarity in the winter. All that crap. I love fucking that up."_

 _She smiled again. "I like that. So we're stealing their hope?"_

" _Yeah, we're stealing their hope."_

" _What do we do with it? Do we lock it away so they can't find it, or do we keep it for ourselves?"_

" _What would we have to hope for?"_

" _Lots of things," she said idly. She cupped his face and pulled him down for a slower, less anxious kiss. "Hope for more fun nights like this."_

 _He chuckled and sucked on her lip. "We'll have it princess, you're with me now. Every day is gonna be an adventure."_

" _Puddin?"_

" _What?"_

" _I like the rug," she teased and wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him down completely on her, nestling her head into his shoulder. "It's soft."_

A/N Oh my god, I am so so SO sorry this took so long. I realize this is way overdue but it's been very crazy. For both me and for Nia. Sick kids, me sick, a full out computer crash that took five chapters of projects down the drain with it. So doing rewrites and such have been hard. I hope you guys will be gentle with me and Nia about that. Also, this season is super busy. Kids out of school, family and friends and such. But I'll keep writing. We should stabilize again soon. Plus I got two new boys who are very needy. We got two kittens who are quite demanding of attention. Especially Tarzan who will paw at you to get love. Anyway, I should be back on schedule with this story so please review, we're going to do a time jump here in a chapter or two so that we're into the movie's material.

Also, if you guys read this story and you're looking for a steady, stable story. Um... the name is Chaos for a reason guys.

It's not gonna happen. If you want chronological order, go read Monsters and Performers. That's the origins story. Otherwise, we're gonna keep jumping around. That's the point of the story here. The emotional turmoil during their separation.

Also, it's not my fault they're apart during the stories I write. They were apart most of the movie, so yeah. Lol.

Anyway, thank you all for your patience, your ongoing demands, they actually have helped keep my spirits up during the computer crash. I won't lie, I cried. Anyway, Nia is in the middle of editing MaP so should have that up soon and I'm currently working on LaD the first of the new arc, so keep your eyes out for that too.

Love all of you, I've missed you all.


	26. The jokes on you

A/N Hey everyone, yeah I know its been a while. Longer than I ever intended and it took this long to get a new computer and well... its not been the easiest thing getting back into writing after so long. So I apologize to everyone for that.

This will be the last chapter in the format its been in, that's just because we're entering into the movie territory and that will be more straight forward, hopefully it'll be enjoyable. Anyway, we've waited long enough, lets go.

Chapter 26 – The jokes on you

Johnny stopped the car in front of the old warehouse but kept the motor running a few moments longer.

J looked up at the hideout with no real feelings towards it. It was one of the oldest ones he had but he hadn't really found need for it in a long time. Years.

Harley sat next to him with a slight frown on her face. She looked unnerved by the place.

"Not good enough princess?" He asked with a snicker.

She blinked up at him, holding Bud's leash tightly in her hand.

"No, it ain't that." She frowned, looking around. "It's so close to Arkham."

J nodded thoughtfully but grinned at her, lightly tapping her nose. "They won't find us here."

It was true, This place had yet to be found, it was close to Arkham, dangerously close but even the bat hadn't figure it out and why should he?

The place was condemned, the bricks were falling apart and the windows were all broken. It wasn't really fit for anyone to live in.

That' what made it perfect.

Besides, we won't be here long." He promised, he smiled at her look of confusion but didn't give her any more information.

They walked down tot he alley entrance with bot Lou and bud in tow and Johnny pushed the large metal door open.

There was a stale smell to the place, layers of dust caked all over the boxes, cobwebs clinging to every corner and dangling from the roof. Lou noticed a ran running across the floor and struggled against Harley's grasp and ran after it excitedly.

The sound of Bud's laugh echoed as Harley let him follow his brother to hunt the small rodents.

"w

ell, they like it." she mused as she tested the structure of the floor with the tip of her foot. "where are we going?"

things had gone impressively bad, their escape from Arkham had been messier than usual. More people-had died, not that they actually cared about that but it hadn't just been security or the good men and women of Gotham police department.

Bystanders, innocent people had died this time and nothing roweled up the bat more than that.

It hadn't all been their fault though, a lot of the blame could be held on hat little brat Batman called a sidekick.

Robin, the little twerp had been reckless, what had he expected? If you just acted without consequences chaos was bound to ensue.

Joker's kind of kid actually but not good for a superhero.

Super hero, the term was laughable.

J grabbed her arm and dragged her towards the back o the warehouse, Johnny followed behind with a briefcase in his hand. The warehouse was more structurally sound in the back. There were no holes in the roof and the floors were less likely to cave in under them.

"Puddin'? Where are we going?" Harley's voice sounded impatient and almost petulant. A flash of annoyance hit him and he spun around, his hand hitting her smooth cheek with a loud smack.

It had been a long time since he'd laid a hand on her but it had also been a long time since she'd acted so childish.

There was a sense of satisfaction at the sound of her yelp, how quickly her skin hued pink and the brim of a tear in her eyes. He knew it was the fact he'd done it that startled her, not the actual hit. She could take more than that.

Instantly his mood changed and he placed the same hand that had struck her on the offended cheek to sooth it.

"Patience pumpkin, just show daddy a little patience."

She nodded solemnly and he wondered if Arkham had managed to give her the nights medication before they'd escaped. She seemed, a little off.

 _She's been of since..._. He growled at the annoying thought and let her go, turning around and striding tot he back room.

There was a table set up in the room, brand new and completely out of place in this old relic. A large executive chair sat at the head of the table with a large J embroidered onto the leather.

He sat down with a sigh and whistled for the boys. He head them padding towards the door and in seconds they were at his side, Lou predictably nudging his hand to be pet. Bud sitting down patiently, staring at Harley expectantly.

"Well?" He looked at her with the same expectation. "The hyena gets it."

She giggled and ran to sit in his lap She adjusted herself with ease and Frost placed the briefcase in front of them with a click.

"Oh, pretty." Harley cooed as she stared at a small blood red stone. "What is that, Ruby?"

"No, definitely not ruby." He didn't pick it up and when Harley reached to touch it, he smacked her hand away. "No touching, not unless you'd like your skin to peel."

She frowned and registered the implications. "chemical?"

"Something like that, valuable and is going to cause a lot of damage."

"So who are we selling it to?" She asked, the cogs working in her head. "I don't see who'd want it here."

"Exactly, it's valuable here but lets face it the bat will get to it before it can cause any real fireworks but there are other places where we can really see this stuff shine."

"Where did you get it?"

"You know business men, they think the safest places for this stuff is in their vaults, child's play really."

From the corner of his eye he noticed Frost leave the room, probably to grab the laptop from the car. Good they'd need it very soon.

"So..." Harley reached out and stroked Bud's coarse fur. "Who's the buyer?"

"Have no clue." He was being honest too. There was no buyer, well not yet. There were prospects but nothing solid yet.

They sat in silence, Bud and Lou's occasional laugh the only sound in the room.

"Puddin'? This isn't about the money is it?" Harley turned to face him. It was a fair question, very little was about the money when it came to him. He had enough of it, true that all the accounts were frozen for right now but that just meant starting a new one from scratch.

He didn't answer.

"You're bored." She calculated. H arched an 'eyebrow'

"O, you think?"

Harley adjusted again and suddenly he got a glimpse of Harleen again. "Puddin', you're going to sell a little rock that somehow does something more than look pretty, you don't want to sell it here in Gotham. Which means that it would probably blow us all up or the damage you want to do is much more than a single city, which means you have an interest in a country."

"Oh, and tell me Dr Quinzel. Does your in depth profile of my personality tell you what I want with a country?"

She wrinkled her nose at the way he said the title of Dr, he knew it bothered her sometimes when he made fun of what she'd been before.

"I can." She took a deep breath and gave him her best professional expression. "You wouldn't just give a country this and say here rule everything. That's not your style, you want fireworks after all. Someone holding this in a collection or a threat wouldn't be enough, you want something bigger... you want a war."

He tapped his finger against his nose and she stared at him in surprise.

 _J opened his eyes when he felt his ears pop, they'd started to descend and the short nap had refreshed him. Harley was still fast asleep and he saw no point in waking her until they'd landed at the air strip._

 _They'd traveled 6,426 miles from Gotham to this place He hadn't actually worked that out, he'd googled it earlier when he was bored._

 _That was the big thing about him, smoke and mirrors. Illusions that made people think he was something he wasn't._

 _Except._

 _There were things that you could consider magic about him. Things he himself didn't understand fully. He wished he remembered how he'd survived the trip in the acid vat. He wished he remembered anything from before that moment, so he could piece together how he was who he was._

 _He was a creature of grudges, he held onto them like precious memories because they were. Holding onto an emotion as strong as hate, anger and resentment kept those memories alive, even through the worst torture._

 _The softer things though, they were harder to retain. It was true that his brain had lost so much of it, faded washed out images of places that still felt significant. The underwater sound of a voice he could swear he knew and that it'd meant something._

 _They were so jumbled now, he couldn't even be sure he'd ever felt those things, love, kindness, compassion. They seemed like they belonged to a different universe, to a different person._

 _They had. He thought as he adjusted himself in his seat. That boy, whoever he was had died in a vat of toxic liquids and the Joker had been born from it._

 _That was all there was to it and dwelling on that little fact wasn't going to help._

 _Revenge helped, didn't matter who or what. It just helped._

 _For what love he had for his city of Gotham he had just as much hate._

 _Someone in that city had tainted him once, taken it all from him and declared that he should be something else. That wasn't his right, or hers for all he knew._

 _It had been his choice to make and he knew without a doubt that falling into that vat hadn't been his choice. He just knew._

 _Revenge is harder when you're not sure who did it but not impossible. Throwing the city into maddening chaos worked in a pinch._

 _J closed his eyes and relaxed. Soon a whole new place would learn his revenge for something they hadn't done._

57 Hours later

He stood in the middle of the warehouse. The only sounds were the rapid thumping of hearts, heavy breathing and the sickening sound of groans of pain.

Harley sat on one of the crates watching him as he circled the boy again.

How long had he been tortured now? Six, seven hours? He'd held out longer than any boy his age but still he was a boy.

A boy who'd just been betrayed by his own flesh and blood.

It was a fascinating story. One for the TV doctors no doubt. He could imagine it on Dr Phil maybe. 'My mother abandoned me and when I found her she sold me out to a psychotic clown to save her own life.'

Catchy.

He was broken and he was bleeding. There had been the delicious sound of cracking bones, unforgiving rips of his skin as the crowbar attacked the abused flesh under his suit.

He was a boy but J couldn't see him as that. Not because it made it easier to beat him senseless but because he belonged to the bat. Because he'd helped him over and over again that in defeating him.

Because it was so easy to take out all his revenge and somehow it feel like justice.

He wondered if he'd get the same satisfaction from the Batman sitting in this spot but something told him it wasn't going to be the same.

The bat was more fun alive, grieving like the true parent of this lost little boy. Let him feel what it was like to loose a part of himself and not get a choice in the matter.

Because Batman was a symbol of Gotham just like he was.

He was that symbol of a city united, of the people who believed they were good and lived under the eyes of the law.

They both lived in the same world and yet one protected that lie and the other exposed it. So with each hit of metal on flesh there was vindication. Not just pleasure.

This in some sick perverted way, was justice.

Justice by the judge and jury. The Joker.

This boy who declared himself a hero, a Robin was tested, judged and had been found wanting. In the court room of the Joker there was only one sentence worthy of such a crime.

J stopped and turned to Harley who had been staring at Sheila Haywood, the mother of the year.

"Harley girl, bring the hammer." He instructed. Catching her attention. She piced up the tool, one of many he'd brought with them and tried to hand it to him but he shook his head.

"Puddin?" She quirked her head to the side.

He put down the bloody crowbar and pulled her up against his chest, turning to face their victims.

He placed a hand on her wrist and held out he arm towards the two.

"Eeny." He said pointing at Robin.

"Meeny." Harley continued, pointing the hammer at Sheila. "Miny."

"Moe." J laughed as the hammer landed back on the woman. Her eyes had gone wide and she shook her head vigorously.

She was scared, she had every reason to be. J hadn't touched her yet but he hadn't forgotten about her. She was a prop on the stage but that didn't mean you couldn't have at it just for the fun of it.

J didn't let go of Harley as the hammer came down on the woman's left knee.

Robin, no sorry, Jason squirmed. Such a loyal little boy to a pathetic excuse of a mother. He fought with what little strength he had left to try and free himself as the hammer fell again and again on her.

Harley started to laugh as she lost herself in the act. J let her go and watched from the side as Harley smashed harder and harder onto every joint, her chest, her arms, her face.

Not enough to kill her but enough to make it unbearable.

He walked over to Jason and tutted sympathetically.

"It's a favor boy. She left you, she didn't love you. What mother hands her baby over to a man like me? She did it to save herself, she never even thought of you."

Something broke in him, J watched what sliver of hope he'd had crack into millions of pieces. He knew, how could he not have figured it all out but there is always something about hearing it out loud that brings it all home.

Sheila Haywood screamed, even gagged her screams echoed through the warehouse. She was no warrior and pain was not her friend.

"Think of this boy, you're doing better than your mother. Your daddy taught you well. Well, your bat daddy."

Jason shifted in his chair but the pain was too much for him.

A collapsed lung he was sure, for good measure J hit him again in the chest.

All he got was a grunt for his efforts but he hadn't expected any screaming from the boy.

Maybe tears but he wasn't getting any of those.

He didn't count blood droplets as tears.

"Harley, enough." he ordered but Harley didn't listen. She kept going, beating the woman with no mercy. For a crime only Harley knew.

"Ah, why not." J shrugged and the crowbar made new contact with the boy wonder.

Four hours later Harley sat exhausted on a clean part of the floor, she was covered in blood and sweat and she had a pleased smile on her face.

Sheila wasn't moving much, she'd stopped screaming a while ago and was moaning pitifully in her chair.

Robin lay on his side, gasping for breath, his eyes so full of hate.

All this time and the bat hadn't arrived yet, it was alright. They'd wasted enough time here anyway. He'd made enough money during their stay to own Gotham twice over and some. There was only one last thing for them to do here.

"Harley, time to go." He ordered, catching her off guard.

"Go? We're not waiting for Batsy?"

"No, no. We've got places to be, people to smooch, all that jazz."

Harley rose stiffly and came over to where he was working, ignoring the grunts and moans of the broken family behind them.

"what cha doin puddin?" She asked in a purr.

It was obvious what he was doing but she was only being coy. She had a lust for blood in her and something had triggered her when she'd dealt with Haywood, something deeper than just killing. For a minute, she'd reminded him of bud and Lou when they got fresh meat.

Terrifying and somehow incredibly sexy.

He didn't answer the question as he turned on the timer. He rose with a smile and walked over to the dying kid with a can of spray paint.

"I can't guarantee that he'll get here in time, not that there's much anyone could do for the two of you. She's as good as dead and maybe, just maybe if we were in America you'd have a chance of survival but we're not kiddo."

He flipped the chair onto its back and undid the chest part of Robins ropes, he was too weak to struggle as he spray painted a message for the big guy on his costume.

Harley watched on with a lost look in her eyes, a mad Alice in Wonderland sort of glazed look.

"A consolation wonder boy, I'm impressed. There are grown men who'd have broken down like little babies and told me every secret they had. Even the big one but not you. I'll make sure they know that in your obituary. Robin the second, was loyal and silent to the end."

Jason spate at him and J hissed in disapproval.

"None of that little boy, manners. Well I can't really blame you for not having them. Look at your role model here."

He threw the can away and walked back over to Harley who was still off in her own little world.

Slap. With a hard smack of the palm of his hand he brought her back into reality.

She blinked at him in confusion and suddenly registered where she was.

"Sorry puddin." She said in a daze. "Moment got the best of me."

"No, those drugs Arkham gave you got the best of you. We get home, we're doing a full detox." J turned to face Jason as he pulled Harley towards the door. "Well kid, be good, make sure you do all your homework and get to bed by nine. Oh and when you see the big guy, tell him I said hi."

Harley laughed and lightly smacked him on the chest. "You're so bad."

With that, he slammed the door and locked them in.

"Puddin?" She asked when they were a safedistance away from the warehouse.

"What?"

"Is batsy going to get here in time?" The sand slowed them down but their car wasn't too far away.

"Oh, no." He scoffed.

"Then why put the message?" She ased as they climbed down a dune.

"Theatrics I guess, I do have a reputation to protect after all sugar."

"Mmm, true."

Suddenly everything shook and the loud unmistakable sound of an explosion filled the night air.

Harley turned and watched as the darkness was lit up by reds, yellows and oranges.

"He won't find anything." She said sadly. "There won't be anything for him to bury."

"that matters?" He quirked a smile.

"Matters a little." She shrugged. "No body, means... I don't know."

"He'll find bodies, that warehouse will protect them a little and I have a feeling there is some fight left in that boy."

He grabbed her and marched them to the borrowed car.

"By the way sugar, why the mother?"

"what do you mean?"

"You went hog wild on her, didn't touch the boy."

"He was your prize, not mine."

He waited for the truth.

With a sigh Harley relented. "Mothers should be good to their babies, she wasn't good to her baby."

He laughed at the idea but it had a shred of truth to it.

J had never hit Batman this hard, well maybe once but that was a long time ago.

There was one guarantee, this was going to boil the dark knight for sure now.

He was ready though, the question was...

Was Harley ready?

A/N So hopefully not bad after such a long run out. Again everyone I'm sorry it took so long, it's been a rough year but I'm here. I will try to get these out as quickly as I can and with as few mistakes as possible.

I woul again like to thank all of you that PM'd me over the months, checking on how I was and all. It was greatly appreciated and sorry I couldn't answer back at the time. Thank you to all who are still reading, thanks to anyone who's come back to read this and I hope it didn't disappoint.

So with all my love, I will catch ya all next time.


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